I won't stand in your way

by Whispers of the wind A-O-3

We were so long together, it's all that I know. I love you so fully, I just can't let you know. (Beecake, Please, stay).

Hello, dear readers! I welcome you to my first fic from Another.

Some warnings: 1) I really tried to keep OoC it to the lowest level, but I could have made it better. 2) Yaoi, though I also worked with Kazami-Teshigawara-Izumi "one-sided" feelings in this chapter. 3) I mixed facts from Another's anime, manga, and novel to get this, that's why,

Kazami's facts: his eyes are in the same color as they were in the anime; he accompanied Teshigawara, Mochizuki, and Sakakibara to find the secret tape.

Teshigawara's facts: he called Kazami and asked him to meet in the balcony of the hotel the August 8th; when first met Sakakibara, he told him jokingly that Kazami and he would be better without knowing each other (I didn't made up this from nowher ).

Other facts: Mrs. Numata (a.k.a. the women from the hotel), was the one who started to kill everyone on their rooms, and set fire to the place, just like the novel.

Disclaimer. At least, but not less, Another belonged entirely to Yukito Ayatsuki and whatever details Hiro Kiyohara had added for the plot. I'm just playing with the story and characters.

I hope you enjoy the fic!

I published this in Ao3, too.

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{ ⁂ ╫ ⁂ }

{.ͼͽ.} I won't stand in your way {.ͼͽ.}

First part

{℘}

I

We were so long together, it's all that I know. I love you so fully, I just can't let you know.

—Beecake, Please, stay.

⸙⸎⸙

Tomohiko looked fixedly at the snow-white ceiling from his hospital room, and then sighed. He moaned quietly as a result of his severe headache— which drilled him up since he regained consciousness—. It's almost unbearable, the young thought grinning bitterly. Kazami wanted to ignore it, although all his efforts cannot subdue the pain. In fact, it had worsened somehow within the last hour or so.

A soft knock drew his attention toward the door. He felt a wave of sickness, and it was extremely hard not to throw up, given that sudden movement.

Who can be at this rate? His parents had been checking Kazami's well-being with Doctor Nishimura. However, they did not need to announce themselves anyway … besides, the sound resembled more a shy thump than a proper knock. Tomohiko stopped breathing as he realized who may be the person at the corridor.

"Come on," he said feebly, and noticed the husky sound that accompanied each word.

The door made an annoying crack when the intruder pushed it. Kazami saw the blanched hair first of all, followed by Naoya's brownish eyes. Tomohiko groaned, trying to sit straight on the— uncomfortable— pallet where he had been lying, barely covered with a thin blanket and his hospital gown, which made him feel exposed.

"I can go back later," Teshigawara stated nonchalantly, though Kazami would hear his embarrassment for a thousand miles away from here. "I probably should have asked your parents before coming."

He furrowed. "Don't be such a fool." Kazami mumbled, making a gesture. "It's OK."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely."

Teshigawara moved forward, and closed the door. He wore his usual short-sleeved t-shirt under this military green sweater that Naoya had brought the last summer. Kazami still remembered how excited was his friend, complaining about not having enough money to buy it right at that moment.

"I can lend you some." Kazami had offered him a year ago, shutting him in just a second. Teshigawara turned his brightened face toward the class-representative, and he could even swear that he caught a devotion glimpse within Naoya's warm orbs.

"Seriously?" The other asked, both hands joined and a wide smile. Kazami's heart jumped as he looked aside, to dissimulate his own blush. "You're the best! I'll pay you immediately, I promise you!"

Kazami did not care about that. He had just wanted to make Teshigawara happy. That had always been his goal. Tomohiko loved him after all, and it was nice to see him looking so cheerful.

Even now, the class-representative reflected as he lifted the corner of his mouth, I'll tear off my beating heart just to erase that sorrow from him.

No, he did not want to die. However, Teshigawara sometimes can be his Sun, Moon, and stars, all together in Naoya's visage. Dammit, I could be a complete fool, too.

