Severus apparated to a desolate location on the beach. The wind bit through his Muggle clothing and he briefly wondered why in the world Lily would choose this of all locations to meet. He heard a pop behind him and out of instinct raised his wand.
She had a scared look on her face as she saw his raised wand and directed her own at him. "Sev, I didn't come here to fight," she sounded sad.
He nodded. "Of course, it was a… reaction," he deliberately searched for the last word. "What was the last Christmas present I gave you?"
She thought a moment. "A quill you charmed to write for me, because my hand and wrist would get terrible cramps from all our essays. Satisfied that I'm not an auror in disguise?"
"Yes," he replied. "Do you want to get out of the cold?"
"First, just to be safe, what did I get you that Christmas?"
He looked down from embarrassment. "A new sweater, because I was too poor to buy it myself. Satisfied?"
She looked away- embarrassed by his resentment of the fact that she had been fortunate enough that she felt the obligation to care for him. He was a proud man, who was not meant to be anyone's charity case- not even hers. He opened his mouth, considering apologizing for once again allowing his stubborn pride to ruin her best intentions, but she spoke first. He didn't have to apologize; she had learned that his resentment of her help came from his hatred of his own vulnerability.
"Sev, let's have tea. There's a nice little place where you can see the ocean," she suggested, and he agreed, wanting to spend every moment he could with her.
"You know this place?" He asked as they walked awkwardly over the cold, loose sand.
"This is where my family vacationed. I always wanted to take you along, but my parents were afraid that your parents wouldn't want you going away when you were young, and when were older, well…" she trailed off not wanting to mention her parents concerns about what they would do at the shore together.
"I would have loved to have come," he softly replied. The two weeks that Lily went on vacation were the longest two weeks of his year.
They reached the mostly empty shop and ordered tea and scones. "Lily why did you ask to see me? You are not the type of woman to invite a Death Eater for tea and scones while being frivolously nostalgic about your childhood?" It pained him to say it, but he had to. She had barely spoken to him since he called her that terrible name.
"What makes you think I'm not?" she asked.
"Otherwise, you would have responded to one of my letters. You wouldn't have married James Potter without giving me so much as a note to prepare me," he started to raise his voice, furious that she would marry his worst enemy.
"Would a note have made it better?" Her voice was soft, but her tone was unwavering.
"What do you see in him?" The waitress placed their food and drink on the table.
"I love him," she plainly stated.
She may as well have shot a killing curse Severus's way. "Of course, you do. I mean, he's athletic and he has money. Of course, any woman wants that," he tried to explain it to himself.
"You know I don't care about Quidditch or money. He's a genuinely good man," she insisted.
"He's arrogant and reckless. He tormented me in school. He was in on the plan to kill me and only stopped it because you found out," he bit back.
"James has matured a lot. He didn't really want to hurt you- the joke just went too far. He just didn't think back then," Lily made excuses.
"When I hurt or kill someone, it's torture and murder, and if I am caught, I will be killed or sent to Azkaban or worse. When James Potter does it, it's a joke that went too far," he caustically returned.
"Sev, I didn't come here to fight about James." There was pain in her voice. Severus felt sorry for hurting her.
"Why did you come here, Lily? What do you hope to accomplish here?" His voice took on the strain he was feeling. His hopes that she had come to tell him that she had made a mistake in marrying James were dashed, so what else was there left to say?
"I wanted to help you get away from… them. I want to help you before anything bad happens," her voice took on a pleading tone.
"Lily, do you know something?" She had up a shield around her mind. He likely could have broken the shield if need be, but to do so would have violated her trust.
"Sev, I know you don't want to live like this. I know you don't want to do the things they do," she sidestepped the question.
"This is the way to power. This is the way for our people to be respected. We are meant to rule over the Muggles and the lesser creatures. We're trying to do this, while the rest of the world would have us continue to let them walk all over us," he wanted her to understand why what he did was necessary.
"Sev, we're all equals in the world. We can all live in peace, even if it is a separate peace," she claimed.
"Lily, look at how your sister treated us. Look at what my father did to my mother. Muggles can't be trusted. I wish you would join us. Most of the women don't really participate, but they're around to support the men when we come home," he tried to convince her.
"James and I are loyal to the light and Dumbledore," she unflinchingly informed him.
"I think there is no light and no dark," he candidly countered.
"Sev, you're angry and lost. I don't want your anger and confusion to consume the good heart inside there," she tried to tell him.
"Lily, I know what I'm doing will be best for us in the end," he stood his ground.
"I worry what will happen, if you ever meet James during a battle," she confessed.
"If that happens, you need not worry about me," he calmly replied.
"Sev-" she looked like she could cry.
"Lily, I am skilled, and he might not have odds four against one this time," he coldly reminded her.
"They will show you no mercy when they find you," she warned.
"You assume we will lose. That is quite a presumption," he commented.
"You cannot rule by fear for long," she explained.
He glanced at the Muggle waitress, and could tell she was listening. He gestured with his eyes across the room at her. "She's hearing too much- not that I suppose she'll remember much of it. She seems simple." He pulled a few pounds out of his pocket and laid them neatly on the table.
"Be nice; I'm sure she's a fine woman. I suppose you're right that we should leave. I can pay my own way," Lily offered.
He shook his head, insisting on covering her tea and scones. She had fed him plenty of times when he was hungry, so now the least he could do was pay for her tea. She was a fine woman, who deserved to be taken places, anyway. As a practiced legilimens, Severus was more than aware how kind and intelligent she was in comparison to the rest of the world. They rose and walked out of the shop together.
