This is the same story, but from Edward's POV. It's not quite as lemony because Edward is, after all, a gentleman. Writing from his perspective was fun, and I hope you enjoy it. Please RxR! Thanks.
I did not create these characters. I wish.
As Bella drifted off to sleep, contented and fulfilled after the successful consummation of our marriage vows, I felt more whole than I would have thought possible. I wasn't sure what exactly had transpired. Obviously, there was the intercourse part, not that I was taking that part lightly, but something had happened on what I could only call a spiritual level.
I'd always taken the phrase "becoming one" to mean joining physically, but judging from her reactions during, and especially after, this union had brought both of us to an almost surreal level of intimacy, far beyond what our bodies experienced. I had an eternity to bask in this new, impossibly warm glow of loving and being loved.
Hours passed as I listened to my wife sleep. Wife. Husband. These were words I'd never thought would be necessary additions to my vocabulary in reference to myself. I didn't deserve such things, yet fate, and Bella, decided I was somehow worthy.
I thought about all the things I would do for her. "Everything" would just about cover it. I would be vulnerable to her. I would be open and honest. I would make love to her. I would, above all, never hurt her.
And that's when I saw them. Bruises, and more than a few, just starting to blossom. Her arms were covered with them. Her ribs. Beyond that, I couldn't see due to the sheets obscuring the lower half of her body.
I had to look away. So much for not being a monster. So much for successful consummation. The horror of what and who I was folded in around me, replacing my former joy with self-loathing. Somehow I knew it would come to this. Why did I think I could cheat fate? It expected payment, and when I tried to take an extra measure of happiness, spiteful Fate made me pay. Dearly.
I slid myself out of bed, careful not to jostle my love from her slumber. She would awaken soon enough. I wanted to run to the far end of the island. Or swim to the mainland and then run as far as possible. I thought about the globe on Carlisle's desk. What was the point on earth exactly opposite this one?
Why hadn't Alice called me? Surely she would have seen this. Maybe she thought a few bruises were nothing compared to the damage I was capable of inflicting. I glared at the image of Alice in my mind, to no avail of course.
As much as I wanted to flee, I knew I could not. My life was with Bella now, and I would have to face the consequences of what I'd done… face the fact that I was nothing more than a ruffian and a beast.
At first light, she stirred. I had moved one of the chairs to the far window and sat there to await my impending doom. I'd always told Bella the truth about myself, but she never wanted to see it. Now she finally would. Would she be terrified of me, as she should have been all along? I had wanted her to fear me in some ways, but she seemed to lack the gene for self-preservation. The single-celled organisms we studied in Biology had feared me more than she did.
She was awake now, smiling of all things, and I saw her reach for me, calling my name. I couldn't bear to answer. What would I say to her? I only had a few more seconds before she would realize what I'd done. I held on to those precious seconds for dear life.
"Edward," she said again, this time with anxiety in her voice. I couldn't bear that, either.
"I'm over here," I answered, despite the knowledge I was starting a chain of events that most likely would lead to disaster.
"Edward... darling... why are you all the way over there?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"No, I don't know what you're talk..." and then her voice broke off. There it was. Apparently she hadn't yet felt the bruises, but now she definitely saw them. I wasn't sure which was worse.
"I can't believe I was stupid enough to even think this could possibly work," I said aloud, although it was really more for me than her.
"Edward... Edward, come here... please?"
"Why?" I snapped. "Did I miss something? Is there a place on your entire body that isn't purple yet? Maybe I can break a bone or two while I'm at it!" Harsh, yes, but it was a harsh set of circumstances.
"Edward Cullen! You stop this right now! I won't have you ruin the best night of my life with something that doesn't even matter!"
The best night of her life, indeed. It was so like her, trying to stop me from my well deserved self-hatred. She would say she enjoyed the bruises, that they were like a trip to Disneyland, if it would pacify me.