{℘}

II

Did we ever see it coming? Will we ever let it go? We are buried in broken dreams.

—Ruelle, On the other side.

⸙⸎⸙

They could not have feigned it much longer, and so it started with a casual question, "How're you doin' today, Kazami?" His— bubble-minded— friend asked in this low, shaken voice that made Tomohiko's world tremble. "Does your leg still hurt too much?"

"Not really."

"Would you be able to walk up soon?"

He can observe how afraid was Teshigawara during the next three seconds, as he waited for Kazami's reply. The class officer felt an immediate urgency of brush Naoya's long blanched hair with his pale fingers, pushing his locks aside to clear his forehead. Tomohiko had always wondered if this could help Teshigawara to calm down. What a ridiculous idea, the dark-haired spat mentally.

"Yeah, I'm out of danger," Kazami said softly, looking at his plastered leg under the blanket. He tried not to think about that night again.

"Glad to hear it." Tomohiko sighed after this uncomfortable comment. "Oh, Kazami … I'm so, so sorry!" Naoya's voice was extremely brittle and shaking, as if he was about to cry. His fine lips— which always curved in a tender, mischievous smile— were bitten now, retaining them from say something. "I was an idiot, and I caused you pain!"

A terrible pause conquered them for a minute or so, while Kazami blinked. He was surprised by Teshigawara's burst of emotions. It seemed August 8th all over again, standing in front of each other. Tomohiko felt bitterness and a burning agony climbing through his spine, just like a mercilessly lashing that unwrapped his skin when he remembered Naoya's accusations,

"You're not the real Kazami, are you? You're the extra person in our class, aren't you?"

Tomohiko had gotten all shaken up, then he panicked, and he finally blew up at Naoya, "What the actual hell-?" His own words came with a high-pitched tone, "Are you fucking insane? I'm Kazami. I'm your best friend."

"My best friend— as you have called it— would definitely remember about our little base by the river. He wouldn't conveniently forget about how excited was he when we planned to go to the ocean."

"What are you talking about?! Knock it off right now!"

"You see? You kept losing memories of stuff!" Teshigawara moved forward, almost violently. Kazami stepped aback, speechless.

"W-wait. Stop this nonsense, Teshigawara!"

"You're this year casualty, aren't you?!"

"Please … you need to … you're scaring me …"

"I already lost him, didn't I? My beloved friend isn't you!"

The memory smothered Kazami's heart with an overwhelming intensity, due to Naoya's words; they echoed on his mind, together with the cruel distrust that fired him a gunshot.

He had really cherished Naoya's eyes, Kazami wanted to tell him then. In case you don't know, I've loved you my entire life. Oh, he yearned for Teshigawara's smiles, and looks filled with love from the very moment that Naoya become his light. He completed Tomohiko. Why was he spitting hatred instead of kindness? This is probably my punishment for all my disgusting feelings.

Kazami could not erase anything of that horrible dispute between them. It will chase him forever as much as it actually does within those recent nightmares.

"You were scared," the class-officer mumbled, "as everyone else was. I probably would have done the same if I thought you were this year's extra person."

Naoya groaned again. "No, I know you could never do such a stupid thing. You're … smarter than me."

A soft snort came from Kazami's lips.

"Being compared to you … it sounds kind of insulting, you know?"

"Stop it!" Teshigawara complained, not totally upset anyway. "Don't mock at me, nor try to avoid the topic. I'm trying to apologize."

A tense pause. He nodded slowly, feeling the weight of his tremble words.

"There is no need to. You're still my friend." Kazami spoke with simplicity, as a matter of fact, without giving too much of a second thought. He was not lying about it. Tomohiko still loved Teshigawara … more than he should, actually. "We're fine."

Naoya kept trembling. However, Kazami suddenly felt his arms holding him tightly as he had never done before. Tomohiko suddenly forgot how to embrace someone … he gave a shy try nonetheless.

"We're fine." He repeated it softly.

