Author's Note:
Hey, it's been like what, 5 years? Haha. Sorry about that. If you're here from my story "Tonight", this is the rewrite. If not, disregard.
Truthfully, I lost interest in the show and in the DC Universe. Eventually I moved onto other things, but grew out of those too. Such is life. I plan to complete this story. I wanted to rewrite my previous story because, well… I'm older now. I began to write that when I was turning twelve (I know, way too young for that kind of content lmao), but really, I like the concept. This story will not be the same as the last. It will contain some elements from the previous story, but overall, this is not the same.
Please keep in mind that this story will contain mature themes, especially sexual ones. There will also be a lot of angst and drama. Because I love angst and drama.
I hope my writing has improved greatly. I found that when I reread my older work, there is a lot of inconsistencies, and it was never as long as I wanted it to be. Anyways, please forgive any mistakes, I tend to miss them since I proofread my own stuff. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts! I hope you enjoy!
—
It begins at night, and so it goes.
Her weakest moments always seemed to manifest under moonlight, a reminder of nature's indifference. Or, maybe, that she deserved to fall. She did not thrive in the night, despite the beauty she found in it. The darkness did not belong to her. Even when she began to crave it.
Summer hit the city without warning, leaving the air thick and muggy. She soaked in the heat while everyone else suffered, as she did every year — nothing could ever nourish her soul like the sun.
Except, maybe, the love she has. The love she feels. Love for someone in particular.
The same love that began to taste bitter in the back of her throat, that threatened to suffocate her. He still didn't know.
He hadn't found her yet. She had left his side, confident and capable. He had told her to stay. For the first time, she did not listen.
She flew away from him. Everyone else was on their own. Why couldn't she be? She was fulfilling her duty. He doesn't own her, and he never did, she had to remind herself. Her fury was building, burning her insides. He could not have her. She would not be his.
But instead of red, her vision goes black. When she comes to, all she remembers is falling.
Her eyes flutter open to him. A light, warm drizzle fell over them, nearly lulling her back to sleep. It hurt less to give in. To forget where she was. What brought her here to this life. He says her name so softly, like in the dreams she's had, the ones where the world doesn't take so much from her. She moans, struggling to wake, despite the wetness under her, the strong arms lifting her.
He must love her. Somehow, some way.
And yet.
Her body was heavy, her head lolling from side to side. A dull ache comes to life. Somewhere she can't place quite yet. And all she could think, all she wished, was that she wasn't so weak. So, so weak. Weaker than she'd ever been.
She barely registers when the rain disappears. When her arm swings in the air like dead weight. How the voice she hears when she gives in sounds. Rumbling, teasing.
"You should've stayed with Robin."
—-
In her dreams, everyone she loves dies. He is the last to go. He always is. Everytime, she wakes in a cold sweat before day had even broke in the sky. Her mind seemed to torture her endlessly. She had never truly learned how to ease it.
Fear coursed its way through her body as she woke, her heart beating too fast, ready to jump out of her chest. She did not know the darkness she was in. Her head and heart ached in it regardless.
Pain shot through her side as she sat up, making her dizzy. She gasped loudly, and it echoed, snapping her back to reality.
She does not know where she is.
And she does not know who is with her.
In an instant she's on her feet, eyes glowing green. Her starbolt, while steady, was not strong.
"Who is there?" she demands, voice deep and gravelly. She emits more energy, fighting the nausea rolling through her.
"You should be thanking me, princess."
"For what?"
"Keeping you from bleeding out."
"Reveal yourself."
Her starbolt flickers.
"I've been watching you, princess. Losing your grip, huh?"
The girl growls, struggling to maintain her energy. She didn't know if she could fight. She didn't know what to do. She felt her veins pulsing, willing her to just collapse, but her fear was stronger. The only thing about her that seemed to be strong anymore.
"Is Boy Blunder not fucking you right, princess? You know, I cou-"
She flings her starbolt at the stranger, knocking him on his ass. It was all she could muster. Her energy burnt out right after.
She catches a glimpse of him under the mocking moonlight. Dark hair, pale skin. A smirk. A mask.
