To Seek Love or To Seek Ruin

Disclaimer: Never owned Jigoku Shoujo, and never will.

Warning: Mention of revenge and child abuse; failed suicide attempt; R. T: rating may go up.

Summary: Katrina Carson is haunted by memories of her past and present. Rumors spread about a certain website and she becomes haunted by dreams of this mysterious Hell Girl. Her father comes back and she wants revenge. Will she pull the red string or will she kill herself? What happens when she meets a certain person? Ichimoku Ren x OC

Chapter 1: Memories

A girl around age seventeen wakes up to the light shining through her bedroom curtains. School has been out for only three weeks and she still can't seem to sleep. During the night she's haunted by strange dreams of a different world and during the day she's haunted by her memories. It just seems like there's no relief and her group of friends hasn't noticed the change in her attitude. At any given time her thoughts would rotate around that mysterious world with those mysterious people and never rotate around boys like her friends.

Sighing, she gets out of bed and chooses a pair of black short shorts and a white tank top before heading off to take her daily shower. Once under the hot water she lets it run over her petite form and soak her hair thinking back on her strange dream.

Flashback

She was outside in a field of red flowers and near her was a pond that seemed red from the sunset that had shined over head. In front of her two men, one woman, and two girls had appeared and the man with a fisher's hat asked a question.

"How did you get here, young lady?" Katrina looked at him and tilted her head in confusion.

"Where's here," she had asked and the girl in a sailor's uniform spoke up.

"My home set in eternal twilight," she had said without any sign of emotion in her voice.

"Jigoku Shoujo, Enma Ai…" The girl nodded and waited patiently for Katrina to answer her. "I was asleep and then…I'm here, but I don't understand why." She had explained with slight fear. Enma Ai's three assistants had gone off the offensive and on the defensive.

"Do you understand you are in Hell, right now?" The young man in a jacket with hair over his left eye had asked. Katrina had shaked her head in confusion.

"Why would I be in Hell? Had I die? Did I commit a sin?" The woman, in a kimono, replied.

"You're not dead. You have simply ventured to far from the real world. You must return now." Katrina, still having not understood, didn't know how to leave. Enma Ai had simply placed her index finger against Katrina's chest, where her heart would have been, and she woke back up in her room with several questions running through her head.

End flashback

Shaking her head to clear it, Katrina finishes washing off the remains of soap and conditioner from her hair and turns off the shower. Getting out, she dries herself and puts on her clothes before wrapping her shoulder length hair up in the towel. After this is done, she continues about her daily ritual before leaving the bathroom and turning off the light to head downstairs for breakfast.

As she grabs an apple and fixes waffles and coffee, she turns around to look out the kitchen window. It is still dark outside, but the sun is rising and it is the most beautiful sight she has ever seen. Unknowing to her, a large eye plastered against the ceiling is watching her.

"How long do you plan on watching her, Ren?" Hone-Onna asks a young man in a coat, sweat pants, and blue shirt with dark hair covering his left eye.

"Dunno. I guess long enough to know a little about her."

"She's not a client, Ren," Wanyadouu says sighing tiredly.

"I know, but there's something off about her. It's as if she wants to hate someone, but can't find it in herself to actually hate them."

"You mean like she wants to take revenge?" Hone-Onna asks curiously. "I don't understand. Do you think she will contact the site?" Ren shakes his head as his eye vanishes from the ceiling above Katrina's head.

"I don't know. That's what I want to find out."

"Hm…one would think that if their hate wasn't strong, they wouldn't broad on it." Wanyadouu says and they all nod in agreement. Then the old man goes on to say, "Then again, maybe she's thinking about how to see you again, kid." Ren shakes his head and Hone-Onna knocks the old man across the head. He only rubs his head and grins. Ai appears beside Hone-Onna.

"Would you like to get closer to her?" Ren turns to Ai as he wonders what she was asking.

"Well, no, but I would like the time to understand more about her."

"Is this okay, Mistress?" Hone-Onna asks Ai and Ai nods her head.

"I'll call you back when we have an assignment." Ren nods as all three people disappear. Now all he had to do was find a way to talk to her.

