Workplace (no Dota fanfic), a dota 2 fanfic

by Aditu

Martin and Patrick had been working together for several years now. Martin had never had so much fun at work and he had never left the house in the mornings this happy. The work in itself was the same as always: planning his project, coordinating between different groups involved, writing papers, preparing presentations and conferences and so on.

But with Patrick by his side it was easier. With Patrick by his side it made the work less boring, almost exciting. Technically Patrick was his superior, but he never behaved like it. He asked Martin for advice and they made difficult decision together. Martin had responsibility here.

Every morning Martin would be the first at work. He'd clear some of the e-mails and start the day. Prepare things that Patrick had to sign or see.

As soon as Patrick arrived, in suit pants, polished black shoes and shirt, during winter with long sleeves and a tie, in summer with short sleeves but still very proper and his short, dark hair perfectly styled, they'd go and get coffee. Martin was sure he never walked as slowly as when he went to the breakroom together with Patrick. They talked about shit on the way, about the previous afternoon and evening, about what they had done during the few hours they had been apart.

Getting a coffee together took them almost twenty minutes like that. And it was fun. They laughed and joked, greeted colleges and couldn't be bothered by anything.

If one of them had a problem at home, a more serious issue, they'd sit together in one of their offices and close the door to chat some more in private. No one ever questioned it because they were working on the same project so them spending time together in the same office wasn't unusual at all.

About a year ago Patrick had been the first to hear about Martin's decision to separate from his girlfriend. He hadn't been happy anymore in the relationship. He'd tried, of course he had, but in the end they had both realized it didn't make sense to stay together any longer. Martin had been sad, they had been in a relationship for more than ten years. But that was life.

He still didn't know why he had told Patrick first, and not his friends outside of work. Maybe it was because they spent so much time together. Anyway, it had felt right and Patrick had been able to cheer him up. He had been compassionate but he had also tried to take his mind of the matter. He had been a good friend during that time.

Everything was fine, but Martin thought it was time to change something at work. He had been stuck on the same position for too long now and though working with Patrick was amazing, he wanted to do something different. Maybe in a better payed position. Since it was an important decision, he talked with Patrick about it first.

"Of course you should do something that helps you on in your career!" Patrick smiled. He smiled often, was always cheerful. That was definitely something Martin liked about him. He himself was too broody at times and having Patrick around brightened his days, no matter how he felt.

He took a relieved breath. He hadn't been sure Patrick would react positively. That he did so convinced him it was a good idea to look for a change, for a better position at work. Until now he had been uneasy about it.

"I can see how it can get boring to do the same all the time." Martin had been on this position before Patrick came. He had been doing the same work for much longer now.

But: "No, it isn't like that. I'm not bored." Not with Patrick around. Never! "I just, I feel like I can do more, like I haven't reached the maximum of my skills."

"I know you can. I've always been happy to have you and that is the reason I know that you can achieve anything you want in this company." He was still smiling, his hands cupping a cup of coffee. It was his own cup, which he had brought from home. Martin knew that his wife Janine had given it to him once, a present for work so he'd think about her. Martin had never met Patrick's wife, he just knew her from pictures, or when she called during work. She was beautiful and seemed to be a nice person.

Martin was glad that the conversation had been so easy and that Patrick would support him in this.

The following days he did everything to get the switch started. He talked with his boss and wrote applications for different positions he was interested in. He made sure his papers were all correct and that his letter of reference was good. Patrick read it all through, checking for mistakes. Then he had to wait.

They didn't hear about the process for long weeks. It was normal and during that time nothing changed. Martin seldom thought about it, he couldn't do anything anyway. The days were like always, the work the same as usual.

Going to work was a mix of anticipation and dread. Every day. For the last two years. One would think that a crush would be over after such a long time, but Patrick suspected that it wasn't a simple crush and hadn't been one for a long time. Working with Martin was fun, it was good, but every time his heart beat faster because of Martin being too close, or him saying something funny, or him laughing, or whatever, it hurt. It was a constant mix of pleasure and pain. At least he had gotten used to it by now and he was sure that no one ever suspected that he felt anything more for Martin than simple friendship.

One day, Patrick brought his child with him to work. He had an appointment with the little boy at the doctor a few hours later and he had divided the time to look after the child with his wife. He in the morning, she in the afternoon. Patrick had two kids and until now, Martin hadn't met them. Martin didn't have kids, had never wanted any. When he saw children he always thought them more work than use. What should he do with them? He liked his free time and he didn't want to sacrifice it to raise kids.

As Patrick's son hid behind the legs of his father and mumbled a timid 'hallo', Martin smiled, though. The boy was just too cute. They went to get their usual cup of coffee and the boy walked with them, holding his father's hand. Martin couldn't guess how old he was, maybe four? Maybe younger. How should he know what kids looked like in what age? He didn't go to school yet, so younger than six.

With coffee they sat down in Patrick's office. The boy took some toys and sat on the floor to play. Martin watched him, smiling when the kid looked up. And it didn't take long before he came over to show Martin some of his toys and tell stories about them.

Patrick smiled like a very proud father. Martin had never seen him like that, so caring towards his child, so soft. He didn't know how other to describe it. Patrick was softer than usual. His features, his voice, his movements, even his stance. He supposed this was what Patrick was in private. And suddenly Martin wanted to see more of that man. They talked about private things at work but they had never met in private. It was still separated, the work time and the free time. But to see him like this, to talk with his son, it made Martin suddenly want to belong into this free time, too.

When Patrick was sure that his son was occupied with playing, he began to work. Martin stayed in his office, joining the boy on the floor to play with him so Patrick wouldn't be disturbed. This was new and at first he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to play with a child. But the boy was clear with what he wanted. He pressed a pencil into Martin's hand and gave him a colouring book. "Help me paint."

"What do we say?" Patrick didn't look away from the computer screen as he asked his son.

"Please." The boy smiled at Martin and it was a smile identical to his fathers'. Martin laughed and Patrick looked over, mirroring the smile of his son.

The workload they got done this morning was much less than usual. But it had never been this much fun at work, either.

Martin did all his work in the afternoon, after Patrick and the boy had left. He was slightly stressed when he left to get home but he thought it had been worth it.

After that it felt as if something between Patrick and him had shifted. Sometimes Martin thought that Patrick showed him this soft side now, too. It was there in his smiles, when they were alone. It was in the way he looked at Martin. It was even in the way he walked side by side with him, just a tad closer than before. And god help him, Martin felt special because of it.

Only a week later, Martin was called to his boss. He got the information that he would get a new position. There was still some time before he'd switch, still some things that had to be done, some organisational stuff from the executive suite. But all in all it looked good.

Cheerful, Martin rushed into Patrick's office. Patrick had already guessed the reason for the boss having called. He laughed and congratulated Martin. Then he hugged him. "God, it was about time that you did something for your career." He took a step back and smiled. "I'm so happy for you!"

Though Patrick didn't say anything else about the topic and seemed to be genuinely glad for Martin, something wasn't quite right. Martin couldn't say what it was but it felt as if Patrick distanced himself. Nothing in their daily routine changed. They talked about the same things but Martin could swear he was pulling away.

When Martin said he wanted to switch positions, Patrick was assaulted by a mix of relief and sadness. If Martin left, Patrick could finally let go of this long time crush. Janine never said anything, but his wife was probably fed up with hearing the name 'Martin' all day long. But if Martin left, something would be missing in Patrick's life. He loved working together with him and whoever would get Martin's position next, it wouldn't be the same.

"Is something wrong?" They sat in Patrick's office, coffee in hands, but Patrick didn't talk about his kids and wife. He asked about work stuff from the day before, when he had gone home early. He stared at his computer screen with a tiny frown as he listened to Martin. It wasn't completely unusual but today it was as if he avoided speaking about personal stuff. So Martin had to ask.

"Nothing is wrong, why should there be?" Though he had Patrick's attention now, there was still no smile. That was definitely unusual.

"I'm not sure." Martin couldn't put it into words. It was just a feeling, after all. Should he say: you don't show me your soft side anymore? Because that was what was missing. Not necessarily the talk about personal things. That was still there (except for this day) but what had been new after Patrick had had his kid with him at work, that was gone. It had only been there a few days, but Martin had liked it. "Do you want me to stay, to not take this new position?" It had been after he had gotten the information about the switch that Patrick had begun to behave like this.

"You need to take this position. It's the only way for you to advance in this company. If you stay here you'll be stuck forever."

That was true, Martin knew that. But Patrick hadn't answered the question. "Yes, but do you want me to stay?"

Now Patrick shook his head. "It doesn't matter what I want. This is your decision, and it is the right one. I won't interfere with it. I'm glad that you are able to work in a better position."

"Can't you just answer the question, please?" Martin tried to stay calm and be polite but he slowly got angry. Because this was the problem, he guessed. Patrick thought that his position in the company mattered this much to Martin. And he thought that he couldn't voice his opinion regarding this topic.

It was Patrick's opinion that mattered, too. And though he didn't know why he pushed this hard, why he insisted on hearing it, he wanted to. Needed to.

With a sigh, Patrick looked into his coffee mug. As if the answer lay there. "Of course I'll miss you when you are gone, working together with you is amazing. I don't want you to go because I'll never find someone like you again. But I want you to go, too, because here you'll not come forward. I want you to achieve something and I want you to do something that equals your skill level. It isn't possible in your current position so I'll have to deal with it. It won't be the same without you but I don't want you to stay just because we are good together." He grimaced and finally looked up at Martin. "That's selfish."

"I won't be 'gone', you know? I'll just be in a different building."

Now Patrick laughed. "I know. Maybe I'll come over and pester you a little once in a while."

Colleges always said that.

But they never came over. Working friendships were not the same as real friendships. Working friendships always ended when one switched positions. They didn't last. Not for very long, at least. And suddenly Martin realized this. He hadn't put any thoughts into it before, but this one comment from Patrick made him realize what it all meant. It meant the end of their friendship. Patrick had probably realized it right away, this being the reason why he had changed, why he had put some distance between them.