"How can you say that? You're all that matters. But can that be enough for me? Noooooo... No, I have to try to have it all! I can't just bask in the glory of being married to the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful woman on the planet. I can't just be happy that I finally found the one, after a century of searching. No, I have to push it just a little further. Having it all isn't quite enough for me! I have to take more, even at the expense of the woman I claim to love!" I buried my face in my hands, too ashamed to have her look upon me. I was hideous. If my guilt was in question, the evidence on her soft, delicate skin convicted me in spades.
"Are you quite finished?" Finally, she was angry. Would she banish me from the house? It would serve me right.
"If you won't come to me, I'm coming to you," she said with resolve.
"Please stop, Bella," I muttered as I saw her wince with pain, another thing I couldn't bear, so I moved quickly to sit at the end of the bed
"Edward, please talk to me. I can't stand this. I woke up so happy! I thought you would feel the same way. I didn't even feel the..." Her sentence cut off abruptly.
I knew what she was going to say. "Bruises," I filled in the blank.
"So what? Edward, I've bruised myself worse than this a thousand times! And that's just this year." She seemed to think I would laugh, which told me she still didn't grasp the gravity of the situation.
"It's different when you do it to yourself. But even when you run into the corner of a coffee table, I want to crush it... to punish it for hurting you. It's an inanimate object, but I have a choice. I chose this." I didn't even look at her. I couldn't.
"But don't you see? I chose this, too. And I would choose it again. And again. Even if I knew it was going to be ten times worse, I would still happily choose it. If I have to deal with a tiny amount of pain to experience so much... so much oneness with you, to feel your love... to show you mine, it's a very small price to pay," she argued with a slight whine to her voice.
"Bella, you shouldn't have to pay a price for those things. If you had a human husband, you wouldn't ever have to make that kind of sacrifice." My own words bit into me. If she'd married stupid Mike Newton or even the obnoxious puppy, she would have awakened the morning after her wedding night unscathed.
I didn't really have to look at her to know she was scheming. If Bella was awake and wanted something, she was probably scheming. "If a woman the size of Alice married a man the size of Emmett, don't you think there might be a chance she could be crushed a little? Don't you think she might get a bruise or two along the way? Do you think they would just avoid making love because it might be dangerous?"
That was hardly the same and she knew it. Before I could speak, she added, "I know what you're going to say, Edward! I've heard it all before. What I'm trying to tell you is we have our own unique set of challenges, just like other people. We just have to figure out how to manage our very, VERY unique set of challenges."
"And how do you expect us to do that? I'm not going to risk hurting you again," I stated in no uncertain terms. I was determined, and she was NOT going to change my mind, even if she begged and pleaded. Despite my continuous desire to fulfill her every wish, I would have to be strong now.
"I'm so glad you asked. I have some ideas, and before you argue with me, I'll make you a bargain," she said, beginning to unravel her latest conspiracy.
"Another one?" I asked, apprehensively. I knew I would say 'no' to whatever it was, but decided to humor her.
"If this doesn't work, I promise we won't try again until I'm changed. I think I can pretty much guarantee you won't hurt me this time. You won't be able to."
Now THAT caught my attention. I turned to see her devious little smile, wondering how in the world she could guarantee something like that.
"Give me a few minutes to be... human," she said as she indicated that I should turn my head. She disappeared into the bathroom.
I heard the shower start and then there was nothing to do but wait. I suddenly and furiously remembered Alice. Even if she'd called me in the middle of our love-making, it would have been better than this. Bella would have been immeasurably embarrassed, but her arms would still be pale pink and I wouldn't be wishing I could turn back the clock or lop off my own head.
But it wasn't Alice's fault, and I loved her too much to use her as a scapegoat. I wanted to be angry at Bella, too, for not telling me I was hurting her, but it wasn't her fault, either. She didn't even seem to know. No, there wasn't another villain. I was the sole perpetrator.
It was quite a while before Bella emerged from the bathroom. I purposefully didn't look at her, not knowing if she wished to withdraw from me after seeing the severity of her markings.
