Grenade

Kurt was sitting on his bed in his New York City loft holding his phone in his hand. A single tear ran down his left cheek. This was going to be the hardest thing for him to do, but it was something that he was completely aware that he needed to do. The feelings weren't there anymore. They were gone, just the way that he was and the need for him was gone too. Kurt flipped his phone over in his hand several times, before letting out a long sign and pushing the most frequently called number.

After three long agonizing rings, Kurt heard the chirper voice of the man who helped him get through one of the toughest times of his life. "Hey, baby! I didn't expect you to be calling so early! You caught me at the perfect time though, I just got out of my last class and I was headed to rehearsal, but I have about fifteen minutes."

Kurt let out a long sigh that didn't go unnoticed by the man on the other side of the phone line. Instantly his demeanor changed as he delicately asked, "What's wrong? Did something happen today?"

Struggling to find the words he wanted to use, Kurt responded with the most cliché words, "We need to talk."

If the other man wasn't already on edge from his boyfriend's sigh, he would have been after hearing those words. He began feeling his heart beat in various pulse points around his body and luckily, there was an empty seat right next to where he was standing on the bus that was currently taking him to North Campus. Ever so slowly, he sunk into the seat and felt the tears start to well up in his eyes. He had never heard those words before, well, he had, just not in real life, only in the movies. The moment was starting to feel like a dream. Remembering that he still needed to respond, he simply said, "Go ahead," in the calmest and a somewhat professional way.

Hurt at the professionalism in his boyfriend's voice, like this was a business call and he was calling to fire him, Kurt became offended. Quickly the thought did cross Kurt's mind that yes, he was firing him from his job as his boyfriend, lover, confidant, and best friend, because Kurt could see no way at how the two of them could stay friends without the awkwardness. They were each others' firsts. Frustrated and just wanting to get the horror over with, Kurt took an audible long breath in, "I don't think this is working anymore. It isn't working. When we said we would last forever, I thought that you would follow me to New York or I would follow to you Los Angeles. I never thought that we would end up in two completely different cities, let alone states, or time zones. There is not spark there anymore. We hardly ever talk…"

At this point, Blaine had heard enough and interrupted Kurt, "Kurt, I don't understand where the hell this is coming from. We talk daily for at least an hour, if not longer. I fly there once a month to see you, and most the time it is more than once a month if you have a performance. You never put in the effort to come here, even when I asked you to come to a show that I was over the roof excited about." Suddenly, the proverbial light bulb clicked on in his mind and he knew exactly what was going on. Ever so quietly, which was very contradictory to his earlier outburst, he whispered, "There is another man, isn't there?"

The silence from Kurt was all that he needed to completely break down in the very public place of the campus bus. He freely allowed the tears to fall and the sobs rack his body. Kurt ending it because he wanted to was one thing, Kurt ending it over another man was a completely other thing. Not knowing if he truly wanted to know the answer, he wondered aloud, "Do I know him?"

The quiet question would have been missed to Kurt if it wasn't for him sitting back and waiting for another outburst. He didn't expect to have the man break down on the other end. If it was any other guy whose heart he shattered, he wouldn't tell them but with this man he felt he had to tell him the truth, "Yes… my roommate."

That was the one person that had not crossed the man's mind. Several people had crossed his mind from Karofsky to Kurt's current duet partner to Trent, everyone and anyone who he knew to be gay. Kurt's roommate was one of, what appeared to be, the straightest guy that he had ever met. Obviously, he was extremely closeted and chose to come out with Kurt. Taking in a breath to settle himself, as he got off the bus at North Campus, he simply said, "Okay." He decided he needed to find a way off the phone before he said something he completely regretted. "Look, Kurt, I have to go. I just got to my rehearsal. Good bye, Kurt."

Kurt just heard a click and the dial tone as he processed what he had just done and the tears started to come. At that very moment, Kurt's roommate walked in with a tall blonde girl wrapped around him and both were in a tangled mess of each other as they headed straight pass Kurt and towards his roommate's bed. The sight was way too much for Kurt to handle at the moment. He had just ended things with the one guy who could have been the love of his life for what he thought better with a guy who just wanted a one night thing with him. Kurt broke down crying and walked out of his flat and hailed a cab.

After stepping off the bus, the still crying man walked straight into the classroom where he was meeting his friends and cast mates for their latest rehearsal. The chatter of the room came to a sudden halt as they all slowly noticed the man who was about to break into sobs again. His roommate immediately bounded across the room and pulled him into a hug and over to the closest vacant seat. Very calmly, his friend asked, "What is wrong, Blaine?"

Blaine tried his hardest to stop the sobs that kept coming and get out what all happened, but the only clear word that anyone could discern was, "Kurt." Not knowing anything else and not able to even conceive the idea that they would even break up, Blaine's roommate jumped to the conclusion the Kurt had been killed; because if he was injured in anyway, Blaine would already be on a plane to see him. Comforting Blaine, he pulled him into a tighter hug and started whispering to Blaine, "Kurt is in a better place. Everything will be okay."