Now Martin was the one who wanted to distance himself from Patrick. He had invested enough into this friendship and it would end anyway. He didn't say anything anymore, just sipped his coffee. It had been stupid to want to have this question answered. Now he was sad instead of happy about the job.

It was the right thing, to switch. But it would cost him this friendship. It seemed like a very high price to pay for something so simple. Again something shifted between them. How could their friendship change this often in such a short time?

This time, it was Martin's fault. He knew it. But there was no use in talking about personal stuff. There was no use in playing friend. It would be over soon. He should focus on himself now and then on his new colleagues.

And so it was Patrick, a few days later, who asked him what was wrong.

"Doesn't matter." Martin smiled, an uncommitted, friendly smile designed for nameless people. "It's all right."

"What do you mean, it doesn't matter? Of course it matters if something is wrong."

In the same way Martin had pushed Patrick for an answer, Patrick pushed now. That had been foreseeable. Maybe Martin had wanted that, to be pushed into answering. He didn't know if he would've done so otherwise. Because to talk about feelings? That was strange. "It doesn't matter because when I switch into the new position, we won't be friends much longer anyway. You know how it is just the same as I do. So we can as well stop right away."

Patrick stared until Martin almost fidgeted on his chair. "Come over, tonight. We wanted to have a barbecue, me, my wife and the kids. You can come, we have enough food."

Now Martin was the one who stared. This was it, the step from work friends to real friends. Why hadn't he thought of it? It was so simple! Martin smiled, a huge stone falling from his chest. He was unbelievably relieved and felt just a little stupid for not having thought of that. "I'd love to!"

Not that he didn't have anything to do in the evenings, but ever since he had broken up with his girlfriend it tended to be boring alone at home. A barbecue with Patrick sounded awesome! As did seeing his kids and finally meeting his wife.

Patrick laughed. "That was it? That was your problem? You do know that you could've just said something!"

Martin laughed, too. "God yes, that was way too easy. Do you want me to bring something?" He didn't have anything at home, but he could as well stop at a store on the way over.

"No, it's fine. We'll start at about five o'clock. That okay?"

"Of course! I'll be there." He got Patrick's address (how pathetic that he didn't even know where the person he spent most of his time with lived). The remaining day was as always. When Martin left, earlier than Patrick, he even smiled this soft smile, this special smile. Martin's heart fluttered. Just a little.

As he sat in the car, he frowned and rubbed over his chest. What the hell had that been? Strange. But his mind was already at the barbecue. He was nervous though he didn't exactly know why. Maybe because he'd meet Patrick's wife. He hoped she'd like him. It was awful to have a friend whose wife didn't like you. It made everything complicated and he could just do without complications at the first day of their friendship-friendship.

He had done it. He had invited Martin over. Though he had sworn never to do that. It would only get harder, he knew it. The deeper their friendship would be, the more he'd love the man. Janine was delighted to finally meet Martin but Patrick was a wreck. What should he wear? How should he behave? What if Martin didn't like him out of work? What if he didn't like Janine and the kids? What if it became a disaster? What if it was perfect and Martin was perfect and Patrick fell even more for him? Was that possible? Janine almost lost her ever-present calm when he couldn't stop pacing and kept worrying. Why had he invited Martin? It had been an impulse, after seeing him sad because he thought their friendship would end. He already regretted it. But then he bubbled with joy at finally spending time outside of work with Martin. He couldn't be more conflicted. "Don't flirt with him." He told Janine and she rolled her eyes.

Martin rummaged through his wardrobe way too long but he couldn't decide what to wear. First it was too fancy for a barbecue. Then it wasn't fancy enough for visiting someone. He then found a dark grey t-shirt with the text 'Berlin is the better New York' which fit perfectly and looked astonishingly hip. Some white cargos with it. Martin sighed.

A barbecue, he couldn't wear white pants there. He took them off and continued searching. He stopped, considered the cargos in his hands, then shrugged. They were purple but Patrick liked colours so it was fine. Martin didn't mind one way or the other, as long as it was neat. He had changed his shopping habit when Patrick had showed up to work with one colourful shirt after the other.

They had made it a fun game, to wear a different shirt and different colours every day. Sometimes their shirts matched, which was only a little hilarious. Almost no one seemed to notice this, the colours as well as the days they were in partner look (one colleague sometimes made fun of it, but they made fun of way too many things anyway).

Finally satisfied, he checked the time and decided to read for the half hour that remained before he had to drive over.

When he rang the doorbell, he was nervous. Patrick opened, a smile on his face. The smile deepened as he saw the purple pants. They had talked about purple clothes a few days ago.

He himself wore a t-shirt with a sunset all over it, all red and yellow and orange and pink. At least his pants were a simple dark blue. He was the sky at sunset. Martin grinned. "Hello."

And then Patrick's kid ran towards them through the hallway. "Martin!"

"Hello big one." Martin crouched down so the boy could hug him. Which he did rather forcefully, almost knocking Martin down.

"Ben, maybe let Martin come in first?"

"We do barbecue." He completely ignored his father. He released Martin from the hug and concentrated fully on him as he talked. "Daddy made mommy crazy cause of you. He..."

Patrick snatched the kid and kissed him forcefully on the cheek. "You little monster. Go and run to mommy, tell her our guest is here."

"As if I couldn't hear that." A woman appeared in one of the doorways. She had a second child in tow that was about six. What had Patrick told him about the boy? Was he in school yet? He knew that his name was Tobi.

Janine was rather average but at the same time beautiful. She wasn't very small but since Patrick as well as Martin were tall, she appeared smaller than she was. She had brown hair, pulled back into a ponytail. She wore a blue dress that looked comfortable but not too casual. Not sure if it was suitable for a barbecue, but maybe she had wanted to make a good first impression. Martin could totally relate to that.

He stood up and held his hand out. "Hi, I'm Martin." The woman came closer and took his hand.

"So I guessed. Hi, I'm Janine." Her grip was strong and she held his hand a moment too long as she smiled up at him. Then she shifted her focus to the kid at her side. "Say hallo please?"

The boy mumbled a quiet "Hello".

Janine gestured with her head in the direction she had come from. "Come in, Patrick was just about to put the meat on the grill. Do you want something to drink?"

They all followed her and Patrick put Ben back onto the floor.

"Something to drink would be nice but I can get it myself. Just show me where everything is, I'm sure you have enough to do with preparing the dinner."

Janine laughed. "That's very thoughtful, thank you."

And that was how Martin found himself in Patrick's kitchen with his younger son, Ben, on his lap, talking with his wife. The nervousness was gone and the worry had been for nothing. Janine was nice and she seemed to like him. Martin was glad. He felt only a little bit overwhelmed at the constant chatter of Ben, compared with the good mood from Janine.

"Honey, give Martin a rest. He hasn't been able to get a word out for at least five minutes." She kissed her son on the top of his head. She was very close to Martin but she didn't seem to mind it. As if they had known each other for far longer than these few minutes.

Right at that moment, Patrick walked in. As he saw them, he raised his brows. "I see you are getting along."

With a roll of her eyes Janine turned towards him. "Of course we do." She shook her head. "That you even considered we wouldn't... Where's Tobi?"

"Oh." Hastily Patrick went outside again. Probably to check if his son was around the grill. He wasn't. The boy entered the kitchen with some toys in his hands.

"Look what I have!"

And then Martin was occupied with two children. The small one, Ben, still sitting on his legs (it didn't appear as if he'd abandon this place any time soon) while Tobi showed him what his toys could do.

It was astonishing how it didn't bother Martin at all. He had never gotten along with kids, had never wanted to have some of his own. But this was nice.

Everything about the evening was nice. The dinner, talking with Patrick and Janine, the kids, everything. Martin was a little sad when he had to go home.

Patrick hugged him at the door. "You can come over again next week, if you want."

And just like that they had formed a routine. Almost every week Martin visited Patrick and Janine for dinner. He had suggested once that it wasn't fair that he always went to them. But it was easier, with the kids and all. And Patrick and Janine both said they didn't mind.

As some kind of exchange, Martin arrived sooner and either helped with preparing the food or played with the kids so Janine had her hands free to do that.

The weekly visits changed the whole relationship between Martin and Patrick. He had always thought that what they had was a friendship, even if they only met during work. But now, now they had a friendship. Because it was so different from before Martin wondered how he could've been so dumb to label Patrick as a friend when he had simply been a very good acquaintance.

Of course Martin had other friends, too, but since he didn't work together with them it wasn't the same, anyway. He didn't spend as much time with any of them.

It had been awesome. Wonderful. Perfect. Patrick was overwhelmed and he pulled Janine close as they lay in bed. "What should I do?" But his wife couldn't help him. Martin wasn't gay, not even a little, it was too evident. Janine saw it, too. There was nothing to be done. "Be his friend. Enjoy what you have and what you can get. Don't worry about anything else. You have us and one day it will get easier. You know that." She was amazing and Patrick loved her with all his heart. "You are the best wife one could wish for. I love you." "Thank you." He could feel her smiling against his chest. "I love you, too."

Because they saw each other every week out of work, Martin was now looking forward to the switch in position at his job without doubts. He was confident that it wouldn't end the friendship between him and Patrick. They had reached a stage in their relationship in which something like changing the workplace wouldn't matter. To say Martin was relieved would be an understatement. And Patrick was his usual self, except that his soft side was now always present when the two of them were alone. It was like a privilege and it made Martin smile way too often.

Today Patrick and Martin made lasagne. They stood side by side in the kitchen and worked on it. They talked about a movie that would be in cinema soon. Martin wanted to see it but none of his other friends did. Patrick hadn't heard about it so he explained what it was about.

Patricks frown made it more than clear that he wasn't really interested in this kind of movie.

"Hey, what are you talking about?" Janine came into the kitchen and squeezed between them at the counter. "Oh, that looks good." She wanted to steal a piece of the pan-fried minced meat, but Martin caught her around the wrist.

"No nibbling."

She looked up at him and sighed. "Not you, too."