She flies through the open window, unable to fight. Too weak to.
He looks so much like him.
Despite the sticky heat, goosebumps rose along her skin. Her stomach twisted, panic sinking in. The world seemed wrong. Unfair. Cruel. All her life, it kept her breathless. And now her body was giving up. She felt her strength fading, bit by bit, fading without reason. If she could not fight any longer, what was her purpose?
Tears poured down her face, and with each one, gravity pulled her down until she hit the ground again, though softer than the last time. She found that the sun was beginning to break through the stars. She sat there, unmoving. Heavy and hypnotized. Her head began to grow light. Every blink threatened to knock her down even further. She is vulnerable. Aching.
A distorted beep sounds from her side, causing her heartbeat to pick up dangerously fast once again. It was too loud in the dense air.
She had forgotten in her panic. It took too much energy to pick the communicator off her belt and open it. Half of the screen is broken, black covering half of his face. Her heartache. Her savior.
"Starfire, where are you, please - "
"I am weak Robin."
"Star - "
"Help me."
All she remembers is falling.
—
Over the past year, he'd grown taller.
And distant.
It took awhile to place her finger on it; he changed, gradually, subtly, and she could not figure out why.
His hands were almost always on her. Stroking her cheek, rubbing her arms, grabbing her hips, wrapping around her ankles. Just about everywhere. His touch soothed and burned. Sent her in a spiral. Like she was back up in space, flying free, free, free.
She never had a problem leaning into his warmth and comfort. He practically made her purr. But he was not the same. He held her close, physically, but never close enough. Like he'd die if his hands weren't on her.
Like he'd die if it went any further.
Her best friend did not choose to confide in her anymore. It was something she missed dearly, what made her love him. He did not seem to be aware. For that reason, she had been so terrified to push, to simply ask. He was so opposite of he nature, she just didn't know how. After awhile, his touch began to hurt.
She seemed to belong to him, but he was not hers, would never be. The imbalance made her ache in the chest. Another prolonged instance of being owned, yet unloved.
So when she opens her eyes once more, and finds that it's really him this time — looking too much older than eighteen — she almost wishes he weren't her first sight. Almost.
She moans at the throbbing on her side, reaching to touch it, but he's quick to take her hand in his and lay it back down. His presence overwhelms her. Twists her gut at the sheer emotion just his scent brings. He's whispering to her. Filling the empty space in the room.
"You're okay, Star. I'm here now."
And truthfully, the softness breaks her.
She cries. What more is there to do? She could do nothing else but succumb to the pain. To the weakness.
He holds her head to his chest, stroking her tangled hair. She didn't want to need him. Not anymore.
The ghost of a kiss brushes her forehead. This is the closest he's ever come. And it only happens now, when she is broken.
"I am weak, weak, weak, weak…" she gasps between breaths, as if she were a child again.
"No, Star. You're not weak. Never."
His lips litter tiny misses along her head. They're meant to heal. Yet they burn holes in her skull.
"It's my fault, Starfire. My fault. Please don't cry anymore," he speaks softly in her ear.
Just as she's had enough of his suffocating embrace, ready to push him away, to hurt him, another voice speaks.
"Robin, she's bleeding again. Let me finish healing the wound."
His breath is finally away from her skin, though he's slow to set her back down on whatever it is she's lying on. His thumb rubs her chin while he splays the rest of his hand on the side of her neck, creating an uncomfortable heat. She just barely notices something wet and warm rolling down her side. She's fading out again. She doesn't want to be awake. Her vision was too blurry. Still, she catches sight of violet eyes. A sigh of relief escapes her.
"You're okay, Star. You've been hurt, but it's healing. You're in the infirmary."
The empath is careful to remove the bandage from her stomach — X'hal, she didn't even feel it there until now — and heard her utter her spell. Starfire mewled in pain, the black energy healing her wound at once.
"Raven," his panicked voice spoke.
"Robin. You know how it goes," she says. "Just a little longer, Star," she whispers to her friend.
