Disclaimer: The characters appearing in this story are not mine, unless
otherwise indicated and I have no legal right to them. Fortunately, the
legalities don't really matter to me as most of my stories are parodies and
not lemons. If you think you smell citrus, you don't.
Nearest Waiter and NextNearestWaiter are my property and if you photocopy
them or cut and paste them or solicit them in any way without my consent or
permission...there's not really much I can do about it...so just don't tell
me ok?
If you enjoy my story, please feel free to submit a review. If not, please
feel free to flame me at flamingpitsofhell@yahoo.com, my 24 hour a day
firepit where you can feel free to crispify me to your heart's content.
Teehee...
And just for the record, if I get more than 10 reviews, I promise to stop
putting Stone Cold Steve Austin into my stories, and even my co-written
stories with Yezo The Yellow Priestess (aka Snugglekitty), so review often.
This will also happen if I get more than 30 flames.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dinner At An Inn
by Bezo The Blue Priest
This is a story written in script format describing just a typical Slayers
visit to an Inn on their way somewhere. It is supposed to take place just
after the events of the last episode of Slayers Next, but before the first
episode of Slayers Try. It is completely pointless, but hopefully funny and
in character. And so we begin...
(A rather normal, everyday Inn, populated by rather normal, everyday
Inn-dwelling people, furnished in rather normal, everyday Innish style
[specifically 18th century Innish]. Patrons are eating and talking in a
veritable cacophony of sounds until a band of five people enter the Inn, then
their talking and eating subsides to more suitable hushed tones, so as to
facilitate the audibility of the dialogue of the five people)
Lina: Wow, it sure got quiet in here.
Gourry: You said it, Lina. I hope we can get some food because I'm starving.
Zelgadis: (mutter)
Amelia: Oh, Mr. Zelgadis...you really must try to cheer up. (spinning in a
circle as artists run into the Inn and quickly draw backgrounds moving
radiantly behind her) Though your quest to turn your body back to normal may
be going nowhere, your pure heart will see you through, no matter the
obstacles, and you will triumph! (points exultantly towards the ceiling, the
artists wipe their sweaty brows and leave to play tetherball)
Zelgadis: (mutters more)
Sylphiel: Oh, Mr. Zelgadis, you mustn't be so gloomy. It's a terrible state
of mind to be in.
Lina (to the nearest waiter): Table for five, please!
Nearest Waiter: Right away, sir.
(Scene of unimaginable carnage)
Gourry: Wow, Lina, that was really drastic.
Lina: Where does he get off, calling me 'sir'!? The death he got was too
good for him. (to next nearest waiter) Table for five, now!
NNW: (cringing) Anything you like...but please don't hurt me! Think about
my family. I have a wife and three kids. Kill them instead!
Zelgadis: Ruthless...I like that.
Gourry: Your wife's name is Ruth?
Lina (bonking Gourry on the head, addressing NextNearestWaiter): You know,
for an extra, you sure talk a lot.
Sylphiel: Oh, Mr. Waiter, you mustn't anger Miss Lina. Her fury is a
terrible thing, absolutely terrible.
NNW: Let me take you to your table.
(NNW takes the group to their table, where Lina peruses the menu for
approximately 0.18 seconds)
Lina: I'll take this, this, this, and this. With extra of this (pointing to
number 8). Hey Sylphiel, you got any money?
Sylphiel: (sweatdrops) Uhm...Miss Lina...
Lina: No sweat, Sylphiel. I'm sure Amelia can cover it.
Amelia: Miss Lina! Why do *I* always have to pay for our meals? It isn't
fair to expect me to foot the bill all the time. Wouldn't it be nice if
*you* actually paid for a meal once and a while, since you're the one who
ends up eating it all anyway?
Zelgadis: Gourry eats some of it too.
Gourry: Not as much as I'd like to, but it's dangerous getting between the
food and Lina.
Sylphiel (eyes trembling): Oh, Gourry dear.
