Lines: Grieving, a stargate: atlantis fanfic

Title: Lines: Grieving

Author: Marianne H. Stillie

Categories: Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag for The Real World

Rating: T

Pairing: Ronon & Elizabeth

Series: The Lines Series – Story #10

Season: Season 3

Sequel To: Lines: Reconciling, Blending, Hoping

Summary: Elizabeth's ordeal with the nanites has deeper consequences for her and Ronon.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places for Stargate Atlantis are the property of MGM Worldwide Television Distribution, Sony Pictures Television and Acme Shark Cooper/Wright Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks are intended. Previously unrecognized characters, places and this story are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Archive: Please do not archive anywhere without the author's permission.

Author's Note: This story begins a full shift to an Alternate Universe in my Stargate Atlantis writings. Unacceptable events, in the second half of Season 3 and to come in Season 4, have made this turn away from canon the only way I can continue Ronon and Elizabeth's story, along with creating the stories I want to tell for the entire true ensemble of Stargate Atlantis characters.

Lines: Grieving

A memory of panic drifts through my wall of sleep. It's dark. Where am I? Please, not that horrible place they sent me to in my mind. The fear grabs in my throat and I can't catch a breath.

Wait. I hear the steady rhythm of waves outside my room. Atlantis! I'm really home.

I feel Ronon's warm skin pressed snugly against my body, his heart beating into my ear. His long exhales of breath drift across my cheek bringing the scent of wintergreen to my nose. He's become addicted to that taste, and others that would give most people massive cavities. But not my strong Satedan. Seven years without the basics of civilization and he has perfect teeth. After all he's been through, I can't begrudge him his sweet tooth.

His giant hands search my body. Even in sleep he craves the reassurance of my closeness and warmth. I cover his one hand that has enveloped the swelling that is our daughter. She must be asleep as well since I feel none of her usual nocturnal movements.

He pulls me closer and I feel the first pinch, a twinge of something that shouldn't be coming from my body. It fades then returns, deeper and stronger, until my lower body is the total focus of my mind.

XxX

Elizabeth's escalating moans woke Ronon in a panic. He recognized pain when he heard it. "Elizabeth, what's wrong?"

"It hurts," she whimpered.

"Where?"

She rolled onto her back and covered her lower abdomen with both her hands. "Here, and it shouldn't."

Even as the first tears began in her eyes, Ronon was pulling on his pants and wrapping her in a blanket. "We'll be in the infirmary in no time. Just hold tight." His words were calm but his own fear was already seeping in.

Carson Beckett rushed into the main ward only seconds before Ronon came tearing through the doorway. The Satedan's eyes grew larger as Elizabeth's cries of pain became sharper.

"Bring her here!" and he led the way to the closest treatment room.

Gently, Ronon eased Elizabeth onto the exam table. As his arm slid out from under her body where he'd been holding her legs, smears of red trailed down his forearm. His eyes went to Beckett's face. "Doc?"

Carefully moving aside the folds of blanket, his vision confirmed what he'd been afraid of since Ronon's cryptic call to him on the radio. The stream of red fluid increased as Elizabeth's body writhed from the internal spasms.

"Elizabeth, I'm going ta give you a shot ta help with the pain, okay luv?"

"I shouldn't be here again, Carson! It's not time for the baby! Tell him, Ronon! It's not time!" her sobs more hysterical with each word.

Ronon hovered closer, caressing her face, his lips brushing across her cheek. "The Doc will take care of you Elizabeth, and the baby. Don't worry."

With one quick motion Carson emptied the syringe into Elizabeth's arm. "The pain will stop soon. Then I want you to sleep."

Elizabeth's hand grabbed Ronon's arm, her nails digging into his skin. "No! No. No…" Her voice faded as she fell into the drug-induced sleep.

Still holding her hand tightly in his, Ronon asked, "Will she be all right?"

"The sooner I get her inta surgery the better. It looks like a really bad miscarriage. You know what that is?"

"I know," Ronon answered, his voice tight.

"I have to get the bleeding stopped." Carson tempered his urgent tone, remembering how close these two people were to each other. "You can wait in the observation room if you'd like."

Ronon moved away from the table as three of the staff nurses arrived and began preparing Elizabeth. Slowly he backed out of the room, his eyes locked on his mate until the people and the walls hid her from him.

