Hello all. This is a one-shot that I have been working on. Hope you enjoy!
Warning: OOC
Gun
BANG!
Nothing in Akihito's day, hell, in his life, had prepared him for this particular moment in time.
He stood, holding a smoking gun, aimed towards the man that had fallen to the floor at the sound of the loud bang, as the gun discharged in Akihito's hand. He heard gunshots and Asami's voice in the distance, but all he could do was look at the scene in front of him, as the man lying on the floor didn't move or make a sound. There was only the blood that poured from his wound, spreading out around him.
Asami reached his hand around Akihito, slowly moving towards the gun still clutched, tightly, in his hand. The boy was in shock. Asami got close behind him, put his chin on his shoulder, and with both hands, took the gun away from Akihito. He whispered, soothingly, in his ear, "It's over now, Akihito. There's nothing to be afraid of, he can't hurt us anymore."
Akihito whispered back, still staring at the man lying on the floor, "A-Asami, did I k-kill him? Is he d-dead?"
Asami answered, "Yes, Akihito. He's dead. Come on, we need to get you out of here."
Akihito let Asami lead him to the door, but his eyes were riveted to the man lying dead at his hands. He was trying to remember what had led him to have the gun in his possession, but nothing was straight in his head, everything was out of sequence.
Inside the limo, Asami tried to get Akihito's attention again as the boy continued to stare out the window at the door they'd just come out of. When words failed, he pulled the boy into his arms and kissed him, deeply, his tongue exploring his mouth until he moaned. Asami released him then and asked, "Are you alright, Akihito?"
Akihito looked confused for a moment, before he said, "What do you mean, 'am I alright'? No...no, Asami, I'm sure I'm not alright. I killed that man. He was gonna kill you and I shot him. What the hell, Asami, you're supposed to be protecting me, not the other way around, bastard. How did I even get the gun in the first place?"
"Calm down, Akihito."
"I am calm," Akihito said as his hands betrayed him. They had begun shaking and he had been trying to hide it. "I killed because of you, Asami, there's no going back for me now. Do you have any idea the impact this is having on me, right now? 'Calm down', you say. WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED, ASAMI!" Now he was shaking all over, be it from the rage that overtook him, the adrenaline, or the fear, he couldn't stop his body from shaking. He pulled his knees up to his chest on the seat and wrapped his arms tightly around him, to no avail.
Asami moved to take him in his arms and Akihito pushed him away.
Akihito glared hazel eyes, ready to spill with tears, at Asami and said, "Don't touch me," in a voice that stilled his movements, or any movement, Asami was planning to make towards him. When Akihito continued, he had placed his arms back around his knees, "You don't get to touch me, Asami. It's your fault I got blood on my hands."
Asami said, "All the times I have saved you, imagine the blood on my hands."
"Your hands are used to it, Asami. How many times do you shower in a day? You think I don't now why? Give me some fucking credit. Don't act like your hands weren't bloody when I met you, Asami."
"No, they were good and bloody. And I would have bloodied them again today. Or maybe I should have died. You didn't have to pick up the gun, Akihito, Kirishima had the situation in hand."
Akihito thought, he had the situation in hand, incredulously. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves and his anger. Asami didn't understand, he thought. This was a big fucking deal. Yes, it was to save Asami, but still, the bastard shouldn't have been in that predicament in the first place. He clenched his teeth together and said with a sneer, " 'He had the situation in hand', huh? Then how does a trained professional bodyguard move slower then a photographer? Doesn't he carry a back-up or something? What the hell was he thinking leaving you open like that?"
Asami gave a small smirk at the concern he heard in he boy's voice and words and knew Kirishima never had a chance getting that gun before Akihito did, but he knew the boy would never admit to something like that. Asami said, "I don't know, Akihito. Maybe it is time for new bodyguards. If Kirishima is too slow to even beat you to a gun, there is no way he would be able to keep watch over you, when I ask him to."
"This isn't a joke, Asami. Or don't you know you could have died?"
"I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to me."
"Screw you. Keep teasing me and I'm out at the next light. My heart is still pounding in my chest and I can't stop shaking. You didn't even warn me."
"How could I have warned you, Akihito? And I am not teasing you. You saved me for the very same reasons I save you, over and over. Because we both know there is no one else that will satisfy our hunger. No one else that makes us feel anything remotely exciting. Can you live in a world without me in it?"
"Arrogant jerk, of-of course I could." At the moment, Akihito wasn't too sure about that statement given the events of the last twenty minutes or so, but he wasn't going to tell Asami that.