Katrina walks out of her house and locks the door before heading down the street to the bakery. Her mother had asked her to pick up some bread for their dinner tonight. Despite not liking her mother, she still did it so as not to upset her.

As she walks into the bakery she greets the baker and goes about looking around for a nice loaf of wheat bread and some good rolls. Going a step further, she picks out a batch of cookies for her mom before walking up to the cashier.

"Ah, Katrina-chan, how nice to see you again," the cashier greets. The woman has brown eyes and black hair that's pulled up into a messy bun and underneath a hairnet.

"Hi, Matsushita-san, how have you been?" Katrina asks kindly while the motherly woman rings up her items.

"Oh, you know this and that and busy as ever. It's hard running a family shop by yourself, you know." Katrina frowns at this as the motherly woman hands her items back in a plastic bag.

"Oh, but what happened to Kein-kun? I thought he was helping you today."

"Well, his dad came back and he had to meet him. Silly boys, right?" Katrina nods and smiles before paying her and walking out of the bakery. "Oh, Katrina," at the sound of her name she turns back around. "If you don't have anything to do today, and you're not busy with your sister or mom, would you mind coming back and helping me out? I think there might be a rush and it would be nice to have some company."

"Okay, Mrs. Matsushita! I'll text you my answer later, okay?"

"Alright dear and be careful!"

"I will!" With this, Katrina walks out the door humming to her self happily. 'I hope I'm not busy because I would love to help out. But, there may not be a rush.' She thinks sadly remembering that the small, family owned business may go out of business. Every year, less and less people came to get bakery goods.

When she walks back up the street and unlocks her door, she walks in and takes off her shoes. "Mother, I'm home!" Katrina shouts before walking into the kitchen to see her kid sister playing jacks in the floor. Placing the bag of bakery items on a kitchen counter, she walks over and picks up Mori who laughs at being picked up.

"Hey, let's not play jacks in the floor of the kitchen okay? We don't want mom to fall and get hurt."

"Okay onee-chan!" Mori says brightly before picking up the jacks and ball and placing them on the tabletop in the kitchen after Katrina places Mori back down again.

"Did you have breakfast yet?" Katrina asks Mori and she shakes her head. "Has mom gotten up yet?" Again, her kid sister shakes her head. "Okay, is there anything you want for breakfast?" Mori shakes her head saying she's not hungry and runs up the steps to her room. 'I wonder what that was all about.'

Walking upstairs, she goes her mother's room and shakes her gently. Still getting no response, she tries again with more force. She checks her pulse and notices that she's still breathing. 'That's weird…' Katrina thinks before the phone rings and she answers it.

"Hello?" A male's voice is heard on the other line.

"Hai, is this Katrina Carson?"

"Hai."

"Congratulations! You've just won the jackpot! Come to Auburn Lane Cross Roads at 3:30 this afternoon to claim your reward."

"Gomensai. You have the wrong number." She says and hangs up the phone. 'I never entered any contest…What a strange day this has been.' She thinks before she hears a knock on the door. Answering it, she sees her father and he barges in drunk before flopping down on the couch.

"Father? Why are you here? I thought you left us a month ago."

"I've come back."

"Why? You never cared for my sister and me before. Why now?" Katrina asks keeping her voice even. It has been a month since her parents had a major fight and a week since her mother filed for divorce. Although her mother hasn't signed the papers, it was agreed that her father was not to come back.

Before either of them could get another word in, her mom comes walking into the room. "Katrina, sweetie, what is this about?" She asks before noticing the man lounging on the couch. "Torishi, what are you doing here?" Her mom's voice was much sharper and more snappish than it had been when she was addressing Katrina.

"I want my daughters back, bitch!" Her father shouts getting back up and her mother shouts back.

"I told you no! Now get lost and never come back!" He doesn't listen and takes a step closer to her mom.

"Bitch! These are my children and I have custody over them!"

"Since when!?"

"Since today when I talked with my lawyer! Now give my children!"

"No!"

"What did you say you whore!?"

"I said no! Now leave!" At this her father becomes outraged and punches his wife across her face.

