Summary: Even the strongest break. Request made by SpiffySquiffle to write about her champion, Asala Hawke, and how she loses all meaning in life after Bethany dies in the Deep Roads.

A/N: My take on Asala's reaction to Bethany's death and how it broke the ideal she had of herself. This is told in first person to try to simulate a more organized stream of consciousness approach to the subject.

Disclaimer: Dragon Age II (c) Bioware
Asala Hawke (c) SpiffySquiffle
Story (c) megalomaniacal-dream

Enjoy.

A pure soul guiding an incorruptible heart- that's what my father told me. I was raised to protect, to be the eternal guardian. A proud and intimidating warrior hiding a shy and compassionate woman. Created to be completely invincible. Made to keep those in danger safe.

Being the eldest, it was my duty to keep my siblings safe- twins, a boy and a girl, a warrior and a mage. When my little sister, Bethany, used her magic for the first time and burned herself, I saw what destructive power those delicate fingers were capable of. It was in that moment I realized just how much she needed to be protected. And what better way to keep her safe than learn the ways of her hunters?

I made myself stronger, faster, better than any other Templar recruit to keep her safe. That was the only thing that mattered, after all.

x-x-x-x

After the betrayal of Ostagar- when Teyrn Loghain abandoned the king- my mother, siblings, and I fled to Kirkwall. There was nothing left of the home we built in Loethering. Along the way, darkspawn blocked the path, and just when we found a moments rest, an ogre rushed through. Bethany and I jumped, dodging the beast, but Carver…he stood his ground and defended mother, sacrificing himself to keep her safe…

Where I should have been.

Carver…my baby brother…he was so young, and I know he would have grown to be a champion among men.

I still remember how my mother wept. How those spiteful eyes turned to glare at me.

"This is your fault!"

Oh, Maker…why couldn't you have taken me instead?

x-x-x-x

In Kirkwall, my bastard of an uncle sold Bethany and I- along with Aveline, the warrior we found along the way- into an elven smuggler's service. One year. We worked our lives away for one year to clear our imposed debt. And after that, Bethany and I were eagerly looking for new work to keep the templars off our doorstep.

Eventually, we were found by that dwarven rogue, Varric Tethras, and we were roped into his brother's expedition down into the Deep Roads. At first I was skeptical of the business, but Bethany was so sure it was our way out- my only option left to keep her safe. During our time working up enough coin for the expedition, we came across many more companions: Fenris, Merrill, Sebastian, Isabela, and Anders.

Through various odd jobs we were finally able to conjure up enough coin to join in on the expedition. Mother, worried after losing Carver, was strongly against me taking Bethany into the Deep Roads. Bethany comforted her by saying she wanted to go.

She was so sure of herself…and Anders was scarred…

And what could go wrong if I was there?

I was overconfident, having faced darkspawn before, and lost that which I loved most. Not even facing the Archdemon itself would have prepared me for what went on in the Deep Roads.

After Bartrand abandoned us, we were forced to find another exit. We were so close to reaching the surface when Bethany asked to rest and then collapsed. Dead grey eyes, pale skin…how she asked for me to be the one…

The taint claimed my sister. And now she will forever rest in the Deep Roads.

x-x-x-x

Mother was so happy to see me return home. She ran to me, ready to embrace, then stopped short.

"Bethany isn't with you?"

I could only shake my head in response. Somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed my hair had grown out again.

"Is she…coming back?" She stared deep into my metallic eyes.

"I'm sorry, mother." Ah, I finally found my voice it seems.

Grief broke my mother. She just collapsed on the floor, sobbing. I rushed to help her, but as I made contact with her she pushed me away.

"This is your fault!" she shrieked, tears streaming down her worn face. "Your sister-! Why didn't you protect her?"

I could only stare back at her, silver eyes wide. Slowly, her words began to work through my exhausted mind…

She was right.

I failed Bethany…like I failed Carver…and in doing so, I failed my mother… and my father.

The eternal guardian. The invincible warrior.

Ha.