{℘}

III

And I remember all those crazy thing you said. You left them running through my head.

—Avril Lavinge, What the Hell.

⸙⸎⸙

Kazami remembered it well now: the summer of their fifth year in elementary school. It happened that a fully enthusiastic Naoya convinced him to ride their bikes to the ocean, just being together while looking at the wonderful. Tomohiko had not seen it yet, but his best friend was pretty sure Kazami would enjoy all the colors and the melodic symphony of the sea.

"I want to be with you, and play together at the seashore."

This scene just blew up on his mind once he closed both eyes, filling his lungs with Naoya's colony— which seemed to itch a little— mixed with disinfectant. Teshigawara hugged him fiercely then too, a sweet embrace that always made him feel secure, despite how much terrified was he after darkness claimed the sky to itself.

"We're fine, Kazami. There's nothing to be scared of." Teshigawara whispered in full confidence, holding him tightly between his arms. "I'll protect you."

"I'm sorry. Can we go back?"

"Oh," the other sounded disappointed, and Kazami blushed, hating himself. "Yes, of course."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's OK! Geez! It's not as if I wouldn't get angry at you."

"You don't?" The dark-blue-eyed mumbled, hiding his face behind his straight black fringe. It was fascinating how nice behaved Naoya, even when he was directly affected by Kazami being a quivery baby— in fact, his friend often guarded Tomohiko of others who bullied him for that same reason—. "Thanks."

"Let's come back."

Kazami wondered why had he put this memory out of his head … Could it be that he was haunted by a terrible blast of emotions? Was his heart beat up with love? Had he fallen head over heels for Teshigawara just then?

Their hug started to become bitter as he realized his feelings one more time. Fuck! I'm such a disgusting lad.

"You can stop it now." He uttered feebly as he left his hearts down. "I already forgave you."

Naoya freed him, and sobbed. "Yeah, thank you. I just … I really want to make up for you."

You wouldn't think so if you could read my heart.

"Let's move on to another stuff. Have you seen the others? My mom didn't tell me anything since it worried her that some bad news could worsen my humor."

Naoya opened his mouth and closed it without speaking a word. Teshigawara probably wanted to ask him if he would tell Ms. Kazami the truth, but finally regretted. A sudden comment must have shaken it, because his friend smiled warmly.

"Sakaki's almost convinced it's over."

Tomohiko stopped breathing. He had already wondered it by now, but as much as he would like to believe it, how can Sakakibara know anything? Nobody actually did it up to this day anyway.

"Why is he so sure? Did he …?" The words died on his mouth. A second later, right when Teshigawara realized what was Kazami trying to say, he turned both eyes toward the door. "Hmm," the young class officer uttered pensively, "he must have done it."

"Kazami," the tallest mumbled, "I said once we'd be better without each other. I'm sorry for that, too. It was a joke, but it had bothered me since I started to think that you may be the casualty."

Oh, he actually remembered it. Teshigawara often said that as a simple jest, and Kazami usually went on without protesting, though he should have corrected him because it crashed him every time.

He took a deep breath. The heart was made to be broken, Oscar Wilde had said, so Kazami tied his cowardice and threw faraway.

"Naoya," he spoke, trembling. His blood dyed his cheeks instantly, "I- I- I love you."

Teshigawara blinked at the words echoing between them.

"I love you too, Kazami. You're my best friend. You'll be you like it or not, ha, ha!"

How idiotic. The dark-haired felt as a chicken whose neck got wrung by cruel hands, agitating desperately before letting it go. Tomohiko smiled.

"I'm happy with it."

What a relentless love lived within his heart! Kazami actually hated it, because there's nothing Teshigawara could make to protect him from this.

{℘}

IV

I mean, at the end of the day, what the hell does it matter who I end up with if it can't be you?

—Tabitha Suzuma, Forbidden.