Martin's and Patrick's eyes caught over her head. It was a strange moment. They stood too close to each other and the way Martin still gripped Janine's hand while Patrick stared at him with a smile… It made him suddenly too aware of the two. He was aware of every place he and Janine touched each other. He was aware of her soft skin under his fingers, of her soft body brushing against his, of her face so close to his. And he was aware of Patrick's gaze, of the soft smile directed at him.

Uncomfortable, he released Janine and shifted to the side until they had no physical contact anymore. He turned to the kitchen counter, where he had been chopping zucchini. "We were talking about some movie." He could almost feel their eyes on him but didn't look up. Whatever this had just been, he felt insecure all of a sudden and wanted to skip to an uncompromising topic. Whatever this strange feeling was, that had appeared out of nowhere, it wasn't good. It didn't belong here. Not with Janine.

"Oh, what movie?" Now that Martin was occupied, she snatched a piece of the meat.

"Janine!" She only laughed at Patrick. "Something about some robots and a war and monsters and stuff."

"Wow, you couldn't sound less interested." Janine was right, Martin thought. It had been obvious that he didn't care for such stories. But it had been a shot, to ask him. "I know what movie that is, though, even from your poor description." She turned her attention towards Martin. "You going to watch it?"

Before he could answer, Patrick did. "He wanted me to accompany him."

"I'd like to go. That is, if you'd take me with you and if Patrick takes the kids."

"I get the kids when you go to the movies with my friend?"

"Do you want to watch the film?" Janine raised her brows.

Patrick laughed. "Gods, no. Definitely not. I'd rather bring the kids to bed and watch something I like."

"See. So Martin, can I come?"

There was no reason to say no. Not a real one, at least. Satisfied, Janine snatched another piece of the minced meat before she left the kitchen.

"Is it really okay for me to go to the movies with Janine?" Martin was unsure. It seemed wrong somehow.

"Of course it is. You both want to see the film and I don't." And so it was settled.

At home that night, Martin kept thinking about the day. It was all so natural, being at Patrick's, playing with the kids, preparing dinner, talking and joking with Patrick and Janine. He felt at home there. But Janine was Patrick's wife and today he had felt a flare of something he was too afraid of to label. And then to go to the cinema with her. And on top of it all was the comfort and content he felt when he was around Patrick. It was confusing at best. With his thoughts swirling around the two, he fell asleep.

It was almost forgotten the following day and remained that way. Until Martin saw Janine the next time at dinner. It wasn't like he desired her, not exactly, it was more like he was hyper aware of her. It was strangely undefinable but to be on the safe side, Martin made sure there was no body contact between them except the hug as greeting. He was certain he didn't behave any differently than usual, but of course Patrick picked up on even this tiny thing. When they were alone in a room, he stopped Martin.

"Is something wrong?"

There wasn't, not really. More like there was a hint of something and Martin didn't know what it meant. He sighed. Then he shook his head and smiled. "No. It's… I'm not sure what it is. But I'm fine."

"You sure? You seem awfully tense today."

"I'm sure. Thank you for asking."

Now Patrick smiled, too. "You know you can tell me if something is bothering you."

"I know." If he knew what exactly was bothering him, Martin would probably talk with Patrick. Even if it concerned his wife (and even if it meant talking about his feelings) and would probably be one of the most awkward conversations he had ever had. But he knew that whatever it was, Patrick wouldn't be mad or anything. God, he was glad to have him as a friend.

And suddenly, there was a flutter in Martin's stomach. In the same moment it appeared, Patrick turned and left the room. Otherwise he would've seen how the smile on Martin's face vanished and was replaced by utter shock. What the hell had that been? He knew that flutter, but it didn't belong here, into this situation. It didn't belong into a conversation between him and Patrick.

It was gone again, maybe due to the shock. Or it had been something else. It had to be. Because no way had that been the flutter of butterflies normally connected to being attracted to someone. Maybe it had been because of Janine and not Patrick. Not that it would be much better. But hadn't he had it before? This flutter? Once? When Patrick had invited him for the first time?

During dinner, he was too quiet, he knew it. But his thoughts were swirling. It was like always, nothing had changed, but Martin didn't feel like always. He was afraid to look at Patrick, afraid to feel the flutter again. Once, he could talk away as coincidence or whatever. But twice? He was afraid to look at Janine, too, because of this awareness he felt towards her. And because he wasn't sure with the flutter. Didn't want to take any chances. Not that not looking made it any better but he tried to sort it all out. And looking might make it worse. At least the kids had fun and Patrick and Janine talked with each other.

Martin left earlier than usual. Janine reminded him of their movie-date (she even called it that, how was he supposed to be comfortable with it?) as she said good-bye. And Patrick said that, should Martin not tell him within the next week what was bothering him, he'd start to pry and push and wouldn't stop until he knew what was wrong. He even reminded him that the last time the solution had been super easy after they had talked about it.

Martin doubted anything would be easy with this, whatever this was. He had to figure it out, and then he could think about a solution. But now he was pressed for time because Patrick would keep asking. Though he was always nice and friendly, he could be relentless and obstinate if he thought something was important.

Something was bothering Martin but Patrick didn't know what. It had begun when they had been in the kitchen, he thought. Had he done something wrong? Had Janine done something? He asked her, but she just shrugged. Patrick would wait and see.

At work it all wasn't a problem. It was a different surrounding, more neutral and less based on feelings. Except the occasional strange look from Patrick, nothing was wrong here. Maybe it had been his imagination.

"Do you want to tell me what was wrong, even though you seem to be fine now?" Patrick asked as they were sitting together with their coffee.

"It was nothing, just a bad day or something."

"Okay. I'm glad. For a moment I thought I might've done something offensive or such." He laughed and shook his head. "Though I couldn't figure out what it could've been. Janine and I talked about it and she said maybe it was because of you going to the movie together. It isn't, is it? I mean, you wanted someone to accompany you and you like Janine."

"No, it isn't that." The thought was still strange, going with the wife of his friend to the cinema. But since they were both completely relaxed with it, he shouldn't bother, either. "As I said, it was nothing. But really, you talk about me with Janine?"

A wide grin. "Yes, we do. And not only once." The words held a strange undertone that Martin couldn't place. "You visit every week, sure we do. But only good things, I promise."

"Of course. There are only good things to talk about regarding me." They laughed together. Everything was fine.

Shit, that had come out wrong. Patrick hoped he hadn't been too obvious. No flirting, he reminded himself. It wasn't worth losing a friend just because he couldn't keep it together. Patrick was a bit worried, but Martin didn't seem to have noticed. He was relieved.

Martin was relaxed, up to the day he went to the movies with Janine. He wasn't nervous, but tense. He fetched her and waited as she and Patrick kissed. On the way to the car, Janine already started talking. "Thanks for taking me with you. It's nice to have an evening free." She grinned. "A movie-date, awesome."

Martin cringed a little. "Can you stop calling it that, please?"

"Movie-date? Of course." She was clearly amused by the request, but didn't question it. "Have you seen the previous movies to this one?"

And that easily they were talking about the film, about its plot, the characters and so on. Martin forgot to be tense and enjoyed it. They shared popcorn and laughed and talked a lot (of course only before and after the movie).

Afterwards he brought her home and got a tight hug before driving to his place. He was smiling because it had been really nice.

Janine told Patrick about her 'movie-date'. She told about how Martin hadn't wanted her to call it that, how he had obviously avoided touching her. How they'd had fun together and how he had hesitated when they had hugged after he had brought her home. But also about how he had smiled a lot and had leaned close when they had talked and how they had shared popcorn. The way she told it all made Patrick wonder. He already knew that his wife liked Martin, that was fine, but now he wondered if he liked her, as well. He thought about the day he had behaved this strangely. They had been in the kitchen, all close together. It had been a nice moment, it had left a smile on Patrick's face. But maybe… Since Martin didn't know about the relationship rules of Janine and Patrick, he wouldn't necessarily be comfortable with liking the wife of his friend. "I think he likes me." Janine was sometimes too confident with things like that, but Patrick would keep an eye out for signs. Or maybe just ask Martin. There was no harm in asking.

"How was the movie?" Patrick smiled over the rim of his coffee cup the next morning at work.

"It was awesome. It was even better than the others, the ones before. The story was good and there was lots of action."

"Janine said almost the same. She was smiling the whole morning today, seemed like she had fun."

This statement made Martin uncomfortable but at the same time pleased.

Patrick changed the topic. "I heard our boss wanted to speak to you. He said something about the change finally taking place. You should go up and see him when you finished the coffee."

First, there had been absolutely zero information. And now Martin was told that he was supposed to start at his new position in three weeks. Sometimes this organisation was crap. But at least it had worked out and Martin was giddy and happy. Patrick was happy for him, too, even if he would be alone in his project, then. These were good news and they decided to celebrate it in the evening.

Martin even forgot to be aware of Janine, until their shoulders touched as they stood close to each other and he jerked away. Janine was confused at first. She looked at Martin, who, damn it, blushed because of his too sudden and extreme reaction. With a faint smile, she turned away then, not commenting on the exchange. But with this, the awareness was back. He wasn't sure, but he thought it had gotten worse. Well, it wasn't really something bad, it was just there and he didn't know what to do with it. At least there was no flutter in his stomach.

But only a few minutes later, when he saw Janine and Patrick in the kitchen, side by side, she leaning into him and then rising on tiptoes to get a kiss, his stomach fluttered. Damn it. What should he do now?

Martin was playing with Ben and couldn't hear what the two were talking about, but they smiled at each other and it was so sweet. Since Martin had broken up with his girlfriend, he hadn't had a new relationship and suddenly he missed it. He missed this, being near someone, smiling and kissing. The closeness.

"Hey Ben." Janine crouched on the floor next to them. "Daddy wants Martin's help in the kitchen, can you play alone for a little while?"

With a hug, the boy let Martin get up. "We can play again later, right?"

"Of course. I'll just go and see what your daddy wants."