"Then why did you pick up the gun, Akihito? Why did you risk getting blood on your hands to save me?" Asami asked. "Be honest."
Akihito turned to stare Asami in the face. He couldn't say why he did it, only that he felt an overwhelming need to. He saw Asami in danger and he reacted on instinct. Was it because of the reasons Asami said or was it something deeper? They had never admitted to love, it was always about lust, desire, and physical attraction. It was sex, but was that all there was? Would he really kill someone because his 'sex partner' was threatened? They called themselves 'lovers', but was there love involved?
When Akihito remained silent, Asami tried again to take the shaking boy in his arms. At first he pulled away, but this time Asami was more persistent. Eventually Akihito allowed himself to melt into Asami's embrace. Asami asked, "You did what your heart told you to do, correct?"
Akihito slowly nodded in Asami's chest.
Asami continued, "Same as I do whenever you're in danger, Akihito. You did what you did to protect someone precious to you. That's how you beat Kirishima to the gun. Not to mention, you were closer. And that's how you justify it in your head. Killing to protect is not the same as murdering in cold blood, Akihito. Your hands are bloody for now, but the stain will fade, I promise."
Did Asami just admit he was precious to him, Akihito wondered. He looked up from Asami's chest and asked, "I'm precious to you?"
Asami answered, "Do you have selective hearing?"
Akihito, glad for any small distraction, gave Asami a cheeky grin as he said, "But, I didn't think it was possible. The powerful, crime lord, Asami Ryuichi, does have a heart." Akihito started to feel a little bit like himself, as he teased Asami for revealing his true feelings.
Asami, seeing the glint in Akihito's eyes, said with a smirk, "You're gloating, Akihito." The boy's teasing gave him a sense that Akihito would eventually be alright. This would scar and haunt him, but it won't hold him down forever. He'll get up, dust himself off, and go right back to doing what he always does, leaping before he looks.
Akihito said, "Of course I'm gloating, you bastard. It's not everyday I find out that I actually mean something more to you than just an enjoyable fuck. Or finally get to understand why you always risk your life, hell, risk everything, to save me all the time."
"Yes, well did you happen to hear the rest of what I said, or did the shock of hearing I actually care for you, render your ears and brain useless?"
The grin faded from his lips and the glint dulled in his eyes, as Akihito said, "No, I heard you, Asami. Can we not talk about it anymore? I know you say it was justified, but my conscious doesn't see it that way. I want to be with you not like you, Asami. I don't solve my problems by killing them. I'm the one who has to make peace with what I did. Killing is killing, even if the reason is supposedly just, it still causes someone's life to end. Did he have friends that would grieve his passing? What happens to his family, if he had one? Will I become their enemy, now?"
Asami interrupted him, "Why would any of that matter to you, Akihito? He was trying to kill me. Do you think I give two shits about any of that? Is that what's weighing on your conscious? Whether or not he had friends and family to mourn him?"
"You have friends and family that would mourn you, Asami, he can't have the same? I like to think I would want revenge against the person that killed you, despite my utter distaste at the thought of hurting anyone."
"Which is basically what you did today, so why feel bad about it? It was a good kill," Asami reasoned.
Akihito looked up at Asami, dumbfounded, and said, " 'A good kill'? 'A good fuckin' kill'! Are you kidding me?! What the hell IS that? What's the difference between a 'good' kill and a 'bad' one?" Akihito took a deep breath and said, "Please. Please, Asami. You're not helping me right now. I'm trying to wrap my head around what I've done, and you're trying to get me to believe that there are 'good kills'." Akihito moved out of Asami's arms and to the corner of the back seat of the limo. He turned to stare out the window, as tears, silently, began falling from his hazel eyes.
Asami chided himself. He should have known that the world Akihito believed in wouldn't differentiate between the two. That what passed as reason in his world, meant insanity in Akihito's. He needed a different approach, but now was not the time. Asami stared out his own window, occasionally glancing towards Akihito, to see if the tears still fell from eyes.
They rode the rest of the way to the club in silence.
xxxxx
Kirishima drove back to the club worried about the boy's state of mind. He hadn't expected him to go for the gun, shoot, and kill Nishimora, to save Asami. He didn't even hesitate. The shooting lessons Asami had him taking had paid off from a technical standpoint, but they all knew the boy was not mentally up to the challenge of killing, even if his life depended on it. He didn't even carry the gun Asami had brought him for his own protection.
Of course, he had never factored in Asami being in that kind of danger forcing the boy to react in that kind of way. The look on his face after, though, was causing the loyal bodyguard and secretary great concern.