⸙⸎⸙

Walking straight on the corridor became truly difficult now, even as he used the crutch for support himself through their way. Kazami walked unsteadily due to his wooden crutch. He will need it for a while, since he really hurt his ankle, but he already hated it because he was tottering so much along the corridor, even when Teshigawara tried to slow down, so Tomohiko managed to exert control on this precarious trip.

Mr. and Mrs. Kazami had stayed behind, talking with Doctor Nishimura to get full instructions for his care. They trusted completely on Teshigawara, who remained standing by Tomohiko's side.

"Sakaki finally had his surgery. It seemed that his problem worsened in our trip … oh! It was a great success nonetheless! In fact, we can already visit him."

"Is that your first clue to assure me that North Yomiyama's curse's done?"

Teshigawara did not answer this time. When Kazami looked at this direction, he saw the saddest expression Naoya had ever worn in his entire life. The raven-haired followed his friend's caramel eyes, which were piercing at the other extreme of the noisy hall. Across the opened door, Kazami caught a glimpse of red hair shining thanks to the sunbeam that wafted through the window. Izumi.

The class representative forgot how to breathe in a single trice. It really went difficult just to see Naoya's feelings written all over his rejuvenated face. Kazami notice a lump forming on his throat as he contemplated Teshigawara then.

Tomohiko halted his steps. Naoya kept walking two or three more before noting his absence. The young with blanched hair turned at his back, looking at him with confusion.

"Is something wrong?" A panicked gesture appeared without any warning, making others to divert their gazes toward both students. "Are you feeling unwell?!"

Kazami was touched by his fears, but he rushed to deny it, notwithstanding his colossal feeling of sorrow, and even jealousy. Tomohiko forced a cute smile, which immediately softened his delicate features.

"You should accompany her instead," Kazami mumbled in a sympathetic tone. Naoya's question was drawing on his look, so the indigo-eyed added, "Akazawa, I mean. I can survive on my own for a little while."

Naoya blushed in a haste, and began to stutter a pair of rambling words, but he cut it off.

"Don't act so surprised. You've always been easy to read."

"Am I?"

Kazami nodded without looking directly at Teshigawara. Someone who is clever than his friend could see his pain, so the class-representative tried to not give Naoya too much to think about. He did not want to be imprudent with his own gestures.

"I'm afraid so."

"Man!" Naoya groaned loudly. "Don't say that! Dammit. I don't want to go there now. What am I supposed to say in front of her anyway? Akazawa is … a goddess."

Kazami giggled, but there was not a trace of happiness within his violet-like eyes. Not that— oblivious— Naoya could ever tell.

"Calm down. You're clearly exaggerating her beauty. Of course she's lovely, and she has a pleasing physical quality, but there isn't anything off the wall on her looks. She's the fortunate one for having you as a candidate."

Teshigawara remained silent during a moment. Kazami wondered if he is going to ask why was he saying that. However, the brunette decided to point out about his other lame statement.

"A pleasing physical quality?", he repeated, same astonished and amused with it. "The hell that even means, Kazami? Is that how you actually speak to women? I understand why are you single ha, ha!"

Tomohiko didn't bother to slap him back immediately. He did not feel like it.

"I'm single because I don't care about having love." He lied. "I think you should apply yourself in more important matters …"

"C'mon!" Teshigawara retorted, with a noisy laugh, still clinging to Kazami's comment. "You can't be that bad speaking to women."

"You're far beyond doing better than me, idiot. Anyway," his own voice got weaken at the end, "I'm not interested in win the heart of someone right now."

It's a fucking horror to love you. I can lose everything, any time, just because I was stupid enough to falling for you.

"Aren't you?" Teshigawara sounded taken aback. "Mmm-mm. I've always assumed that you only were good at hiding it." A pause, "Wait, wait! How can I know that you aren't lying to me just to keep your secret?"

Tomohiko rolled his eyes in a convincing way, and said jokingly,

"I'm not going to be that stupid of losing my future for a crush."

"Ack, you! How rude!"

Kazami fastened both sad eyes on Izumi. Would she ever know how much detriment was she causing him?

