Alison stood in the small room completely alone, she was surrounded by religious texts and paintings and they only made her feel even guiltier when it came to what she was about to do. She was stood in the centre of the room, knowing if she sat down on the wooden chair that was currently tucked under the matching wooden desk behind her then she would find it very difficult to get up again. She had told her friends she needed a few moments to herself before the ceremony could begin and they had graciously allowed her this request, making their way around to the front of the building where they would soon make their grand entrance all together.
As she took in a deep breath and avoided running her hands through her hair in frustration, not wanting to ruin her look for fear of never hearing the last of it from Hanna who had spent half the morning on it, Alison couldn't help but let her thoughts wander. This isn't right, those words kept repeating over and over in her head. She swore under her breath several times whilst she clenched her eyes and fists shut tightly in an attempt to clear her mind but nothing seemed to be helping. Her nails dug into the palms of her hands but that was the least of her worries, at a time when she should have felt happy and wanted instead all she felt was cold and alone.
An average sized wood framed mirror hung off the same wall that the desk was adjacent to and as Alison slowly turned around she caught her reflection in it, her long blonde hair fell past her shoulders and her make up accentuated her natural beauty. The long stunningly white dress somehow made her look a little less pale than normal and she moved slowly from side to side watching it sway with her movements. It was the dress of her dreams and it had cost her a pretty penny but in those dreams this day was completely different in every aspect.
Alison didn't have long to go, it would only be roughly an hour until she would be saying her vows and making a lifetime commitment to one person. The one person who should have been the only thing on her mind right then but unfortunately for them they weren't. She had already made them wait for long enough but she couldn't quite seem to be able to get her legs to move her out of the room. It was if she was glued to the floor.
She couldn't stop the tears that started to form in her eyes, her reflection staring back at her and somehow it looked disappointed in her, she was marrying the wrong person and she knew it. But what could she do? Continue waiting? It had already been five years since she had last seen the one true love of her life. Five years since she had watched the all too familiar car pull out of her drive and five years since she had realised two minutes too late that she was in love with the girl driving away from her, she always had been.
She had pushed that beautiful girl away at every possibility. Led her on and then broke her down as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Yet her love had stuck by her, even after all the cruel things Alison had subjected her to. Pretending their kisses were just for practice when the reality was she enjoyed them just as much as the brunette had. She had enjoyed every moment they had spent together and yet she had come to realise the truth of the situation too late.
Not wanting to be selfish for the first time in her life she had allowed her mermaid the freedom she thought the brunette wanted and deserved. The chance to start her life away from Rosewood and all its horrors they had endured throughout their school life. Being terrorised for years by A had left the entire group of friends scarred by their experiences and Alison truly believed that she was doing the right thing by letting her girl move on with her life. What she didn't know was that she couldn't have been farther from the truth.
Her mermaid had been given a scholarship for UCLA and she had chosen to take up a course in sports medicine. She was unable to swim professionally due to the injury to her shoulder she sustained from a run in with A but she still wanted to be involved with sports to some aspect, helping others was second nature to the brunette.
Alison had attended summer school and worked her ass off so that she could graduate high school and attend college at the same time as her friends. Surprisingly though she had decided to stay in Rosewood, having been the one who had always dreamed of leaving the town at her first given opportunity she now felt compelled to stay in the place she finally called home. She attended Hollis where she got an English degree and now she taught English to the students of Rosewood High.
It felt almost ironic that after ruling the hallways as queen bee and being derogative towards her teachers for so long she now watched the new generations go through the same motions and she was the teacher taking the slack from the students. Although her students knew not to get on the wrong side of her, her queen bee personality still making one or two appearances when needed.
Alison had awoken in a cold sweat and panic from the same dream every night for the past two weeks, she was an outsider looking in on her own marriage and as she stood watching herself say her vows to the man that would soon become her husband a loud bang would interrupt. In that moment all she could focus on was the goddess that had entered the church, the doors swinging open wildly behind her and the tanned woman said the two words that would change her life forever. I object.