She was reduced to whimpers, eyes flickering green. Even through all of this, she could feel his stare. Singing her. Stealing her breath. She couldn't heal. Not with him there. It drove her absolutely crazy. It made her want to scream.
And so she does.
It rips from her throat, releasing the pain she felt everywhere, and then it ends as quickly as it came. Her wound begins to sting again; the black magic is no longer coating it.
She heard footsteps approaching, an overlap of words.
"What's wrong?"
"What happened?"
"We don't know. She's in a lot of pain."
"God, it looks so deep."
"Hush. Cyborg, check her vitals again. Beast Boy, get a clean bandage and a cold compress. She's burning up."
"Got you." "On it."
Her breath is shallow. It's all she could do without intensifying the pain. She feels a cool hand over her heart, exhaling deeply when it forces her heart rate to decrease.
"Her vitals are normal. So what the hell is wrong?"
"Maybe it's… psychological."
"Psychological?" He's by her side again.
"Maybe her mind won't allow her to heal."
"C'mon Raven, that's bullshit. She has to heal."
"Relax, Rob. It sounds plausible. Raven can't heal Star if Star don't wanna be healed, for whatever reason. Besides, hasn't this happened before?"
"I've got the stuff. Let's patch 'er up."
The girl is instantly soothed by whatever is placed on her forehead. She had begun to sweat. Hands are on her again, the heat contrasting with her newfound cool.
She knows it's him without even looking, drifting in and out between awake and asleep. Her body knows his touch, indefinitely. Oh, how funny and how heartbreaking it was. That her savior is the one who broke her, too.
He spreads something along her wound before carefully placing a bandage over it. It still hurts, but less so.
She's had enough. She needs to rest. Sleep came to her easily then, enveloping her with its tender darkness. As she goes back out again, they continue to speak; his words were always the final ones.
"My question is… who treated her wound in the first place?"
Then there is nothing.
—-
On Tamaran, she was free. Every emotion was raaw, unfiltered, an experience. She was well aware that X'hal blessed her with a childhood full of joy.
So in turn, when her heart breaks, she is left beyond repair. Her heart broke when she lost her parents, when she lost her home due to war. Each and every single time her sister tried to harm her, and each time she succeeded. When she landed on Earth, feral and scared and alone.
When he turned around.
Pushed her away.
She was intricately crafted from birth to be a warrior, to be no less than strong and resilient. She overcame much in seventeen years, the sun mending her endlessly, forgiving her each day. Reminding her of exactly who she was.
Koriand'r, Princess of Tamaran. A fighter. A protector.
A lover.
Despite it all, her heart remained tender. But for the first time in her life, it was too much so. When her heart broke, the damage was irreparable. Nothing ever filled the voids of her past losses, her lifelong grief; she had no choice but to go on, honoring her bloodline and home planet's legacy. She carried it with her in each breath - how can she not?
It all had to cave in on her at some point.
Once more she rose, and without a thought, she left the room. The sun was calling for her. It is all she needs. To come back to herself again.
Once she reaches the roof of the tower, (how, she does not recall) she all but collapses laying like an angel of snow in the glorious light of the sun. Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered.
That is until she was aware of her clothes sticking to her skin, preventing her from absorbing the healing light all throughout her body. She couldn't move, though; she was still too weak to. Of course she was weak, how could she forget? Of course.
"Star?"
And of course he finds her. He always does.
"I left the infirmary for one second, and you were gone. Are you okay?" he speaks in one breath.
"Robin." It takes all her willpower just to speak.
"Starfire…"
She did not want to open her eyes. She did not want to see him.
After a long pause, he repeats her name, nearly panting it.
"Remove my clothing."
He's silent, until.
"W-What?"
"I require. Sun." Her energy drains with each word. Each second he's standing there helplessly.
"Maybe I should get Raven…"
"Robin." Her breath comes in short bursts.
"Y-Yeah?"
"Now."
Finally, he complies. X'hal, he could be so ridiculous at times. Couldn't he see that she was starving for the sun's light? She couldn't care any less about modesty at the moment.
