I own nothing, this is pretty generic. Let there be slash.
Awareness
Kentin's not that blind.
Well, shit, maybe he is, but that's because he's not used to these things.
So it might've taken a very drunk Kim, a blushing Violette, and several cups of that very bitter thing that his dad drinks with his colleagues to realize that Alexy likes him.
Yeah.
He doesn't spend more than half his time around the man or anything.
And well, it's not like it bothers him, everybody's known that Alexy likes guys since freshman year and no one's ever been very bothered by it.
So if he'd learned it in other circumstances, he'd just have pretended that he didn't know. Because really, if Alexy himself hasn't told him, it means that he has his reasons for not wanting him to know.
And really, I don't want him to pull back from me.
Kentin knows what that's like; he would've never wanted Lynn to ask about his feelings before he told her. Mostly because he was aware from the start that she didn't reciprocate and the already present knife in his heart didn't need twisting.
But see the issue here is not that he now knows –and that his slightly intoxicated mind has begun to conjure quite a few scenarios that don't bother him as much as he thought they would, being raised as he was- no, the issue here is that Alexy has just run out of the room, beet red faced and mortified beyond belief –as Kentin knows because the blue haired man would never have that expression on his face when he wasn't completely overwhelmed, and that happened about one in some hundreds of thousands of times-.
I'm fucked aren't I?
Beside him Violette's eyes ate fixed on Kim, giving her a stern look. Kim is looking at her girlfriend right back, a little confused and as brash as ever "I just thought they would've already" lime green eyes fix on him "Sorry Kenny, but yer pretty oblivious not realizin' that he's been carrying a torch for you for ages"
Kim's the kind of drunk that knows how to control herself, by this meaning that she's not likely to jump off of a second floor window or cheat on her girlfriend, but when she's drunk her tongue gets very, very loose.
That's usually where Violette, who doesn't drink at all –due to that one incident two years ago that no one mentions unless they want Kim to punch them- and has learned to keep her happy and relatively quiet by physical methods when it's necessary.
Today, Violette happened to be fetching a drink for her, and well, chaos ensued.
And he had to hear, dammit.
So Kentin now finds himself pretty woozy and darting from the couch about five minutes later than he should have –because he can be a bit slow at processing news sometimes and the alcohol just succeeds in making everything not matter until it suddenly does and he's literally lost his best friend in a mass of random strangers, probably metaphorically too-. Pushing through a crowd as thick as this one is hard, and he has no guarantee that Alexy is still in the house because Armin didn't come with and Alexy doesn't drink and their parents lent him the car for the night.
When this thought seeps in –yes, he is the distracted kind of drunk, and he's never been to this house before, so everything here is disorienting- he makes a beeline for the porch. There, with a sigh of relief, he notes that the car is still there and very empty.
That's a good thing, they probably need to talk about it –they do, he thinks, remembering that it's not the first time this happens to Alexy and he doesn't want the man to think that he rejects him, well, in the friendship sense, of course- but it still means that he has to dive into the ocean of pretty lights and sweaty strangers that is the house.
And I was very enraged at the motherfucker who'd yell at him like that for something that wasn't even his fault.
Back inside, someone's turned the volume even further up and he can hear cheering in the second floor. Kentin climbs the stairs –not without having a cup of something thrust in his hands, accepting it mostly so that people will quit insisting- he's not curious about the cheering, but wherever there's noise and well eh perkiness, to put it some way, Alexy seems to be –his sight is getting blurrier by the second though, that last cup of whatever the hell Kim was drinking is catching up with him-.
I'd probably be one of those recluses if it wasn't for him and Armin huh? They make me talk when I don't even want Lynn around.
All the commotion ends up being some idiot getting half a bottle of vodka poured down his throat, and an arm around some guy that Kentin's never seen before but looks a bit like that jackass who used to chase Lynn around before Lysander went serious on him –it is as terrifying as it sounds- just without the long hair and with a little more buff to his arms.
The lights and the loud music are making him want to puke, or scream, and everything looks utterly foreign and annoyingly familiar to him at the moment.
He's pissed off, pissed off at Kim for being a loudmouth, at the girl trying to drag him to dance, at Alexy for just running out and not letting him tell him that… what, he furrows his brow.