Her husband to be knew she was having bad dreams but thought they were about her past, something she never thought she would escape from and yet marrying the wrong person seemed even worse than the evil she had suffered back then. Alison had offered to sleep in the spare room for the past week as an attempt to allow her fiancé to get a full nights rest. The reality was that as the big day drew nearer she felt more ashamed of the lie she was living. It didn't seem fair on the man she had agreed to marry but her reality was that in her mind she would never find anyone better for her, who she hadn't already pushed away and so she was determined to act as if everything was fine.
Alison knew that it was just a dream and she knew that nothing along those lines would happen today. It was unrealistic to believe that after five years of no contact that on her wedding of all days the brunette would make a sudden appearance. She had been surprised to say the least when her mermaid hadn't even made an appearance at her fathers funeral, the man who had been in the army his whole life had died tragically on tour only a year after both girls had started college.
Alison had stood beside the girls mother as a friendly shoulder to lean on, both anger and confusion coursing through her body that the girl couldn't even be there for her mother at a time like that. If she ever saw her again that would be one of the first things she would ask her - how could she stay away and not say goodbye to the man she had adored?
What Alison hadn't known was that the tanned beauty had in fact attended her fathers funeral. She had watched the entire service from a slight distance, wearing dark clothing and a hood hiding her face. It was a brave choice of outfit and decision considering the girls tortured past, should she have been caught by anyone especially Alison it would have led to some very awkward questions. Questions that she was sure she couldn't answer, not at that particular moment at least.
She had stood unnoticed, tears streaming from her eyes not just for the father she had lost but also for the love of her life who she would never get to have. She had watched as an American flag was placed on top of the casket before it was lowered into the ground and she felt her knees go weak. Collapsing to the ground she struggled to catch her breath as the start of a panic attack came on, a hand on her shoulder scared her but as she recognised the voice she felt herself calm down.
"I didn't think you would stay away, you should have known not to lie to me"
"Sorry Han, I didn't want to risk her seeing me" the girl explained through sobs as she was brought into a tight hug by one of her best friends.
Hanna had spotted the dark figure lurking by the trees in the distance and had managed to excuse herself without Aria and Spencer, who she had been stood with, taking much notice, they were both too upset to pay her much attention.
Hanna had stood beside the dark figure until they had composed themselves and they had them gone their separate ways. Hanna back to their friends who would start looking for her if she didn't turn up soon and the figure slinking away from the service and completely out of sight now that it had ended.
The girl had told her mother a few days previously that she would be at the funeral but not at the fore front of the service and she had also explained that decision. Her mother had understood and later that evening once everyone had left the cemetery, the two of them had met up besides the newly dug grave and said goodbye to the most important man who had been in their lives together.
It was inevitable that Alison would marry the wrong person. Elliot Rollins was right in so many ways and she had grown to love him, however she wasn't in love with him and up until now Alison hadn't realised how much of a difference that actually made.
Elliot was a doctor at the hospital her sister Charlotte had been sent to after she had been unmasked as A. He had been assigned to the treatment of Charlotte but after several disagreements between the older blonde and him it was deemed best for another doctor to take charge of her care. This had led the way for his overly flirtatious and inquisitive behaviour to become a part of Alison's and his daily routine when she visited Charlotte. Yet it had taken over three years for Alison's and his relationship to go beyond that of doctor and relative of patient but from the moment it had Alison had tried to push all thoughts of that one particular person who had an iron tight grip on her heart out of her mind.
She felt unfaithful when her mind had drifted to her instead of Elliot and she had tried with relatively little success to forget everything about her. From her toned swimmers body to her deep brown eyes that looked at her as if she was the only one in the world. Today however she had only thought of her. Thought of how much she wanted it to be her that she would be saying her vows to, committing to for eternity. The one who would repeat the words 'I do' to her.
One tear slipped down her face and she quickly but carefully wiped it away. Drawing in a few more deep breaths to compose herself before the game was up and somebody realised the truth. The truth that she was in love with her former best friend. The truth that she was marrying the wrong person.
It all could have been so different if Alison hadn't been so stubborn, if she had just admitted how she felt when the brunette was still around. She had spent an entire night in the arms of her mermaid and yet when they had awoken Alison had once again brushed it off as if it was nothing. As if she was nothing. The pain in the brunettes eyes when she realised that once again Alison had seemingly played with her heart had been unbearable and yet Alison had still kept up the pretence. It couldn't have been farther from the truth, Emily Fields had been her everything and Alison had been stupid enough to let her slip away.