Zelgadis: Look, why don't I pick up the tab this time...that way we can get
on our way. I want to get to Seyruun.
Amelia (eyes sparkling): Mr. Zelgadis...you want to go to Seyruun?
Lina (eyes sparkling): Zel...you want to pay?
Zelgadis: (sweatdrops) Amelia, I just want to study the libraries there. If
anywhere has the knowledge to turn me back to a normal man, the white magic
capital of the world is my best bet. And Lina, I don't want to pay, but I
will do whatever it takes to get out of this Inn and back on the road.
(Meanwhile, Gourry is finishing up the order with the NextNearestWaiter)
Gourry: ...and basically three of everything from 12-48. And five of
everything else. (turning to the group) What do you guys want?
Zelgadis: (megasweatdrops) (mushroom sighs) This may turn out to be the
second biggest mistake of my life.
(The waiter exits, and offstage a great cry of dismay is heard, presumably
from the Inn's chef, who wasn't even supposed to be working tonight, but got
called in when the main chef [Bill] called in sick)
Gourry: Sylphiel...
Sylphiel: Yes, Gourry dear?
Gourry: What are you going to do now?
Sylphiel: What do you mean, Gourry dear?
Gourry: I'm not sure. (thinks) Hmmmm...oh yeah, what are you going to do
now that Phabruta or whoever has been destroyed...
Lina: (sighs) Hellmaster Phibrizzo.
Gourry: Yeah, that guy. And now that your home town is completely destroyed?
Sylphiel: I don't know. I just figured I'd join you on your journey, perhaps
become a healer or a priestess at Seyruun. Or find my one true love and
marry him. I don't really know what I will do.
Zelgadis: Well, one thing is certainly for sure. You won't be fighting off
bandit gangs with your amazing black magic skills.
Sylphiel: (hmphs) I'll have you know, Mr. Zelgadis, that I can cast the
Dragon Slave.
Lina: And I gotta be honest, it's almost (aside) but not quite (back) as
good as MY Dragon Slave.
Zelgadis: I'm sure, but we can't forget to mention the fearsome Flare Carrot.
Gourry: That reminds me, I'm hungry. Where is the food?
Lina: Yeah, where is that guy? (noticing the lack of Amelia dialogue) What's
wrong with you, Amelia?
Amelia: (hmphs) I'm still not convinced you see me as anything more than a
big wallet, useful only to fund your many expenses.
Lina: Amelia, that's not true. I also see you as kind of a whiner.
Amelia: Miss Lina!
Lina: Aw, come on, Amelia, it was a joke. I'm just trying to lighten the
mood a little.
Amelia: Well you won't lighten the mood any by insulting me, Miss Lina...
Lina: Aw, wouldya just lighten up already, Amelia...(gets cut off as the food
arrives) ...alright! Food!! (grabs token drumstick)
Amelia: (sighs) No one understands me. (sips coffee) (mutters)
Zelgadis: Amelia...if you don't mind, those are my characterizations.
Amelia: Sorry, Mr. Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: It's alright, Amelia. (sips coffee)
(NextNearestWaiter carts off the first stack of dishes and after a few
pained steps, collapses under the weight of them. An elderly man in long
white robes wanders into the scene)
Elderly Man: Filiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(wanders away)
Amelia: That was weird. But at least it brightened my day a little.
(smiles) Maybe I'll have somethin....agh! (looks at the completely empty
stack of plates) There's no food left! You ate it all! Miss Lina, that's
unjust!
Lina: I'd say it's just desserts for not paying attention.
Gourry: Oooh, there's dessert?
Zelgadis: You know, I am paying for this, so maybe you should ask me before
you go ahead and order anything else.
Amelia: Mr. Zelgadis, do you mind if I order something small for myself?
Zelgadis: Go ahead, Amelia. From the looks of things, it won't even make a
dent in the bill.
Amelia: Yay! (gestures wildly to NextNearestWaiter) Uhm...sir? Mr. Waiter?
NextNearestWaiter: (twitching) Can't feel legs...