That I'm not leaving him, I guess, or mad, or disgusted. I care for him for god's sake.
Even the idiot that probably just gave himself alcohol poisoning and is now swaying drunkenly in the muscled guy's arms makes him mad, even if he looks like Alexy a little
Oh fu- god that is Alexy.
In this light everything looks blue –or red, or yellow, or lemon purple- and he would probably count seven fingers where there are three right now, so he didn't realize at first, but the closer he stumbles to the two people, the more sure he is that the very intoxicated young man, now practically hanging from muscled guy's neck is in fact Alexy.
But Alexy doesn't drink.
Ever.
His case is not like Violette's, no traumatic past experiences of public stripping, or like Lysander's, who does like to drink a glass while writing lyrics but never lets a drop touch him on parties. Alexy just doesn't like it and he argues that dancing is far more fun when he isn't in danger of keeling over. It's more the potential behavior and the fact that he likes to take care of his drunken friends. So Alexy's never drunk anything but the odd wine glass at a fancy dinner, and Kentin knows from the man himself that even that's managed to make him dizzy in a few occasions.
Yet here he is, probably barely aware of his own name and in the arms of some guy who is clearly looking at him like a slab of meat.
And all of this over what? He's overreacting, this is me, I want him happy. I won't hurt him, or yell at him.
Among the noise and the lights and the overall uncomfortable warmth, he finds that he's burning, and when the random guy slips his hands below his friend's shirt, Ken sees red.
.
.
Cutting in –and resisting the urge to punch the guy's face in-was more than awkward, especially when Alexy's face twisted into abject terror after he recognized Kentin.
Fearing a scene, he grabbed the blue haired man by the wrist and dragged him to the nearest bathroom, locking the door behind them –finding the bathroom empty was probably the most luck he's had this night.-
Now he's locked in a small bathroom with a nigh hysterical, smashed, undeniably very cute boy while he himself is a bit more than dizzy.
He sets his cup down beside the sink and tries to restrain the other, who is trying with all of his uncoordinated might to sneak past Kentin and back into the party.
"Leeet me go Kentin" the other man says, trying –and failing- to pry him away from the door with hands that shake terribly. "Youuu hate mee, let me ouuut"
"I don't hate you" he grabs Alexy by the shoulders –somewhat awkwardly, since he's shorter and sort of crouching in front of the door-. And battles to make eye contact with the reluctant eyes.
Fuck it, he settles for grabbing the other's face and steadying it so that he won't have a choice
Alexy just screws his eyes shut and weakly says "You pita-pity me then" he continues "Or you are ma-mad"
"I'm not mad-look, just calm down" the other boy shakes his hands off and tries to move Kentin from the door, though thankfully he's stronger and manages to hold his own- against Alexy who doesn't like sports much and can't stand straight right now anyway-
"You're goin' t' leave me and I dn't wanna calm down" the slurring is getting worse, Alexy looks sort of green "Let me out, I wan' out"
Sighing, he tries to think up something to say to the other boy, but nothing comes to mind and he's losing strength fast "Look just drink some water and I'll take you home and we'll talk somewhere else."
"I don't want water!" Alexy pulls back "Rather, this" It's too late –and his reflexes are kind of jammed anyway- when he realizes that Alexy has dived for the cup of whatever it was and downed it with a grimace. "Now let me through"
"The hell. You drank too much, I can't let you out, someone's going to take advantage of you out there"
"Maybe I need that!"
"You're smashed, you don't know what you need"
"I love you! I've loved you for three years and you probably hate me now and I want out of this bathroom before I make an even greater idiot out of myself and lose you even more because you'll hate me-"
"You're rambling."
"Rambling huh?" And there it is, that little thing where your mood swings from one end of the spectrum to the other when you're drunk, Alexy steps in a little and manages to loom over him, bringing his face closer to the other's.
And presses their mouths together. The lips against his feel soft and pliant, and taste like booze and something very Alexy –probably candy-. Kentin finds his own lips loosening up and his eyes closing.
A second later he finds himself shoved aside and Alexy halfway out of the door.
Fuck.