Emily had pulled out of Alison's driveway and tried her hardest to not look back however her eyes kept drifting to the rear view mirror where she saw the blondes reflection. She had headed off to college with her heart feeling heavy and knowing she was going to regret walking away from the blonde, she had wanted a reason to stay but Alison unfortunately hadn't given her one. She was reluctant to leave but knew she couldn't keep waiting on something that was never going to happen. Alison had toyed with her heart and emotions for long enough and Emily had convinced herself that the distance she was physically putting between them would help her to get over the blonde.
Alison had stayed in consistent contact with Emily for just under six months, making sure to talk or at least message her everyday. But then the brunette had stopped replying to her messages and stopped answering her calls. She had asked Hanna, Spencer and Aria if they had heard from the brunette but they had also been cut off by the brunette it seemed. It was unnerving knowing that Emily could cut her out of her life so easily but when Alison went over their previous history she didn't blame her for it. She finally realised how Emily must have been feeling, being in love with someone but not being able to be with them or fully act on it.
After three years of silence Alison had reluctantly accepted Elliot's proposal of coffee one afternoon and she had found his company to be something she could get used to. He was charming and clever and the conversations were never dull between them. Emily was still in her mind and always in her heart but the pain of not hearing from her lessened slightly when she was around Elliot.
As Alison got lost in her thoughts once more a cough brought her back to reality. Hanna stood in the doorway of the backroom of the church and she avoided eye contact with Alison as she spoke.
"Are you ready?" The usually bubbly blonde asked with a hint of reluctance in her voice.
Alison turned sharply on her heels and looked straight at Hanna before marching over to her and lifting the other blondes head so that she had no choice but to look her in the eye. Hanna didn't seemed surprised by Alison's actions and drew in a deep breath, knowing exactly what was about to come out of Alisons mouth. She was kicking herself for not refusing to come and get Alison when Aria and Spencer had suggested she be the one to hurry her along. They had wanted to avoid Alison knowing how she could get when someone tried to get her to do something she didn't want to however Hanna's reason for avoidance was completely different, she knew this was the day she would give her best friends secrets up.
"You know where she is don't you" it wasn't a question, it was a statement and Alison spoke in a tone that told Hanna not to bullshit her.
"Yes." Hanna replied honestly.
Alison had asked several times before and with each deceitful answer that Hanna had given her she had got less and less mad at the blonde. She knew Hanna was only lying about hearing from Emily because the brunette herself had asked her to. It was Emily she should be mad at. Mad at because she walked away even if Alison had ultimately pushed her into it. Mad at her because Emily had cut all forms of communication even though Alison had done it first when she had faked her death all those years ago.
"You've known the whole time" Alison stated once again.
"Yes. But you know why I lied to you so let's skip all the bullshit and you can tell me what you're going to do about all this" Hanna said, not one to be subtle or beat around the bush.
"Where is she?"
"I can't tell you. I don't even know if you'll ever see her again. But I do know you're marrying the wrong person and that Emily is still as in love with you as the day she left" Hanna spoke every word with confidence and she kept her eye contact with Alison.
Hanna had been surprised to say the least when she had received the wedding invitation to Alison and Elliot's wedding but soon realised that it had almost been five years since Emily had seemingly disappeared and that it was a lot to ask of Alison to keep waiting for her to come back. But for some reason she still felt disappointed in the blonde, disappointed that she didn't wait forever for the love of her life to return. All three of the girls knew how both Emily and Alison felt about one another and it frustrated them no end knowing that they were unable to see it themselves.
Aria and Spencer had gladly accepted Alison's invitation and were excited when they were asked to be bridesmaids. Hanna had lectured them both about their excitement but she understood that they didn't know that she was still in contact with Emily. Had they been then their reactions may have been different entirely. They didn't know what the brunette had been through in the last five years and they definitely didn't know that Emily was still completely and utterly head over heels in love with Alison.
Hanna kept her steely gaze fixed upon Alison and was surprised when Alison broke their eye contact first. The usually feisty blonde seemed to retreat inside herself for a moment before she built her walls back up quickly and put on another bravado.
