Disclaimer: Dick Wolf and some other people own them...not me.
Olivia walked into the optometrist's office.
"Hello, Ms. Benson. Sit down," the doctor said.
Olivia sat, fiddling with her necklace. She'd never admit it, but she was scared of having her eyes checked.
"Shit!" Olivia muttered, as a machine sprayed air at her face. She never could get used to having things poked at her eyes.
"Read the second line," the doctor told her.
"Uh," Olivia stammered. "Uh, E...D...F...O...H."
The doctor nodded. "Third line?"
"T...Y...R...X...A...uh, I think?"
"Bottom line?"
Olivia squinted. "Oh, hell," she mumbled. "Q...J...L...T...N, maybe?"
The doctor performed a few more tests before he talked to her.
"Your vision has gotten considerably worse," he said. "You need glasses or contacts; I recommend contacts."
"Okay. When should I come in?" Olivia responded.
"Is tomorrow, four o'clock good?"
"Yeah, fine."
The squad sat at their desks. They had finished their work for the day and were goofing off for a few minutes, trying to name oxymorons. Olivia and Munch were fierce competitors, and the whole unit was familiar with their matches, and in fact imitated them quite a bit at parties.
"Freedom from government," Munch said.
"Jumbo shrimp," Olivia replied.
"Cooperative government," Munch countered.
"Not-fabulous donut!" Cragen said, walking by.
"Sane detective!" Olivia laughed.
"Smart government," Munch remarked.
"Olivia and John tying," Elliot muttered darkly.
"John not talking about the government," Fin added.
Olivia stood up. "Truthful defense lawyer!"
Munch got to his feet, toe-to-toe with Olivia. "Government tells all!"
Olivia glanced at her watch. "Shit, I'm late for an appointment!"
"That's not an oxymoron," Elliot grinned.
"We'll continue this witty repartee later," Munch said.
"Where you going?" Fin asked.
"Can I come?" Elliot begged.
"Fine," Olivia responded.
"Ready?" the doctor asked.
"Yeah," Olivia said. "This is Elliot. He's here for, uh, moral support."
"Boyfriend?" the optometrist questioned.
"No, no!" Olivia responded. "He's my partner!" She took in the amazed glance the doctor threw at her, and realized what she had said. "We work together," she amended.
Elliot sighed. "We're detectives," he clarified. "Paired together for work."
"Oh!" the optometrist realized.
He showed Olivia how to put a contact in, handed her one, and left, saying that he would be back to check on her.
Elliot was amazed that Olivia Benson, the tough-as-nails Sex Crimes detective, couldn't keep her eye open long enough to slide a plastic disc onto it.
"Why don't you just get glasses?" he suggested. "You're having such a hard time with this."
"I don't want to hear it!" she said, whirling to face him. "This is really fucking hard! I'd like to see you try it!"
"Okay," he said. "Look into my eyes, Olivia. What do you see?"
"You-what-how?" Olivia was totally put off by the fact that Elliot, too, had contacts in.
"Let me see that," Elliot said, taking the lenses, and helping her to put them in her eyes.
Three days later, Olivia had mastered putting contacts in, provided she woke up twenty minutes earlier.
Walking into the squadroom, she saw Fin.
"Look, look! I got my contacts in!" Olivia said excitedly.
"And...?" Fin wasn't seeing the point.
"It only took me a few minutes!"
"How the hell did it take you that long?"
"It's hard, okay?" Olivia said defensively.
"What? It's simple!" Fin replied, pulling a contact case from his pocket, giving her a questioning glance, and walking away.
"AHHH!" Olivia screamed in pure anguish. "WHAT THE HELL?"