In the kitchen, Patrick held a beer out to him. "That okay?"

Usually they never drank alcohol, since Martin had to drive home, but today was special. This was supposed to be a celebration, one beer should be fine.

"What do you drink?" Patrick had a glass with something Martin couldn't name. Definitely no beer.

"I don't like beer. This is ... (god damn it, I can't decide what he should drink. Wine is too posh, gingerbeer too hip, sparkling wine too special, mix-drinks too heavy). It's sweeter." They raised their glasses. "To your new position."

"To my new position."

Leaning against the counter of the kitchen, they drank. They were silent and watched Ben and Janine. Tobi was sitting to the side, occupying himself with building something with Lego.

"You like her."

"What?" Martin turned towards Patrick. "Well, yes, of course I do." But he felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. And he was sure he sounded defensive. What was this about? And where did it come from?

"No, I mean, you like her." Their eyes locked. Patrick was serious, but nothing more. No anger or discomfort or anything.

But Martin wasn't sure what to say. Was this some kind of fishing in the dark? He hadn't been obvious, he was sure of that. Besides, he didn't even know himself what he felt, how could Patrick know anything, then?

"It's all right. Janine suspected it first." Now Patrick smiled and shrugged. "From the way you were staring at her, I thought I could as well ask you. And from the way you are staring at me now, I suspect she is right." His smile only grew as he was leaning against the counter, completely relaxed.

Martin was confused. Was Patrick talking about something else than he thought? How could he be so undisturbed? At his probably very dumb face, Patrick laughed. A soft laugh, and then he leaned closer to Martin. "It's all right. But I guess before I will explain to you why, you should get something different to drink. Something stronger."

Before he could say no, Patrick had pulled a bottle out of a cupboard as well as two glasses and had poured them both a double.

"Here. Drink." He pushed the alcohol at Martin, who was still confused enough to simply obey the command. It was very strong, burning down his throat. He almost coughed and Patrick laughed again. The way he wrinkled his nose and then shuddered said how much he hadn't liked this drink but he poured them both a second one.

"No, I can't. I have to drive later."

A little pause before Patrick handed him the drink.

"You can stay here. Or Janine can drive you later. Now we drink."

And because he was too tense and it was difficult and strange and he didn't know what else to do, he drank. The second one and a third and a forth one. Martin got used to it, not minding the burn but Patrick shuddered worse with every glass.

"If you hate it, why do you drink it?"

"Because you need to loosen up a bit and I don't think you'd drink alone. This is a faster way to achieve that than with beer." All that smiling all the time had to be exhausting but Patrick did it with such endurance, it was fascinating. Everything about the man was fascinating but his smile might be the one thing that had drawn Martin right from the beginning, when they hadn't directly worked together, yet.

Ben shrieked from the other room and Patrick jerked, automatically ready to see what was wrong. But Janine was there and Patrick stayed, relaxing against the counter again. He kept looking for a moment, though, and Martin could see the deep happiness on his face at observing his family. How could he not be disturbed that Martin liked his wife?

When Patrick turned his attention back to Martin, their eyes caught. For a second, the flutter was there before Martin broke the eye contact. That was something else, and he'd avoid it as much as he could. He didn't even want to figure it out.

"Not sure I have enough alcohol for that..." Patrick muttered before he gave Martin a full glass. The words didn't make sense but Martin ignored them and just made sure he didn't touch Patrick because that would surely make the flutter reappear. He could absolutely do without that.

"So, back to you liking Janine."

Martin cringed. He obviously had to talk about it, even when he himself didn't exactly know what he felt.

"You ever heard of the word polyamory?"

Actually, he had. They had a colleague, who had told them once that they were polyamorous and Martin had googled it because he had been curious. "It means that one isn't monogamous."

"Roughly, yes. There are many more aspects to it and I guess it isn't the same for everyone, but one could describe it like that. Important: it isn't cheating because all persons involved are informed and okay with it. Want another one?" Patrick held the empty glass into the air.

"God, no. I think this is enough. When it kicks in in a few minutes, we'll be dead drunk."

Patrick grinned from ear to ear. "Good. Now, Janine: we figured out some time ago, that we are, at least to some degree, polyamorous. So, it is absolutely no problem if you like her." Patrick leaned closer, until they were shoulder against shoulder. The alcohol slowly began to work and Martin didn't bring the distance back between them. In addition, his mind was occupied with what Patrick was telling him.

"You mean, you date other people? You let her date other guys?" This was as strange a concept as it had been when he had read about it. Wasn't Patrick jealous? "Aren't you afraid she might like one of them better than you?"

"Why should I? Maybe she does, but that doesn't mean she won't love me anymore. She'd just love us both and that isn't a problem. Besides, something like that can shift every day. It's the same with my kids. On some days I like Ben more, but that doesn't mean I don't like Tobi anymore, or even less, now does it? On other days it's the opposite and on most days there is no difference at all between what I feel for both boys. Besides, one doesn't always think about it and one doesn't always measure it. It's not important."

"Don't you think about ... it?" That was a very personal question and he could feel his face turning bright red, but he couldn't help it. Patrick had been right, alcohol had been useful for this conversation. "Don't you think of her being with whomever she dates? What they do? How they sleep with each other? Doesn't it bother you?"

"Yes, I think about it." He looked into his empty glass. "But no, it doesn't bother me." He looked up again and this time Martin didn't look away. "Definitely not if it was you."

Martin's breath caught. There was something in Patrick's voice, in his eyes, that he couldn't place. The flutter was back full force and this time he couldn't wave it off as coincidence or anything. It was there and there was only one meaning. Only one person present. And Martin was getting slightly dizzy and why had he cared about the flutter? It felt wonderful and right and was Patrick leaning closer still?

In addition to the flutter, his heart was racing all of a sudden. Patrick was too close and it affected Martin. He didn't want to push the effect away, instead this time he wanted to find out what it meant. What would happen if he acted on it? Close, he was so close if Martin moved just a little bit more, he could kiss him. How would it feel to kiss Patrick?

He was a mess, hadn't felt like that since he had been a teenager, when he had first had a crush on a girl and had been about to kiss her. It was crazy and exhilarating and if his heart beat any faster, it would burst from his chest. He wasn't sure if he had moved, but he must have.

"Stop." They were inches apart when Patrick put his hand flat on Martin's chest. He took a deep breath. "Stop. This... not when we are both drunk. God, shit." This was the first time Martin heard him swear. Patrick stepped to the side. Then he poured them both another drink. "Sorry. I... Not like I don't want to, but not now." He pushed one glass into Martin's hand.

He was grateful for it and downed it immediately. Not a rejection, just a postponement. He was a little glad for it. Especially because of the reason. If they kissed now, they could brush it off as nothing, because of the alcohol. It shouldn't be like that. But then, it would've been easier, a way out should Martin panic tomorrow.

The remaining evening, Martin was in a haze, as if this was all a dream. They ate and Janine got the kids into bed while he and Patrick sat on the couch, talking and drinking beer. In Martins case it was beer. They sat too close the whole time, their bodies touching from feet to shoulders. It was nice and Martin was relaxed. Janine came back and sat on Patricks other side, cuddling close. She smiled at them both and it was strange. They didn't mention polyamory or the almost kiss once.

Janine didn't drink with them but she stayed. They didn't leave Martin a choice later, but just told him he'd stay the night. They had a spare toothbrush and Patrick gave him clothes to sleep in. Then they ushered him into their bed.

Martin didn't know what to do with himself as he lay there. He was nervous, even with the alcohol. But Patrick knew what to do. "Scoot over." He slipped under the covers with him. On Martin's other side, Janine got into bed. They were both near enough to touch but not near enough to call it cuddling or anything. Martin knew that nothing would happen tonight, Patrick had made it clear, but he was agitated nonetheless.

Then Janine moved closer, into his arms, one arm draping over his chest. "That okay?"

"Perfect." It was. His heart beat too fast but all in all, it calmed Martin. He didn't have to do anything, they would just sleep like that. So he could stop thinking and wondering. Patrick stayed where he was but when Martin was almost asleep, he took his hand and interlaced their fingers. It was a bit tentative, as if Patrick wasn't so sure if it was okay, as if he was insecure, too. Martin squeezed his hand reassuringly.

He fell asleep with a smile.

And woke with a start the next morning. He sat up, for a moment not knowing where he was and why. He looked around, recognized the room. Almost afraid, he looked to his left. There was Janine, her back to Martin, curled up and still deeply asleep. Slowly he began to remember the evening. Now, as he looked to his right, he was afraid. Patrick had woken up from Martin's sudden movement and blinked, eyes unfocused. His hair was tousled, something Martin had never seen before. He was strangely cute but the flutter that followed this thought wasn't as nice as the day before. Instead, it made Martin panic. This was wrong, completely and absolutely wrong.

He shouldn't be here, in this bed, with two people and especially not with one of the two people being Patrick.

No way was Martin sober again, but he couldn't stay. He jumped out of bed, grabbed his clothes, and left the house in a hurry, not even stopping to change into his clothes. He got into his car and drove home. Got under the shower where he slid down on the wall, sitting there, arms folded over his raised knees, forehead pressed against his arms, the water falling onto his back. He relived the whole evening in his head.

God, he had to admit that Patrick had been right. He had done everything right. How could this man be so amazing? What he had done, and said, it had been perfect.

There was nothing to deny about their almost kiss, Martin knew that it would've happened. As did Patrick. But Martin would probably freak out by now if it had. As it was, he slowly began to think about it all without the initial panic he had felt after waking up. He'd have to call Patrick and apologize. Or maybe drive over. They didn't have to go to work today, it was Saturday, so they wouldn't see each other. Now it was just a matter of him being a coward and only calling or him being brave and driving over.

It had simply been a moment of panic, now that he was sitting in his shower while the water slowly turned cold, his head cleared. He had never thought about being attracted to men, had never been, at least not that he could remember, but did that really matter? There was no reason to freak out. There was no problem with being gay. It was almost normal nowadays. And it wasn't just that. It were Janine and Patrick. Both of them. How strange, to be attracted to a couple. To two people at the same time.