I feel myself drifting, through mist, along cobwebs, around smoke. The tangible, the substance, the reality are very far away. Then I remember, and hear the voices bringing me back.

XxX

Elizabeth's skin was icy against Ronon's warm cheek. The pale woman lying in the infirmary bed wasn't the one he'd gone through the Stargate with only a day ago. That woman had been healthy and vital and gloriously happy over the new life she carried. He wanted her to wake up, but he was also afraid, knowing how devastated she'd be at the loss of their child.

"I promised to take care of you, Elizabeth, and I failed. I'm so sorry for this new pain." Tears were a rare thing for him. Like his memory-induced grief on Sateda, these came hotly. "I know what you'd say if you could hear me, 'The Pegasus Galaxy is a harsh place and you did your best.'. You're much more forgiving than I am." He wrapped his hands tightly around hers and let his heavy tears warm her skin.

XxX

Carson stood silently in the doorway to Elizabeth's private room. The sun had already risen outside and it had been hours since this latest medical crisis had begun. Ronon had to be exhausted, but he was still in the chair beside her bed. He'd been there since she came back from the surgery.

This terrible loss shouldn't have happened to these two wonderful people, he mused. Losing a wee babe who would have brought so much joy to their lives. Carson let a long sigh escape. There would have been so much new joy for all of them.

His personal grief slipped to the surface. After all the losses he'd been responsible for this past year, he had so wanted to be the good doctor for a change and help bring a new life into this world. It would have finally done something to balance his ever-present guilt.

The professional Doctor Beckett shook off the melancholia and steeled himself. His responsibilities as a doctor had to come first to his dear friends.

XxX

Ronon felt a strong hand on his shoulder and looked up at Beckett. He didn't even try to hide the fresh tears as he asked, "How long will she be asleep, Doc?"

"I gave her quite a bit of medication. The procedure was more difficult than I expected and she'll be in a lot of pain. Why don't you get some rest? I'll call you when she wakes."

"No. She'll need me to be here." His eyes went back to Elizabeth's face. "Will we be able to have another child?"

"Elizabeth's a strong, healthy woman and she should recover from this trauma. It would be wise to wait a few months to give her body time to heal."

"You don't understand, Doc. If there's any chance that trying again will endanger Elizabeth's life, I'd just as soon forget it." Unable to keep the festering emotions out of his voice, Ronon added, "She wants a child with me so much. All I want is Elizabeth."

"Any pregnancy is a risk. You and Elizabeth can only hope for the best. I will tell you that there was nothing normal about this miscarriage. It was the nanites. They did extensive damage in those few hours they had control of her body. The little lass would have been born with massive deformities. This was for the best, son."

Ronon brushed Elizabeth's hand across his lips. He stifled the choking hatred this news unleashed and stored it away for future revenge. "Thank you, for everything."

"Your teammates are prowling around right outside the infirmary. Teyla even has a tray of food for you. Shall I send them in?"

"Yes." Ronon enclosed Elizabeth's hand in both his again.

I know there should be physical pain. Pain to match the emptiness my body feels so acutely. Carson's good medicines are keeping it at bay. When I have to face the real world, I'll let what I've lost take over. For these next moments, I need to console the precious being beside me who is my love, my life and my family.

XxX

Elizabeth reached out and tangled her fingers in her mate's tousled hair. His head stirred where it lay on her bed asleep and he sat up in the chair.

A hint of mirth shaded her weak voice, "You look terrible."

Ronon rubbed his eyes then smiled at her. "You look beautiful."

"It's a lie, but I'll take the compliment."

Behind his tired eyes she saw the masked fear that he could have lost her. She had always been able to absorb his emotions, since that moment in the control room a year ago when she'd shared his grief over the ruins of his lost home world. She knew what she needed to do now would bring out his matching empathy.

Trembling hands covered her abdomen, her fingers tenderly moving where their child had been only yesterday.

Ronon's large, gentle hand covered hers. "She's gone, Elizabeth. The nanites…"

Her green eyes held tightly with his. "We had her for a little while," and her arms reached out for him.

He sat on the bed and surrounded her in a tight embrace. With total understanding and need and compassion, they cried together for long minutes, allowing the harshest grief to escape.

As he felt her tears subside along with his own, Ronon stated simply, "You still have me, and you always will."

Burrowing deeper into his warm body, Elizabeth added, "We have each other. And that's all that matters, my love."