He had called Suoh on the way to the club to tell him what had happened, so he was waiting in the underground garage when Kirishima drove the limo over to the private elevator. Suoh held the door open for Asami to exit the limo and stood waiting for Akihito to do the same. When after a couple of minutes, he didn't follow, Suoh glanced inside the car, then asked, "Boss, what about Takaba?"
Asami had been giving orders to some of the guards and didn't notice that Akihito hadn't gotten out of the car yet. He said to the guards, "Spread the word and stay vigilant. Check our anything that looks suspicious and report it to Kirishima. That's all," and Asami waved them away. He walked to Akihito's side of the car and opened the door.
When Asami reached his hand in to assist Akihito, he snapped out of his trance and moved to exit the car on Suoh's side. Asami closed the door and walked around the car to go to the elevator. He watched Akihito, intently, as the doors opened and they walked inside.
Akihito rode the elevator in silence, a clear indication to the guards that something was wrong.
xxxxx
To Akihito, the silence was oppressive in the small, enclosed space. He wanted to break the silence, needed to, but his mouth seemed to have forgotten how to work. Not that he knew what to say, but it was more like him to say something jokingly, than not say anything at all. He had sat in the car trying to rationalize it in his head, to see it as Asami did, but he just couldn't. He knew they came from different worlds, but Akihito had never realized exactly how far apart those worlds really were.
Akihito had only seen Asami's world through his camera lens, until Asami pulled him in and made him his. Over the years, he was able to fill in the blanks with common sense on what he understood the underworld to be. Whether the picture was accurate, was up for debate, but he had no qualms about what he supposed Asami did to his enemies when the need arose.
Today left no room for doubt though, as he saw, first hand, the kind of danger Asami faced in his chosen profession and it had left him speechless.
When the elevator doors opened on the top floor, Akihito stepped out. He watched Asami as he exited the elevator and started down the hall to the apartment he kept on the premises. Akihito had to tell his feet to follow.
Asami glanced his way and Akihito saw concern flash across his face when he caught his eye. Akihito turned his head away to avoid that feeling he got when he knew Asami was peering deep into his soul. He followed Asami into the apartment when he opened the door.
Asami shut the door after him then quickly pulled Akihito into his arms.
Akihito struggled. The arms that he had grown to appreciate being around him, now felt foreign. Akihito pleaded to be set free, "Let me go, Asami. Please, you can't, I don't want you to touch me." He pushed at Asami's arms and chest, but the strong grip would not release him.
Asami whispered in his ear, "I won't let you go, Akihito, ever. You're in shock, it's finally sunk all the way in. Let me help you work through it," and he pressed his lips to Akihito's. He ravaged the boy's mouth with his tongue and sucked as his lips, until they were red and swollen.
Still Akihito struggled. He didn't want Asami using sex to convince him it was okay to kill that man.
Asami, not wanting to force Akihito, finally let him go and walked further into the apartment without saying anything.
Akihito stared after him, trying to get his feet to move into the apartment,as well, but they didn't move and as the full weight of what he had done came crashing down on his conscious again, he began shaking, uncontrollably. He leaned against the wall, then slid to the floor, crying.
xxxxx
The door to the apartment, did little to muffle the sounds of Akihito crying behind it and both guards standing on the outside wondered what the boss was doing to help the boy through this.
Suoh asked, "What happened, Kirishima? Why weren't you armed?"
"Our guns were taken when we entered the building and placed on a table next to Nishimora. I was working my way closer to it, when Nishimora pointed a gun at Asami because of something he said."
"Why did Nishimora take Takaba in the first place? He wasn't investigating him or anyone associated with him. Nishimora had to know Asami would go after him when he found out."
"Keep your voice down. That's not the issue right now, is it? Listen to him. We made him sound like that. He should have never been a part of this world, Suoh. Why is the boss just letting him cry like that at the door?" Kirishima wanted to go in the apartment and comfort the boy. The thought of him breaking on his watch was a bit much for Kirishima to bare. He liked the little troublemaker, though he would never tell him that. He was entertaining to watch and sometimes a needed distraction. He could change the boss' mood with a single cheeky phrase and save someone from a lengthy torture. Now he had been forced into a position where he had to kill to protect Asami, something it had been Kirishima's job to do. Kirishima said, "I didn't think he'd go for the gun, Suoh. Yes, he was closer, but I didn't think he would. He was precise and focused right up until after he pulled the trigger, then it was like something in him fell apart as he watched Nishimora fall to the floor and he realized what he had done."
"But didn't Nishimora threaten him. Wasn't he there because Nishimora tricked him, by providing a false tip to his editor? How could Takaba feel bad, it was a good kill if you ask me."