Amelia: (twinkle in eyes) Aha! A chance to defend the helpless and right
wrongs for the sake of justice!!! (jumps towards the twitching body of
NextNearestWaiter when she trips on a nearby chair and faceplants directly
onto the already injured man)
NextNearestWaiter: (twitching more vigorously) Can't...feel...face...
either...
Amelia: Oh noo!!
(Sylphiel ray wings over to the crumpled form of the waiter)
Sylphiel: Allow me, Miss Amelia. Recovery! (the waiter jumps back up with
a spring in his step)
NextNearestWaiter: Much better! (bounces away) Seeya!
Amelia: But...I was going to... Oh...I guess I can wait until the next
town to eat...
Lina: Well, I'm ready to hit the road. Everyone okay with that?
Zelgadis: It's about time.
Gourry: I'm hungry.
Lina: Oh, you're always hungry.
Gourry: So are you!
Zelgadis: (smiles) Coming Amelia?
Amelia: I guess so. Maybe I could get a quick side salad...
Sylphiel: No, Miss Amelia, you mustn't have the side salad. It's a terrible,
terrible dish!
Amelia: Oh, alright. I must go on, then! For the sake of love, truth,
beauty, freedom and JUSTICE!!! (stomach grumbles loudly) Urk...Just how far
is the next town anyway?
(The group leaves the Inn, with Gourry and Lina still squabbling over who
gets hungry more often, Amelia sighing and Zelgadis smiling in spite of
himself. Shortly after they leave, a purple haired man appears in the Inn
and surveys the carnage)
Xellos: Oh dear...without Lord Phibrizzo telling me what to do, I thought
following Lina and the others would be the best way to amuse myself. I have
the distinct impression that I haven't seen them for the last time,
especially since the Supreme Elder of the Golden Dragons came all this way
just to say one word to them. Hmmmm...Filia...I'm not familiar with that
name. Oh well, it probably isn't important. The life of a monster can be
quite difficult, but I must be on my way now...to where you may ask? That...
is a story for another time.
The End
otherwise indicated and I have no legal right to them. Fortunately, the
legalities don't really matter to me as most of my stories are parodies and
not lemons. If you think you smell citrus, you don't.
Nearest Waiter and NextNearestWaiter are my property and if you photocopy
them or cut and paste them or solicit them in any way without my consent or
permission...there's not really much I can do about it...so just don't tell
me ok?
If you enjoy my story, please feel free to submit a review. If not, please
feel free to flame me at flamingpitsofhell@yahoo.com, my 24 hour a day
firepit where you can feel free to crispify me to your heart's content.
Teehee...
And just for the record, if I get more than 10 reviews, I promise to stop
putting Stone Cold Steve Austin into my stories, and even my co-written
stories with Yezo The Yellow Priestess (aka Snugglekitty), so review often.
This will also happen if I get more than 30 flames.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dinner At An Inn
by Bezo The Blue Priest
This is a story written in script format describing just a typical Slayers
visit to an Inn on their way somewhere. It is supposed to take place just
after the events of the last episode of Slayers Next, but before the first
episode of Slayers Try. It is completely pointless, but hopefully funny and
in character. And so we begin...
(A rather normal, everyday Inn, populated by rather normal, everyday
Inn-dwelling people, furnished in rather normal, everyday Innish style
[specifically 18th century Innish]. Patrons are eating and talking in a
veritable cacophony of sounds until a band of five people enter the Inn, then
their talking and eating subsides to more suitable hushed tones, so as to
facilitate the audibility of the dialogue of the five people)
Lina: Wow, it sure got quiet in here.
Gourry: You said it, Lina. I hope we can get some food because I'm starving.
Zelgadis: (mutter)
Amelia: Oh, Mr. Zelgadis...you really must try to cheer up. (spinning in a
circle as artists run into the Inn and quickly draw backgrounds moving
radiantly behind her) Though your quest to turn your body back to normal may
be going nowhere, your pure heart will see you through, no matter the
obstacles, and you will triumph! (points exultantly towards the ceiling, the
artists wipe their sweaty brows and leave to play tetherball)
Zelgadis: (mutters more)
Sylphiel: Oh, Mr. Zelgadis, you mustn't be so gloomy. It's a terrible state
of mind to be in.