He begins with her armor, gently prying it off her arms before reaching for her breast plate. He has to exert more force, leaving him muttering apologies to which she replies with a hum. She hears him gulp before reaching for her boots, pulling them off smoothly. She felt the healing process speed up, but it was nowhere near done. He sat dumbly beside her, no longer obliging her demand.
"Robin," she sighed.
"Yeeeaahhh?"
"Please."
"Okay, okay, okay…"
His deft fingers turned awkward once they graced her hips, as if he never touched her before. She began to grunt in annoyance, willing him to just hurry. Up. He took a deep breath before shimmying her skirt off of her, extra careful to not accidentally roll her underwear down as well. Truthfully, she did not care one bit. He had to lift her slightly to get it out from under her, and his sorry's only irritated her.
"Is that better?" His voice was comically high-pitched.
She would have laughed if he wasn't such an annoying clorbag.
"Not quite."
"... Starfire. I'm going to get Raven."
"If you do not comply this instant - "
"Alright, alright, fine," the boy hastily replies, sitting her up. He leans her forehead on his shoulder and grips the hem of her top. "Alright, I got you Star. I always got you."
"Dude…"
On instinct, Robin crushes her body to him, protecting her from sight with his cape wrapped around her. It would have made her smile under any other circumstance.
"It's not what you think!"
"We know y'all got a thing, but… dude…"
"She asked me to!"
Starfire is laying on the roof again, gently placed down by Raven's magic. Robin yells in surprise. She assumes Raven has him in her energy's grip.
"You could've called me up, genius."
"I - I - I - she growled at me! I was going to, she wouldn't let me!"
"Are you sure?" She hears Robin grunt under the constriction. "YES! I swear! Why would I ever do that to her?!"
"Robin is telling the truth," she utters as loudly as she can. "I am too weak. I require the light of the sun."
"Out," Raven growls before the slam of a door. She runs to the alien girl's side, to which she finally opens her heavy, heavy eyes. Starfire can't help but smile at the worry etched on her friend's face. Oh, how she loved her so.
"I promise that what you have just witnessed was done of my own volition."
Raven chuckles. "You should've seen his face."
"I can imagine."
The girls share a light laugh in the midst of the heat. Just this small, fleeting moment of joy, gives her strength.
"How're you feeling?"
Starfire rolled her head to her direction, gaze lazy and unfocused. "Truthfully, friend Raven, I do not know."
"Do you remember what happened?"
"I remember falling," she says without thought. She's quick to recover. "I remember speaking to Robin. And that is all."
"We're glad you're okay."
She cannot agree; she does not reply.
"I tried to heal you last night. It was like… your body rejected it."
"Hmm…"
"Do you know why?"
"I'm afraid I do not," she replies, eyes closing again. "I merely require the light of the sun."
"I know. Do you want me to complete Boy Wonder's failed mission?"
Starfire giggles airily. "That would be most appreciated."
Raven is quick to work her top off through the use of her powers. Starfire relaxes. The light touches her heart. She hums contentedly; out of everything, it is the most sore.
"Is it okay if I stay here with you for awhile?"
"As you wish."
The energy slowly pours into her, as sweet and warm as her mother's lullabies. It was all she wanted, all she needed - rest, and a good friend. It didn't take her long to dream.
—
He kisses her deep, desperately. Slips his tongue in her mouth, wanting nothing more than to taste her. She's crushed against him, an arm around her waist and the other holding her neck neck, keeping her still and keeping her his.
In her dreams, he lets himself belong to her. It's always in the dead of night. Always starts at his command.
"You're all I want, I don't care, you're all I want…" he'd mumble into her the crook of her neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses up to her jaw and along it. She could never believe it, but obliges regardless, afraid she'd wake up.
In her dreams, the world falls into place. She never falls, except in love. He makes her moan and purr and sigh with his touch, always so calculated and beautiful on every inch of her skin. Every movement spread heat to her core, and for a little while, she's shameless, thriving, loved.
If only he loved her the way she loved him.
"Star, I don't see you that way."
This is how it always ends. Her on her knees. Watching him walk away.
—-
"I'll take it from here."
