Fic written for the Pointless but Original Talking Forum Holiday Fic Exchange.
Request Number: 03
Pairing/Groups: Anything involving Seigaku in gen, pairing-wise is anyone(male)xRyoma
Squicks/Turn Offs in Fic: FemRyo, Girly!character (i.e. Eiji, Ryoma, Fuji, etc), crossdressing (not against it, but this got dull real fast)
What You'd Like to See in Fic: Humor
Gen/Het/Slash/Smut/None/All-of-the-above?: Gen or slash.
Request: ...TachibanaRyoma. "Tachibana Kippei was in love. Now if only he could get Echizen Ryoma to see how perfect a couple they would be..."
Notes: If my request was too specific, I can make it more open or change it entirely
Beta: awintea (thanks! 8D)
A/N//Message to receiver: Um...I'm not so great at humor, nee. So...^///^ I tried. Hope I tried hard enough "D Crooked Mile. Happy New Year! :D
--
Tachibana Kippei was in love. Totally.
After all, it was every Twilight fangirl's dream—true love at first sight, after all! What could be more perfect a match than the Prince of Tennis with the awesome and sexy and all-around kickass captain of Fudoumine?
No, really.
Because—kami damn it—he is so sexy, and whoever disagrees can get crucified with the ants. Can anyone deny that shiny star-mole, and the hair that he's making an attempt at growing back out?
But back to the story (even though he is so sexy that it hurts).
Tachibana Kippei was in love. With Echizen Ryoma. And how that even came to be was because of a very, very simple reason.
So Fudoumine was playing against Seigaku; Tachibana, typical to every middle school player, had to cross paths with the latter team, especially Echizen Ryoma, who stuck out—somehow—because he was so short and cocky and—kami forbid, a freshman? The horror!
He took one look at the little stoic Munchkin—and realized that he was in love; the hearts fell over his head and he decided that the freshman would be no one's but his.
But Ryoma didn't know that.
So Tachibana decided that he was blind, what with all the aloofness that Ryoma threw on him during the few times they were near—while Tachibana was friendly—and even a little suggestive—as can be, the freshman held as much regard for him as the next person. How could he ignore the awesome beast behind him?!
And then Tachibana began to pursue him, of course—wasn't Kamio doing that to his sister?—(thus he had to remember to keep An away).
As it turned out, Ryoma was one difficult fe—guy.
Guy. No, really.
Ahem.
--
Day One
Tachibana was hiding in a bush. Why?—who cares? Every suitor should hide in a bush to stalk his lover-to-be. It's a classic.
Oh, Ryoma was coming. He could hear light footsteps....
Making sure that no one was around, he jumped out and tackled the tennis player with the might of a thousand sexy hearts—he'd been waiting for this moment! "YOU'RE MINE NOW!" he shouted with a clownish grin.
—Only to find himself with an armful of Tezuka Kuni—
How—
GLARE.
"...Never mind," Tachibana squeaked, and took off running. He really didn't want to be eaten.
--
Day Two
"Hello Ryoma, would you like some Ponta today?"
"...What are you doing here?"
"I just thought—it's such a hot day and—"
"Thanks."
"Don't just take that and walk away!"
"Mada mada dane, Tachibana-san."
--
Day Three
An frowned. "You're acting so unlike yourself these days, onii-chan."
"You think so?" Tachibana twitched a little.
An managed to smile a little, and said, "Yeah. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were gay and pursuing a Seigaku regular."
Twitch.
"I wouldn't mind if you turn out to be gay, though, onii-chan."
"I'm not gay."
An almost giggled. "Even if you're in denial.
"And," she continued reassuringly, "the regulars from Seigaku are gay anyway. Echizen Ryoma, I've heard, has been snogging either Momoshiro-kun or Fuji-san. I forget." She smiled again, then frowned. "...Did I just hear something break?"
"I—It sounds like a heart breaking. I think."
"...Oh."
--
Day Four
FUJI SYUUSUKE. MOMOSHIRO TAKESHI. Whichever one of those bastards was going out with his Ryoma—yes, his, his, HIS!—was going to pay with their virginity! (Even though Tachibana was saving himself for Ryoma.)