"I'm not leaving!" Before either of them could get another word in, Mori comes running down the steps and stops dead in her tracks when she sees mom and dad fighting.

"Mori, sweetie, why don't you go back upstairs while dad and I talk about adult things," Katrina's mother says gently and Katrina interrupts.

"Actually mother, father, I think we'll go to the park. C'mon Mori, let's go play at the park." Her younger sister, understanding that this was not a safe environment right now, agrees and runs out the door. Before Katrina leaves, however, she says one last thing to her parents.

"Before either of you continue your fight, remember this: If you hurt Mori, I'll never forgive either of you." Katrina says leaving the two baffled parents to themselves. The large eye that had been on the ceiling watching the whole scene vanishes.

Reaching her sister, Mori, they walk the rest of the way to the park. When they get to the park, Katrina goes under a willow tree and sits while Mori runs off to play in the sandbox. Seemingly out of no where, a guy appears beside her. He has green eyes and black hair that covers his left eye. He has a small smile and takes a seat beside Katrina who only nods her head; indicating that he can take a seat beside her.

"Is that your sister?" He asks a few minutes later pointing to a small girl with short blonde hair and light grey eyes.

"Yeah, she can be so mischievous sometimes. It makes me wonder how I can keep up with her." The guy looks over curiously expecting to see a frown but only seeing a smile on the girl's face.

"It doesn't look like you mind her."

"No. She's my kid sister; I can't be annoyed by her. She's a kid, after all; it's their job to annoy older people, right?" She says chuckling slightly. Again, the guy gives Katrina a side long glance before going back to watch her younger sister.

"Like you? Aren't you a kid?" He asks and she shrugs her shoulders.

"I'm more like an adult than anything else." He tilts his to the side as though thinking this over.

"But you don't look older than fourteen. Doesn't that make you a kid at heart?" Katrina frowns at this, leans against the trunk of the tree, and looks up at the sky.

"Well, I'm almost seventeen. So, I might be a kid at heart; but I'm more of an adult than a kid."

"Don't you have friends you hang out with?"

"No. It's just my mother and my sister and me. I'm too busy taking care of them to focus on things like friends." He frowns at this.

"What's your name?" He asks trying to find a change of subject having not like where the conversation was going.

"Katrina; your's?"

"Ren."

"So, how old are you then, Ren-san?" He smiles at this and looks up at the sky thinking about his age. 'Well, I think I'm reaching 400.'

"How old do you think I am?"

"Hm…I'd have to say no younger than fifteen and no older than seventeen." He laughs at this and Katrina looks at him in confusion.

"Actually, I'm nineteen," Ren says smiling at Katrina and she smiles back. Suddenly, a kid that looked oddly familiar comes walking up beside Mori. Both Ren and Katrina look down at them.

"Who have you got there, Mori?" The young ten year old smiles brightly.

"Her name's Kikuri!" Ren's visible eye moves up in slight surprise.

"Oh? I don't suppose you want to go home now?" Mori shakes her head and sits in front of her older sister smiling as if saying no. Kikuri looks at Ren with a loathing look; almost.

"Ren, you baka!" Ren stands up at this and mutters something dark under his breath while Kikuri only sticks her tongue out at him and kicks him in his knee. After this, before Ren could get his hands on the brat, Kikuri runs off laughing.

"Who's that?" Katrina asks curiously while Ren sits back down, sulking and nursing his hurt left knee.

"She's an annoying cousin of mine. She's only eight." Katrina's eyes shoot up in surprise.

"Oh? You two don't look alike. And I would've thought your cousin would be kind to you; with you being older and everything." He laughs bitterly at this while Mori runs off to find Kikuri after Katrina redid the single braid in Mori's hair.

"Well, cousins don't have to, right? And, she's not; she thinks I'm too bossy."

"Too bossy, huh? Well, are you?"

"No."

"Then why would she think that?"

"To annoy me, I guess."

"Huh. I don't think my sister would be able to say anything bad about me."

"Why's that?"

"Well…I nursed her back to health when she was really sick one time. I had to miss a whole day of school for it. My teacher thought I was skipping, so she gave me detention."