Kentin is grateful for military school most of the time –well not for some things- and today he's blessing the moment Amber decided to torment him, because when Alexy manages to catch him of guard and pulls the door open, he's able to pull the man into a simple hold and close the door once again.
"Shh. Calm down ok? I don't hate you. I'm here, I'm not leaving"
And then Alexy starts crying and he feels like a jackass even if he hasn't said anything pertaining to the problem. These tears are such a rare thing, he's never seen Alexy cry, sad sure, but not cry, probably the closest has been that melancholy that seems to grab the man on random moments where he just stares at everything but Kentin and his eyes are really bright when he absolutely must.
Well, I guess I found the answer to that particular misery.
Seeing Alexy like this kind of kills him a little –Alexy's bamboo, flexible, swaying happily in the wind, he's not supposed to break-.
Kentin strokes the blue haired man's hair, is this how he's supposed to act in this situation?
Suddenly, the man retches in his hold "Ugh. Ken- I think I'm going t-" It takes only that for Kentin to let go and Alexy makes a dash for the toilet, vomiting a lot of alcohol. The brown haired man just watches.
He grabs the empty red cup and rinses it in the sink, filling it up with water that he hands to Alexy when the other finishes.
Pink eyes look up at him gratefully and he gulps the water down in one go, then leans back against the wall, somehow looking like a little boy despite the setting.
He's kind of handsome, like this- what the- well…
It takes three minutes for Kentin's own muddled mind to realize that Alexy has actually fallen asleep.
This happens ironically because someone bangs loudly on the bathroom door and yells "The hell are you doing in there? Fuckin'? Some of us actually need the toilet." Startling them both, Kentin out of his dreamlike considerations and Alexy out of his sleep
"Here, hold on to me" Ken bends down and puts one of Alexy's arms over his shoulder, then lifts the surprisingly light teen up.
Apologetic smile in place, he opens the door, meeting a very angry guy behind it.
"Sorry"
Alexy's starting to nod off again, so he hurries them out –he'd ask for help, but here he only knows Kim and Violette and they're making out on a couch- and to Alexy's car.
He fumbles in the other's pocket for the keys. "C'mon Alex"
Finally finding them in the back pocket of the other's jeans, he opens the back door and lays the other teen down, when he goes to close it he finds half-lidded rose eyes peering up at him.
"Sleep here?"
Those eyes are begging, Kentin makes a quick run-down of his possibilities to this point, his only other options are sitting in the driver's seat like some wacko or going back to the party –which is a no because like hell he's leaving Alexy Alone. The surprise however is that he realizes how much he actually wants to lie down beside the other. So before he has time to berate himself and second guess, he slips inside beside the blue haired man, who closes his eyes and sighs contentedly, despite the tight fit.
Almost immediately after he closes his eyes, his breathing evens out and a thin arm drapes around Kentin's waist.
A quiet Alexy, what a sight.
Oh god what am I going to do about this.
He's never been much into romance, people used to not notice him at all for god's sake, and afterwards he spent a good two years chasing a girl who was smitten with Lysander since before he came back from military school.
The last year he's had a few random girls kiss him at parties –and it's always Alexy's or Lynn's fault for dragging him along- but it's never been more than that, he's never wanted it to be any more than that, he has all he wants already.
Friends and family –to an extent- and decent grades. And Alexy's been such a big part of it; he really doesn't know what to do because he never suspected that the way Alexy sometimes looks at him could be romantic. There was fondness of course, and he can admit that he's attached to the other and the whole point of this is that he doesn't want Alexy to pull away or suffer.
A headache is beginning to form at his temples -'See, that's while you shouldn't drink' the teen beside him would usually say- And his mind is as muddled as his feelings. Resolving that nothing's going to get worked out if they don't talk, he lets his eyes slide shut, unconsciously curling into the other man's body.
.
.
An obnoxious, high pitched voice wakes Kentin up by basically stabbing his head with an ice pick.
He fumbles for the phone in question, finding it squeezed between his and alexy's thigh and doesn't bother to see the caller or the twenty six missed calls
"'lo"
"Alex, where the hell are you?" Armin's voice ion the other end is shrill and has a worried tint to it.
"Uh? Armin?"
"Ken?"