Still, it was no reason to behave the way he had. To panic and run away. It was a rather shitty reaction. A premature reaction.

With the by now cold water Martin finished showering and without stopping for coffee or breakfast, he drove back. As he rang the doorbell, he was nervous. It was unlike any situation he had ever been in and he didn't really know what to say other than apologize.

Shit, he had fucked up. Badly. How could he have done that? He had almost kissed Martin, after getting him drunk! Double shit. Not that Martin leaving like that was his best reaction but it was understandable. How could he have made him sleep in a bed with them? But it had been so nice, and Patrick had been drunk, too, and he hadn't thought very rationally. Because Martin had leaned closer, and he had kept touching and he hadn't shifted away and it had been so nice. And Patrick had wanted this for two years and he was just glad that he had been able to stop himself from kissing Martin. He hadn't been strong enough for anything else. And Janine had just rolled with it. She had liked it, too. She had said several times that Patrick should ask Martin out, that he should try it instead of assuming it was useless. But Patrick had been too afraid to lose Martin completely, and now he had probably achieved just that. Triple shit.

It was Patrick who opened the door and Martin instantly lost all words. He had showered as well and wore a dark green shirt and he wasn't smiling. Instead he looked wary.

"Is it him?" Janine almost ran out of the living room, Tobi and Ben in tow. "Thank god, you came back." At least she knew what she wanted to say. "I'm sorry. We are sorry, it was all too much and we didn't want to overwhelm you like that. I apologize for it, I should've just driven you home so you had time to think about everything." She would've probably said more, but Ben was too impatient to wait her out.

"Martin! Do you come with us to the zoo today? Mommy said she makes waffles and apple slices!" He grabbed Martin's hand and pulled him inside. Martin looked at Patrick, he didn't want to come in if he wasn't invited. But now Patrick smiled and Martin was more relieved than he would ever admit. A not smiling Patrick wasn't something he wanted to see.

Martin felt awkward but Ben demanded his attention. Janine sat down next to them on the floor. "You can come with us, if you want. To the zoo. We'd like to have you with us, but you don't have to."

"Janine." Ben immediately tugged at him when he wanted to talk with his mother. "Ben, give me a moment please."

With a scrunch of his nose, the boy let go.

"Janine, you did nothing wrong. Patrick neither. I panicked, I reacted badly but it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry, especially because I made you think you did something wrong. I'd love to go with you to the zoo."

At that, the moment he had asked from Ben was over. The kid laughed and hugged Martin and then talked without pause about the zoo, what animals they'd see, about the playground there and so on.

While he talked, he crawled into Martin's lap. As Janine stood up, she leaned over and kissed Martin shortly on the temple. "Thank you. I'll go make the waffles. And coffee."

He watched her leave the room and for maybe the first time, he didn't push the awareness he felt away. Instead, he tried to hold onto it, to find out what it meant, how far it went. He felt a little mushy at having gotten a kiss from her and very pleased that she had thanked him. He thought he had said the right words, at least to her. There was still Patrick and he had to apologize to him just the same. But Patrick didn't come to him and he didn't want to leave the kids alone.

So it took until they were at the zoo and the kids were running around on the playground. The three of them sat on a bench. Janine kissed Patrick and then followed her children.

They were alone, or as alone as one could be in a zoo.

"I'm sorry." They both said it at the same time.

Martin turned towards Patrick. "I shouldn't have run away like that. I'm sorry, I completely overreacted."

"Understandable." Patrick refused to look away from his kids though Janine was absolutely able to handle them alone. He didn't say anything else, which made Martin nervous again. What else should he say? He had apologized, why did Patrick still ignore him? He had been too distant, hadn't seemed to be happy that Martin had been invited to the zoo. He had rarely smiled, had talked only little and left over-much space between them.

"Patrick, I am sorry."

"You already said so. It's all right."

"No, obviously it isn't!" When Patrick still didn't react, didn't move, Martin scooted closer, one knee on the bench so he could fully face Patrick. Then he grabbed his chin and turned his head. He was wary, Martin could see it in his eyes. He had taken a chance, and Martin had behaved like an arse. It was probably justified, the wariness. But it hurt to see Patrick like that, especially as he himself was the reason for it.

He acted on pure instinct. He leaned closer and hesitated only for a split second, just enough for Patrick to pull away if he didn't want it, before he touched his lips against Patrick's. He didn't linger, they were on the playground of a zoo after all, but even this short moment had felt surprisingly good.

It hadn't chased the wariness away, as Martin had intended. "I kissed you, I'm sober, I know what I'm doing. Now stop it. "

"Stop what?" They were still very close and Martin kept holding Patrick's chin. He didn't trust him not to look away.

"This doubting. I know I acted wrong, but I came back. I had a moment of panic, but it's gone. I thought about it, I thought the whole evening through. It's fine. I am fine. You did everything right, you were perfect. I'm not sure what this is, I'm not even completely sure what I feel, but I want to find out. I promise I won't run away again."

With a sigh, Patrick finally relaxed and Martin released him from his grip.

"It's just, we are friends. And I don't want to lose that. It's probably the reason why I never made a pass at you, not even after Janine said that she liked you. I even forbid her to flirt with you."

"I can't promise that our friendship will be unaffected. But I think it's already too late for that anyway. I suppose it was from the moment you invited me and I met Janine and the kids."

"You are probably right. So," Patrick leaned back against the bench, looking after his kids and his wife, "what do you want?"

That was a very difficult question. Martin turned, mimicking Patrick's pose. They sat close enough that their bodies were touching and it made Martin's stomach flutter. The flutter only increased when he thought about what he wanted. He saw Janine, laughing as Ben climbed up a ladder and Tobi dangled from a climbing frame.

Janine and Patrick. Was something like that really possible? What would it mean and how would it work? Aside from the fact that they were three people, which was something Martin had never tried in any form, Martin had never been together with a man. He hadn't even kissed one, until now. "Have you slept with a man sometime?"

Now Patrick laughed. Though it felt a bit as if he was laughing at him, Martin was glad about it. "Okay, I think I can follow your train of thought. No, I've never slept with a man. Done some other stuff, though."

"You blush." Martin couldn't believe it. Had he ever seen Patrick blush before? He couldn't remember. Now he, too, laughed.

They sat side by side, both watching Janine as she played with the kids.

"It isn't easy, a relationship between three people." Patrick was serious again. "It needs lots and lots of communication, about everything. No hiding of feelings or insecurities or anything. If one doesn't like something, they have to say it. If one is uncomfortable with something, say it. If one feels left out or has even the slightest twinge of jealousy, say it. Otherwise, it won't work. It's the most important thing, even more so than in a monogamous relationship. Maye that's the reason why I am uneasy, because you left. It won't work like that. You can't just leave. No matter how hard talking about your feelings is, and I know how difficult it can be sometimes." Now the smile was back. "Janine forces me to talk, most of the times. But she is always right to do so."

"And you are really okay with me and her, you know, doing stuff?" It was so abstract, so unusual, a concept Martin hadn't known and which was hard to understand.

"Otherwise, I'd say so. And, isn't it okay for you when I do stuff with her?"

That was something Martin hadn't thought of. Of course it was no problem, they were married after all. He imagined it, Patrick and Janine being together. He had seen them kissing more than once, that had never bothered him. Maybe he had even liked it, to see the way they smiled at each other, the looks in their eyes.

"See." Patrick put one arm around Martin's shoulders and pulled him closer. "It's fine. And don't worry, we are used to this, we know what to do, what to say and when to say something. The new component would be you. It's not a problem for us, but you should think about yourself sometimes, too. And, if you really want to try it, we should start with some old-fashioned dating, maybe. What do you say?"

"You asking me for a date?" The flutter had never left, but now it really felt like butterflies in his stomach. A crazy thing.

"A date with Janine and me, yes."

"Oh, wow. That's..."

"Don't answer right away. Take your time and think about it. You are welcome at our home, no matter what you decide. And please tell us if we do something that makes you uncomfortable."

"Okay. I will tell you, though you've been perfect so far."

"Well, maybe you want me to be a little less perfect, then. And, I beg you, tell Janine you think I'm perfect."

God, it was nice to sit there like that, Patricks arm around his shoulders, no expectations and no pressure, an excited flutter making Martin just aware enough that this wasn't a mere friend. "She's perfect, too, you know?"

"I know she's perfect." The way Patrick looked at her, how he immediately found her between all the other people running over the playground, made it obvious that he actually really thought this. "Not so sure if she thinks the same about me."

Martin didn't know if Janine found her husband perfect, but she definitely loved him more than anything else (maybe except for her children).

Ben came running towards them, Janine watching that he was headed in the right direction. She shrugged and raised her hands as if to say 'I couldn't stop him'. Patrick smiled and gave her a thumbs-up. This perfect woman had occupied the boys long enough for him and Patrick to talk. As the kid wanted them to follow, they both stood up and joined Janine in the middle of the playground.

She raised her brows at them and Patrick leaned down to give her a quick kiss. Martin wondered when he'd have the right to do the same, casually like that. Probably after at least one date, as it should be. No kissing before that.

He'd have the right to kiss Patrick then, as well.

Almost throughout the whole zoo visit, Martin was deep in thought. He watched Patrick and Janine and debated if it was a good idea to try this polyamory thing and get into a relationship with two people at the same time. With two who were married. With each other. Wasn't it bound to be a disaster?

But then, as he watched them, he wanted to be close to them, as they were with each other. He wanted that for himself, too. When they smiled at him, or brushed against him, he yearned for more.

The kids were no problem, they were completely used to him. Ben held his hand and showed him which animals he liked best. To some extent it was already as if he were a part of this family. He just wasn't sure if he dared take the step that would change it all. It would change the whole dynamic if they actually dated. And if sex came into play.

And if it didn't work out, would they be able to get back to being just friends? Martin didn't want to lose Patrick as his friend but when he looked at him, he realized that he already was so much more. He already saw him as more, he had already kissed him, they had slept in a bed together. Could it be like before?