"Did you try to explain the situation to her?"

"Yeah. She wouldn't believe me, though." Ren tilts his head at this and goes to ask another question before Katrina sees her father storm into the park and head for Mori; looking intent on stealing her younger sister. "Oh no…sorry, Ren-san, please excuse me!" She says trotting off to get her sister from the slide and under the willow tree before her father spotted them; knowing that it was already too late as he switches course heading for the willow tree.

When she gets back, it's too see Ren standing up and leaning against the tree with a rigid posture. As Katrina gets near him, he looks over and asks her who that angry looking guy is.

"He's my father. My mother and he got into an argument earlier," she briefly explains and Ren's expression quickly turns from curious to serious. Why does he look like he's ready to kill? Dose he have a knife or gun on him?

"Is that why you brought your sister to the park?" Katrina nods her head and pales slightly and pulls her sister closer to her upon seeing her dad getting closer to the willow tree. Ren, noticing this, looks back at the father and frowns slightly trying to figure out what would make a person look ready to kill from an argument and if her father would really kill his daughters.

As her dad gets closer and closer to the tree, Katrina gets paler and Mori begins to cry softly, but quietly. Katrina tries to calm her down as her father reaches the tree and sends a glare at her before narrowing his eyes farther at seeing Ren beside her. When he's three feet from Katrina he stops his advance and scowls.

"What do you think you're doing?" Katrina, paling further at her father's stone cold voice straightens up a tad bit more; switching from rocking Mori back and forth to placing her behind her back and holding her younger sister's small hand.

"Letting Mori play in the park and sitting under the tree talking to a friend from school. What about mother?" Her dad grunts at this and, completely ignoring Katrina's question turns to Ren. Ren couldn't tell whether he should be more surprised about Katrina's cover for him or how vengeful her father looks.

"What's your name?" Ren is taken aback by how angry Katrina's father sounds. What did I do to him?

"Ishimoto Ren, sir," he says bowing respectfully. The father only huffs and rounds on his daughter.

"You're dating him? He looks like a delinquent. I will not have my daughter dating some… skater drug addict!" Ren narrows his eye at this. What's wrong with him? He doesn't understand polite, does he? Has the world really become engrossed in hatered?

"Father…please, you're causing a scene…" Katrina whispers almost too quite and her father gets even more angry.

"I'm causing a scene!? You're the one who's dating some drug addict! How is that supposed to make me look?" Katrina shrinks at this and Mori starts to cry again. "Shut that damn brat up! You're drawing unwanted attention!" Ren narrows his eye dangerously and turns sharply to the parent. That's not something a person, especially a parent, should say that about a kid or their teenage daughter.

"Father!" Katrina says harshly as Mori cries harder. She then turns to Ren muttering an apology for her father's rudeness. Deciding that this has gone far enough, he intervenes.

"With all due respect, sir, I believe that you should calm down." The father whips his head at him and balls up his fists; shaking with visible rage.

"Shut up! I will not have you speak to me like that!" Before Katrina could say anything, her dad throws several punches and kicks at Ren with Ren dodging each and every one of them flawlessly.

"Please, sir, let's not fight." He tries again, albeit harsher, as he dodges yet another punch aimed for his head. Katrina's father stops seeing that it's pointless and walks angrily away. Ren, looking back at Katrina and Mori now sees both girls crying lightly. Ren goes down to comfort both, but Katrina asks him if he can watch Mori while she gets something. He agrees wondering why a father would act that way towards his own children and why his oldest daughter would be scared to stand up against him.

When Katrina comes back, it's to have ice cream in her hands. While Mori jumps up and takes the blue raspberry slushie, Katrina sits down beside Ren handing him a mint chocolate chip cone.

"I didn't know what kind of ice cream you liked, or if you could have it at all, but I decided that you looked like the kind of person who likes chocolate and mint, so I got that for you," she explains at Ren's questioning look. He thanks her wondering idly how she could've known it used to be his favorite.

After they finish their ice cream and Mori falls asleep on Katrina's lap Ren turns to her curiously.

