sakuya's p.o.v
I stared up the wall, hugging my knees. The burgundy wall almost trapping my mind with thoughts. I looked out the window, It was dark out. Very dark. I quickly glanced at the clock. 12:35 pm. It's the right time, I should hurry and go see Remilia. I stood up, and looked around my bedroom, making sure I had everything in order. I wasn't in my usual maid outfit, I had a light fabric nightgown on, it bounced around whenever I moved. I opened my door to go to my destination when I saw Meiling at the door.
Her face lit up when she saw me. "Saku-chan!" She exclaimed, tackling me in a hug. I immediately felt frustrated. Rolling my eyes, I hugged her back. Her arms snaked back to her side and the redhead skipped over, jumping and landing on my bed. "Hey, you wanna hang out? I just got off the night shift." She said, flashing one of her trademark smirks. God, she's so fucking annoying. I glanced at her, uninterested. "I was actually going to talk to Remilia about the recent break-ins that Marisa has committed this past month."
She sat up on my bed, raising an eyebrow. "This late? Can't you do it tomorrow?" Her voice had a hint of suspicion in it, along with… Anger? I rolled my eyes once again. I really didn't wanna hang out her right now, she's always up my ass recently. "I wanna just get it done to be honest, I keep forgetting to go." I clenched my fist behind my back. I wish I could cut her face off.
Me and Meiling have been in a relationship for a year now. She's too clingy, annoying; I'm losing interest in her, fast too. I feel myself falling for Remilia, the princess of the mansion. Late at night, I sneak to Remilia's room, and we talk, laugh, cuddle; it's great actually. I can be myself around her, say whatever I want. She never judges me either.
I've admitted to Remilia that I have romantic feelings for her, and she feels the same way. But the only thing standing in the way is Meiling. I don't hate her for it, but I'm wearing out quickly. I felt myself slowly not wanting to be around Meiling, or even associate with her in general. It's almost as if I hated her, with a burning passion.
"Do you wanna hang out after th-" I turned to her, cutting her off. "I'm going to bed after I return, I'm sorry." I was growing more annoyed by the second, I just wanted her out of my room. She murmured an 'okay', kissed my cheek, and made her way out. "Finally," I breathed. I walked out of my room, gently closing the door. I looked around the spacious hallway to make sure no one was around and began slowly running my way towards Remilia's room.
Me and Remilia haven't done anything physical if you know what I mean. Like, kissing, or anything sexual. I can't seem to tell Meiling that I don't want to be with her anymore, I just can't do it. I want to go further with Remilia, I can't though. Some nights I want to hold her in my arms, some nights I want to kiss her until she's out of breath, and some nights I just wanna be with her; worry free. I feel like if I broke off me and Meiling's relationship, everything will change in a negative way. The fear buried itself deep inside my mind, as well as anxiety. I reached Remilia's door, knocking lightly. After a few moments, it opened slightly, with her face just in between the crack if the door.
"Get in, hurry." She whispered as I slipped inside her room before she shut the door again. I walked over, laying down on her bed. "Tired." I simply stated, turning to my side.
"You okay?" She asked me, slipping onto the bed and laying next to me. "Yeah, I just had to do a lot today. Plus Meiling keeps wanting to chill with me, it's getting annoying." I said, opening my eyes. I saw Remilia in front of me, she's so beautiful. I wanna reach out and hold her hand. But I can't do that, I'm not unloyal.
She smiled at me. "It's gonna be okay, just relax with me right now." Her voice was soft, inviting; her voice made me feel happy and worry-free. My heart began to beat harder, as I grew a bit nervous. "You're so cute, Remilia. Everything about you is so adorable."
The princess blushed, "N-No!" She exclaimed. I closed my eyes and laughed. We stayed like that, for a couple hours. Just lying there, enjoying each other's company. It made me the happiest girl ever, being with her. Because deep inside my heart I knew I had true feelings for her.
We eventually fell asleep, and I awoke in a hurry to return to my room and get ready for today's tasks. The day passed on, not once have I seen Meiling, which I was glad about for the most part. That night, Meiling once again asked me if I wanted to hang out with her. I turned her down, telling her I was tired. "But you never wanna hang out anymore, I miss you, Sakuya." She said, with a frown. I gave her an empty apology, telling her I was very busy these past few days and that I was extremely tired.
She left again, and I had departed for Remilia's room. That night we talked about me and her being in a relationship if I had broken up with Meiling. We admitted a lot of the things we were hiding from each other out of embarrassment. I told her if we had been dating that I would want to do sexual things with her, and she felt the same way. I was so nervous as we were talking, I just wanted to pull her onto my lap and kiss her. "Love you, Remilia," I said, obviously in a friendly way. "Love you too, Sakuya." Oh, how I longed to hear those words. Even though she had not meant them in a romantic way, my heart fluttered.
