Disclaimer:
I don't own Sirius, Remus or the other Marauders, but I wish I did,
because then slash would be in the books.
It had been weeks. Weeks since "The Prank" on Snape. Weeks since Remus had spoken a word to Sirius. Weeks of Remus listening to Sirius' apologies. He wanted to forgive Sirius, he really did, but he was afraid to. Part of him liked being away from his friend for a while.
Remus Lupin had a secret he was keeping from Sirius, and that was the main problem. He didn't just like Sirius Black, no, he fancied the man. He hadn't even told James and Peter about it yet, but Remus figured the duo suspected it at least. Remus never was good at keeping secrets from them… After all, they found out he was a werewolf in second year, didn't they? Sirius seemed to be the only one that didn't notice Remus' feelings for him. Remus was partly thankful for that, because he wasn't sure how Sirius would react if he knew his werewolf friend had a crush on him.
He wasn't even one hundred percent sure Sirius was gay, but it seemed to fit, because Sirius hadn't gone out with a girl for a long time now. Come to think of it, he hadn't since fourth year. Not that that was even that strange, Remus had never dated before himself. Sirius was very good looking though, and had girls all over him. Remus sighed, he'd never be able to have Sirius as his own.
Speaking of Sirius… Remus wondered where the boy had gone to. Probably off wrecking havoc with James. Peter, who hadn't been tagging along with the other Marauders much lately, was in the common room with Remus. Both had a book open in front of them.
"Are you ever going to forgive him?" Peter asked, bringing Remus' attention away from his book.
"Hmm?"
"Sirius. Are you going to forgive him? You know he didn't do it to hurt you on purpose."
Remus sighed, "It's more complicated than that, you wouldn't understand."
Neither Peter nor Remus said another word, and continued their studies. A few minutes later, Sirius and James entered the portrait hole. James had an arm around his best friend's shoulders, but removed it once they were in. Remus could have sworn Sirius' eyes looked a bit red and puffy. Sirius gave James a look, but Remus didn't notice.
"I was just thinking of going down to the kitchens. Care to join me, Wormtail?" James asked a bit nonchalantly. He winked.
Peter, not noticing this, but never one to pass up food, immediately threw his books into his bag, and joined James under the invisibility cloak. Sirius just stood looking at Remus for a moment after the duo left. Remus, never one to enjoy trips to the kitchen anyway, went back to his book, completely ignoring Sirius.
"Er… Can I sit here?" Sirius asked, referring to the couch Remus had stretched out across.
Remus moved so that Sirius could fit, but said nothing. Sirius took this and a yes, and sunk down in the scarlet cushions. The situation, he decided, was awkward. He hadn't been alone with Remus since before "The Prank," because James wouldn't allow it. He constantly kept Sirius busy and trailed him around, which annoyed Sirius a bit. James and Sirius both agreed it was time for him and Remus to work it out alone though. James had finally left Sirius alone.
Sirius had something he had to do today. He told himself he'd wait until his seventeenth birthday, and, hate him or not, Remus would know today. He was relieved to find out that James accepted this information, and his friend said he'd suspected it for a while now. Remus had to know just how Sirius felt about him.
"Charms homework?" Sirius asked, unsure of what else to say. He was nervous already. Remus said nothing, which didn't help Sirius feel better at all.
"Haven't been able to concentrate long enough to start mine."
Still nothing. How Sirius longed to just see Moony's beautiful amber eyes right now. It'd be so long since he'd seen them. Seen them without a look of pure hatred in them at least.
"You know, you look really cute where you're studying?" Sirius thought aloud.
Remus felt a blush rise up into his cheeks. Sirius obviously didn't mean it like that. Sirius was his friend. He was really good looking. He would never been interested in an ugly, brainy little werewolf. Still, he did look up, but Sirius was shaking so much now he didn't notice.
"God, Moony, I wish you would say something, do something, anything! Tell me you hate me, tell me I was stupid, hit me, anything, Remus! It's killing me! Weeks, Remus, weeks, and you won't even talk to me. I can't stand it!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping up.
Remus felt guilty. He hated hurting Sirius like this. He knew it was selfish, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell Sirius how he felt.
