I am finally writing again! Mostly because I feel compelled to by an unknown force... no, really. That's how I feel. And since I've got Pokémon on the brain... here's a Deoxys story without any of that annoying shipping crap that makes everyone flame everyone else. Blech. Shipping. After this, I'll start working on a serious Mega Man story, but for now... Deoxys rules!
He knew what had to be done.
He didn't like it, but it had to be done.
In the end, it would be better that it was done quickly, and he should really do it now...
"Hey mister! Hurry up!"
Deoxys turned around, cheesed off. "Look, I'll go when I'm ready, OK kid? Honestly!"
"I'm sorry that I yelled at you because you've been there for, like, five minutes just staring at the water, but please, hurry it up!"
Deoxys sighed. Being a legendary Pokemon from space just wasn't good enough anymore.
Deoxys took one last look at the water, swallowed his fears, and jumped. Off of a twenty foot diving board. That he was too proud to just get off of.
"Thank you!" the kid called to the water.
"I can't feel my friggin' legs! Oh, there they are, on the other side of the pool," Deoxys replied. Good thing he could regenerate, or he'd be kinda screwed.
"Ewwwwwwwwww," was all the other kids could really churn out. What would you say if you saw somebody's legs floating in a pool?
"Zzz... Smooth move Deo. Zzz..." a voice that humans cannot hear replied to the legless, normal form Deoxys.
"Shut up Abra," Deoxys muttered. Abra was Deoxys' best friend, but sometimes he was a real smart-ass.
"Zzz... Heh. Zzz..."
Deoxys grabbed his legs and climbed up out of the pool. He reattached his legs, first and foremost, then pondered his situation, realizing that if somebody were to read his story, they'd need some explanation, because humans are stupid like that.
After crashing down from space, Deoxys was a curious weirdo who knew nothing. Which is how he ended up pissing off a bunch of Rhydon, who are much tougher than Rhypherior, by asking if their horns were used for unpleasant and inappropriate things. Luckily, Abra was nearby, and he saved Deoxys by teleporting him away. Now, they are best friends. And today they happened to go to the pool for no reason. So, there. That's your explanation. Moving on.
"Zzz... No one's gonna read your story, Deo. Stop pretending they are... Zzz..." Abra told Deoxys, reading his mind. Abra is a psychic type, after all.
"I'm telling ya Abra, I'm sure they are. I'm a legendary Pokeman, why wouldn't they?" Deoxys retorted. Hey, a big word on ! Wow!
"Zzz... Okay. Scary weirdo, he's mostly cool though... Zzz..." Abra mused.
Deoxys decided to jump again. The annoying kid (who had good reason to be annoyed, truthfully,) was gone, so Deoxys got on the board again, stared for twenty minutes, turned into defense mode, and jumped. The impact was deafening. The splash like an explosion. The drama almost campy.
"My legs are still here!" Deoxys called to Abra.
"Zzz... But now all the water's gone... Zzz..." Abra pointed out.
Deoxys looked around, and realized Abra was right. "Aw, dammit! Now there's going to be another angry mob after us..."
"Zzz... No worries, we're the last ones here... Zzz..." Abra shrugged.
Deoxys looked around, and realized that Abra was right. "Hey... why is that...?" Deoxys said slowly. This had happened before. Not to him, but it had happened...
"Zzz... Because the pool is closed, and nobody told us, because we can fly out of here... Zzz..." Abra replied calmly.
"We won't get out. Not if we try to fly. It'll get us," Deoxys said quietly, looking around nervously.
"Zzz... Who will get us?...Zzz..." Abra replied, nonchalantly.
"The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL!!!" Deoxys replied dramatically.
"Zzz... The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL!?! Hey, how did you do that?... Zzz..." Abra replied, also dramatically.
"It's part of the curse of said monster. All must yell its name, so the beast can catch the yeller easier..." Deoxys stated fearfully.
"Zzz... You're kind of an idiot. You're cool, but you're kind of an idiot... Zzz..." Abra replied.
"Look, you're just jealous of my status as a legendary. And a sexy legendary at that. So ha," Deoxys told Abra in a mock condescending voice. Then he heard a crack and got scared again, so he did a triple take and some ninja moves in attack form. Abra was unimpressed.
"Zzz... So, look, what's the story of The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL!?!... Zzz..." Abra asked.
"Okay, on a night that isn't like tonight at all, some crazy hobo came to this pool. He had a Seaking. Duh. Anyway, this hobo had a jar of radiation for some reason, and he threw the Seaking and the radiation in the pool. Only GOD knows why. So, then, the Seaking got big. And scary. And big. And then he ate the hobo. And now it eats people who stay at the pool after closing. Because it can. The end," Deoxys recited. He knew the tale by heart.
"Zzz... Okay, that's a retarded story... Zzz..." Abra replied. "Zzz...It's got so many plot holes, I don't know where to start!... Zzz..."
"How about the beginning?" the King of Hearts asked.
"Whoa! Where the hell did you come from?" Deoxys asked the little man.
"Lewis Carroll. Oh, and that bush over there," the King of Hearts replied.
"Okay..." was the only reply the duo of Pokemon could muster. This guy was weird.
"Sorry to mess up the plot, I'll be on my way," the King of Hearts said, and he trotted away into the bush, never to be seen again.
"Well, that had nothing to do with the plot at hand and will probably get us flamed by haters," Deoxys decided.
"Zzz... Yeah, well... Zzz..." Abra shrugged off. He didn't like flamers. And he still didn't buy Deoxys' story about being in a fan fiction.
"You were complaining about plot holes?" Deoxys reminded Abra in an attempt to get this story back on track with the plot.
