SPIKE: VAMPIRE SINGER
Mack the Knife lyrics
(lilvalkrie's version)
Original Words and music by Kurt Weil
New words and music by lilvalkrie
Starring Spike the vampire and Buffy the Slayer while they were
an item.
Cameos by the rest of the cast.
New composer's note: Spike is pronounced Spik-ee
Curtains up, spotlight is
stage right
Enter Buffy & Spike, stage right, hand in hand.
B: Oh, the shark has pretty teeth dear
She kisses Spike
And he shows
'em, pearly white
Just two long fangs has Spike dear
Spike pretends to bite her, but she slaps him upside the head
And he keeps it way out of sight
Spike draws back with a blush
S: When that
shark bites with his teeth, dear
Scarlet billows begin to spread;
Drains 'em bone dry does Spike dear
And there's never, never a waste of red
Dancing ballroom style
Then someone throws Buffy a newspaper and she reads it then rolls
it up and uses it like a cane
B: On the
sidewalk, one Sunday morning
Lies a body, minus life,
Someone's sleeping in the crypt dear
Could that someone be vampire Spike?
Spike tries to look innocent
S: My girl
Drusilla, split the scene, babe;
And your Angel, left the town!
B: Now Spike dear, is my favourite
Giles: Do you suppose Buffy's, done something rash?
Spike pushes Giles to the
side and grabs Buffy by the waist.
More dancing. Then spike grabs Buffy by the hand and they flip in
the air Matrix style.
Buffy comes down in a split and Spike lands on his feet. He draws
her up and they do the jitterbug
B: My friend
Willow, lost her boyfriend
Tried to cure heartache, but it didn't work!
Now something freaky is happenin'
To the friends she views as jerks!
Anya tap dances on stage and
pushes B aside. B gives her a dirty look
Then looks around for Spike, who quickly wipes away a trickle of
blood from the corner of his mouth
Anya: now Giles is blind
Giles staggers onstage
blindly and crashes into Anya.
She shoves him offstage
And Spike proposed to Buff,
Spike goes on bended knee,
then jumps up and twirls Buffy
They continue dancing
Xander attracts demons; will this spell his doom?
Xander runs across the stage
screaming. Two monsters follow him.
Anya throws a bucket of water on one and melts it. There is a
distant shout "Thanks! Arrgh!"
Buffy's crazy,
'bout a vampire
And she's gonna wed him soon!
Spike spins Buffy by the
legs. But he miscalculates and lets go. She slides into the left
wing
There is a crash. Riley runs across the stage and pounds Spike
then goes in search of Buffy.
B: Demons
offered Willow demon powers,
For the chaos she had caused|
But my best friend chose against them,
And is sorry for all she'd done!
S: & that's
the story of this episode,
Sung by Buffy and vampire Spike,
With cameos from the cast,
To the sounds of Mack the knife.
there is big band music and they dance some more
Oh Sookie
Tawdry, Jenny Diver,
Polly Peachum, Old Miss Lucy Brown
Enter Willow, Anya,
embarrassed Xander and
thunderous-looking Giles both in drag and looking very bloodless
Spike licks his lips in happily
B: Hey the line forms, on the right dear
They join into a line and they do the Can Can.
Now that Spike's
back in town
You'd better lock your doors, and call the Slayer
Because Spike ...
W & G,X & A echo
after each other "Spik-ee" while the guys 'dip' the
girls.
Xander smooches Anya while he's at it.
...Is back in town
They Can Can off the stage,
to the left, but Xander gets his legs tangled up, and they go
down like dominoes
A monster drags the line offstage. then it runs across the stage
screaming, followed by the gang wielding weapons.
Buffy and Spike are left and he twirls Buffy into the wings.
There is a muffled crash
She stalks out and kicks him. Hard. They argue and then end up
kissing.
Giles drags them off stage.
The monster inches out onstage in a Tux and tap dances the
"shave and a haircut: two pence!"
Curtains down