Lina (to the nearest waiter): Table for five, please!
Nearest Waiter: Right away, sir.
(Scene of unimaginable carnage)
Gourry: Wow, Lina, that was really drastic.
Lina: Where does he get off, calling me 'sir'!? The death he got was too
good for him. (to next nearest waiter) Table for five, now!
NNW: (cringing) Anything you like...but please don't hurt me! Think about
my family. I have a wife and three kids. Kill them instead!
Zelgadis: Ruthless...I like that.
Gourry: Your wife's name is Ruth?
Lina (bonking Gourry on the head, addressing NextNearestWaiter): You know,
for an extra, you sure talk a lot.
Sylphiel: Oh, Mr. Waiter, you mustn't anger Miss Lina. Her fury is a
terrible thing, absolutely terrible.
NNW: Let me take you to your table.
(NNW takes the group to their table, where Lina peruses the menu for
approximately 0.18 seconds)
Lina: I'll take this, this, this, and this. With extra of this (pointing to
number 8). Hey Sylphiel, you got any money?
Sylphiel: (sweatdrops) Uhm...Miss Lina...
Lina: No sweat, Sylphiel. I'm sure Amelia can cover it.
Amelia: Miss Lina! Why do *I* always have to pay for our meals? It isn't
fair to expect me to foot the bill all the time. Wouldn't it be nice if
*you* actually paid for a meal once and a while, since you're the one who
ends up eating it all anyway?
Zelgadis: Gourry eats some of it too.
Gourry: Not as much as I'd like to, but it's dangerous getting between the
food and Lina.
Sylphiel (eyes trembling): Oh, Gourry dear.
Zelgadis: Look, why don't I pick up the tab this time...that way we can get
on our way. I want to get to Seyruun.
Amelia (eyes sparkling): Mr. Zelgadis...you want to go to Seyruun?
Lina (eyes sparkling): Zel...you want to pay?
Zelgadis: (sweatdrops) Amelia, I just want to study the libraries there. If
anywhere has the knowledge to turn me back to a normal man, the white magic
capital of the world is my best bet. And Lina, I don't want to pay, but I
will do whatever it takes to get out of this Inn and back on the road.
(Meanwhile, Gourry is finishing up the order with the NextNearestWaiter)
Gourry: ...and basically three of everything from 12-48. And five of
everything else. (turning to the group) What do you guys want?
Zelgadis: (megasweatdrops) (mushroom sighs) This may turn out to be the
second biggest mistake of my life.
(The waiter exits, and offstage a great cry of dismay is heard, presumably
from the Inn's chef, who wasn't even supposed to be working tonight, but got
called in when the main chef [Bill] called in sick)
Gourry: Sylphiel...
Sylphiel: Yes, Gourry dear?
Gourry: What are you going to do now?
Sylphiel: What do you mean, Gourry dear?
Gourry: I'm not sure. (thinks) Hmmmm...oh yeah, what are you going to do
now that Phabruta or whoever has been destroyed...
Lina: (sighs) Hellmaster Phibrizzo.
Gourry: Yeah, that guy. And now that your home town is completely destroyed?
Sylphiel: I don't know. I just figured I'd join you on your journey, perhaps
become a healer or a priestess at Seyruun. Or find my one true love and
marry him. I don't really know what I will do.
Zelgadis: Well, one thing is certainly for sure. You won't be fighting off
bandit gangs with your amazing black magic skills.
Sylphiel: (hmphs) I'll have you know, Mr. Zelgadis, that I can cast the
Dragon Slave.
Lina: And I gotta be honest, it's almost (aside) but not quite (back) as
good as MY Dragon Slave.
Zelgadis: I'm sure, but we can't forget to mention the fearsome Flare Carrot.