Becoming upset with the fact that his roommate and friend thought that Kurt had died and not even wanting to comprehend that idea, Blaine yelled, "He isn't dead! He dumped me for his roommate!" The silence that followed was an awkward silence. Nobody in the room had ever seen Blaine give an outburst and they were shocked that the man they had never even met would leave such a wonderful guy as Blaine Anderson, who would have died for the man.

"Where to sir?" the cabbie asked the distraught man who had just crawled into the backseat of his cab.

"JFK," was the simple response as the taxi took off down the street and turned the corner, rushing forward.

After thirty minutes of rush hour driving, the taxi pulled up to the departures gate of the airport. The cabbie turned around to collect his fare and had to pull the boy from his thoughts, for he was just a shell of a man lost in his own thoughts. Mechanically, Kurt pulled out his wallet and handed the man the fare plus some and exited the taxi. He stumbled slightly as he walked through the automatic doors and walked straight up to the first counter that had no line and an airline employee was standing at.

Upon seeing the clearly upset man across the counter from her, the lady knew right away that the man needed to be on a flight to his destination as soon as possible. Attempting to cheer the man up, she put on her brightest smile and cheeriest voice and offered her assistance, "How may I help you today, sir?"

Slightly annoyed at the chipperness of the lady's voice, which to Kurt seemed very Rachel Berry-esque, Kurt shortly replied, "I need a flight to Ann Arbor, Michigan tonight."

Clicking away at her computer, an uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them. The lady knew not to ask for she had seen many people upset and found that generally, it was better for her if she didn't ask. Most of the time people shrugged it off like it was nothing, other times people would become angered with her, and on a rare occasion the person would break down and tell her the whole story which then just made things awkward. Finally, the flight she was looking for popped on her screen and a smile creeped on to her face. She clicked some more and what she saw wiped the smile off her face. Inhaling deeply, she looked up at the man and delivered her news, "Well sir, there is a flight leaving tonight for O'Hare that I have a seat for you on. However, the earliest flight that I can get you on out of O'Hare is not until five o'clock tomorrow night."

"Are you sure that is the best that you can do?" asked the dejected man.

"I am sorry sir, but it is. When you get to O'Hare you can ask an agent there if they could place you on standby on the earlier flights but it doesn't look like that will be very feasible. Would you like me to book you on these flights?"

Sighing, he pulled out his wallet and slid his credit card and drivers license across the counter as he simply said, "Sure."

"Umm… sir, would you like to know how much it is going to cost?" hesitantly asked the agent.

"Honestly? No."

"Okay." The airline agent went ahead and entered all of Kurt's information into the database, charged his credit card for the appropriate amount, and printed his ticket. Just as Kurt was walking away from the ticket counter and towards security, she spoke up one last time, "I hope everything works out for you."

Unsure if she was talking about his travel plans or his clearly evident personal problem, Kurt quickly looked back and saw the concern on her face and simply said, "Yeah, me too."

The chatter the slowly built was a relief to Blaine, knowing that the attention was now shifting off of him and onto other things such as the parties this weekend. However, several conversations still revolved around the man, they were just quiet enough that he wasn't registering that they were about him. Blaine had been able to calm himself down to a point where he was no longer crying and just had to figure out a way to get rid of his hoarse voice before the bulk of rehearsal began. He didn't care that his eyes were puffy or that his cheeks were tear stained, all he wanted was his voice to return to normal so he didn't ruin the rehearsal for everyone else.

"Okay, okay. I know I am late but let's get started," boomed the voice of a man who had just walked through the door, and was obviously the director. "We need to discus if we are going to do a second show tomorrow night or do a cabaret. We got the go ahead for either…" Just at that moment, the director looked up and saw Blaine's bloodshot eyes, "What the hell happened to you Anderson? Are you drunk?"

Everyone's eyes flew to Blaine expecting there to be a repeat of the outburst from earlier that afternoon. Instead, they received a Blaine's typical dapper response, "No, I am not. I have just had a rough day."

"All right, then, so, let's take a vote. Who is for a second show?" the man questioned the room of actors. Few hands shoot up. "Okay, and who wants to do a cabaret?" An overwhelming amount of hands shoot up, including Blaine's tentative one. "Then it is settled. We will do a cabaret after the show tomorrow night. I expect everyone to have something prepared for it." The group broke into excited side conversations. However, Blaine sat quiet and by himself not wanting to even be there at that moment. "Okay, okay. That is enough chit chat. Let us get on to rehearsal so we can get out of here."

Everyone got up and headed backstage to put the finishing touches on their costumes or get the props they needed for the scenes. However, Blaine still sat in the same spot, not registering the world around him. All he could think about was the conversation he had with Kurt earlier that day, still feeling the wounds. Without realizing it, tears started streaming down his face again.

The director came up to Blaine and knelt down in front of him. "Blaine, go home. You won't be of any help today."

