Sitting in Los Angeles General Hospital Jasper sat patiently in the waiting room, nervousness and anxiety his sole confidants as he waited for news that he didn't want to hear.
Ricardo had been diagnosed with AIDS during a routine check-up, unfortunately it was caught in the later stages where treatment was futile and too expensive to be any use. At the time of diagnosis he was given three to six months- he walked into his local doctor's office three weeks ago. Ricardo had deteriorated faster than expected, when days of being admitted to General his skin was covered in blotches and was beginning to pale.
Ricardo acted almost immediately, three days after his diagnosis he had his lawyer make up his will. Most of his belongings and wealth he left to Jasper, to do with as he pleased. There wasn't much else to the will in terms of who got what. Outside of Jasper, Ricardo had no one in his life that he cared enough about to include. In terms of requests and internment, Ricardo had requested to be buried in Quahog, Rhode Island, mostly because he knew that was where Jasper had a plot reserved.
"But you've only been to Quahog once" Jasper replied, "Why would you want to be buried there?"
Ricardo laughed and shook his head, gently rubbing Jasper's cheek at the same time.
"Because Jasper" Ricardo answered, "If it's one thing I know it's that you love your cousin more than life itself. You want to be near him. You want to tell him that everything is going to be okay. And I love that about you."
Jasper shook his head in disagreement, he would not have Ricardo base his decision on what he wanted. He would rather that Ricardo chose wherever he felt the happiest.
"I won't let you do that" Jasper said sternly, "That's ridiculous. Now where do you really want to be?"
Ricardo said nothing and placed his hand over Jasper's heart.
"Here" Ricardo answered simply, "Home is where the heart is Jasper. You only gave me half of a full heart. And I loved every minute of it. But I want to be with the rest of it and that's in Quahog."
Jasper began to tear up, he wanted to respond but somehow couldn't find the strength to speak. Jasper then cried, letting himself falling into Ricardo who gently embraced him as softly and gently as he could.
"In sickness and in health remember?" Jasper said through his tears, "You remember that? Till death do us part?"
Ricardo nodded as the lawyer respectfully gathered his things, will included and showed himself out of the room.
"I know" Ricardo exclaimed, "Believe me I know."
Jasper looked up into his eyes, his own wet with tears and shook his head rapidly, his emotions in full control of his actions.
"No you don't" Jasper replied, "How can you say that I gave half to you and half to Brian? How can you say that?"
Ricardo re-positioned himself on the bed and gave a deep sigh.
"Because it's what you do" Ricardo explained, "You give them a room in that hotel heart of yours. Brian and me are in the penthouse suites, I know that much. But all the others. They're taken."
Jasper huffed at this analogy, for not only did he hate but Ricardo's use of it was so confusing that it lost almost all power. Ricardo seeing this, rephrased the statement.
"The great thing about the heart is its unlimited capacity for love and the people we encounter. Otherwise most of us would've ended up with busted chests a long time ago. Yours is one of the biggest that I've ever seen and no matter what you say I can never have all of it-"
Jasper started to cry again, Ricardo slowly calmed him down by rubbing his head.
"I don't want all of it" Ricardo continued, "You couldn't give it to me even if you wanted to. It's not possible to give all of the heart to a single person, for then there wouldn't be any room for anyone else."
Jasper didn't understand at the time, in many ways he still didn't. Now, two weeks later and sitting in the waiting room, Jasper said nothing, the only thing he allowed himself to do was pray. He prayed for strength, he prayed for solace and most of all he prayed that Ricardo would die before the threshold was crossed.
In the event that Ricardo was declared legally brain-dead, to where only machines were keeping him alive, Ricardo requested that Jasper pull the plug. As that point drew nearer and nearer, Jasper found himself pacing sporadically in order to keep his mind off of things. This however, only made Jasper worse. Sitting back down, the dog pulled out his cell phone and did the only thing that he hadn't done.
Brian picked up the phone on the second ring.
"What's going on Jasper?" Brian asked welcomingly, "How's everything?"
Jasper looked nervously around the room, he could see nurses and doctors running around the lobby and down the hallways. The hospital was busy that night. To his right Jasper could see a man in a business suit, his brow was sweating and his hands were shaking.
"Not good Brian" Jasper answered as he tried to control himself, "Not good at all."
The businessman re-positioned himself and pulled out three pieces of notebook paper, Jasper could see on the other side drawings made by a loving five year old son. Jasper saw the man smile as he looked at the pictures, saying nothing and only casually looking around hopefully as if he were waiting for good news.
"Is something wrong?" Brian asked this time more concerned, "What happened are you okay?"
Jasper nodded, "I'm fine Brian. It's just that…Ricardo's on his death bed. I didn't want to bring you into this, your life is stressful enough, but I don't know what else to do!"
Jasper broke down. Brian remained silent, Jasper could hear whispering on the other end but he couldn't make anything out.
"Say something!" Jasper begged, "Say something Brian, anything! Tell me that everything's going to be okay. Tell me that I don't have to pull the plug. Tell me that he's a good and loving person."
