Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did, I would have my own TARDIS.
Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction, so please go easy on me!
The Doctor woke up. Which was surprising in and of itself, since he didn't sleep much. He blinked. Something felt off. A quick glance at his clock confirmed he hadn't been asleep more than an hour. "Why do I have that anyway?" he muttered, "Spaceship, goes anywhere in time or space! It could be any time I want! Who needs a clock!" And with that he threw the clock into the trash can. He dressed quickly, then checked himself in the mirror. "What am I missing….bow tie, check, bow ties are cool...oh that's it!" He spotted his fez off the floor and plopped it on his head. "There we go, can't go running off without a fez! Fezzes are cool." The Doctor sprinted down to the TARDIS control room and checked all the scanners.
Clara walked in in her pajamas, immediately noticing the Doctor's tense posture. "What's wrong Doctor?"
The Doctor finished his scans and sighed. "Apparently nothing. I just feel like I've failed somehow, at something important." He walked to the TARDIS door and looked out. "Like there's something I didn't do…"
Clara came closer. "How could you have failed Doctor? You've done so much. You've saved Earth countless times, you've saved me countless times."
The Doctor laughed bitterly. "Everybody says that. But someone always dies. I can't save everyone." He flinched. A voice echoed in his mind. A face, a flash of red hair, and a pile of dust that used to be a man. Amy Pond's distraught face hung in his vision. "Then what is the point of you?" it spat at him. He turned to Clara. "Please, leave me alone for a little while." Clara looked like she wanted to refuse, but a look at the Doctor's face left her speechless. She nodded and left. He let out the breath he had been holding after she was gone. The Doctor sat in the door of the TARDIS, looking out at the vastness of space, and feeling completely alone. No one understood. He had faced monsters unimaginable to save the human race, but he could not face himself. He counted his life not by the ones he could save, but by the ones he couldn't. He was responsible for destroying so many species he'd lost track, including his own. His very presence brought death. The only one to stay with him all these years had been the TARDIS.
As if it had sensed his sadness, a bowl of fish fingers and custard appeared beside him, bringing with it a small smile. "Thanks girl." The TARDIS hummed in response. The dish brought back better memories, of a little girl with a crack in her wall, his first adventure with this body. He smiled as he remembered little Amelia Pond. He chuckled, remembering the look on Rory's face when he told him his fiancee had kissed him. He looked back to where Clara had exited, the girl who died over and over for him, remembering the leaf. He laughed. A leaf of all things! The compassion and depth of feeling humans felt reminded him why he kept on saving them.. His somber mood gone, he got up and got ready for the new day, adjusting his fez on his head, a grin upon his face. Yes, he had a lot of regrets, but he wouldn't give this up for the world.
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