Kirishima turned to Suoh, pushing his glasses up on his nose, he asked, "Do you honestly think that matters to Takaba? He was responsible for ending someone's life. I didn't kill Nishimora, neither did Asami, it was Takaba. His hands, his conscious. Do you think he sees it as a good kill? Do you think he even knows the difference?"
Suoh knew Takaba even spoke up to protect his enemies, which was why Asami sometimes waited to take his revenge against those that had hurt the photographer. He had a caring heart and thought everyone on the underworld should get along, even though he was smart enough to know that was an impossible goal. Suoh said, "What can we do? It's already done. If the boss can't get him to see reason, what will you do?"
"Suoh, if the boss can't get him to see reason, what can I do?" Kirishima asked.
Suoh didn't have an answer, either. They both stood in silence, listening to Takaba crying at the door. Wincing every so often at the desolation they heard in his cries.
xxxxx
Asami came out of the shower to find Akihito crouched at the door, crying. He said, simply, "The shower is free, Akihito. Go get cleaned up."
Akihito slowly got to his feet and moved towards the bathroom. He didn't look at Asami as he passed, but kept his head down, shoulders hitching, as the tears silently fell.
Asami couldn't understand the boy's reaction to the whole thing. He had been the one to grab the gun and fire, so why was it weighing so heavily on him now? Ok, so he didn't like to see anyone hurt because of him, but in this situation, someone was bound to get hurt. Someone was bound to die, and in Asami's mind, it had always been Nishimora. If not by Akihito's hand, then by his or Kirishima's, but he never intended for Nishimora to walk out of there alive.
Nishimora's plan was to kidnap Akihito in order to draw Asami out. Once he had killed Asami, he planned to sell Akihito to some old, perverted sack of shit.
Upon hearing that, Asami had some choice words of his own to say about that stupid plan, which caused Nishimora to lose his cool and react by drawing his gun on Asami. In that instant, Akihito had grabbed the gun from the table, aimed, and fired at Nishimora. The fierce look of protection in his eyes was unwavering, so why didn't he understand that what he did was acceptable to do?
Asami poured himself a double, pulled a cigarette from his pack, and walked over to the picture window. He began to wonder if his earlier assessment was correct and Akihito would eventually bounce back from this. Seeing him at the door like that had tugged on his heart and it took everything he had and was, not to go to him then. That wasn't what Akihito wanted, wasn't that what he said? Asami would give him his space and let Akihito come to him.
xxxxx
Akihito sat in the bath, with his knees drawn to his chest and his head resting on his knees, lost in thought.
He knew Asami was right. He had picked up the gun because he saw Asami was in danger. It was Asami or Nishimora and even Akihito had wanted it to be Nishimora. He pulled the trigger to save someone that was there because of him, but because of him, someone died. That was what was proving difficult to wrap his head around.
He never wanted to hurt anyone or be the cause of someone being hurt and in one fucked up day, he had allowed both to happen.
The tip from his editor sounded iffy to begin with. But he was running low on funds and hadn't had anything good to investigate in weeks, so he took the job, which had turned out to be a trap for Asami.
Akihito had tried to escape, once he knew what Nishimora was planning, but he wasn't fast enough. Asami had arrived and Akihito watched as his and Kirishima's guns were taken from them. They were placed on the table between Nishimora and Akihito, who was standing in the middle of the floor.
He saw Kirishima, out the corner of his eye, trying to move closer to the table, but he wasn't close enough when Nishimora aimed the gun at Asami's head. Akihito reacted without thinking. He moved to the table, grabbed the gun, and fired it at Nishimora. He hadn't expected to hit the man, just startle him, so Kirishima would have a chance to fire, but Asami and his damned shooting lessons were in the back of his mind as he quickly lined up the shot and pulled the trigger.
After the Yuri incident, he had never wanted to hold a gun again. But the nightmares that plagued him, forced Asami to take more drastic measures, and Akihito had been hauled off to Asami's private gun range to learn to hold and shoot a gun properly. Of course, at first, that began a whole new slew of bad dreams, what if he accidently shot a mother, or her child, or if he shot Asami, but after a while they stopped as his skills improved. Asami had even brought him a gun of his own, but he never carried it, haunted by the thought of him shooting an innocent.
Nishimora was no innocent, though, so why did he feel such remorse over killing him? Was he really that soft-hearted and naïve? He knew they would have to shoot their way out. Nishimora needed Asami dead or he would come after whomever Akihito had been sold to. For that alone, Nishimora needed to die, but Akihito just never imagined it would be his hand to do it.
