Cardcaptor Sakura Parodies (Version II)
By: wchan39
Yeah, it's been a while since I wrote anything, even though I promised a new chapter of Syaoran ½ (that was like 3 months ago). Seeing how I still haven't thought of a decent chapter yet, I was reading through my old fanfics that got deleted for its script formats.
I did say I will someday repost them after I removed the script format. I guess this fic will be one of the first of my old fics to be revived. Not only the script format has been removed, there's now new contents added to make the parodies flow better and funnier.
Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura is the property of a group of four japanese ladies known as CLAMP. Am I one of those fine ladies? The answer is no, therefore I don't own CCS. So please...GET THOSE DAMN LAWYERS OFF MY DOORSTEP!
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Parody No. 1
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(He's a ordinary school boy by day...)
Syaoran Li in his school uniform walking to school, minding his own business, kicking any stray dogs that attempts to bite him.
(...who hangs out with his friends...)
It's lunchtime, Syaoran and Yamazaki are talking while eating.
"That's just plain idiocy! Who the hell would believe that there's actually a hidden country called Bonerland that's just a little to the left of Okinawa..."
"OOOOOOhhhhhhh, Syaoran!
His blood froze as he turns his head to the origin of that squeal. It was Meiling, she's heading towards him and FAST!
"Aw, hell..."
(...gets perfect school grades...)
"Congratulation, Li!" Mr Terada exclaimed as he hand back the test paper, "You scored 100 on the maths exam!"
(...the number one player in the soccer team...)
Syaoran does a powerful kick on the soccer ball, it went flying through the air so fast that it bursts into flames in mid-air, the goalkeeper instinctively ducked, avoiding the fireball which shot though the goal net and through a window of the science lab.
Then the lab suddenly exploded, apparently the class in there at the time are learning about the composition of gunpowder and has to make it as part of their assignment.
The soccer players just stare at the sight dumbfoundedly with eyes wide as saucers.
(But at night...)
A lizard-like monster was about to do some inappropriate stuffs to a innocent school girl but gets sent crashing to the ground by a flying kick from a unknown figure. Then the monster slowly gets up in pain.
"Who the hell are you?"
(...he lives a double life as...)
The cloaked figure takes off his cloak and revealed himself to be Syaoran, still in his school uniform except for the only difference is that he's wearing a black mask.
"How dare you harm innocent bystanders!" He announced, as he continues to do all kinds of ridiculous poses, "I shall not forgive you for I am the cool, dangerously sexy Magical Boy Chibi Wolf!"
Pretty Magical Boy Chibi Wolf
"Who says you have to be a girl to fight for love and justice?"
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Parody No. 2
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(This season...)
Eriol Hiiragizawa bumps into Tomoyo Daidouji in the streets, which made her dropped her purse onto the ground, spilling out its contents.
"I'm sorry, miss! Let me help you pick them up!"
"Oh, thank you!"
(...prepare for the scariest thing to ever happen...)
Eriol is now standing at the balcony outside of his apartment, staring at the full moon with a dazed look in his eyes.
"Ahh...Tomoyo Daidouji...what a beautiful name..."
(...as Romance and Comedy takes a rollercoaster ride they will never forget...
"Oh, Tomoyo...if only I could you were here so I could admit my undying love to you..."
"Ummm...I'm right here..." Replied a blushing Tomoyo
"Huh?"
Then, the railing Eriol was leaning on breaks, making Eriol screamed as he falls off the balcony and landed face flat on the ground.
"Ughhhh..." He moaned, his voiced muffled by the concrete that his face is planted into, "I don't get paided enough for this sh..."
Not Another Clichéd Movie
"Don't move, if you don't want your girlfriend here to die!"
"What the...that's a carrot stick you're pointing her at the neck with, you moron!"
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Parody No. 3
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(Prepare for a the biggest terror to ever hit Tokyo...)
A businessman reaches for his cup of coffee when suddenly there's a small tremor and the coffee rippled.
(...it's more dangerous than Godzilla...)
A view of somewhere in the busy section of Tokyo, suddenly, a large long yellow object with weird beady eyes, small wings and a fluffy tail falls from the sky
"AHHHHH! GIANT STUFFED ANIMAL!" A random tourist screamed out.
"KEEERRROOO! WHERE'S MY ICE CREAM? KKKKEEEERRRRROOOOO!" The aforementioned stuffed animal bellowed as it shoots out a fireball, destroying a nearby skyscraper.
(...it's the clash of the titans...)
Then another giant stuffed animal appears, a black one this time. It fires his energy beam out of his mouth, causing devastations throughout the city
"SUPPI! SUPPI! SUPPI! MUST GET SOME CANDY! SUPPI! SUPPI! SUPPI! WITH CANDY I CAN LAUGH!" It sang.
Attack of the Giant Stuffed Animals
Never deprive your stuffed toys from anything sweet!
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Parody No. 4
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(In a world where cardcaptors are plentiful...)
It's night time, dark cloud covers the sky, showering the earth with heavy rain and occasionally lights up the field with lightning strikes.
(...they fight to be the best...)
Speak of the devil, lightning strikes, the brightness revealed two figures, Sakura and Syaoran, standing on the plains and having a stand-off.
(...only the strongest cardcaptor shall become...)
"Windy, I choose you!" Sakura yelled as she throws out a card. The card materialise into a form that resembles a female.
"Go, Thunder! Use your Lightning Strike attack!" Syaoran's card materialise into a four-legged beast.
"Windy, repel it with your Razor Tornado!"
The attacks of lightning bolts and a tornado collides, canceling each other out.
(...the Master of the Cards...)
"First, I congratulate you on making it to the finals of the Tournament, but this is where your winning streak ends! Feel the wrath of the ultimate card of Clow Reed, Master of the Cards! I choose you...VOID!"
"Bring it on! I will become the best! Like no one ever was!"
(Do you have what it takes to become the Master of the Cards?)
KaDoMon
Gotta Seal 'em All!
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Parody No. 5
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(It's the ultimate nightmare...)
A very happy Syaoran woke up early in the morning, slowly getting off his bed.
(It's the horror above all horror...)
Syaoran is dressing up, still has that happy look on his face.
(It's the worst thing that could ever happen to mankind...)
Syaoran, still happy as ever, walks into the kitchen and opens up the pantry. Then suddenly, the happy look on his face disappears. Then he searches through every cupboard in the kitchen, appearing to have not found whatever he was looking for.
His face is now replaced with a shocked expression.
"Wei!"
"Yes, Master Li?"
By now, his eyes are becoming bloodshot.
"Where...the hell is MY COFFEE?
The Day the World Ran Out of Coffee"
Be afraid, be very, VERY afraid!
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That's it for the rewrite of Chapter 1, hope the humor still works as it did back then.
The part about 'Bonerland' is actually a reference to The Simpsons. A Treehouse of Horror episode to be exact.
I'll have the rewrite of the next chapter up very soon, until then make sure you review. Afterall, they are the reason I write, knowing what people thinks of my writings keeps me going.