AN: Oh dear sweet gods help me, I've started another multi-chapter fic! This one will (thankfully!) not be nearly as long as my poor Slayers fic, and so should be completed in a few weeks, so long as my muse doesn't run away!
Really, this fic is all about shameless whumpage, so I am only putting in as much plot as I deem necessary so that it doesn't totally suck. Also, I am a dreaded self-insertion Author, but I promise, no Mary-Sueness. (FYI, the title of the fic has nothing to do with my pen name!)
Disclaimer: I have no ownership over anything Stargate: Atlantis. Don't sue me, all I've got is some really old reeces pieces!
Faith and Misery
Chapter 1
"This is getting ridiculous," Lt. Colonel John Sheppard sighed. He surveyed a semi-familiar scene: Dr. Rodney McKay and Dr. Radek Zelenka bickering in the blue glow of laptop light and the cool illumination of alien technology. The only odd thing was the setting; instead of their laboratory on Atlantis, they were in the shadow of an incredibly sheer cliff face in the middle of a dense forest.
Well, truth be told, the setting wasn't the oddest thing. Sheppard was used to McKay drooling over strange devices on alien planets. Even Radek had been off world a few times, now. It was the young woman rifling through Zelenka's bag who held the dubious honor of being the strangest element of the situation.
"Karina, do you mind?" Sheppard said, trying to shoo the twenty-something away from Radek's pack. The blonde blushed, but backed away, still holding something that looked suspiciously like an iPod in her hand. "Do we really need a native guide," Sheppard grumbled, turning to face the rest of his team, "On every damn plan--"
Teyla Emmagan and Ronon Dex smiled knowingly at him. Teyla raised an eyebrow.
"--et. Oh, shut up!" Sheppard groused.
"You sound like Dr. McKay," the Athosian told him with a grin.
"I'm sorry, Colonel," Karina said, still holding the iPod, "But I've never seen these kinds of things before..." Sheppard rolled his eyes, but softened slightly. The last thing he wanted was to be rightly compared to Rodney. Karina had been the only person from her town willing to show them to this spot, and if the increasingly loud bickering between the scientists was any indicator, it seemed this could really be a worthwhile discovery.
"Zelenka, you got anything classified on this thing?" John asked, indicating the pilfered mp3 player. The Czech looked up in surprise.
"What? No. Hey!" the slight man began to protest as Sheppard handed the ear buds to Karina and instructed her to sit down and showed her how to work the device. McKay snapped his fingers in irritated fashion at his colleague.
"Hey, maestro, if you would focus a little more on work, maybe you could make yourself useful!" the Canadian snapped.
"Woah, 'Green Day,' Radek?" Sheppard asked in shock, glancing at the song now playing. Zelenka chose to ignore the Colonel's comment, though his spine stiffened in irritation at Rodney's jab. Radek was not a happy man at the moment. He hated being away from his nice safe lab in Atlantis. He hated people touching his stuff. And he hated when McKay insisted on insulting his intelligence; though, he'd gotten used to that. He found himself wishing that this glowing glass panel wasn't apparently fused into the rock face. Better still, that Dr. Weir would have let Dr. McKay sit here and try to figure this damn thing out by himself, and fail miserably.
"Well if Dr. Weir did not think I would be useful here, she would not have asked me to come," Zelenka snapped. "Apparently, she realizes that you need far more help than you will admit." Rodney cast Zelenka a nasty glance, but immediately turned his attention back to his computer screen. Though he wouldn't admit it, part of him was glad to have the Czech here. The blinking panel had Rodney fairly stumped, and occasionally, Zelenka would say something that would spark McKay's own innate genius. That, and Radek was a damn good scientist, though Rodney would never let it slip that he knew that.
Sheppard shook his head at the scientists. He glanced at Karina, who was now happily bopping in place as she was introduced to punk rock. The look of glee on her face was much more suited to a five year old than someone twenty years older than that.
"Have Dr. McKay and Dr. Zelenka made any progress?" Teyla asked as Sheppard came back over towards her and Ronon, standing at the perimeter of their work area. Sheppard simply shook his head.
"Do we even know what this thing is supposed to do?" Ronon asked. The panel set into the cliff face didn't look that impressive to him. A collection of multi-colored flashing lights, it seemed to fit more with Dr. McKay's description of the box that people on his planet watched for entertainment than a likely source for Wraith-killing technology.
"All we know is pretty much what we knew before," Sheppard replied. "It doesn't seem to be Ancient technology. The Wraith haven't been to this planet in a long time, the people of Karina's town believe that this thing is what keeps them away, and that none of the villagers are willing to come near it."
"Except Karina," Teyla murmured, glancing at the young woman.
"Yea, well, she doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the box," Sheppard muttered, looking back at the still-bopping blonde.
"She was able to lead us here," Ronon pointed out, and it was a fair observation. There was no marked or well worn path to the spot they were now occupying. Ronon could appreciate the young woman's sense of direction, if not her sense of wonder at all the gadgets that the Atlantis team had with them. A sudden yelp from the scientists drew the attention of the team, and Sheppard and Teyla hurried over to Zelenka and McKay. Ronon stayed at the perimeter, eyes scanning the dark shadows of the forest.
As Ronon glanced back where the rest of the group had gathered around the glassy panel set into the rock face, a sudden bright light blinded him before he could throw his arm up to shield his eyes. When the glare receded, the hulking warrior swore. Where five people had stood, there was now only a pile of instrumentation, weapons, and a still-blaring iPod.
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End Notes: I am being mean! If anyone wants more chapters and lots of good whumpage, I must get reviews! Oh, and if you spy any errors or have any constructive criticism, please let me know.
Also, a cookie for anyone who gets the REALLY weird connection between title and story.