Gourry: That reminds me, I'm hungry. Where is the food?
Lina: Yeah, where is that guy? (noticing the lack of Amelia dialogue) What's
wrong with you, Amelia?
Amelia: (hmphs) I'm still not convinced you see me as anything more than a
big wallet, useful only to fund your many expenses.
Lina: Amelia, that's not true. I also see you as kind of a whiner.
Amelia: Miss Lina!
Lina: Aw, come on, Amelia, it was a joke. I'm just trying to lighten the
mood a little.
Amelia: Well you won't lighten the mood any by insulting me, Miss Lina...
Lina: Aw, wouldya just lighten up already, Amelia...(gets cut off as the food
arrives) ...alright! Food!! (grabs token drumstick)
Amelia: (sighs) No one understands me. (sips coffee) (mutters)
Zelgadis: Amelia...if you don't mind, those are my characterizations.
Amelia: Sorry, Mr. Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: It's alright, Amelia. (sips coffee)
(NextNearestWaiter carts off the first stack of dishes and after a few
pained steps, collapses under the weight of them. An elderly man in long
white robes wanders into the scene)
Elderly Man: Filiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(wanders away)
Amelia: That was weird. But at least it brightened my day a little.
(smiles) Maybe I'll have somethin....agh! (looks at the completely empty
stack of plates) There's no food left! You ate it all! Miss Lina, that's
unjust!
Lina: I'd say it's just desserts for not paying attention.
Gourry: Oooh, there's dessert?
Zelgadis: You know, I am paying for this, so maybe you should ask me before
you go ahead and order anything else.
Amelia: Mr. Zelgadis, do you mind if I order something small for myself?
Zelgadis: Go ahead, Amelia. From the looks of things, it won't even make a
dent in the bill.
Amelia: Yay! (gestures wildly to NextNearestWaiter) Uhm...sir? Mr. Waiter?
NextNearestWaiter: (twitching) Can't feel legs...
Amelia: (twinkle in eyes) Aha! A chance to defend the helpless and right
wrongs for the sake of justice!!! (jumps towards the twitching body of
NextNearestWaiter when she trips on a nearby chair and faceplants directly
onto the already injured man)
NextNearestWaiter: (twitching more vigorously) Can't...feel...face...
either...
Amelia: Oh noo!!
(Sylphiel ray wings over to the crumpled form of the waiter)
Sylphiel: Allow me, Miss Amelia. Recovery! (the waiter jumps back up with
a spring in his step)
NextNearestWaiter: Much better! (bounces away) Seeya!
Amelia: But...I was going to... Oh...I guess I can wait until the next
town to eat...
Lina: Well, I'm ready to hit the road. Everyone okay with that?
Zelgadis: It's about time.
Gourry: I'm hungry.
Lina: Oh, you're always hungry.
Gourry: So are you!
Zelgadis: (smiles) Coming Amelia?
Amelia: I guess so. Maybe I could get a quick side salad...
Sylphiel: No, Miss Amelia, you mustn't have the side salad. It's a terrible,
terrible dish!
Amelia: Oh, alright. I must go on, then! For the sake of love, truth,
beauty, freedom and JUSTICE!!! (stomach grumbles loudly) Urk...Just how far
is the next town anyway?
(The group leaves the Inn, with Gourry and Lina still squabbling over who
gets hungry more often, Amelia sighing and Zelgadis smiling in spite of
himself. Shortly after they leave, a purple haired man appears in the Inn
and surveys the carnage)
Xellos: Oh dear...without Lord Phibrizzo telling me what to do, I thought
following Lina and the others would be the best way to amuse myself. I have
the distinct impression that I haven't seen them for the last time,
especially since the Supreme Elder of the Golden Dragons came all this way
just to say one word to them. Hmmmm...Filia...I'm not familiar with that
name. Oh well, it probably isn't important. The life of a monster can be
quite difficult, but I must be on my way now...to where you may ask? That...
is a story for another time.
The End