"Edward," she said softly. Something in her voice made it impossible to resist turning my head in her direction. She was posed in the doorway of the bathroom wearing a loosely draped, short silk robe and tiny pink panties. I was grateful not to see the bruises on her body, although I was still aware of their presence. Nevertheless, she was stunning.
"Come over here and sit on the edge of the bed," she instructed in a voice I'd never heard from the mouth of my beloved. "Oh, this isn't going to do... Stand up," she gently, but firmly ordered. I complied, and as she undressed me, I began conjugating verbs in Latin in my head, wondering at what point I should put a stop to this nonsense. I wasn't going to risk hurting her again, no matter how urgently I wanted her.
"Not everything about you is stone all the time I see. Let's see if I can fix that."
I was trying desperately to remain disinterested, and while I was glad to know my body had submitted itself to my mind, I was more than a little shocked that she had pointed out the physical results of my struggle. My ego was a bit injured, but I would have to let the comment go… for now.
I began to protest. "Bella, I don't see the point of..." but she put her finger to my lips. I was going to have to be more forceful in my objection, but I still wasn't sure how to do that without hurting Bella's feelings.
Bella looked entirely too confident. This was going to be a battle – Bella's resolve against my own. Usually the odds wouldn't be in my favor, but her safety had to be paramount.
"Just do as I say and nobody gets hurt. I mean that quite literally," Bella cooed. "Here are the rules. You're going to lay back and enjoy this. No talking. Moaning and growling are allowed, even encouraged, but only if you really feel it."
I rolled my eyes. She kept going.
"Now, I know there aren't any restraints strong enough to hold you, except for one. You will keep your hands on the bed at all times. My words are the only thing that can bind and unbind you. Agreed?"
Where was she going with this? Could this actually work? Could I keep my hands on the bed while she… did… things… to… me? I couldn't allow that. Unacceptable! It wasn't her role. It was my duty (and pleasure) to serve her. However, if I could honestly keep my hands to myself, thus preventing her harm, how could I deny her something she wanted?
Hesitantly, I consented.
She smiled, knowing she was winning. "If I place some part of my body in your hands, you can touch me, but only if I offer myself to you. Agreed?"
Now that sounded quite interesting. If I could touch her… and be under control, if I could maintain it… that just might work.
I consented to this stipulation as well.
She put two fingers in the center of my chest and pushed ever so slightly. I had to assume that meant for me to lie back on the bed. She stretched my arms out away from my body and touched my hands, telling them to "stay," like some sort of command for a dog. I tried not to snicker. Bella was extremely serious about this and I needed to honor that.
Then she started kissing my face. I tried to kiss her in return, but she wouldn't let me. I was immediately frustrated by this game, which was the point, I'm sure. My lips sought hers, but she kissed down my neck and around to my ears, tormenting me. I wanted to protest, but I had just made a vow of silence.
She sat up smiling at me in what seemed like wonderment – a look I recognized because it was the same way I looked at her.
She began kissing me again, this time on my chest and shoulders. She started down one arm, taking forever before she reached my hand so I could stroke her cheek. She took each of my fingers into her mouth, and astonishing sensation to say the least. I believe I was grinning like the proverbial village idiot.
By the time she made it completely across my body and down to my other hand, I was practically quivering with anticipation. I was finally able to touch her of my own accord, although I was confined to whatever she placed in my hand.
The devious twinkle in her eyes reappeared suddenly as she moved to straddle my stomach. At long last she leaned down to kiss me. I took her mouth hungrily, starving for her in all honesty. She moved her neck to my mouth, her collarbone, every inch of her peaches and cream skin from the shoulders up was made a delicacy to my awaiting lips.
As she moved, I caught (ahem) titillating glances of her beautiful breasts. God help me, but I wanted them. I wanted to taste them, to touch them with my lips, to make my wife sigh and moan as I teased her with my tongue.
"Bella, you're killing me here," I blurted without thinking.
She immediately sat up. Damn!
"Excuse me, but did you speak? Did you forget my rules? Gosh, sweetheart... now you have to pay. I'm so sorry! And you thought I was killing you before..."