"That's a lie. If she even slightly had some sort of feelings for me then she wouldn't have cut contact with me and she definitely wouldn't have left me here." Alison barked at Hanna, her old bitchy self coming out in defence.
"You don't need to take it out on me Alison, I'm just trying to remind you that if your heart isn't in it then you shouldn't marry him. He's not the one you're supposed to be with" Hanna said calmly, she was used to Alison's outbursts and she needed to do everything she could to stop this wedding. For Emily.
"She knows where I live, she could have come here and told me all this herself. I'm guessing you told her about today?!" Alison's voice got louder with every word and if she didn't get herself back under control then the entire church would soon hear their argument.
Alison took several more deep breaths, trying to calm herself down but the longer she had Emily on her mind the angrier she got. She was reminded of the fact that the brunette had walked away, she had been the one to cut all contact. Emily could have been dead for all Alison knew and there would have been nothing the blonde could do about it. The power to change what had happened fell to the talented swimmer and she had made no move to do such a thing.
"I didn't tell her. She does know however, I'm not the only one who she kept in contact with and seeing as one of your guests politely declined your invitation then it shouldn't be too hard to guess who did tell her. Pam has spent the last five years treating you like a daughter, it's not surprising that she is disappointed in you for going through with a marriage you're not fully committed to." Hanna's voice was still eerily calm, usually she would have joined in with Alison's shouting match but instead she just relayed the facts.
"Pam?" Alison questioned quietly.
She felt guilty. So guilty. It was true, the last five years Pam had been so good to her. They had spent almost every Sunday together for lunch after attending the morning sermon in the very church in which she was now stood. Emilys mother had never spoken about Emily to Alison unless Alison had brought her up first, she knew how Alison felt about her daughter and yet she hadn't told her she was still in contact with her. It wasn't very surprising however as the older woman had remained well put together after the brunette had seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth. Emily always had been very family orientated and Alison should have known she wouldn't have stopped contact with her mother.
She wasn't sure why Pam had been so inviting towards her although she had some suspicion now that Emily had asked her mother to look out for her and Pam being Pam had taken it to another level completely. A mothering level. She wasn't complaining in the slightest, Pam had been there for her on some of her darkest days in the past five years, she just wished it had been another Fields woman who had been comforting her.
Looking back towards Hanna Alison began to slowly shake her head. At the end of the day she had already made a commitment to Elliot when she had accepted his proposal and who now stood waiting patiently for her on the other side of the room. It didn't matter about Emily today, she wasn't there and he was. She could have stopped all of this but for whatever reason she hadn't bothered, she hadn't bothered for the last five years.
Hanna knew what was going through the other blondes mind and she didn't know what else to say to Alison, mentioning Pam had been her last resort and obviously it hadn't worked. Alison was still as stubborn as she had been in school and today she was proving as such. Her sheer determination to prove to everyone that she was fine and everything in her life was going ok was outweighing the emptiness that she felt in her heart.
Without saying another word Alison brushed past Hanna, their shoulders bumping lightly against one another and she left the confines of the room. She avoided looking in the mirror as she left knowing that seeing any doubt in her own eyes could have an adverse effect. Joining Aria and Spencer, who stood in their matching lilac bridesmaid dresses side by side outside the main entrance to the church, Alison took her place in front of them ready to make the biggest mistake of her life.
Spencer and Aria caught Hanna's eye as she took her own place besides them and she sadly shook her head. They knew she would have tried to persuade Alison to change her mind, even if they both believed that Alison was actually happy with Elliot. All be it not as happy as she would be should she be with Emily.
The weather did not reflect Alison's mood but as she was sure everyone would keep telling her after the ceremony - "it is perfect weather for a wedding". The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, it was hot outside but not hot enough to make you uncomfortable. Had it been raining or if there had even been one cloud Alison may have taken it as a sign from the universe telling her not to go ahead but with the weather as it was it gave her just another reason to continue.
