Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his friends do not belong to me but rather J. K. Rowling.

This oneshot had no beta.

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It's looking at me I swear. Where the bloody hell did it come from anyway? Ugh, its beady little eyes glittering so innocently but I know. Yes, I know! It can't fool me, the evil little bugger. It won't get me.

"Harry, what's that?" I ask pointing to the abomination on Neville's bed.

"What's what?" he asks confused. How could he not get what I'm pointing at? There's only one harbinger of death in the general vicinity!

"That brown thing on Neville's bed." I state with distaste.

"Um, mate…that's Neville's teddy bear." He says while looking at me with confusion. "I suppose he forgot to hide it."

"Since when did he have that…that thing?" I asked, voice going into high pitch. It was a masculine high pitch, just so you know.

"He's had it for ages," Harry says while looking at me as if I was demented. As if, he's the one who looks as if there's nothing wrong with the world and that fluffy thing of doom is harmless.

"We need to get rid of it." I say with certainty.

Harry looks at me as though I've lost my mind. No, I'm as sharp as a tack, brilliant beyond belief…'Mione just refuses to see reason. S.P.E.W. will never bring about rights for House Elves, the Cannons will win next season and all Slytherins are evil. Don't be fooled by the slimy little first years. They may look like children, but they're Death Eaters in training. I'm positive.

"Why would we do that?" he looks cautious when asking me this.

"Don't worry about it mate. Everything is fine as long as we get rid of That." I reply giving it a sidelong look.

"Ron, you're not making any sense. It's a toy, a stuffed toy. Meaning it has no sharp edges one could hurt themselves with. Why would we get rid of it?" Harry replies looking at me as if I've finally lost it. Why can't he SEE?

"It's evil mate, pure evil. Look, it's looking at us right now, planning our demise. It's like a bloody You-Know-Who in miniature!" I gasped in realization. "Merlin! The teddy bears are in league with You-Know-Who!"

Harry seems to be planning on taking me to Madame Pomphrey if his muttering is anything to go by. But I will prevail! My realization has made me more determined. That thing won't know what hit him, I will win.

"Ron…why is it evil?" I think he's asking more out of morbid curiosity than anything else. But I'll tell him. He wants the truth, fine. We will see who's right.

"Because all of those things are evil Harry," I explain patiently. "All Teddy Bears are the creators of havoc, the nightmares of children, and the stealers of socks. You know, when you find 3 different socks and not one matches. That's if you're lucky that is, sometimes you can't find any socks at all. It's those things that take our socks Harry."

"Ron, do you feel alright? Did someone hex you?" he looks at me worried. Why can't Harry understand?

"No! No one hexed me or spelled my food if that's what you're thinking. Teddy Bears exist to get us when we're least expecting it! They turn into monsters!" I yelled. Harry is stubborn; maybe yelling will help get my point across?

"Where on earth did you hear this? Ron, it's a bloody teddy bear, they aren't out to get you!" Harry put in sounding frustrated.

"I'll tell you and then you'll wish you had never asked. When I was younger I discovered the awful truth. There I was minding my own business walking out back to watch Bill and the rest play Quidditch. The twins had nicked some brooms when mum wasn't looking. I held my teddy, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy the Third under my arm." Harry looked at me like I had finally lost it.

"Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy the Third?" he asks in disbelief.

Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy the First and Second met unfortunate accidents and had to be buried." I replied. Honestly, I'm trying to tell the guy that there is evil in our dorm room and that is what he focuses on?

"As I was saying, I was almost there and then something terrible happened. I felt Mr. Fuzzy stiffen and suddenly, he wasn't soft anymore. I was holding something hard, long and spindly. I looked down and it was a bloody spider! It was huge, with black beady eyes that had once belonged to my teddy. The thing had been a spider all along!" I shuddered in revulsion. Harry looked at me in horrified amusement. Finally, he was getting it!

"I did what any sensible child would do. I screamed, dropped the thing and sprinted home crying manly tears."

Harry looked bemused, "Manly tears?" he asks.

"Yes, they were very manly. I cry nothing but manly tears when the situation calls for it which is not often. Focus Harry."

"Sorry, what happened after you cried your 'manly tears'?" he's snickering, the sod.

"I of course told mum about my teddy bear being an evil spider that was out to get me. She screamed for Fred and George to get in the house. She screamed a lot after that point but I wasn't listening. I had just gone through a traumatic experience."

"Right," he coughs, "traumatic."

I glare at him; I don't think he's taking this seriously.

"Anyway, mum made Fred and George fess up and admit that they pranked me. Later that night, as I thought back to The Incident, I knew that it hadn't been a prank. Bill and Charley told me how their teddy's had turned into snakes and golems when they were younger. It's a bloody conspiracy Harry, the stuffed things are pretending to be harmless toys and then when you least expect it turn into your nightmares! Now, they're in league with You-Know-Who for crying out loud!!" I shouted, huffing after my explanation. I had never really gotten over the incident and now the evil little buggers were involved with the Dark Lord.

"U-huh. I see. So we have to get rid of Neville's teddy bear for the good of mankind because it is conspiring with the other inanimate stuffed teddy bears and Voldemort." He replied with a straight face.

"Yes, you finally see." I replied, letting out a sigh of relief. That evil thing's days were numbered.

"Right, Ron have you ever thought that your brothers were having you on? I mean, they pranked you constantly right?" he asks, looking hopeful that I might agree. He will be disappointed.