"I know you don't care how many times I tell you I'm sorry. I know you don't care, but I am. You know I didn't mean to hurt you though, Moony, don't you? I'd never hurt you on purpose. Never." Sirius looked on the verge of tears now.
"Why'd you do it then?" Remus whispered, looking into Sirius' eyes now. It was the first thing he'd said to Sirius in three weeks. It was the first time in weeks he'd seen the beauty of Sirius' gray eyes. The eyes shining with tears right now.
Sirius sunk to his knees, unable to stand anymore. The sight, Remus decided, was both saddening and slightly pitiful. He was glad the common room was empty. It was a really nice day outside though.
"I don't know! I really don't! Things have been really hard. You know what happened this summer with my family and… I don't know, I guess I wanted someone else to feel my pain for once. Snivellus kept asking and it just seemed like a good idea at the time… I- I don't think, Remus, I really don't. That's my problem, I just don't think.
"And… I'm not asking you to forgive me. I don't want you to yet. I don't even deserve it. There's something else I have to tell you though, and… I just don't know how to say it… But I have to tell you, Remus. I can't take it anymore. Remus, I-" Sirius paused. He stood up and seemed to reach some sort of conclusion.
Next thing Remus knew, Sirius had thrown himself on top of him and pressed his own strong lips firmly against Remus' soft, gentle ones. It was more amazing that Remus had ever imagined it being, and he soon parted his lips and allowed Sirius to explore his mouth. Remus took the opportunity to explore Sirius' as well, and decided there was definitely something very Sirius about it. It didn't matter that this was Remus Lupin's first kiss, because he knew this feeling would have only came from one person, and that was Sirius Black.
When the duo finally did break apart, both were panting for breath. Remus could hardly believe what had just happened. Sirius looked both horrified and relieved.
"Oh, God, Sirius…" Remus breathed.
Sirius quickly jumped up, picking horrified instead of relieved. Remus followed.
"Oh, God, Moony, I shouldn't have done that… I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, I-" Sirius began.
"But I liked it, Padfoot, and I know you did too. I think that's one of the things I like about you, anyway… That you don't think." Remus soothed. "And I forgive you for what happened three weeks ago."
There was a long silence, then Sirius suddenly broke out into a huge grin. Remus smiled. He hadn't seen Sirius like this is so long.
"How long?" Sirius asked, bewildered.
"Have I fancied you?" Remus asked. "Oh, since last Christmas. I should be asking the same of you."
"Fourth year! You should have said something… James said you might, but I don't know, I didn't want to believe it…"
"I just didn't think you'd be interested in someone like me." Remus muttered, looking down at the floor.
Sirius grabbed Remus' hands in his own, "Someone as beautiful, smart and compassionate as you are, Moony? Someone who doesn't judge me? Someone I find it hard not to love? I'd be crazy not to, Remus."
"I'm a bloody werewolf, Sirius."
"I know," Sirius kissed his forehead. "but you're my werewolf."
"I didn't get you a birthday present." Remus said guiltily, finally looking up. "I can get you on still though, if you want…"
"I already got exactly what I wanted though." Sirius said seriously.
"What was that?"
Sirius pulled Remus closer and whispered, "You."
Remus kissed him, "Happy birthday, Padfoot!"
Sirius said nothing, but instead, took Remus' hand again and led him through the school to spend the day on the grounds together, under the same tree they hung out under after their O.W.L.s. He had never been happier in his life. The birthday party he knew James had planned for him would have to wait this time.
"This is the best birthday present I've ever gotten." Sirius said quietly from below Remus.
"I'm glad I was a part of it then." Remus said, leaning down to kiss Sirius again. "I'm sorry I ignored you for so long. I was being a jerk."
"You were worth the wait though."
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at slash, and my first attempt at romance. Any suggestions would really help. I don't think it was out of character for Sirius to cry, because he really liked Remus. It you read my other fanfics, don't freak out, I will be updating them soon. Just need a bit more for Unexpected Arrival, and I have no idea when you'll see Hopes and Dreams actually. I lost my inspiration for it at the moment. I have not given up on it though!