His plan for the day was to make a move on Ryoma—right in front of both of them.
Genius.
So he cancelled practice that day, only after a few obstacles that almost killed it completely.
"There's no practice today!" he said, trying to keep the manly front he'd been developing over the years. "Go home."
"Eh..." was the sound that passed over the whole surprised team, before Kamio (who, for some reason unknown, had Shinji's tennis racket propped against his leg—Tachibana really didn't want to know) made the over-exaggerated move of stepping backwards.
The racket clicked against the ground, and Shinji—ever the drama queen—exploded.
...Well, sort of.
"You hurt my racket. Don't drop my racket," he mumbled loudly; and picked it up; the team was shaken out of its state of shock and the drops of sweat slid immediately. "This's my lucky racket—oh, there're scratches on the grip tape. Why the grip tape? What did grip tape ever do to you?—it was so hard to get too, I had to fight Echizen for this kind, and had to wait for months to get this; it was all sold out. If I were more mutinous and crazy a person—I am not crazy at all—I'd probably murder you, but I'm really not insane, I'm the sanest person you could ever meet, probably. Crazy people talk to themselves and don't notice it, and they do weird things like throw themselves out the window. I don't do any of that. By why the grip tape? This is my lucky racket with the hard-to-get tape, and it's expensive too. This is my baby racket, sometimes I think I gave birth to it; know why it's got that little red spot?—no, that's not from my match against Echizen which none of you would probably want to speak of again. That's my blood. Yeah, it's what's left of letting my baby see the worl—"
"Go home," Tachibana repeated, eyes twitching like the rest of the team's.
"Oh, now buchou is telling us all to go home. Oh well, it's not like Kamio has anything else to do this week—"
Tachibana left.
A while later, he was at the courts of Seigaku, staring with the six midgets—he assumed they were midgets—that were usually there, at Ryoma's uber-godly skills.
An hour passed.
He wanted to hurt something when Echizen smirked at Momoshiro.
Another hour.
He wanted to sit down.
Another.
They practiced until six, right?—it should have been so...
Another.
Damn! No wonder they were so Mary Sue-style good!
Another.
Tachibana thought he snored a bit—but he loved that little brat on the court too much for that! Surely the sounds of effort and the sweat pouring off his skin was enough to keep anyone awake.
Another.
The regulars were leaving at last.
Tachibana wanted to cry, either from the incredible itch he had in his armpit or the sheer happiness of getting his chance.
Wait for it.
A tear trickled out of his eye as Tachibana saw Ryoma walk out of the courts, only yards away from him.
He ran over.
"Hey!—hey, Ryoma!" he shouted happily, throwing himself at the brat—he missed.
"Nya!" Kikumaru Eiji squeaked, jumping back. "What's going on, Ochibi?" he cried out in fear.
"Oi, Eiji...," Oishi said, though he was clearly just as startled by the sudden appearance of the out-of-character captain. He was sure there was sweat somewhere on the back of his neck.
Tachibana wanted to cry. Again. But he was too awesome, manly, sexy, and all-around kickass for that, was he not?
"..." left Ryoma's slightly parted mouth.
"...Ryoma!" Tachibana said again, and tossed himself at the freshman—this time he caught him.
"UNYA!" Eiji screamed, and the rest of the team gasped, though Tachibana was too wrapped up around the boy to care.
"Let go," Ryoma grumbled.
"But Ryoma!" Tachibana cried, manly tears running down his sexy face. "I love you! We're perfect for one another, can't you see that?"
The team gasped dramatically again.
"Mada mada dan—"
"No! I love you so—"
"Is that why you were offering Ponta to me the other day like a pedophile?"
"No!...well...yes...erm, yes."
"Then you could've just said so, Tachibana-san," Ryoma said plainly.
"No—! Wait...you mean..."
"Even though you're uncharacteristically desperate right now, I have a feeling that you'll get better when we're together. Yes. I've actually been thinking about it some time, but..."
Oh, it was all right to kiss in public—it was okay to be gay as long as they were around the gayer Seigaku regulars!