"Thanks again for ice cream, Katrina-san," he starts and she nods her head in welcome. "I've been wondering, however, is your father always like that?" Her face falls and she absentmindedly runs her fingers through her younger sister's hair.

"He wasn't always like that….He was really kind until….Mother got sick and couldn't work anymore. He ran off when this happened. I was fifteen and Mori was five."

"Oh…Gomensai…I shouldn't have asked…"

"No, no, its fine, Ren-san; arigato for turning my father away," Katrina says smiling slightly at Ren.

"You're welcome," Ren says before silence resumes. After a while of this, Katrina breaks the silence pausing in her movements before looking over at Ren and saying something about his good looks making Ren blush slightly and her giggle.

"You know…I thought about it." Ren turns his head at this looking curiously at Katrina. "The site…Jigoku Tsushin. You know about the rumor, right?" Ren nods at this and Katrina goes on.

"Well, I want to send my father to Hell, where he belongs, but then I wonder is it really worth sending him to Hell? What will that accomplish?"

"It'll keep him from hurting you, your sister, and your mother," Ren offers wondering where Katrina is going with this.

"That's true, but…I still love him and I know that my real father exists somewhere deep inside that shell of a man. If I send him to Hell, I may never be able to reach that part of him. On the other hand….I don't know how long I'll last. What with my mother sick, my little sister starting school again soon, my studies…I still haven't found a job yet. There are bills to be paid…it just seems like there's no escape!" She finally shouts jumping on Ren and hugging him tightly.

He pats her back awkwardly not sure how to comfort a crying teenage girl. Mori startles at this and tugs on her onee-chan's shirt. A tearful Katrina looks down and she smiles weakly trying to reassure her younger sister everything's fine even though it isn't and she knows that Mori knows everything is not fine.

An hour passes by and Mori falls back asleep while Katrina falls asleep on Ren's shoulder and he adjusts to free his, now numb, arm and places it around Katrina's shoulders. Hone-Onna comes up at this and chuckles making Ren looking up.

"You really did want to get closer to Katrina-chan, didn't you?" Ren is torn between blushing and shaking his head at this so he settles on a sheepish smile while Hone-Onna tilts her head curiously wondering if she interrupted something.

"No," he starts in what would have been a firm voice, but only managing a shakey one while trying to hide his slight blush before frowning. Hone-Onna watches in humor as Ren struggles to hide his blush and then notices the sudden frown. "She wants to access the site, but she doesn't want to send her father to Hell. Even if she does, she said she wouldn't feel any different. Then she turned around and said that she doesn't know how long she can take the pressure of keeping her family functional. It's really sad, Hone."

"A girl that age has to take care of her family instead of being able to have fun? Kid, are you sure that's what she said? Or are you just making this up so you can stay longer with her?" Wanyuudo asks Ren and he blushes while stuttering trying to get at least some coherent words out before finally nodding his head and the frown coming back. This makes the old man laugh and then grow serious.

"At least she thinks of you as a pillow. Are you two going to go out after this?" All of them laugh at this and Ren tries to hide his blush again looking down at Katrina. Ai then appears and says they have an assignment. They all nod while Ren takes his jacket off and put it on over Katrina's shoulders before they all vanish.

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Author's Note.

Hey, been a while since I really posted anything up. When I started reading some fan fiction of Jigoku Shoujo, I just had to write something of my own. I hope I kept Hone-Onna, Wanyuudo, Ren, Kikuri, and Ai in character for the most part. I'm not sure if I should continue this story or not. Your feedback would be helpful and very much appreciated. This isn't really a humorous subject, but I'll try to insert some amount of humor into this. ^.^ Another thing you all should know, my computer has been acting weird and sometimes I would have to shut it down for a while. So, updates may get slower.

If you think this story should have a higher rating, then tell me so so I can change it. Hm. As another warning: This will go from bright to dark, graphic to vague depending on the content of the chapter. Please excuse me for any misspellings of the Jigoku Shoujo characters' names.

And, as always, review help and alerts are better.

Thank you for those who review as well.

truly,

ferret nin (a fan girl of Ichimoku Ren, sadly .) lol