"No, I'm fine, just give me a minute," Blaine stubbornly shook his head as the tears continued to fall.

"I will read your lines tonight. Just go home and collect yourself and be ready for tomorrow, okay?"

Sniffling a little, Blaine finally looked at his director, "Are you sure?"

"Yes! Now go!" his director exclaimed, nudging Blaine a bit. Slowly, Blaine got up and headed out the door and back towards his dorm.

Kurt walked out of the airport the next day. It was the first time he had ever been to Ann Arbor. He had to be in New York for his own school when Blaine had moved there for school. Luckily for Kurt, there were taxis at the taxi stand, if he was lucky, he might make it before Blaine's show began tonight. Getting into the cab, he asked the cabby to take him to the Walgreen Drama Center. The knots were even tighter in his stomach by this point and butterflies were starting to flutter around the knots. Getting out of the cab, Kurt looked down at his watch, he made it just in time, and just hopefully they still had available seats. Today was going to be Kurt's lucky day. There were still available seats and he found one just as the lights dimmed and the show began.

At first, when Blaine appeared on stage, Kurt's breath got stuck in his throat and he didn't breathe. This happened the first couple of times Blaine had a scene. Then, at some point, Kurt was able to breathe, but hot tears flowed freely down his cheeks. Kurt was grateful for the dimmed lights of the theatre so nobody could see his tears. However, he was pretty sure they could still hear his quiet sobs.

During intermission Kurt went to the restroom to clean himself up. He was a mess, he looked as if he hadn't slept and had cried for hours on end. Granted, those were pretty accurate observations, he just didn't want to look that way when he talked to Blaine after the show. Sighing, Kurt thought to himself, he only had one more act to go before he could apologize to Blaine.

Heading back to his seat, he found a man on stage, the director, addressing the crowd, "… a cabaret immediately following tonight's show. All cast members have prepared a variety of songs, skits, or comedy acts for your enjoyment tonight. Now, enjoy the rest of the show."

After hearing that he was going to have to wait even longer before talking to Blaine, Kurt sunk deeper into his chair. Kurt suffered through the remainder of the play, with each time he saw Blaine, he felt the pain again and the knots tighten even more. At the final curtain, Kurt sighed, at least during the cabaret he would only have to see Blaine a couple times.

The director came back out on stage announcing he was their emcee for the evening and wasted no time introducing the first act. She had a standup comedy act which was really good if Kurt had so say himself. Next were some skits which highlighted some stage combat. They were followed by several groups of people singing songs, mostly original parodies. By this point, Kurt still had not seen Blaine come on stage and the cabaret had lasted almost an hour and a half. Walking back out, the director addressed the crowd, "Last but not least, we have one of our stars of the evening singing… something. He refused to tell me what it was so we will all be surprised. So, give a big hand to Blaine Anderson."

Blaine walked out in a pair of dark jeans and a black dress shirt and stood center stage. To Kurt, he looked absolutely gorgeous and Kurt's breath caught in his throat again. When a spotlight shined down on him, Blaine brought the mic up to his face and started to sing.

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Why were they open?

Everyone in the audience had chills from the rawness and truth from Blaine's voice. Kurt had already recognized the song and he felt as if he was going to vomit. Blaine was singing this song about him.

Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

By this point it was obvious Blaine was crying as he sang. Almost all of the women in the room had tears forming in their eyes, feeling Blaine's pain. Their tears were nothing compared to Kurt's though. Kurt could not control his sobs as the tears flowed down his cheeks. He was the one that caused Blaine this much pain and it was hurting him thinking about it.

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said "hey" when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You'll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked

Blaine was staying strong on the stage even though he felt as if he was going to collapse to the ground and bawl. Kurt, however, was not nearly as strong as Blaine was; he was curled up in a ball in his chair with his tears still flowing.

Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya

Throw my hand on a blade for ya

I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

The audience was getting shivers from the intensity of Blaine's voice. They could tell that Blaine felt what he was signing. Kurt couldn't believe that Blaine was holding it together as well as he was, especially when Kurt was falling apart.

If my body was on fire, ooh
You' d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I'll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

Blaine was letting out all of his pain and frustration into the last part of the song. He was shaking and crying but he was determined to make it through the entire song without breaking down. It was at this point that Kurt lost all of his nerve and he felt defeated. He let out the breath he had been holding and got up and walked out of the auditorium.

I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same.
No, you won't do the same,
You wouldn't do the same,
Ooh, you'll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

As Blaine sang the last note, the crowd shot to their feet with a booming applause. It took everything that Blaine had to walk off the stage. He had barely made it to the wings before he collapsed, bawling. Everyone went and took their bows and some of Blaine's friends, came back to him and helped him up and lead him through the lobby and back to his dorm.

Kurt was nowhere in the lobby. He was gone.

AN: The song is "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. I hope you guys liked it. Please review and let me know what you liked or didn't like and what I can do to improve.