Disclaimer: Obviously, I do not own Naruto

AN ENDLESS SUMMER

Temari couldn't recite a textbook perfect definition of what love was but she knew that it definitely wasn't letting her brother become a homicidal jinchūriki. Now, she couldn't change the demon-container thing, or his raccoon-eyed fashion statement, but she could control his murderous tendencies. Right?

Chapter 1

Love

What did it mean to really love someone, Temari wondered, banging the wooden kunai in her hand repeatedly against the floor despite repeated admonitions from their nurse, Chiasa chan, as she attempted to soothe Temari's two year old brother. Perhaps they were too dramatic and gave the impression that she knew nothing about the topic, but the three year old felt convinced of their veracity.

She had had a list of people she loved. Her parents were on it, as was Chiasa chan who took care of her and always made Kankuro return the things he stole from her. Sometimes, when she was feeling charitable and he hadn't done anything too repulsive, her brother was on it too. Uncle Yashamaru was on it when he brought something for her but otherwise was relegated to a simple like status.

Today though, as the Kazekage's children were locked in their nursery after dinner, Temari felt unsettled. Something was going on, they were never locked into their room. Yes, sometimes Chiasa chan would shut the door from inside, but this time she had heard he distinctive sound of the stone rod falling in place across the door, stopping it from being opened.

Kaa chan had been so scared when Chiyo sama had come to visit that morning after breakfast that Temari couldn't bring herself to leave her alone. But Otou sama had sent her away anyway and so Temari, feeling like she was on her first mission, had hidden herself just outside the door and eavesdropped. She couldn't understand everything that was said but what she could comprehend left her full to the brim with questions.

Why did they want to put a sand spirit inside her brother? It didn't seem like a good spirit if Kaa chan was so scared of it, but why then was she letting it enter the baby? Kaa chan said she loved the baby but then why wasn't she stopping it? She remembered that a splinter had once gotten in her finger and it had hurt! Wouldn't a whole person getting into the baby hurt even more? And babies were delicate, Kankuro still cried if she pinched him.

Before she could listen more though, she had heard footsteps in her direction and she had run towards the nursery as if fear of punishment for disobeying orders had lent her wings. She had stayed there ever since. Kaa chan had come to see them after a while, looking shaky, like she had a tummy ache but she'd kissed them on the forehead and told them she loved them while tucking them in for bed.

Temari was almost fully asleep when her mother's whispered words caught her attention. "Remember I love you even if I have to leave. Even if you never hear me say it again."

Temari had slipped unwillingly into sleep, but ever since she woke up, the uneasiness hadn't left her heart. She felt a sense of foreboding, though she didn't know that was the word for it. Kaa chan had sounded as if she was leaving, but why would she never tell them she loved them? Was she going to act like Otou sama, simply nodding and saying he was proud of her?

She felt jittery, like there were angry wasps just inside her skin, aching to come out and she stayed as still as possible, in case that really happened and she popped in a rush of blood, just like a balloon. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice when Chiasa chan gave her toy weasel to Kankuro to calm the boy's increasingly loud cries.

It was only when a hand landed on top of her head that noticed that her nurse had left her brother to his own devices. Chiasa chan asked, "You don't mind, do you Temari, if Kankuro plays with your weasel for now?"

While she didn't want to let him anywhere near her belongings, she could see that there were tear stains on Kankuro's face, and with a rush of affection, she realised that he was younger than her. If she was so worried, of course he was downright scared.

"He can play with it for now," Temari answered.

"See Temari chan, you're a good girl. If someone you love is really in need, you don't mind sharing your things with them." The elderly woman commented approvingly, thinking that Temari had started acting mature, while at the same time hoping the girl would grow up to be kinder than her father.

Temari started. Love? And she'd just thought about it too! Then she thought about what her nurse had said as she wrung her dress between her pudgy fists. Was this what love meant, to help them when they really needed it? Or did it mean she could only help those she already loved? Did this mean Kaa chan and Otou sama didn't love the baby since they were about to hurt him?