"Kentin" He corrects without much heat
"Where's Alex? Oh god, did something happen? Our parents are looking for him in town."
"He's…" the internal debate over whether to tell Amin or not is finally resolved by reckoning that Alexy would tell him either way "Sleeping. "
Armin lets out what sounds mostly like a giggle on the other end "Ohh, so you guys finally-"
Has everyone known about it all this time but me?
"No!- I mean no, he got drunk and Kim said something and… look I'll get him to your house and we'll talk-"
"I'll drive you to yours" A raspy voice coming trom below him intervenes. Alexy's eyes are half open and bloodshot; he takes the phone from Kentin's hands "Hey Armin… Yeah… I'll tell you at home… tell mom I'm fine… Ok, later" His voice sounds dead and when he hangs up, he takes a moment to look at Kentin in the eyes and proceeds to slip into the driver's seat.
A sad, mock of a smile creeps over the blue haired man's face "Let's go to your house kay?"
Kentin nods mutely and hands him the keys while slipping into the passenger seat. "Last night-"
"Please, just forget it" The other is shaking, gripping the steering wheel with long, elegant, white knuckled hands. Overall, Alexy looks pale and has uncharacteristically dark circles under his eyes, his hair is mused and his clothes are rumpled and alcohol stained. Kentin wants to hug him, even if it sends them crashing into the sidewalk.
He swallows, hard. "I'm not… going to move away from you"
"You say that" Rose eyes stay fixed on the road "I won't resent you, things'll be awkward"
"You're my friend, I won't push you away, even if it's awkward" the world speeds past them, a blur of realistic colors and early morning light and cold streets "U-unless you don't want me around then-"
They get to a stoplight, and Alexy finally turns to look at him.
Glassy rose colored eyes, a choked voice, something randomly decides to expand inside his ribcage. "I want you around, I want…just pretend like everything's the same, please"
Kentin nods quietly. All of the resolve to talk more profoundly dissolving at the bottom of his throat, he finds that he's completely disarmed somehow.
Just now… just now, I almost kissed him.
The trip's not long to his house, but it passes both slow and in a blur of confusing sensations.
When they part, they do so with barely a word, and as Kentin bends over to open the front door he can't resist the urge to look back, Alexy's got his head resting on the wheel.
.
.
The rest of the weekend passes like a god is purposefully lengthening each second just by a fraction, he can't call Alexy because he's too confused and the conversations he's had with Armin leave a lot to be desired.
Sunshine has flounced away.
His father's visiting for the weekend, and even he realizes that there's something wrong. On Sunday morning, when Kentin comes down to the kitchen for breakfast, he sets his newspaper aside in a business-like manner and in a gravely manner all but demands an explanation for Kentin's behavior –he's been alternately overthinking in bed or training on the floor of his room, basically acting a recluse and his mom is worried-.
Do I look that bummed out? Or is it just because he want's mom to stop worrying?
Kentin simply utters a bland excuse-a bad week or something of the sort – and continues mulling over what pretty much is the majority of human interaction that he's had in the last three years.
Talking to his dad of all people wouldn't be of much help anyway –and he's not sure the exact position of the man's regarding homosexuality, in the best of cases he'd be told to suck it up, and in the worst, the man might blow a fuse on him for just considering that he might like Alexy that way-.
Monday morning finds him sweaty and tired on his bedroom floor, wearing some random pair of cargo pants and an old tank top of his dad's, with a mind no less confused than before.
Even chocolate chip cookies don't make the morning better, nor does science class with Alexy three meters away in his assigned seat.
He didn't say hello this morning, and Kentin knows that he's making things awkward and that'll hurt Alexy, but he's honestly just so confused.
On recess, he tries and fails to find the blue haired man, he's in none of his usual hangouts and Armin seems to be napping in the classroom. While making his third round through the corridor, someone pulls him into a classroom, and unceremoniously pushes him down on a chair.
Cat like eyes greet him, with a somewhat ashamed expression.
"Hey Kid" She ruffles her hair, and he doesn't rebuke because he's both too tired and still sort of afraid of her. "I wanted to… just- Sorry, about Friday"
"You should apologize to him"
"I did, just now" she looks out of the window "He smiled and shut me out"
Kentin's eyes widen and his heart sort of hammers "Where'd he go?"