It was clear we both really had feelings for each other. All this lasted for a few more nights, and tonight I was getting ready to see Remilia again. When I arrived at her room, she was sitting on her bed, facing away from me. "Hi babe," I said happily. "Babe" is sort of my cute little pet name for her. "Sakuya, u-um, we need to talk." She said, her voice was not its cheerful self, it sounded cold and sad.
I sat next to her, snaking my arm around her shoulder. "What's wrong?" I asked, immediately deep down I was scared, I was anxious, I was nervous. She sighed and looked up at me. "We need to talk about...us."
"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, fear obviously showing in my voice. "No, don't worry. It's just… I think we should stop seeing each other every night like this." She said, sad eyes looking up at me.
I almost jumped a bit, "W-Why?" No, this can't stop, she makes me so happy, Remilia is the light of my life. I don't wanna lose her, ever. I never want this to stop.
"Because," she sighed, looking down once again. "I know we both agreed in the past many times we would both stop this flirting, and all this...whatever this feeling is but...we keep doing it, we're both at fault. I shouldn't have let you keep going with it, but I did because I've never felt someone have such romantic feelings towards me." She paused, just sitting there.
I almost teared up. "Did my feelings towards you bother you, milady?" I asked, quietly.
"No, not at all. As much as I would like to keep doing this with you, we can't. Because I feel as if I am being a factor as to why you want to break up with Meiling. I don't want you to, per say, end your relationship with her just because of me."
I grabbed both of her hands, desperate for the right answer. "...Do you still have feelings for me?" I was almost frantic to know. I never want this feeling to end, ever.
"Yes. I still want to do romantic things with you. But we can't keep doing this. I'm sorry, Sakuya. I'm sorry, but we have to go back to the way things were before. Before we expressed our love for each other. Back to just, a simple princess and maid." She said painfully, looking up at me, there were tears in her eyes. As there were tears in mine. "Is there anything you want to say before we start over?" She asked.
I sat in silence for a second, staring into her beautiful eyes. "Remilia, if this is what you want, I will do it. Because I want to make you happy."
"Yes, Sakuya, this has been upsetting me for quite a while." Her small frown never left her face. I reached up, brushing her tears away. My own tears rushed down my face. I held one of her hands tightly, and my other hand holding her cheek, I leaned in, pressing my lips against hers. I felt her kiss back, placing her free hand on my leg.
At this moment, my heart exploded. My tears didn't cease to fall. This is all I wanted, was to hold her, kiss her, and make her mine. This feeling, of love, need, sadness, all came crashing down. I pulled away and hugged her tightly, almost sobbing. "I love you Remilia, I love you so much." I said with a shaky voice.
She wrapped her arms around me tightly. I love you too, Sakuya." She said with a voice similar to mine, full of sadness. We finally pulled away from the hug, and I stood up from the bed, facing her. "I'll miss this, seeing each other every night."
"I will too, but it is for the best." She said, her gaze never leaving mine. "Well," I began. "I hope you sleep well, milady," I said, bowing a bit.
"Thank you. Goodnight, Sakuya." I could hear the pain in her voice, the regret. I looked away from her finally, making my way out of her room. I opened the door, stopping for a second. "Goodnight, my sweet Remilia," I said finally, before exiting her room, and returning to mine.
When I reached my room, I closed the door. The emotion took over me again, I collapsed onto the ground, letting out uncontrollable sobs. I once again feel lonely, empty.
Remilia had always filled up those negative feelings inside me, she made me the happiest person ever. I feel so wrong without her affection now.
Days had passed, and it was hard, to act as friends towards her. To act as a simple maid, without feelings. I had brought her a tea set to where she were sitting outside, on a neutral day where it wasn't too cold, nor too warm.
I set it in front of her on a small table, pouring the tea into her cup. "Anything else, milady?" I asked, holding my hands together, staring at her beauty.
"I don't desire anything else at this moment, thank you, Sakuya." She said, sipping her tea. I could see the pain in her eyes.
I turned away quickly, walking back inside the mansion. "Fuck, fuck-" I whispered as I felt the tears forming in my eyes again. This pain buried itself deep inside of me. I pressed my back against the wall, and slid down, burying my face in my hands. The feeling of starting over, it really hurts. It's so painful, I wish I could be with her, I want her to be mine so badly.
All I know is that the feeling of love is shared between us, but can never be expressed, because of one girl; and her name is Hong Meiling.