Alison entered the church and walked slowly up the aisle towards Elliot, who raised his head upon hearing the door open and a smile spread genuinely across his face. He really was in love with her and that didn't help with the guilt she felt inside. All heads turned towards her and she was met with an abundance of smiling faces. The guests were mainly Elliot's family, her own father had left town once Charlotte was revealed as A and their communication between one another was very limited. Jason was travelling the world and had apologised for not being able to make it but he had also met Elliot before she had become involved with him and he had expressed his distaste in the man then so it didn't surprise her when her brother told her he was busy.
Jason didn't trust Elliot, he said the man gave him a funny feeling and once Alison had announced she was dating him Jason's contact also began to get slightly more limited than it had been previously. She however hadn't seen what Jason had and continued her relationship with Elliot despite her brothers concern.
Charlotte had also expressed her dislike of Elliot but her worries had fallen on deaf ears, it didn't help that she was locked up in a mental asylum for torturing Alison's friends. Her opinion mattered little to Alison, she wanted to see her sister improve her health but nothing more.
This meant that all the people facing her, between Elliot's family and friends and a few of the teachers from Rosewood High where she had returned to teach English, didn't know the truth. They couldn't look her straight in the eye and see the fear and uncertainty that was circling.
"You don't have to go through with this" Hanna whispered as she closed the gap behind Alison in a one last ditch attempt to get one of her best friends to see sense.
Alison ignored her statement and took her place besides Elliot in front of the reverend, she dare not turn around for she knew the faces wouldn't be the ones she wanted to see sat there. Hanna had reluctantly sat beside Spencer and Aria without causing a scene, if this was truly what Alison wanted then she couldn't stop her and if it wasn't but she was still continuing then there was still nothing she could say that she hadn't already.
The background music that Alison had walked down the aisle to faded as the Reverend began to speak and Alison had to forcibly stop her legs from turning around and leaving. From keeping her unable to move when she stood in the back room to now trying to force her into running away, it was as if her body knew that she wasn't happy with her decision but her mind was currently winning the battle when it came to it. It shouldn't be this hard and she knew it, but her stubbornness and reluctance to believe she would ever see Emily again kept her rooted to the spot.
As Alison zoned back in to what the reverend was saying she realised that it was the moment that in her dream Emily would storm in and object. Reality though had no one say any objections when asked although Hanna did cough rather loudly which earned her an elbow in the ribs courtesy of Spencer. It was followed by Hanna's rather loud - "What the fuck Spence?" as she feigned complete ignorance.
Elliot recited his vows, his voice shaking slightly due to his heightened emotions. There wasn't another sound to be heard inside the church, everyone sat in silence as they listened to his words. Alison tried to concentrate on what he was saying but she couldn't, her head was jumbled with thoughts and it was starting to give her a headache. She also tried to keep eye contact with the man she was about to marry but again she struggled, her focus was on anything but.
When it came to her turn to recite her vows her mind went blank. She looked up at Elliot who stood proudly before her and she couldn't get any words out. She turned to face everyone who was seated watching them and quickly scanned the room, the faces looking back at her were not the right ones. It should be Jason, Pam, the other girls mothers, fathers and siblings, Emilys entire family and their joint friends they had made together.
Her eyes locked with Hanna's who was mouthing at her to not do it, to not go ahead with this mistake. The blonde was desperately trying to get Alison to change her mind. The pleading look bore into Alison's eyes and she shifted her focus once more. It seemed like several minutes had passed but in fact it had merely been seconds.
Elliot didn't rush her or try and encourage her to speak, instead he just stood their silently with a smile still plastered to his face. He was eerily calm but then again he didn't have the slightest inkling into what was going on inside Alison's head. She had managed to keep all of her emotions hidden away from him and she had definitely been living a lie since starting a relationship with him.
Alison looked back at the man she was about to marry and lifted her head to speak. Her vows were short but sweet and it shouldn't be any trouble for her to speak them. The ceremony was near to completion and it seemed to have come upon them all so soon.
"I... I" Alison stuttered before regaining her composure and looking Elliot dead in the eye as she spoke.
So... as you can see I've started a new story. Dangerous feelings is on hold until I get any ideas on how to continue it.
I'm not sure if this should stay as a one shot or if I should continue with it. Let me know if you enjoyed it and your thoughts on if I should write more.
I do have ideas for the second chapter but that all depends on what you think I should do.
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Until next time, goodbye :)