It was probably as he had said earlier, it had been too late from the moment Patrick had invited Martin over.

"You are awfully quiet." Janine linked her arm into his. "Much to think about?"

"God, yes. Too much."

"You want to voice some of your thoughts?" Ben had run ahead and Patrick had followed with Tobi.

"I'm not sure. It's all very, um, woozy. In short, I'm afraid it won't work out and I'll lose Patrick as a friend."

"That's what bothers you most?" Janine was astonished. "Not the polyamory thing? Or this between you and Patrick?"

"No. The polyamory thing is strange but Patrick explained it very well and I think I understand it. I don't have a problem with that as long as you are both fine with it. And the other, well, it's unexpected and I feel a little lost but it doesn't really bother me. I just don't want to destroy our friendship. And I don't want to hurt Patrick or you, like I did today. And we aren't even dating or something, yet." This talking about feelings wasn't so hard. Maybe it was Janine. Patrick had said she made him talk, so why should it be any different with her and him.

"You know, since you have switched projects and worked directly together with him, he has always talked about you. Every day, even when he wasn't at work. I suggested he invite you over but he refused. At first you had a girlfriend and then he said you were too proper for something like that. He was afraid to get too attached to you without getting the same attachment in return. And he was so sure you are not into men."

"I am not."

She smiled. "I know. I see that."

"It's just Patrick."

Now she laughed and laced her hand with his. "I know. He's amazing. Anyway, what I wanted to say is, he's had a crush on you for forever now. Even if he'd never admit it. When you visited us for the first time, he was so nervous, I almost had to tie him to a chair to stop him from pacing. He was over an hour in the bedroom to decide what to wear. He made me crazy!"

Martin remembered the day well. He'd had the same problem, though in his mind it hadn't been because of Patrick. Thinking about it now, maybe it had, at least some of it. That Patrick had been even more of a mess made him smile. He would've never guessed it, he had been normal and nothing had hinted at him being anxious or something. Just like nothing had hinted at him having a crush on Martin. When he remembered everything, there were signs of it, but they were so very tiny, he supposed no one had seen them. It was soothing, to know that Patrick felt the same as Martin did. It made him less nervous about the whole thing on some level, though his crush was a very recent thing, if he connected it with the flutter in his stomach.

Janine continued: "It was cute but it made me afraid. Because when you'll switch positions and your friendship won't last through it, he'll be crestfallen. I don't think that'll happen anymore, it was just at the beginning. But, to come to the point of all this, it doesn't matter. If you date us or not, Patrick will take whatever he can get of you. He'll take your friendship and be forever glad with having you but he'll also take a relationship. He won't give up easily on you and I think, with him being this invested and you being this thoughtful and already this concerned about you remaining friends no matter what, it will be fine. Even if it doesn't work out, it will be fine. I can't see you letting something like that destroy everything else. Just, talk. If something isn't okay for you, say it. And then I'm absolutely confident it'll work out."

She was so positive, it was amazing. And she was probably right. "Isn't it strange for you to know that your husband has a crush on someone? On a man?"

"Isn't the first time. And no, I know that he loves me and that he loving someone else doesn't change that. Besides, I've had and have crushes, too. I wouldn't want him to have a problem with that, either. I wouldn't want him to have a problem with me having a crush on you." She winked at him, making Martin feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

They had caught up with the kids and Patrick, who smiled at them.

"She made you talk, didn't she?" Patrick asked.

"Actually, she did most of the talking."

Patrick raised his brows. "Did she? That's what it seems like, but she can simply cover it up very well."

"She talked about you." Not that Martin hadn't talked, but it had really been her telling him things, encouraging him. Martin would've never guessed how long Patrick had felt more than friendship for him. It was strange to know that now. But it was also soothing because it was a constant, it wasn't something new and fleeting, that might pass. They had been working together for two years now, could one still call it a crush after such a long time?

"Me? Oh no, you wouldn't." Janine's smile was pure innocence. Knowing her well enough, Patrick groaned. "You told him? What did you say?"

"Daddy." Tobi interrupted them. "Can we see the lions next?"

"Yes, let's go. Your mommy tells Martin stupid things about me, wouldn't want to be in the way of that."

Janine just laughed and took Ben on the hand, releasing Martin in the process. "Don't be mad, I emphasized how cute you are."

"Great, cute." Patrick mumbled as he followed Tobi to the lions.

Martin and Janine were slower now, with the smaller boy walking with much smaller steps and stopping every now and then to look at something only he found interesting.

They talked more, but about other stuff, nothing about polyamory or relationships or Patrick.

There was still one question remaining that wouldn't leave Martin's head. And so he asked her, while Patrick was out of earshot. "What about you? Do you want to date me?"

Janine grinned from ear to ear. "God, yes. What a question."

That had gone better than expected. First, Martin had come back. Then he had apologized and then he had talked about it all, rationally. And then he had kissed Patrick! He could swear his lips were still tingling where they had touched. Patrick was still a bit wary, because this was all too fast. One moment Martin had been straight, completely and utterly straight, and now he had kissed a man and thought about dating one? It made Patrick uneasy but Martin didn't seem disturbed by it. Maybe it had really just been this one moment this morning and now that he had thought about it, with a clear head, it was all right. Martin had never been narrow-minded, so it wasn't actually surprising. It was just… too good to be true. Janine was giddy. She was positive and looking forward to it all. Patrick knew she had been holding back for his sake. Otherwise she'd probably already have made a pass at Martin.

Back at their home, Janine prepared dinner. "Do you want to stay?"

Martin didn't have any plans and well, he liked to spend time with them.

"Do you want to stay the night, too?"

When he hesitated with the answer, not sure if it was a good idea, Janine added: "You can have our guestroom."

Patrick looked at Martin. Though he tried to be low-key about it, it was obvious how much he wanted Martin to stay. He didn't push, didn't say anything to Janine's question. But now that Martin knew about Patrick's feelings, they were evident in so many things he did and said. Little things.

Martin had already decided that he wanted to try this but he had wanted to do it the right way. "Actually, I wanted to invite you to a date first. Wouldn't that be the correct order?"

"We could make this a date. A movie date on our couch with chips or popcorn."

"You do know when you want something and then you straightforward go for it, don't you?" Martin had to smirk. Patrick had still said nothing but Janine was seriously trying to bargain for it.

"Of course. What is the use in wanting something and not trying to get it?"

"She did the same with me." Patrick went to her and slung an arm around her waist. "She decided she wanted to marry me and in the end I had no choice."

"If I had waited for you to make the first move I'd still be waiting. So Martin, you'll stay?"

"It seems like I don't have much of a choice." Not that he minded. He wanted to stay, he just wasn't sure if he should go with what he wanted. Maybe it was too fast. Too much. Just this morning he had left because he'd had a moment of panic. But on the other hand he'd had the whole day to think it all through, had talked with Patrick and Janine and was certain that it was worth a try. He was almost convinced that it would work.

Something crashed in the living room and they all flinched. Patrick moved first, followed by Martin. "We have it!" he called so Janine could continue with dinner. It wasn't bad but the kids obviously wanted some attention. They both sat down on the floor with them and played until dinner was ready.

Afterwards, Patrick prepared popcorn for the movie date and Janine and Martin looked through the movie collection while entertaining the kids. They took five and laid them out for Patrick to make the final decision. Janine had almost the same taste as Martin but they both knew that Patrick's was different. They had tried to pick movies that he might like as well.

Patrick was aware of it when he saw the choices. "Thank god, I wasn't sure if it was a god idea to let you two pick a movie." He took one of the cases and put the others back onto the shelf. "This one's fine."

"Martin, can you read me a bedtime story?" Ben had crawled onto Martins lap and drove with one of his cars over Martin's shoulders and head.

"Me too!" Tobi looked up from where he was colouring a picture.

"Of course I can. What do you want me to read?" It had happened more than once that Martin had stayed until the kids had to go to bed. And he had read to them several times before. He didn't particularly like it, but it made them happy so he did it anyway.

The boys scrambled onto their feet and raced off to choose a book.

As Martin looked up, Patrick and Janine smiled at him strangely.

"What?" Had he done something stupid?

"You are perfect." Janine leaned down and kissed him on the cheek before she followed her kids. "I'll get them ready and then call you."

This woman was amazing and Martin thought he might be in love. She was so easy-going, everything was so natural with her. Patrick laughed as he held a hand out to help Martin up. "I know that look. I think I felt like that for the first few months of our relationship, too. She is able to say things and to do things that hit one hard, right into the heart. You'll get used to it, to some extent."

Then, while Martin read a goodnight story, Janine and Patrick prepared the movie. Ben was still wide awake and wanted to talk and not sleep. Tobi was already half asleep. Funny.

As soon as he was sure Tobi was sleeping, Martin concentrated on Ben. He laid him into bed and sat down next to it. "Come on, I'll be here tomorrow morning, you can talk with me then."

"You stay the night? That's cool."

He ruffled the boy's hair. "Yes, it is cool. Now close your eyes."

It took some time, but eventually sleep won over.

"Here." Patrick handed him some clothes. "You should change into something more comfortable to watch the movie." Then he led the way to the guest room. The bed inside was a small one and there wasn't much space, but it was for guests, so it was enough. The clothes were a T-shirt, probably one of the biggest Patrick owned. They were about the same height, but though Martin wasn't thick, Patrick was much thinner. He was almost lanky and so the shirt was a tight fit. The pants, pyjama pants, were wide enough but they left Martin with a different problem. Should he wear his boxer shorts underneath them? That would be too much clothes for sleeping. But just the pyjamas were too thin and he'd feel exposed. Only the boxers wouldn't do, either, they'd leave his legs completely uncovered and that was too much skin for now.

Though it was dumb, he left the boxers on and slipped into the pyjama pants. He could change when he went to sleep. Martin looked at the small bed. And thought about last night. The memory was a tad blurry, but it had been nice sleeping together with Janine and Patrick.