I didn't know what she had in store for me, but it definitely sounded like more torture. She had a lot of nerve, tormenting a vampire like this. No sense of self-preservation…
It would be torture, indeed. Exquisite torture. She started touching her own body in the way I wanted to touch her, and all I could do was watch. I had never even imagined something so erotic as Bella fondling her own breasts as she ground her hips into me. "Is this what you wanted?" she panted. I watched every move as she pleasured herself, in complete disbelief of what I was witnessing. My little innocent Bella was becoming a sex goddess right before my very eyes.
She bent down and I thought she was going to release me from my suffering, but she took each of my nipples into her mouth. Like the finger sucking earlier, I was not prepared for the sensations this caused. I could spend a decade feeling each of these new phenomena and still want more.
Bella sat up and slowly pulled the clip from her hair, letting it cascade loosely around her shoulders. And then she just looked at me, smiling slightly, becoming deeper and deeper in thought. How I wished I could read her mind at that moment. Where had her thoughts taken her? I wanted to ask, but I didn't dare speak again. One infraction meant I had to watch her do things I wanted to do. Who knows what a she might do if I broke the rule a second time!
She shivered, winked at me, and then dropped herself onto my body, her lips colliding with mine. Where had this sudden urgency come from? Since I couldn't question it now, I took the opportunity to show her some of my own pent up passion. I kissed her with the full force of my being, drawing energy from my toes up.
She pulled herself toward the headboard, dropping her breast into my ravenous mouth. I took her gift greedily. She gave me the other, which I nipped and nibbled, my tongue working itself over her stiffened nipples. She moaned and whimpered as she alternately presented her breasts to my anxious mouth. I wanted so badly to touch her, but I didn't dare.
Her mouth met mine again before she started kissing and licking down my neck, shoulders, chest, stomach… oh my God where was she going with this? At my hip, she stopped. I had been so wrapped up in the other sensations, I didn't notice my body had, indeed, responded to Bella's "fix."
She moved her head toward the center of my body and did some enticing things I didn't think I should allow. Amazing sensations shot through my body, but this was wrong.
"Oh, Bella, you don't have to do this..." I whimpered, not wanting her to continue, and definitely not wanting her to stop.
"Edward, you're not supposed to be talking," she said with an exasperated smile. "But... is that what you really want? For me to stop? I want to give this to you, but if you really don't want my gift, just say one more word."
I knew I should say something… anything to save her dignity. This act she was contemplating was beneath her stature. It was something I'd witnessed harlots doing in the back alleys and on the docks during the Depression. I'd tried not to listen to the minds of the participants, but I could hardly block them out. The men were always euphoric and lustful. Many of them enjoyed the power of being serviced. Some felt guilt as they envisioned wives at home, but it didn't stop them. The entire thing was ugly to me. The women hated it, but found it an easier way to earn money than having intercourse with these filthy, vulgar men. I'd found many of my victims in those lowly places, allowing them a last thrill before ending their sorry lives.
But Bella had just said she wanted to do this. I knew she'd never done it before, so how could she even know what she wanted? But if she wanted to try it, to give me this 'gift' as she'd called it, was it right for me not to allow it?
Because Emmett could never shut up about his sex life with Rose, I knew it was something they did, and something at least he enjoyed immensely. I'd seen it in Jasper's thoughts, and Alice looked quite happy in his memories. As difficult as it was to even admit to myself, I'd seen Esme looking serene and contented as she remembered making love with Carlisle (in far too vivid detail for me to manage – honestly, nobody wants to watch their parents having sex), part of which was being on her knees before him performing this degrading act.
I'd thought my mother and sisters were merely self-sacrificing with their mates. It had never dawned on me until now that perhaps they actually enjoyed it as much as my father and brothers obviously did.
I brought myself back to the moment, and with great difficulty, I looked into Bella's wide eyes and very intentionally pursed my lips together, giving her the proverbial green light.