He now stared at that offending hand. The hand he held his camera with. The hand he used to caress Asami's body with. He still saw the blood spattered on it from the wound in Nishimora's chest. He placed it under the water and began rubbing it with his other hand, trying to clean the offending stain.
xxxxx
When he finally came out of the bathroom, Asami was seated in his bathrobe on the couch, going over some reports.
Akihito, also in a bathrobe, plopped down next to him on the couch. He needed to talk, but didn't know where or how to start.
He had resolved in the tub to try to see this incident as Asami would. He wanted to be cold, like Asami, and not give two shits for the man that had every intention on selling him off to be someone's sex slave.
Trying to be nonchalant, Akihito asked, "What are you reading, Asami?"
Asami looked from the report over to Akihito seated next to him and asked, "Are you alright now?"
"You know me, Asami, I'll be fine. A few days and I'll be back to my usual self, right, and causing you all sorts of grief."
The half-hearted laugh that followed, didn't have Asami convinced. He set the reports down on the table and turned to take a good look at the face Akihito was now trying to hide. He put his finger under Akihito's chin to push his face up, then stared into his hazel eyes.
Akihito tried to turn his head from Asami's intense gaze, but the crime lord only held his jaw more firmly. "What are you looking at?"
"You."
"What the hell are you looking for?"
"Well the fire is still there, burning as brightly as ever." Akihito made ready to push Asami away, when he continued, "But I also see sadness and remorse. Am I wrong, Akihito?"
Akihito pushed Asami's hand away. He looked away again, as he said, "No, you're not wrong. I know I should be okay with killing Nishimora, I mean what he had planned for me didn't sound appealing at all. And he was aiming a gun at your head. Knowing all that, I still feel remorse over taking a life, Asami. If you could teach me to be cold and unfeeling about human life, the way you taught me to shoot a gun, it would be greatly appreciated. But I don't think those are emotions that can be taught overnight."
"No, it takes certain, specific, life experiences to bring those emotions to the surface to stay. Life experiences, I am glad you did not have. No, I wouldn't have wanted that life for you."
"You mean the life I have now? Where people want to rape me, hurt me, sell me off, and kill me, just to get to you."
"And still you care about your enemies. You'd rather see them punished by the law then dead at my hands for the things they have done to you. You are a caring person, Akihito, and I have learned that you will stand up for anyone against injustice. What you need, is to be able to see this incident in the right perspective. If we had both lived, do you think he would have just left you alone? Nishimora already had a pretty good idea of what you were worth to him, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered to try taking me out. His mistake was, he wanted to gloat about it before the business was even done. If I had died and Nishimora somehow managed to take out Kirishima too, your life would have been unbearable. Think of Fei Long at the beginning of your capture, then imagine someone ten or twenty times worse. That would be your life had Nishimora lived. Now, with Nishimora dead, the first two scenarios no longer are of any concern."
"And if you or Kirishima had killed Nishimora, I would've been okay with that."
"Whether it was our hands or yours, Akihito, the asshole got what he deserved. Period." Asami took Akihito's chin in his hand again, to make the boy look at him, as he said, "What you did, Akihito, saved my life. Nishimora had to die. If I could change your hand that pulled the trigger to mine, I would, but this is something you need to accept and get past. I will help you through this any way I can."
"With sex, no doubt. Is your head always in the gutter?"
"With sex, if you prefer. But it's your head in the gutter, Akihito, not mine. I said what I did with the purest of intentions."
"Of course you did. Take me home and I'll give some thought to what you said. I still believe it was wrong for me to take Nishimora's life, but it did save yours, so, I guess I can work towards acceptance. Better you lived than Nishimora." Akihito reached a hand to caress Asami's handsome face, as he said, "Please don't ever make me have to protect you again, Asami."
"I will do my best to be the one always protecting you, Akihito, so you never have to kill anyone again," Asami said, as he took the hand caressing his face and brought it to his lips to kiss it gently.
Akihito knew it would take time to get past this and he hoped the nightmares wouldn't plague him for long. He took some comfort in knowing that because of his actions, he was that much closer to knowing Asami's heart. He would let that sustain him for now. He knew would overcome this the same way he had overcome every adversity he has been presented since meeting the crime lord, with veiled words of encouragement and mind-blowing sex. He just hoped he still had an ass when it was finally over.
The End
A/N: Thank you for reading my take on how Akihito would react if he was the one that had to save Asami. I hope I did the boys justice. This isn't my usual style and I wanted to try something different.
Please let me know what you think, good and bad.
TTFN