Damn, he didn't want to sleep alone here. He wasn't sure he had enough courage to say that, though.

It knocked on the door. "Do you want a beer?"

"Patrick, for god's sake, you don't have to knock!"

The door opened. "Well, it's the guest room and you are a guest. Of course I knock."

"You are way too polite for your own good."

"As if you aren't!"

They laughed. "A beer would be nice, thank you." They went into the living room. "Why do you even have beer, you don't drink it, do you?"

Patrick shrugged. "For guests."

"It's for you." Janine entered the room. She wore a T-shirt that was obviously one of Patrick's and some shorts that were so short they were almost invisible underneath the shirt. "He bought beer in case you wanted one sometime."

"Traitor." Patrick blushed and hastily turned away to get said beer. "You agreed it was a good idea."

"The kids asleep?" Janine's outfit wasn't the least sexy, except for the fact that her long legs were bare, but Martin found it tempting. He snapped to attention at her question.

"Yes. Ben tried to resist, it was too cute."

"That's why I'm glad that you bring them to bed sometimes. I find nothing cute about them trying not to fall asleep. It makes me crazy." She flopped down on the couch. "Patrick, can you bring me something to drink, too, please?"

With a beer and two glasses in hand, Patrick returned. He was in his pyjamas, as well, and it made him look not like himself. He was always proper, wore suits at work and shirts at home, only rarely T-shirts. It enhanced the softness to his behaviour when he was at home. All coolness and edginess from work were gone and Martin had the sudden urge to cuddle Patrick and see if he felt soft, too. "Where do you want to sit? Between us on the couch or on one side or on the armchair?" Patrick sat down on the couch but with enough space between him and Janine that Martin could sit there, if he wanted. Did he want that?

Sitting on one side of the couch wasn't an option because he'd only sit next to one of the two, then. That would make him feel as if he picked favourites. Which left the armchair or the middle. "The couch please."

Patrick made some room for him, Janine didn't move at all. She had draped a woollen blanket around her shoulders and was clearly too comfortable to change her position. She smiled at Martin and when he sat down she pushed her toes underneath his thigh. "Cold feet."

"He gets even more easily cold than I do," Patrick warned his wife while he took the remote. "I'm not sure he's the right person to use as heating."

"Well, then you'll have to keep us both warm."

The thought of Patrick keeping him warm sent flutters through Martin's body. Yes, he'd like that.

And it created smutty pictures in his brain. He'd like that as well, but man, that was moving too fast. He shifted on the couch and tried to think about something else. Luckily, the movie started.

Patrick pushed a bowl of popcorn into Martin's lap so they could all three eat without having to move.

Throughout the movie, they scooted closer to each other. Janine leaned fully against Martin, his arm draped around her, while Patrick had one leg thrown over Martin's and was holding his hand. Patrick's thumb stroked over his hand irregularly and Janine had placed her palm flat against Martin's stomach. Martin played with her hair, which she had pulled back into a messy ponytail. It was really nice. It was cosy.

Martin was a bit giddy and nervous, and extremely aware of all the places they touched, but it was a lazy and relaxed arousal that had gripped his body.

When the film had finished, Janine didn't move. "Is she asleep?" Patrick leaned over and tried to see her face.

"I think so." Martin tugged at her hair gently but got no reaction.

"Hey, honey. Time to go to bed." Softly, Patrick stroked through her hair and then pushed her upright a bit.

Janine stirred and mumbled something. Then she sighed and got up. Without a word, she trudged into the bathroom. Smiling, Patrick cleared the living room table. "She almost never watches a movie till the end."

When they headed to the bathroom, Janine had already left and was lying in the middle of the bed. She hadn't even slipped under the covers, had just flopped onto it and fallen asleep.

Getting ready for bed together with Patrick was strangely domestic. It was a normal thing but it felt huge. And then, in front of the open bedroom door, Martin hesitated. He really didn't want to sleep alone. Especially not when he knew that nothing would happen, that they wouldn't have sex or anything and he didn't have to worry about what to do and how the logistics would work between the three of them.

Patrick seemed unsure either. He stared at the floor, one hand at the doorframe, frowning a little.

Martin wondered if he should ask or if he should just wish him a good night. But when he looked up and their gazes met, he knew that Patrick wanted him to sleep with them. He was simply as afraid to ask as Martin was. Maybe for him it was worse because of last night and the morning after. But they'd only had one drink and this would be a completely sober decision.

He didn't ask. He just walked past Patrick into their bedroom. Since Janine lay in the middle, they sandwiched her today. They pulled the covers from underneath her body and lay down. Patrick kissed his sleeping wife good night and Martin couldn't help it, he watched and wanted a kiss, too.

With a smile, Patrick leaned towards him, over Janine, who slept like the dead. "Come here."

Heart beating like crazy, Martin half sat up and moved towards him. The kiss was soft, so soft, Patrick-at-home-in-pyjamas-soft. He sighed as he lay back down. "Good night."

"Sleep well."

Martin had been so relaxed with everything, it was bind-boggling. It had only taken this little nudge from Janine for him to stay and just one look from Patrick to get him to sleep in a bed with them. And he seemed to be fine with it. A little nervous, which was totally understandable. Patrick was nervous, too, and his body was in a constant state of giddiness. His heart hadn't calmed down during the whole day and he thought he might explode from all the energy coursing through his body, from all the butterflies not once leaving his stomach. Only when they had said goodnight and lay in bed together, was he able to calm down. He snuggled close to Janine and fell asleep without problems.

The first time he woke that night, Martin couldn't place the calling of a child. Before he had realized where he was, Janine had already climbed over him and was out of bed. Patrick rolled around towards the now empty spot, pulled the blanket up and created a blanket-Janine with a few turns of his hands. Otherwise he didn't react to the sounds of his kid. No wonder she was more tired than he was and fell asleep on the couch. But if this was their routine, he wouldn't interfere. He closed his eyes and hugged the blanket-Janine, as well.

"Hey you fat sleepyhead, give me the blanket." Janine tried to wrench the thing out of her husband's grasp. Martin blinked at her in the darkness. Patrick mumbled something and rolled over, creating space for Janine at the side of the bed so he was now in the middle. She also got the blanket. She threw it over both of them and within seconds she was sleeping again.

Martin was awake now. He wasn't used to being woken several times in the middle of the night and falling asleep wasn't as easy for him now. He stared at the ceiling for long minutes before he decided to use the opportunity and see how cuddling with Patrick would be like. Patrick lay on the side, facing away from him and now Martin scooted as close as possible. Then he spooned him. It was different than spooning his girlfriend had been, mostly probably because Patrick was as tall as him and they fit together in a completely other way.

It felt different, too, with Patrick being this thin and missing the curves of a woman. He was harder, more bones and muscles, even now that he was asleep. Martin wondered how his body would feel when he was awake and he wasn't all relaxed.

Janine was the little spoon in front of Patrick and she was all soft as Martin slowly stroked his hand over her side. The contrast was amazing, wonderful and he kept petting them until he fell asleep again, his arm draped over both.

The next time he woke, it was to Janine's voice. "Ben is awake. I can hear him. Can you get up and look after him?"

"Can't he play a little on his own? It sounds as if he's fine."

Neither of the two moved, their voices drowsy from sleep. They all still lay spooned together, Patrick's arse fitting nicely against Martin's….

Martin was wide awake within seconds, turning away from Patrick so fast he almost fell out of the bed.

"Seems like Martin volunteered to get up and look after Ben." Patrick still didn't move but now there was clearly humour in his voice. He knew why Martin had reacted this way. Of course he did, there was no way he could've missed an erection against his backside.

Janine didn't know what had happened and she leaned onto her elbows. She was definitely awake but was probably too lazy to get up, yet. "You okay?"

"He's fine." Patrick mumbled and tried to pull her back down onto the bed.

"Patrick!" She fought him. "Don't be an arse." When she couldn't get out of his hold, she focussed a pleading look on Martin. "Help me, please?"

Martin hadn't completely recovered. He had woken with a hard one pressed against Patrick. That was absolutely new.

But the way Janine blinked up at him, her hair tousled, her shirt having ridden up because Patrick had pushed a hand underneath it, her bare feet slung over Patricks legs, he couldn't resist. He was tentative at first, but Patrick had an iron grip on his wife. So Martin pulled, on her and on Patrick's arm. Janine laughed breathlessly and tried to help him with wiggling and pushing.

Finally, Patrick let go of her. Janine had so much momentum, that she would've fallen out of bed if Martin hadn't held her. She lay on top of him and his erection hadn't completely vanished and was now pressing against her. Only he couldn't turn away like he had done from Patrick.

Janine grinned. "Ah, now I understand." Her hair fell around her head, a few strands sliding over Martin's face. She pushed them back, but kept lying where she was. Patrick was facing them now and he had opened his eyes a tiny bit. Observing. Martin was lost. He didn't know what to do. There weren't any rules he knew about such a situation.

Before he could figure out how to react, Janine kissed him. Her body moulded against his, all warm and soft. She sighed almost inaudibly and flicked her tongue at Martin's bottom lip. He grew harder underneath her, her kiss making his head swim and his heartbeat race like crazy.

Suddenly a child started to cry. Reluctantly, she pulled away from him. Then she smiled and pressed another quick kiss on his lips before she got out of bed.

"Kids destroy one's sexlife completely. Either one is too tired or one doesn't have time." Patrick stroked along Martin's arm until he met his hand. Then he laced their fingers together. "I have to get up and make breakfast. You can sleep a bit more if you want."

Martin turned his head to look at Patrick. "As if I could go back to sleep now." They were this close and Martin was still hard. His body remembered very well how it had felt to have Patrick pressed close. He moved his free hand to Patrick's face and brushed the fingers through his hair. Martin had never seen Patrick not perfectly styled. He loved sleeping with Janine and Patrick because he loved seeing them like that. All natural and mussed up from bed. It was different from any other time and it made him want more of it.