She pondered on this revelation. Training with Otou sama hurt while doing it with Miko Sensei rarely did. Did that mean that her father didn't love her either? Or did love mean you could hurt someone as long as no one else did it, since he'd gotten so angry when that scary man had gripped her arm so tightly that it had left marks?

This was so confusing she felt like tearing at her hair. Her hands even made their way to the top of her hair before she remembered that her hair was tied into two pigtails. Kaa chan said she'd get a big forehead if she tied her hair at the back, but Temari thought this was done because they made pulling at her hair so much easier, without spoiling her looks. Though why no one cared if Kankuro looked messy she didn't know. Maybe because he was rarely taken out? Or maybe, Temari realised with a brainwave, Kankuro was rarely taken out because he was so unkempt.

She was tempted to feel smug at that, but then the thought that Kankuro would get to do what he wanted while she would have to follow rules and be polite while meeting those old people hit her and she felt like screaming instead. She contemplated throwing a tantrum but after a while, decided otherwise. No, instead, she'd keep Kankuro neat and tidy and then…he'd be stuck suffering with her too!

Her glee didn't last for long, thoughts of Kankuro bringing to mind her newest brother. And thoughts of him brought that old tension back into her limbs. She didn't know why she was feeling this way. She wasn't worried that her parents would like her less. They paid more attention to Kankuro, but they were more proud of her.

Before she could work herself up into a mood from the uncertainty, the door opened and one of the maids, in her rust coloured dress, poked her head in and almost whispered in a somber tone. "Karura sama wants to see them."

Temari didn't know why but the words seemed to reverberate in her head. This was a good thing, right? Yet, the fact that the maid hadn't said "Karura sama wants them to see the baby." seemed… relevant, important.

Chiasa chan seemed to share her misgivings as her face looked pale and drawn for a moment before she hid her feelings and said in a faux cheerful voice, "Now come with me, Temari chan. Kankuro chan."

The children didn't get the chance to say anything and uncaring of Kankuro's distressed grumbles, he was scooped up in the nurse's arms while the woman who had come to get them lifted up Temari.

The girl felt the urge to complain that she could walk very well on her own, thank you! However, the older women felt in a hurry as the pace they set was definitely not one they would have fixed ordinarily. Temari kept her mouth shut, feeling more than hearing as their entire home seemed to hold its breath. She felt scared and the attitude of everyone they passed by along the way to wherever Kaa chan was only served to strengthen that fear. She held in a whimper trying to work its way up her throat.

All of her attempts to convince herself that nothing was wrong failed when she was carried into that room. Kaa chan was reclining on the bed, looking tired and sad, sweat damped yellow hair plastered to her face but otherwise fine. But the smell of blood was all pervading and Uncle Yashamaru looked as if one wrong word would make him start crying, a green glow surrounding his hands which he kept attached to his sister's body.

Otou sama had a face that could have been carved from the sandstone their house was built from. Chiyo sama was there too, with a bundle of blankets in her arms, and she looked sorry and angry, but more angry than sorry. There were other people there too, bustling around her, doing things she didn't bother paying any attention to.

"Temari, Kankuro, come here," Kaa chan said in a raspy voice. Temari was horrified at how weak she sounded. Kaa chan was strong. She wasn't supposed to breathe so slowly like that lizard Miko Sensei had made her kill and then skin. Except she'd been filled with a detached sense of curiosity then and now, it was her mother looking and acting like that! Was that blood Kaa chan's too?

The moment she was set on the bed, she hurriedly crawled towards her mother's torso, taking care to move as carefully as she could when she caught sight of her wincing. Kaa chan's hand twitched a little, but she didn't move them. Temari intertwined her fingers with her mother's, wanting the comfort.

The air reminded her of the sandstorm that took place a month ago though she couldn't figure out why. Maybe because there were no windows in the room, the only illumination provided by the oil lanterns placed at the corners. Or it could be that below the smell of the blood she could recognize the scent of sand and dust. Temari didn't know and she didn't bother finding out, the look in her mother's violet eyes holding her attention. There was a depth of pain in it that she couldn't comprehend, yet felt the urge to ease.