"No Harry. Yes they did prank me a lot but I know that this time what they said was true. I had a gut feeling about it and you know my instincts are never wrong." I answered.

"…we're talking about the same instincts that told you the only way to pass our Potions O.W.L. (which you wanted to do so your mother wouldn't murder you) was to sacrifice a Hufflepuff?"

"Yes." I replied because it had all been true. McGonagall had caught us before the sacrifice could be made and I failed my Potions O.W.L. miserably. McGonagall is now on my list.

"Ron, I'm sorry but your instincts aren't worth a rats arse." He states in a deadpan tone.

"How can you say that Harry? They have never let me down. I failed my Potions O.W.L. because the sacrifice hadn't been completed!" I shouted in frustration.

"No Ron," Harry explains patiently, "You failed your Potions O.W.L. because you set your Potions book on fire and danced around screaming how it was dead. You then proceeded to toast marshmallows on it. This happened to on our first night back at school."

"Those marshmallows were really good weren't they?" I ask with a dreamy expression. I don't understand why Harry is slamming his head into the wall. Doesn't that hurt?

"Okay, here's the thing Ron. Your brothers were having you on, they pranked you. Teddy Bears and all toys in general are not conspiring against anyone and do not plan on taking over the world, spreading evil, or helping Voldemort. The experience just scared you and your nonexistent instincts are feeding your paranoia. We will not be getting rid of Neville's teddy bear so let's just go to dinner." He says in a tone of finality.

No, this couldn't be happening. We had to get rid of it. It was evil, it needed to be destroyed or tortured at the very least! Fine, if Harry wasn't going to help me then I would have to do it myself.

"Alright, mate. Sorry about that, let's go eat."

"Okay," he smiles, "You sure you're alright?"

"Positive." I answer while plotting that thing's demise. If I could do one thing well it was plot. There is a reason I am the king of Wizards Chess, tactics and planning are my specialty.

When everyone was asleep I stole out of bed. Neville was gripping the Thing tightly but I knew what I had to do. Lifting his arm gently, I replaced the Thing with a small pillow. I held the Thing using tongs I stole from the Potions lab, a small payback to Snape for all of my years of torture in his class. I planned on setting them on fire after the job was done. Stupid git, wish I could set him on fire. Hermione says I have an unhealthy fixation with fire. I have no idea where she gets this idea from.

I put the Thing in a metal box, locked it with every locking spell I knew (I even researched some, 'Mione would be proud) and tied it to a school owl after I attached a letter. The owl looked at me as if it had wanted me to die right then and there. I felt bad but I knew what I was doing was for the good of all.

I had decided not to kill the teddy but send it to hell on earth.

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The next day Lord Voldemort got a package from an irate owl. He opened the strange metal box after having checked it for curses and hexes. Inside was a harmless looking teddy bear. He stared at it for a minute in complete bewilderment. Taking it out of the box, he held it up to the light.

"Well," he supposed, "Nagini will have a new chew toy."

Voldemort proceeded to make the bear more durable and harder so that his precious pet could chew on the thing properly.

He looked at the non conspicuous note and unfolded it.

You-Know-Who,
I know the Teddy Bears are in league with you. I am not fooled. I know of your evil plans and I tell you they will not work. I send you back you're minion. Bloody thing was staring at me the entire time I was writing this. You will not win. The day will come when everyone will see the reality of those evil things. People tell me that they are harmless children's toys but we know, don't we? We know.
I hope you both rot,
The Knight

That letter had been his masterpiece. Plus, the name he used was wicked. I mean come on, "The Knight"? It fit; he was Harry's right hand for crying out loud! Some would argue that Hermione was Harry's right hand because she was brilliantly scary but that's not true. He had called the right hand, she could have the left. Plus there was the whole thing with the knight that he played during the Wizards Chess task of the Philosophers Stone episode…

He hoped the Thing was being tortured. He had won; the beady eyed monster would not get him, his friends, or anyone for that matter.

The next morning Neville had discovered his teddy bear to be missing and seemed distraught. The kid will get over it, I thought to myself, what self respecting 16 year old sleeps with a teddy bear anyway? Harry looked at me the entire day. I knew he was suspicious but I wouldn't give anything away.

Now, since we're not in immediate danger I just have to make Harry and the rest of the world see reason.

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~The Following Year When the War Waged~

The large snake slithered through menacingly. It could swallow a fully grown male, not many dared to take it on. No one, except one Neville Longbottom. He bravely brandished s sword and leapt at the beast. Slicing in a downward arc, he cut the head of Nagini right off. Voldemort's pet was no more, another Horcrux was gone. When asked about the event, Neville always replied modestly and told of how he just wanted to make a contribution to the battle. People finally saw why he had been sorted into Gryffindor. No one but Neville knew the truth.

Poor Neville had never really gotten over the disappearance of his teddy bear. It had been his best friend, had been with him through thick and thin. During the battle, he was frightened. The Lestranges had been there, completely insane and despite everything he didn't want to die or end up mad. He had considered hiding in a broom closet until he saw something that made his blood boil. Voldemort's pet was chewing on something.

Looking closer, he saw that it was his beloved teddy bear. The Gryffindor in him awoke at the sight. His best friend was in trouble! He freed the bear by cutting off Nagini's head but a stray spell had turned the bear into dust. After the battle had finished, Neville collected the dust into an urn which he placed on his mantelpiece. His friend rested in peace. He finally had his peace.

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Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed my silly little oneshot. Please review.

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