He wanted to see them like that every morning. And he wanted to wake every morning with a kiss from Janine and Patrick. Since he hadn't gotten the latter, he took it now. Closing his eyes, he stroked his hand through Patrick's hair. He had never petted someone with such short hair and it was unfamiliar but it felt nice in its own way.

The kiss was slow, knowing that they had to get up anyway but not being in a hurry. A soft kiss, in contrast to Patrick being hard all over, muscles tensed and with no ounce of fat on his body he was firm. Stroking down his back was amazingly different and Martin wished they had time to linger, to explore.

When they broke apart, Patrick was smiling. "Come on, if we stay here longer, breakfast will never be ready."

Martin stayed the whole Sunday as well. He had to get home in the evening, though, because his stuff for work was at home.

"I want to try this". Ben and Tobi were already asleep and Martin used the time without kids to say what he had wanted to all day. "I'm still not sure what to do most of the time, but I want to try."

Patrick's smile was radiant and Janine hugged him tight. Their joy told him that his decision was right and it set him at ease, making him think that it would work.

Before he left, he got a goodbye kiss from both of them and on his way home he was happy. Really, really happy. Like over the top happy.

Patrick was really happy. Like over the top happy. And the way Janine smiled at him only made him laugh. They were hilarious. Two grown up, married people, being this excited over someone wanting to date them.

The next day at work was awkward. Martin hadn't thought about it and Patrick definitely hadn't either.

Martin was early, as usual, and Patrick walked into his room as soon as he had arrived. He came over to his desk and held his hand out, like every morning. Martin grasped it and that was the moment they both realized that this was not exactly right. They stared at each other while still shaking hands and then they both laughed.

"Shit, um, this might get strange here."

Patrick nodded in agreement. But then he leaned down and Martin stretched towards him. They lingered in the kiss for a moment. So far it was all right, but the question was how they would behave around the others.

They got their coffee, as always, and closed the office door behind them.

"Okay, I guess we shouldn't make this too obvious."

"Definitely not." It wasn't like Martin felt they had to keep it a secret, but they didn't have to smack it into everyone's faces. "We don't need to hide it, but, you know."

"Yes, okay."

That settled the next problem was the actual work. Patrick was Martin's process manager, and so he had the say in everything. Now he was too careful, asking too much and ordering too little. There had never been much to order anyway, but a few things had always been and he was reluctant to do even that.

"Patrick, nothing in our working relationship has to change. You are still my superior and that's all right. You can keep behaving like one, you don't have to be this careful now."

"Yeah, well, it feels wrong." He shuffled some papers on his desk, then leaned back in his chair. "Maybe it's good that you'll switch positions. I feel awkward working above you."

"I can see that. But we have to take it as it is. And I'm fine, I know that you are in a higher position and I'm totally able to separate work from private."

The next thing was, that they kept staring at each other. During meetings and such, they just couldn't stop. It was probably super obvious. And they kept touching each other, on the hand, the arm, the shoulder. They sat too close, they walked too close, everything. When they realized it, they slid apart, but still. Since they didn't necessarily want to keep it a secret, it wasn't really a problem. But it was too close to smacking it into their co-worker's faces.

All in all, it was awkward. At least, they got almost used to it after about a week or such. But by then they had already gotten more than a few funny glances. No one had asked questions. Yet.

After work, Martin drove home, changed, and then got to Patrick's and Janine's. They didn't spent much time together, but at least they had dinner and could talk a bit. Martin and Patrick saw each other during the day, but Janine was out of this and it was obvious that she wanted these shared evenings. Martin wanted time with Janine, too.

They planned the weekend. Martin would stay from Friday till Sunday and they wanted to go out on a date. A real date. Patrick organized a baby sitter and then they discussed about what they wanted to do.

Martin hadn't been on a date for forever and planning it was fun. They were all looking forward to it.

The kids wouldn't be at home for the whole night, sleeping out, the baby sitter being a relative and taking the kids with them. They probably all knew what that meant and Martin was nervous whenever he thought about it.

It was only the second date, but really, they had known each other long enough that they could skip the three-date-rule. And who knew how often they'd have a whole night for themselves?

The evening before their date, Martin couldn't stop thinking about it. He had actually watched some threesome porns, because he had never even tried to imagine how sex between two men and one woman could work. The porn had only made him more nervous.

"What is wrong?" The kids were in bed and they were all sitting in the living room. Janine was the one who addressed Martin.

At first, he wanted to deny that anything was wrong. But he did remember how they had both told him how important it was in a polyamorous relationship to talk about one's feelings. He wasn't a fan of it, but he'd try. He didn't want there to be something that made the relationship fail before it had really begun. And especially not because he was too… whatever to talk about his feeling.

"I'm nervous. About tomorrow."

"About the date?" Janine frowned.

Patrick cleared his throat. "I'd guess more about the afterwards." His cheeks were tinted just a hint of red as he said that.

"Oh." Then she comprehended what Patrick was talking about. "Ooooh. Okay."

Now Martin blushed as well.

"Do you, um, want to talk about anything in particular?"

"I'd rather not talk about it at all", he mumbled and stared at his hands.

Damn it, the woman had the nerve to laugh. "I'm sure you'd not. Okay, then maybe I can talk about some things." Janine pushed his upper body back against the couch and sat on his lap, facing him. They hadn't done much except kissing as greeting and as goodbye. Had held hands and had cuddled a bit.

Patrick shifted until one leg was on the couch and he was looking at them without having to turn his head. He seemed a bit amused by this but didn't interfere.

"First of all, only because the kids are out of the house doesn't mean we have to have sex. Second, it isn't much different with three than it is with two. And third, it is sex. As always, do what you like and tell us if you don't like something. Or if you like something in a different way. The first times with a new partner are always about finding out what the other likes and it doesn't matter if it is one partner or two. Just, go with the flow." It sounded so easy when she said it like that and Martin actually relaxed.

"I'm nervous, too."

Martin stared perplexed at Patrick, who smiled at him, blushing, and shrugged.

"Well, I am. The reason isn't the same as yours, I guess. It's more about, what if you don't like it?" He shrugged again. "So far everything seems to be fine, but you said you've never been together with a man and I, well, um... maybe it's... maybe you'll decide it isn't for you."

"Since this seems to be some kind of confession time, I'll just admit that I'm nervous, as well. You are the first person we both want a relationship with and I'm afraid in the end you'll only want to be with one of us. And not both. I'm not nervous about the sex, that is always easy. I'm nervous about the feelings that'll follow."

Strangely enough, it was comforting to know that they were all nervous about one thing or the other.

He pulled Janine down and for the first time, they deepened their kiss. Tentatively at first, then getting bolder, their tongues touched. Janine nipped at his bottom lip while framing his face with her hands. Martin had one hand in her hair, the strands heavy over his fingers. The other was on her lower back and he pushed her top a tiny bit up so he could feel her skin.

A hand covered his, pushing underneath Janine's top and she sighed into his mouth. Martin's and Patrick's fingers danced over Janine's back, up and down, stroking against her soft skin.

Janine broke the kiss with a gasp, then leaned to Patrick, who had already been waiting for her. Martin watched them, kept caressing her, sweeping his other hand through her hair.

"Breathe!" Janine panted. "Need. Breathe."

Patrick grinned and tugged Martin close. This was amazing. Especially when Janine began to move her lips along his throat, while Patrick kissed him, all open-mouthed and tongue and hot. Martin's head swam and he wasn't sure if he had ever been this aroused.

There were hands everywhere, too many hands, and kissing and sensation over sensation. And they were still just making out! Not even grinding or anything involved, just touching in safe zones and kissing. Martin wasn't nervous anymore but now he was afraid to die of pleasure.

He'd definitely have to jack off before the date or whatever they'd do afterwards would get embarrassing.

Eventually, Janine laid her head against his shoulder. They hadn't changed their positions and she was still sitting on his lap. "I'm sorry to interrupt this, put I have to go to bed. I'm too old to have sex instead of sleeping. It's just not worth being tired the next day."

"And I should get home." As Janine climbed from his lap, Martin got up. He had to adjust himself, because it hurt a bit. Patrick stared and he blushed. At least, when he realized he had been caught staring, Patrick blushed as well.

Janine laughed. "Oh my god, you are both adorable." She kissed Martin and wished him a good night.

Patrick brought him to the door. "Still nervous?"

"It's better." Martin smiled. "She is good at this talking about feelings stuff."

He nodded. "You don't have to worry, it'll be fine."

"You don't have to, either." Martin stepped closer, until their bodies were touching. "It's you and I'm sure I'll like it. I'm not nervous about not liking any of it."

They smiled at each other like idiots before they kissed and Martin drove home.

This was the last remaining doubt in Patrick's mind. What if Martin didn't like sex with him? It wouldn't be too bad, there was still Janine but he hoped so very much that they could have a real relationship between the three of them. Not a two-to-one relationship. At least Janine had, how very much not surprising, made them talk about it. And he felt better now. Martin had eased his mind, too, and now he could just hope for the best. How far he had come, during the last weeks. From two years of pining after Martin, he would now have a real date with him. And together with Janine at that! It really couldn't get much better.

Of course being nervous had been unnecessary. The date was awesome and when they tumbled into bed afterwards, Martin stopped thinking. They had all had no reason to worry. Not Patrick, because Martin liked it all, very much. Not Martin, because it really wasn't that different from having sex with one partner. Well, it was better, but that wasn't bad now, was it?

And Janine didn't have to worry, either. Patrick had probably been in love with Martin for forever now but though Martin had never labelled his feelings for Patrick as love, it had probably been just that for a long time. And Janine? She fit in. Martin loved her more every day they spent together and from the way she looked at him, it wasn't any different for her.

It took some time before they confessed to each other, probably again due to nervousness and worry. But when they did, they all laughed and promised to stop worrying so much. Or talk about it more. It was fine, the relationship was good, they just had to trust in each other and trust into it all working out.

Patrick had been wrong. This was better. Not just having a date, but being in a relationship with Martin. Together with Janine. It was awesome. Everything about it was awesome. It was better than words could describe.