"I love you," Kaa chan whispered, sounding even weaker than before.

"I love you too Kaa chan" Kankuro responded with a lisp, pressing a slobbery kiss to their mother's chest, the only place he could reach comfortably, his path to Kaa chan obstructed by Temari herself on one side and Otou sama on the other.

Kaa chan's lips upturned a little before she continued, "I might leave now, but I'll always love you."

"Karura," Otou sama exclaimed in a pained voice. Temari darted a look back at him, surprised to find the agonized look on his face.

"I'm dying," Kaa chan said, a note of firmness in her gently spoken words. "I love you and I don't want you to blame your brother. I want you to love him and take care of him. Now, let me see him, please." The last line wasn't aimed at her or Kankuro, she knew.

"You're not going to die!" Uncle Yashamaru assured as Temari stared on, a knot developing in her throat that made it difficult to breathe. Die like not move at all! Just like that lizard she ate after she killed it with Miko Sensei?

"Here," Chiyo sama's voice sounded right behind her where Temari hadn't even noticed her. She watched in surprise as the bundle of blankets that he old woman had been holding were passed onto Kaa chan. She caught a glimpse of a tiny doll wrapped up in there. Was that…was that her brother? He didn't look like Kankuro. Was Kaa chan dying because he was born? She'd heard that sometimes died when babies were born. Was it…his fault? But then she remembered what her mother had said. She wasn't supposed to blame the baby, and was supposed to care for it, even if it was his fault?

Temari felt a rush of anger and blurted out, "Are you leaving because of him?" Her pronunciation left something to be desired but she didn't pay attention to it, focusing instead on her mother's face, which had gained a stupid look as she gazed at the baby. To Temari's displeasure, her mother was enraptured by the little baby that was laid next to her as she finally slipped from her half sitting position to lie fully on the bed.

She cradled the baby and whispered, "Gaara."

Kaa chan ran a finger along the side of the baby's head, red tufts of wet hair clinging to her skin.

"I'll protect you," Kaa chan vowed sleepily. "At all costs."

After saying this, her eyes slid slowly but inexorably shut. It was only as Uncle Yashamaru's breathing hitched and all three of the children were removed from the bed, a flurry of movement displacing them from the room that Temari understood.

Kaa chan wasn't asleep. She was dead.

By the time they were deposited back into the nursery, Kankuro had started crying, something that made Gaara start wailing as well. Temari felt tempted to throw something at them. Why wouldn't those brats just stop sniffling? She wiped away the salty water that she pretended was sweat before it could slip into her mouth. She wasn't crying. There was nothing to cry about. This was like when she played with her dolls. She'd pretend they'd died and then they'd come back to life and scare Kankuro.

Kaa chan would do that too. She was just tired and when she felt better, she'd come back. This wasn't like the lizard at all, no one was going to skin and eat her.

Feeling better now that she had somewhat convinced herself, but not really because she had started her Shinobi lessons and dead people didn't come back! she got to her feet from the crouch she had sunk into without realizing.

Kaa chan had told her to take care of her brothers and she would. She'd love them too if only someone would explain what people in love did. Temari debated over who to go to first but finally made her way to Chiasa chan who was attempting to silence both Kankuro and Gaara at the same time and said, "Give the baby to me."

She wasn't going to touch Kankuro. Snot was dripping down his nose and he'd already rubbed it all over his fists. Moreover, she'd be expected to offer platitudes to him while the baby didn't know any words at all.

Chiasa chan looked worried instead of relieved but after a particularly loud wail from Kankuro, resignedly said, "Sit down Temari chan, or you might drop the baby."

Temari scoffed at the thought that she'd do something stupid like drop Gaara, but sat down al l the same. Chiasa chan carefully set the baby in her arms, changing the positioning of her hands so that the tiny thing's head and neck were supported. Temari didn't pay any more attention to her nurse, instead peering curiously at the red hair set atop that soft head and the screwed up face hiding the eyes.