"Lily, I wish you could see things our way. I wish you would realize how much good we can do. We just have to make sacrifices now." He still had hopes she would see why he did what he needed to. He hoped she would realize James was wrong for her, and that it was her old friend who would be the powerful man she deserved.
"We just don't see the world the same way," she sighed. "I miss when we were kids, and the world was so simple."
"I miss laying under that tree by the playground and talking for hours," he sighed, realizing that today he would not convince her to join him and resolving to instead enjoy her company for as long as possible.
She gave him a weak smile. "I thought we would always be best friends."
I thought we would be married, he thought, but didn't say. "So did I. I still care about you just as much, Lily. I never wanted to end our friendship. I'm sorry that I messed up."
"Sev, we're just different now. I'm sorry…" she trailed off.
"Lily, I want to see you more often," he tried to convince her. "I want to have what we did."
"You know we can't," she denied him.
"Someday the war will end, and these political arguments will be all solved, and our differences won't matter," he tried to convince her.
"Sev, James and I are having a baby, and that's going to change everything," she heartlessly told him.
He struggled to keep his emotions in check. For a man who could normally act so stoically, Severus was an open book around Lily. He collected himself. "A boy or a girl?"
"I don't know Sev; it's too early to tell. I'll be happy as long as my baby is healthy," she smiled as she talked about her baby. "If you came back, I would love for you to be an uncle to our child."
"I never left, Lily. My commitments to our movement in no way affect my loyalties to you," he informed her.
"Sev, if you ever want to leave them, I'll try to help you. Dumbledore could help you," she promised.
"I will make sure that you are protected regardless of your allegiances… always," he vowed.
Lily looked away- obviously uncomfortable that a Death Eater had just promised her protection against his own colleagues. "Don't worry about me Sev, but never let them hurt my baby. I couldn't live without my baby."
"I will protect you. I will make an Unbreakable Vow, if that is what it takes for you to trust me," he insisted. He could not promise to protect James Potter's child, though- not that day.
She shook her head. "No, it would be wrong for me to ask that of you."
He stayed silent, wishing he could take her hand- wishing he could tell her he loved her. "I'm here for you, Lily, if you ever need me."
"Thank you. I should go, or James will start to worry," she stated.
"Did you tell him where you were going?" Severus was suddenly curious.
"No, he would have followed me, and he would have brought aurors," she explained.
He snorted. "He would have needed at least a few."
"If they catch you, some of the aurors say Crouch will soon authorize the Dementor's Kiss for unrepentant Death Eaters- maybe for you," she warned him.
"Do you mind me asking what I have done to deserve that?" A cold, hollow feeling spread over him; it wasn't enough that James Potter could torment him through school and steal the woman he loved. No, now Potter would bring aurors, so that they could hand him over to have his soul sucked from his body.
"They say you've gained favor with him through your brutality. The things they say you do to Muggle families…" she couldn't look at him.
"Do you believe them?" he flatly asked.
"Should I?"
"Do you?"
She thought. "No. I know you must have killed, but I don't think you like it. I hate what you've done, but I don't believe that you're a monster."
"Please understand, I do not delight in cruelty, but I am not afraid to kill. If I deserve the Dementor's Kiss for that, so be it. My last thoughts will be of you, " He felt his affection for Lily warm his soul, yet anger simmered deep inside as he considered the possibility of his soul, his very existence, being taken by his enemies.
"I don't want that to ever happen to you. I don't want that to happen to anyone," she spoke candidly on one of the most inhumane things wizards did to each other.
"It won't. We'll both survive this war," he refused to think of any alternative.
"If you're caught, I'll visit you. I don't care what the others say; I'll visit you before and after. I'll find the Severus Snape that taught me that I wasn't just different- I was special. I'll find that kind boy before it, and I'll try to keep him alive after…" Her eyes shined from tears forming.
"May I hold you?" he asked, and much to his surprise a sobbing Lily allowed him to. "Lily, these tears aren't for me, are they?"
"Some are. Some are for the other friends I've lost. I want to have this baby, Sev, but I don't want a child to be born into this. I want more for my child than living in constant fear that he or someone he loves could be killed at any moment. I know that not everyone I care about will survive the war, and that kills me a little bit everyday," she confessed.
"Stop worrying; you of all people deserve to have a long, happy life."
"I should go. James will wonder where I went," she released him and walked away to disapparate.
"Wait, Lily. I hope it's a girl, who will grow up to be just like you. The world needs more people like you," he sighed.
"Sev, please, we shouldn't act like this. After the war, run far away where they'll never find you. Goodbye, Severus," she disapparated just like that.
Severus sank down on the sand where she had stood. He wanted to tell her everything he was too afraid to say, but she was gone. He didn't know when he'd see her again. He didn't know if he'd see her again, for that matter. After the war, he would have her back, he reassured himself. She would realize that everything was for the best, and with James certainly out of the picture after their final victory, she would come around to see who the better man was.
He sighed and stared at the waves crashing against the shore. He wished for all the moments he'd missed here with her. He thought about her hugging Potter, kissing him, and pretending like her old friend she visited was anyone other than Severus Snape. He felt a pang of jealousy as he thought how she laid in bed with Potter every night, and would even give him the honor of having his child. Potter didn't deserve her, but all the same, neither did he. Lily was too good for the two men she'd cared about, but she had allowed the Muggles to tell her she was a freak and wizards to tell her she was inferior so many times that she did not even realize what an amazing woman she was.
His mark burned, pulling him from his thoughts of Lily. Someday this war would be over, and hopefully, these emergency meetings and violent raids would end with it. One day he would take care of Lily and give her the life she deserved. He knew that then she would come around, and everything he had done would be worth it.