She perks up at this, speaking dryly" I think he wants space right now"
Kentin stands up and starts pacing "That's not like him, he shouldn't be alone." It doesn't feel right to leave him alone, is what he wants to say, but doesn't date"
"Kid, he needs time to come to terms with it" Kim gives him a slightly defeated look "He got his hopes up and I'm not saying it's your fault –it's mine anyway- but he needs time alone right now."
No, no, he gets sad when he's alone. He likes talking, even if it is about stupid things, he doesn't like silence, that's why he wears headphones
"Got… his hopes up?" it comes out as a whisper, his that would chide him for that, luckily he's not here.
"Hm" She purses her lips prettily "We all thought you two'd get together, once you stopped following Lynn around and kissing random people at parties." Kim has a rough voice for a woman, though right now there's almost a softness to it "You look at him like he looks at you, and even Lynn noticed. You don't get more oblivious than her" a pointed look is thrown his way "Or maybe you do."
"I don't know, everything's so muddled" Kentin bites his lip, absently playing with an empty cookie wrapper. "I missed him this weekend"
"Weekend?"
He nods slowly "we usually skype, or meet up, or text. And it's been two days of radio silence when he usually won't shut up."
"And it still feels wrong to leave him alone, right?" She smiles suddenly, face brightening "It's confusing but all you know is that you can't leave him?"
He says nothing, his eyes widen at her knowing expression. A rush of something fills him and he quietly heads for the door.
"He's at the roof kid"
"Thanks"
.
.
If ever asked, he'll say that the door was open. No one needs to know that he learned to pick locks at boot camp.
"Hey" The other turns to look at him, startled eyes, wide and pink like the rabbits from that one time.
These are red rimmed though.
"Hi" Alexy says "I didn't see you this morning" He's standing right behind the lattice, shaking a bit, and looking anywhere but his face.
"Overslept"
"Ah" Kentin walks up to him, until he's right beside the man. The other flinches a bit, and starts rambling nervously "You know, I want to go shopping soon, Rosalya says that her boyfriend just made some really cool things and I really want some new pants, and a few posters for my bedroom. I ought to bring Violette along too, I bet we could surprise Kim or something and I bet she looks really pretty in a dress…"
God, I missed you
And it hits him that this man solves his radio silence perfectly, just by talking of inane things and he wishes, he wishes there wasn't that cautious gleam in his eye, and the pretend cheerfulness in his voice. Alexy's mouth keeps moving, and he's not listening, no, he's just looking and Kentin's never been known for his self-control, so he doesn't even try to hold it when one of his hands cups the other's cheek, turning that face that he knows so well towards him and presses their mouths together.
Eyes closed, he gently maneuvers the other's body so they are chest to chest.
A soft kiss, and promises, they pull away. Alexy's looking at him expectantly, but there's hope in his eyes.
Kentin opens his mouth "I missed you"
Alexy smiles widely, and after that, Kentin never looks back.
.
.
One thought that he used to have back when Lynn had just gotten together with Lysander and he was still in the process of getting over her, was how it would feel like to do those things with someone, steal a kiss when you'd run into them at the hallway, or feed each other candy or any of those cheesy things that people seemed intent on doing and that he also secretly wished he had.
His father would have probably diswoned him for having such an unmanly idea, but it never left Kentin's head, so he was spared the lecture.
Now he knows though, back then he pictured a cute girl, but life has it's ways, he supposes. And he is very, very happy. Even his father ended up accepting the relationship, though not before a few threats of being sent back to boot camp were uttered.
And nothing's changed all that much, he still grumbles when Alexy tries to dress him up and Alexy still drags him to parties at random houses on Friday nights.
Though now he knows how a few other things feel, Alexy's grin at the juncture of his neck, a warm body pressing him against the mattress, kisses on Armin and Alexy's couch while they watch ne of those boring sitcoms that's pretty much just an excuse to cuddle.
They're going to be living together at uni.
He smiles, and his boyfriend smiles back.
I'm not even sure where this came from –caffeine is my best guess- I've always adored Alexy, though, so this wound up sneaking up on me.