She thanked me. Thanked me! For allowing her to do something unspeakably inappropriate, but something I wanted unspeakably badly. If I had a soul, it was certainly destined to hell for all I'd done. I was simply adding 'selfish, perverted bastard' to the list of my crimes…
As she had done with my hands, she bound my feet to the floor and my knees apart. I'd violated the no speaking rule, but this one seemed easier to obey. It was for her safety. I was glad she remembered to take these extra precautions; this could be my undoing, and I didn't want to add 'selfish, perverted, wife-squashing bastard' to the list.
In the next second, my world splintered into a million pieces. Bella had taken me whole into her mouth, her tongue swirling, her eyes on fire with excitement. As she released me, she smiled before swallowing me whole again. One of the million pieces worried that the intensity of my growls and groans might scare her, but the other 999,999 pieces told that one to shut up.
Her lips rode me up and down, each stroke more exhilarating than the last. She varied her speed and intensity, not allowing me to build to a climax. I wanted nothing more than to explode, but I also did not want this to end. Ever.
Time stopped as she teased and kissed and licked and sucked me, fondling me with her hands, eager to experiment with her new plaything. Though new to this, she expertly worked me with her hot mouth until I could take no more. And then…
She stopped. I let out some sort of noise I'd never heard myself make before… a mix of pain and pleasure and want and need and anticipation. Bella was on her feet by the time I was able to focus again, and she was swaying as she touched her body. She slid her panties off – I'd forgotten all about them – and let them drop to the floor. I could see my body shake in anticipation of her.
She climbed atop me and slowly lowered her sweet, wet center onto my throbbing, hard member. I grabbed the bedding and ripped it as Bella's pulsating sex seized me from the inside. She began to slide her body up and down my rigid shaft, slowly at first, almost leisurely, as she leaned down to kiss me.
She changed angles slightly and began to very purposefully slide me in and out of her. I could do nothing but watch and slightly raise my hips to meet hers, which I was doing at a much faster rate than she was. I wanted to flip us over and pound myself into her; this pace was so infuriatingly slow, it was agony. The sweetest of all agony.
Even though I couldn't read her mind, I knew she knew what she was doing to me. Her sly smile confirmed it. I was going mad with frustration when she increased her pace a little. Then a little more, just enough to get a rhythm going. Her kisses were fervent as she drove her hips into mine with determination. Moans and whimpers escaped her lips as her climax built. I just needed to hold on for a few more seconds.
She cried out my name as her orgasm ripped through her, causing me to explode as she continued to pump every bit of venom she could from me.
Sensing I was also entirely spent, she slowed and collapsed onto my chest.
I wanted to hold her, but she had told me I had to wait for her words to unbind me. It took her a minute to remember why my hands were still on the bed, then she smiled and released them. My hands were on her in an instant.
"You may speak," she said, laughing as she touched my lips.
I rushed to tell her everything. "Bella, I love you so much. That was... Unbelievable. You have no idea... How did you... I don't even know what... how to..." I sounded like a blithering idiot, yet it was somehow fitting. What could one say after something like that?
"And you didn't have to worry about hurting me," she added.
She was right. And I was very happily wrong. We could make this work. Bella had said we needed to figure out a way to manage our unique challenges, and she'd discovered a very unique solution. Leave it to Bella to come up with a creative plan to get her way.
And I loved her for it.
As for oral sex, I was a convert. If Bella really did enjoy it as much as it appeared, who was I to stand in her way? And that was only her first attempt! I knew now how I would die, and I couldn't be happier. At the next opportunity, I would make my first attempt at returning the favor. The thought of tasting her like that…
And then her stomach growled rather ferociously. I had to laugh.
She peered up at me, her eyes longing. "I don't suppose you would believe me if I said I wasn't hungry..."
"You suppose correctly, my love. That rumble almost knocked the house down."
She laughed as she rolled onto the bed. Her robe fell open and I drank in the beautiful sight before me. She blushed, but didn't attempt to cover herself.
Befuddled, I tried to keep my priorities straight. "Breakfast for you first, then…" I paused, hungrily looking her up and down, "… breakfast for me."