Today started out normal. I came into the office early to get a head start before Josh interrupted
my peace and quite. Then, at 7:30 Josh passed my desk, and the day started like they all do. He
asked for coffee like he always does, and I think my look answered his question. He knows I
don't do coffee, but still he continues to ask. As we walked into his office, I read him his
schedule for the day while he ignored me, and then I handed him his list of phone calls Leo had
asked all of the senior staff to make. I am not supposed to know this, but we are preparing for
re-election. Anyway, I headed back to my desk to get to work and Josh hit the phones. He was
had a long list of calls to add to his already jam packed schedule, so he jumped right in.
Remember, I can hear everything that happens in that office, he never closes the door. I heard
him talk to senators, congressmen, aides, just about anyone who would talk to him. This is Josh
Lyman, isn't it??
So far the day was going normal, well as normal as the get in the West Wing. At noon, I was just
about to head to the cafeteria for a little lunch with Ginger, Cathy, and Margaret, but as usual
Josh had other ideas. He comes running after me as we walk toward the cafeteria. I try to ignore
him, but well, he is my boss. He can't find the file on Senator Landry's proposal and the
meeting is at 2 o'clock and he has a lunch meeting. So I go through a routine all to familiar.
"Is it on your desk?" I ask.
"Please, please, please just find it for me while I am at lunch," he asks while giving me the sad
eyes he knows will always work.
Once again, my face must have given it away. He just smiled and rushed off to his lunch.
Dammit, why can't I have a poker face? I always do everything he asks of me. I'm like a little
puppy dog. Yeah, yeah I know he is my boss, but come on!! Here I am once again looking for
"the lost file". I think this happens just about everyday. Could a person be more unorganized?
Josh probably could. This chaos is Josh on a good week, Lord help me!
Ok, so now I am sitting at Josh's desk digging through all these files and papers. I am starting to
understand why Josh couldn't find the file, I'm not ever sure I can find the file. Then I saw it. I
found the list I had handed him this morning with the names and numbers to call. At first I
didn't think anything of it, but something caught my eye. Josh had been doodling in the margins
and something he wrote made my heart skip a beat. It was a tiny J+D in a heart.
First of all, this is Josh Lyman, the fact that he can draw a heart shocks me. Secondly, I assume
the "J" stands for him, could the "D" be me? I sit there, probably looking like a deer in
headlights, trying to figure who the other "D" could be. I try to office staff first, C.J., Margaret,
Cathy, Ginger, Ainsley. No "D's". Ok, who else? Joey? Mandy? Ok, still no "D's". I may be
Josh's secretary, but I am also his friend. I know most of the people in his life. There are no
"D's", except me!!
This realization is unfathomable. Ok, was he just play around or does he like me? You know
like me like me? Oh no, I sound like a teenager. I feel like a teenager. I wish I were a teenager,
things we so much easier back then. I didn't have to worry about being in love with my boss.
There, I admit it, I love Joshua Lyman. I love the way he passionately fights for what he believes
in. I love the way he is there for his friends when they need him. I just love him. It's hopeless.
There is no rhyme or reason. It just is. Oh damn, the file!!
I don't day dream often, but when I do it, I do it well. It is almost time for Josh get back from
lunch for his meeting, and I still can't find the file. It was in my hand the entire time. It was
what was sitting on top of the list with the heart. I have to laugh at myself for this one. As soon
as I start to laugh, Josh comes in a cracks a joke about people who laugh when they are alone in
rooms. I am not paying attention to what he is saying.
"Here is the file," I tell him.
"Thanks," he says.
I start to walk from his office and he calls me back.
"You know I was just joking about you laughing at yourself, right?"
I force a smile and nod. Ok, now I am really confused. He just apologized for making fun of me.
That has never happened before. Josh thinks people should be honored that he picks on them. I
guess it is his way of showing affection. Everyone who knows Josh, knows this, and has come to
love it. Including me I guess.
Now, let me recap the day so far. Josh doodles a heart with "J+D" inside it. Then he apologizes
for picking on me. I may just be reading way to much into everything in typical Donna fashion,
but maybe I'm not. It's only 2 o'clock. The day could get weirder, or return to normal. With
my luck the latter won't happen.
I am trying to type this memo, but my fingers won't cooperate. Usually busy work helps me
when I am stressed, and oh yes, this is stress. I need to talk to someone, but who?? Cathy,
Ginger, and Margaret are all out before they are the biggest mouths in the West Wing. This is
definitely not something I want to tell the guys around here. I guess C.J. is perfect, if only by the
process of elimination.
I finally build up my courage to walk to C.J.'s office. I knock on the door and her head pops up
from whatever she happened to be working on. Oh God, this is mistake, I turn to leave, but she
stops me.
"Donna?"
"Yeah?"
"You're the one who came to my office, can I help you with something?"
"Well...C.J."
"Yes?"
"Can I talk to you about something personal?"
"Yeah, hang on let me shut the door, you know the walls have ears in this building, well,
literally, but let's not think about that too much," C.J. says as she shuts the door and returns to
her couch were I am sitting.
"So, Donna, what's up?"
"I don't really know how to start this, but I might as well go for it."
I explain the entire situation to her, including the "I love Josh" part. I doesn't take long to
explain. I can tell by the look on her face she isn't completely shocked which shocks me.
"Donna...I'm not really surprised. I may be one of Josh's best friends, but I am not his go to girl
for relationship advice. I can't honestly tell you what Josh is thinking, but to me it looks like he
flirts with you a little more than he should."
"I'm so confused. I am in love with my boss, and now I am sitting here with his best friend
trying to figure out what he feels. What am I supposed to do?"
"You are supposed to go back to your desk and do your work. Donna, one thing I know for sure
is that regardless of what happens this cannot interfere with your work or it will cost you."
"You're right. Thank you C.J. I know it is wrong of me to ask you, but can you not mention this
to Josh."
"I'll only tell him what you want me to tell him, and right now it's nothing."
I smile as I walk to my desk. Everyone is right C.J. is a special person. She relieved some of my
fears. The only problem is now I have to hold conversations with Josh, I have to work for him.
Ok, this is killing me. Should I just ask him? Should I wait for him to tell C.J.? I sit at my desk
and I can hear Josh on the phone again. I wince when I realize he is gonna notice that I moved
his papers and I saw his doodle. Could this get worse?