Super short follow-up to 6x10. I didn't dislike the episode, and I loved the increased attention on Hodgins and Angela, but the Hannah/Brennan friendship just rubs me the wrong way. PM me and I will totally rant to you about it.
Disclaimer: Bones is not mine.
She is angry.
She is downright furious.
She is trying, trying so hard that it almost hurts, to be friends with Hannah. How could it possibly be so difficult to simply make friends? To be polite, to act like she's enjoying herself when all she wants to do is walk out?
Logically, it should be easy. Simple gestures like having lunch, simple things like smiling when the topic of Booth comes up. But in reality, it's hard. It's so hard.
Then, to make it harder, Hannah goes and tells her that Booth told her about their conversation in the car, about Brennan's very, very private moment, and it hurts. It was private, and it was theirs. Just when she thought he couldn't possibly hurt her anymore, just when she thought she'd broken all there was to break, she has to go find out that Booth shared something that had been meant to stay between them and them alone? She has to look into Hannah's eyes and see that she knows, knows the story about Brennan and the rain and those painful, painful words?
She wondered then exactly how much Booth told Hannah. Even as she was reeling, horrified, she wondered. Does Hannah know now the extent of their partnership? Does Hannah know about the tears? Does Hannah know about Brennan's fears, Brennan's regrets, Brennan's heart?
No, no, no, no, no. There has only been one person in the entire world that she has entrusted her heart to, and it was not Hannah. It was never meant to be Hannah. So if she knows, if Booth told her…
What goes on between us is ours, Bones. No one else's.
God damn that man. Damn him for making her trust him, trust him so much that even when she knew it could do nothing but hurt her, she told him all she felt. Her true, honest feelings for the first time, and three days later, she had been fine. She had built up those walls again, and she had been fine. And then it had hurt again, such a sharp betrayal that it almost drove the breath from her, when she'd heard that Booth had told Hannah.
Now she is furious. Even as she knows that logically, Booth had every right (and maybe even a duty) to tell his girlfriend, she is hurt and angry and cursing herself for confessing to Booth in the first place, when all it has done is damage. All it has done is turn her life on its head again, and three days will never be enough to adjust.
She gets drinks with Hannah, partly because she wants to be friendly, and partly because she wants to prove to herself that she can. She wants to prove to herself that logic works, that reason can smother even the most intense emotions if she concentrates. So she sits there in the bar with Booth's girlfriend, laughing over some drinks and talking about moving on, all the while trying to convince herself that it isn't so bad, that she can master these emotions. Jealousy is illogical, and so is anger. She pushes them away under her walls and tells herself that everything can be solved with the right amount of objectivity and perspective. Feelings have seldom gotten the better of her before, and they won't now. Not now, not ever again.
So when she goes to work the next day and Booth pops his head into her office for a case, she agrees to accompany him to the field. In the car, they engage in their usual, teasing banter. At the scene, Booth pinches his nose shut at the particularly pungent smell of the body, and she makes her cool observations. Hannah calls to schedule lunch, and Brennan forces herself to agree enthusiastically.
They are normal because they have to be. When one of them steps out of these comfortable roles as girlfriend, boyfriend, and bystander, something will change. When something jolts them out of their well-worn track, they'll adjust, and hopefully, hopefully, she'll land a better role next time. Maybe next time, she'll get her chance at happiness too, maybe with another man, maybe with the one she gave her heart to long before she ever realized it.
But for now, while things are running as smoothly as they can ever run, she'll keep silent. She'll play the part of the dutiful partner, the smiling friend. She'll let Booth have his happiness, because she wants him to be happy, because he deserves it.
She'll wait for her day.