The businessman took notice of Jasper at this point, slowly he put the drawings back in his bag and moved closer to Jasper, saying nothing and allowing him to continue.
"Tell me that God exists. Tell me that He loves all things and that it doesn't matter what Ricardo is, that is doesn't matter that he's gay and that's he's dying of AIDS."
Brian took a deep breath, at the same time the businessman put his hand on Jasper's shoulder, causing Jasper to look in his general direction.
"Everything's going to be okay" Brian began
The businessman followed suit, "You don't have to pull the plug" he continued, "He is a good and loving person. He loved you and the people around you."
Brian caught on that someone else was with Jasper and reacted accordingly. Part of him knew that he should be the one to say the next few parts. Abandoning his own principles, Brian spoke, telling Jasper exactly what he needed to hear.
"There is a God" Brian exclaimed, "There is a God and He loves you Jasper. He loves Ricardo, He loves me and He loves the man who's with you right now. It doesn't matter the choices that Ricardo made because He loves all things, there are infinite vacancies in His hotel heart."
Jasper cried at this, recognizing the strength that Brian must've had to say something so against his beliefs. Despite what Jasper knew, he knew that it didn't matter for Brian what he believed, for they weren't his beliefs. Jasper was grateful in that Brian had not only a tolerance, but a respect, for Brian could have just as easily shot him down if he wanted to, giving him a million and one reasons why God doesn't exist and the people who back those reasons up, but Brian didn't, maintaining his dignity.
Jasper gave a proper goodbye to Brian and hung up the phone. The businessman kept his hand where it was, his grip firm and supportive. The man opened himself up in case Jasper decided that he needed something to weep into, he did not act on the gesture.
The nurse came in moments later and walked towards Jasper, her face stone and composed, she had obviously steeled herself for these types of situations. Jasper met her eyes and understood. Jasper stood up, the businessman respectfully doing the same.
"Thank you" Jasper said turning towards the man, "You don't know what it means."
The man smiled and gave a subtle nod, "You're right" he said in turn, "I don't."
Jasper followed the nurse to Ricardo's room, as soon as they entered the hallway, a second nurse came into the lobby from the maternity ward and walked towards the man, who took the hint, grabbed his things and followed her down the hallway heading towards his wife.
Walking into Ricardo's room alone Jasper reached the bedside. He stared at the machines that were keeping Ricardo alive, his eyes stopping on the button that would turn them off.
"I always thought that it would be the other way around" Jasper began, choosing his words carefully to avoid Ricardo suffering more pain than necessary, "I was supposed to die first. You were going to live sixty years or more after me. That's how it should've been."
Jasper hung his head and slowly prepared himself, his hand resting on the button.
"I won't make you suffer any longer" Jasper continued, "People who love each other don't do that."
Jasper leaned down and kissed Ricardo's forehead as he turned the machine off, he didn't break away until he heard the flat line. Jasper then moved towards the door and walked out, saying nothing, his gaze locked straight head, in his heart he refused to look down again, his brain knew better but Jasper didn't care about his brain at the moment.
As Jasper entered the lobby the businessman came up to him and without warning embraced him as if he had known Jasper all his life. Jasper wanted to break away, but the businessman had a tight grip.
"I am so sorry" the businessman declared
"Just leave me alone" Jasper answered indifferently as he managed to finally break away, "Give me time to grieve."
The businessman nodded and immediately had an apologetic face.
"What was his name?" the businessman asked curiously
Jasper rolled his eyes, sadness was replaced with anger, the surprise hug only making things worse than they already were.
"His name was Ricardo" Jasper answered somewhat coldly, "Now if you don't mind I need to scream at the universe."
The businessman only nodded a second time and extended his hand in a handshake.
"Oliver Tweed" the businessman said introducing himself
Jasper haphazardly returned the gesture, if nothing else to be rid of him.
"Jasper" he said in turn, growling as loudly as possibly could, "Now will you kindly-!"
Jasper didn't even finish before Oliver stepped aside, leaving him an open path to the outside parking lot. Jasper nodded and begrudgingly made his way to his car, where he stayed for two hours doing nothing but screaming, crying and cursing everything that he could think of, for that was the only thing that made sense. When he couldn't cry and scream anymore or risk going to the hospital himself he somehow managed to drive to his apartment without running into oncoming traffic or careening off the nearest bridge.
The next morning Jasper picked up the phone and booked a one way ticket to Quahog. He packed what little things he had, what he could bring of Ricardo's and put his apartment up for sale. Everything else he piled in a moving truck and sent to the Goodwill and the Boys and Girls Club of America. When everything was done, Jasper drove his car to the airport, planning to leave it and walked inside, went through security and took to the sky. The only thing he understood was that he had to get out of California as quick as possible. Any funeral arrangements he figured, could be made over the phone and even if would cost extra, Jasper was willing to pay any and all expenses necessary. Five hours later, the plane touched down at Quahog International.