She rocked him gently, humming a tune she made up on the spot. After a while, Gaara stopped crying piteously and his eyes opened. They were very lightly coloured, maybe blue like Kaa chan's or maybe the bluish green colour hers were? Temari rubbed a finger lightly at his chin, marveling that something this small was going to grow up to be as tall as Otou sama.

The baby opened and closed his mouth a few times, his face glistening wetly from the tears. He looked horrible, Temari had to admit. But he'd probably grow up to be as cute as her. She was his Onee sama after all. She giggled at the thought of being called that. Gaara seemed to like that sound, as he made a soft sound that she couldn't decipher.

She didn't get to hold him or very long as soon as Chiasa chan finished putting Kankuro to bed, she took the baby from Temari and told her gently, "Why don't you clean your teeth and then go to bed? You'll feel better after sleeping a little."

Temari was about to argue but she was surprised by the yawn that threatened to split open her mouth and crack her jaw. She blushed, feeling furious at her body's betrayal but now that she'd yawned once, she found it difficult to stay awake. Peevishly, she made her way to the adjacent bathroom and under Chiasa chan's supervision, cleaned her teeth, slipped on her nightdress and made her way to her crib.

The crib sent a pang of something shoot through her heart. Kaa chan was going to get her her own room with a real bed. She sniffed a little, fearing that she had caught a cold, what with traipsing around the place without sufficient covering after sundown. She wasn't sentimental. She lay down in her crib and fell asleep to the sound of Chiasa chan's singing, her mind a restless coil of emotions.

She woke slowly, unwilling to give up the comfort offered by sleep yet unable to slumber any further. Drowsily, she recognized her Otou sama and Uncle Yashamaru speaking.

"…not stable, she died for nothing," Uncle Yashamaru said.

"…the best seal we know…want her to die," Otou sama argued in a cold voice. She couldn't catch all the words, only snatches of conversation. Still, they rarely visited the children while they were sleeping and so she awarded them a lazy scrutiny, eyes closed and hoping they'd just stop talking.

"Karura and I both love this village, enough to sacrifice even our lives for it," were Otou sama's next audible words.

"Yes, except Karura sacrificed her life and her newborn son's, not you." Uncle Yashamaru retorted bitterly. Temari had never heard anyone speak like this to her father before and this made her realise the meaning of his words only after Otou sama had already hissed, "Gaara is still alive."

Silence filled with a thousand recriminations was his only answer and to Temari's bewilderment, her Uncle's tacit agreement left her father even angrier than before.

"All of us have a duty to Suna. Some of us serve it by taking missions and some by devoting our entire lives and even our deaths to it. It was Karura's decision to make our son the Jinchūriki and mine to try to keep him alive. What is done is done and I will brook no more dissent from you." Saying this, Otou sama's footsteps lead towards the door and after a few seconds, she couldn't hear him anymore.

There was a muffled exclamation from Uncle Yashamaru before silence once more reigned supreme. Before slipping back into dark embrace of sleep, a few words ran through Temari's mind.

Does loving something mean sacrificing your life and someone else's for it?

It was as she fell asleep that a question registered. What does sacrifice mean?

In the morning, after she completed her morning ritual of waking up Kankuro by pinching him, she remembered Kaa chan's words. She was supposed to love and take care of her brothers?

She huffed out a sigh. How was she supposed to love them when all her preconceptions about what love entailed had been thrown out of the window?

At least, she consoled herself.

I can always just take care of them.

A/N: Writing from a child's point of view was hard so I'm pretty sure it didn't work. I finally settled for just showing her understanding of things. The way she thought of them isn't going through her mind in those specific words, if that makes sense. This is completely AU. Temari will grow up in subsequent chapters. I only have a vague outline of where this story is going so ideas are welcome. I don't think I got Rasa and Yashamaru's character correctly.

Please review.