"Zzz... Oh, yeah, plot. Yeah, well, one, people have to pay to get into this pool. So, a hobo couldn't get in. Second, hobos can't just get radiation. Only mad scientists can. Third, a Seaking probably wouldn't eat people just because it can... Zzz..." Abra replied matter of factly.
"Guess what? I don't care. I'm going to try to make us not dead," Deoxys told Abra, running towards the snack bar.
"Zzz... Where are you going? Oh, yeah, the snack bar. Sorry. Still kind of sleeping... Zzz..." Abra asked Deoxys and then answered himself. Yes, I realize that is awkward wording.
"Okay, I've got Cheeze-Whiz, Cheetoes, and a package of Oreos. That should last us until three in the morning. After that, we eat grass," Deoxys told Abra after looting the snack bar.
"Zzz... Why? There's more food in the snack bar... Zzz..." Abra asked Deoxys.
"Mostly because otherwise, we'll be suspected even more. And all that's left is week old pretzels and the hot dogs from who knows when," Deoxys replied.
"Zzz... Good reason... Zzz..." Abra nodded approvingly.
Three hours later...
"The time is now midnight. The Cheeze-Whiz is gone. The Cheetoes are only a quarter of the way depleted. We're saving the Oreos for two in the morning. No sign of The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL!! I'm bored. Abra's tired of playing charades. Going to impersonate Taylor Lautner," Deoxys recounted to his little tape recorder thingy that people still use.
"Zzz... This could be good... Zzz..." Abra smirked.
"Oh look! I'm Taylor Lautner! I like to rip my shirt off and turn into a giant border collie! That's close enough to a werewolf right? Please go Bella, it's not safe here!" Deoxys impersonated. Quite well, if you ask me.
"Zzz... Ha ha! If you're right about people reading this story, you've got a legion of flamers coming for you Deo!... Zzz..." Abra
"Yep! First people complaining about that weird little man messing everything up, and now Twilight fangirls will flame this story straight to Hell!" Deoxys laughed.
The two friends laughed for a while, and then realized something was staring at them. They turned around very slowly and had their minds blown.
It was The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL staring them straight in the face. It was a Seaking, but it was bigger. Fifty times as big as a normal Seaking. It appeared to be female. That would explain why it surfaced, as all girls are secretly in love with Taylor Lautner, or so it seems. If you're not, go buy yourself a cookie. You deserve it.
"YOU DARE MOCK TAYLOR LAUTNER!?! THAT'S LIKE BRINGING LIGHT IN HERE! YOU MUST DIE!!" the gargantuan beast boomed. She sounded a lot like Ganon in that bad Zelda game. The one where Ganon says die all the time. (; to all who get the joke.
"Look, it was all in good fun. And, from a male perspective, that is what Taylor's like in that new Twilight movie..." Deoxys replied sheepishly.
"YOU SAW IT?!?" The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL asked Deoxys.
"Zzz... Hot Gardevoir made us... Still not worth it... Zzz..." Abra explained.
"YOU JUST SAW A YOUTUBE PARODY!!!" the monster boomed.
"Yeah," the two guys agreed.
"DIE!!" And then she lunged.
Of course, Deoxys had drained the pool hours ago, so she was just in a water cooler. Granted, it was a big cooler, but it was just a cooler. Try as she might, The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL couldn't get out of that reinforced plastic cooler. That stuff is stronger than steel, man.
"Well, that's lucky," Deoxys chuckled.
"Zzz... Yeah... Who wants to play the awkward question game?... Zzz..." Abra asked the two extraordinary Pokemon.
"I DO!!" the two legendaries... yes, she counts as a legendary... agreed.
"Zzz... Okay, let's begin... Zzz..." Abra grinned evilly.
Three hours later...
The game was still going on strong. And it was getting more messed up by the second.
"So that's where eggs come from!" Deoxys learned.
"Zzz... Ew... Zzz..." Abra grimaced.
"YEAH. NOW, ABRA'S TURN!!!" The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL urged.
"Zzz... Okay... Deo. You refer to yourself as a guy, but Deoxys is a genderless species. Why do you call yourself a guy?... Zzz..." Abra asked.
"Let's not talk about that... And keep it at it involved very painful surgery... And a freak lab accident... And a LAZAH!!!..." Deoxys said quietly.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOH. EW!" the others said in unison.
"Okay fine, the surgery was to get rid of my need for glasses, which involved a LAZAH!!!, and the accident was that I fell in male pheromones, so I'm close enough to a guy. That also involved a LAZAH!!!. Also, "it" doesn't sound so nice in polite conversation," Deoxys explained.
"Ah," the others sighed in relief.
Three hours later...
"Well, the pool is opening up again, because it is now six. Time to go out the front doors like civilized people!" Deoxys beamed.
"WHAT ABOUT ME?!?" The GIANT SEAKING OF POKEPALS POOL asked.
"Zzz... They'll fill up the pool, you go in. Gloriously simple... Zzz..." Abra explained.
"OKAY. OH, AND I'M NOT THE ONE THAT EATS PEOPLE. THAT'S THE PSYCHOTIC MAGIKARP WHO LIKES TO MAKE PEOPLE DIE AT POKEPALS POOL," the big fish replied before disappearing into the pipes.
"Say wha...?" the two friends asked each other. And then they felt the hot breath on the back of their neck.
Not too shabby for a break from the norm, eh? And no, that wasn't the Magikarp. It was the snack bar owner. Anyway, I'm done. See you in Seriousville next story! Please don't flame me, Twilight fangirls and plot straightforwardness lovers. I have a family and two stories, and I really don't want them to grow up in a world full of flaming.