Raven comes down from her trance, turning to her team leader with a frown. Starfire still laid beside her. Once the sun had begun to set, she put her clothes back on, leaving aside her armor. She spent the afternoon attempting to keep herself cool, meditating, and reading beside her friend.
"Hmm. And what if she wakes up?" He had to refrain from coming up, watching over her. He knew she was in safe hands. Still, his mind wandered too much, set him in an unbridled panic he had to sweat out.
"What do you mean? Don't you want her to wake up?"
"I don't know if she wants to wake up to you."
He physically recoils from her words. A bitch smack right on his face. The truth. He doesn't speak, knowing he would stutter.
"Look, Robin, I don't know if something happened between you guys…" she begins, a little nicer.
"Uhh… me neither," he mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. Raven rolls her eyes.
"I sensed a lot of pain from her. It could just be her wound. But it was so intense, especially after I tried to heal her. I almost couldn't stand it."
He shuffles from foot to foot, guilt overwhelming him. "I'm sorry for lashing out on you before. I was being a dick."
"You could say that again," Raven smirks. Robin just glares at her.
"Her pain is emotional. Again, I don't know what it is. But if it's because of you, you better fix it."
"Why would you think it's me?"
Raven sighs. Loudly. "You boys are really a bunch of idiots."
"Hey!"
"Shh, she's sleeping." She's mocking him now. She reaches for her book, ignoring him.
He blubbers, caught off guard. God. He already apologized. "Raven," he says as sternly as he can, but it's been a long time since she's been intimidated by him.
"You're free to go now."
"No! I want to stay with her."
"Like I said. Probably not the best idea."
"That's an order," he says through gritted teeth. And just as she's about to send his ass back inside, she speaks.
Or, well. Moans.
"Robin…"
They both freeze, locking their gaze on Starfire. She was still asleep, but her breathing was beginning to pick up. Her whole body seemed to be blushing.
The two finally look at each other, the discomfort palpable. It seemed to be… exactly how it looked.
"I'll check on her later," the girl says before walking off. She did not want to be a part of this. "Ummm, yeah, okay," he replies stupidly. Once the door of the roof shuts, he's sits beside her, wringing his fingers together. "I'm here, Star," he says meekly. God, she was so beautiful. She was practically glittering under the golden light of the setting sun. He almost forgets to breathe.
Then he forgoes it entirely when she begins to writhe, uttering his name so sweetly. And much louder.
Heat spreads along his neck and face, and god forgive him, it shoots right down to his dick. He can't even think. Think of anything except fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. He must've done something awful to be tortured like this.
And then, oh, thankfully, she lays still, though her eyebrows are furrowed, and she began to sweat. He could lean forward, get a little taste, just a little closer…
He is losing his goddamn mind.
It's crumbling, fading away. He's going absolutely, stupidly, insane. All because of her. All because of her…
She must know, somehow, it must be deliberate. A genius form of torture. But how could she know? Has he been that obvious these past couple of years? He couldn't have been.
He watches as she arches her back slightly off the ground. Listens as she mewls and sighs. He was done. He needed it to end. Now.
"Star, I'm gonna take you to bed, okay? The sun's setting. Okay?" he says, as if she'd answer. Gently, he lifts her, cradling her head onto his chest while his left arm is tucked under her knees. She felt dainty and delicate in his arms. Fragile. Stunning.
He felt dirty compared to her purity. Soulless compared to her compassion. He can't help but be around her, to touch her. Stupidly, he let her become his sanity. His anchor. And now she was so, so close to becoming his lifeline.
If he loses her.
If he loses her, he loses himself.
He carries her downstairs and to her room, placing her on her bed. He doesn't miss how she instantly sinks onto her covers, relaxing into the support of the mattress. She looked so at peace, snoring lightly. Gorgeous.
He hesitates before placing a kiss upon her cheek, hoping she knew, hoping she knew. "Sweet dreams, Star," he coos in the silence.
Slowly, he rises to walk away.
"Don't you dare ever kiss me again." Her eyes glow a poisonous green, words made of pure venom. "Or else."
She's asleep once more. All that's in the air is her sweet breathing.