No, she doesn't. I won't tell these feelings to neither of them, even if someone points at me with a gun.

"You must visit her." Kazami repeated, breaking into a thousand of pieces as he said it.

Naoya looked at the door as if it will turn into a horrific monster. It was kind of cute, actually, that after all that both were into just a few hours, this seemed so scary for Teshigawara. "I don't want to … she's probably tired, and I don't want to disturb her."

"Go ahead. I wish you luck."

{℘}

Intermediate

Love drowns you in tears and then sets your heart on fire.

—Evanescense, Love exist.

⸙⸎⸙

He needed to push Teshigawara into Izumi's room, and closed the door to give them privacy. Kazami would wait outside until it was done, although he became fully aware of the soft giggle coming from Akazawa's pink lips. His heart crashed somehow then, but a lonely smirk made his way through the pain.

"You two sure are an odd combo," a female voice irrupted Kazami's deep thoughts. He opened his eyes. Tomohiko saw Mei's pretty face, which seemed less cool and detached than weeks before.

"Oh, Misaki." he mumbled, awkwardly. Kazami shut himself off as he listened to his own teary voice.

"Someone told me once: hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don't [1]. You made me remember this person for a second. She also smiled when a guy broke her heart." Mei sighed, tilted her head to one side, and pointed out toward a vending machine. "I intended to go for a coffee," Mei said without showing a hint of joy or any other emotion in her calm voice. "Want some, Kazami?"

Why was she …? Gosh! Her piercing eye stared at him without malice, but as if she could pull out Tomohiko's emotions to read them, feeling sorry for him. Did Misaki really noticed them or was it just paranoia?

He swallowed hard, conflicted by the intensity of her single orb. It attracted him as a magneto, making difficult to turn his own gaze from her. He understood why Sakakibara found impossible to look away.

"I rather talk with you about this year, uh, mishap. Teshigawara probably said something to you already, didn't he?" She made a pause, and diverted her eye. "Due to your role as class officer, I thought you should know." She lifted a pale hand, putting a lock behind her left ear, "I also heard it from Sakakibara, that you refused to take any action against the casualty, whoever could she or he be."

"Yeah."

"Do you plan on saying to the future third year?" She asked, spinning around herself and walking slowly away from Kazami. He blinked, and after thinking it a moment, he followed her. "Akazawa's probably going to do so."

"Did she know it?"

Mei's right hand raised to her eye-patch, almost unconsciously, then fell down.

"Yes." Her statement made Kazami trembled with the sudden resemblance between them. "I'm actually fine," Mei dismayed with a simple gesture as they reach to the vending machine, "and so are you, but it had been risky for everyone. You'd known it from the beginning: this infallible method to stop the disaster isn't as effective as it seemed."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what I said," Misaki took an empty cup, without looking at Kazami. This extreme of the corridor remained lonely, but Kazami heard a quiet sob, nonetheless, and he felt on edge again. Mei did not pay attention to the sound when she declared as-matter-of-fact. "Teshigawara could have added you to this year's casualties. Izumi almost did it with me, too."

"You won't denounce them to the police, would you?" A detective had gone to see Kazami early in the morning, almost as soon as he regained consciousness:

"Did Mieko Numata attack you?"

"Don't know," Kazami replied with his most serious and conflicted face, "Teshigawara had left the room to hang up with Sakakibara and Mei a little longer. I just remembered going to the bathroom when I heard something, maybe a suffocated groan. I think I saw her shadow coming out from Nakao's room." At this very moment, he lifted his hand to his injured temple. "It's … confusing. I don't recall any particular. I must have run at the balcony, filled with panic."

The harsh rumble that came from the coffee maker returned Kazami violently to the present.

"No." The cup was being filled, sighing a warm steaming column of vapor. "I'm just saying we need to think what kind of message we'll let for them. We still have time."

He nodded, not knowing if he must say anything. She took a sip of her coffee.

"I actually have some spare time now," Mei uttered, "we can go with Sakakibara. There's no need for you to … hum … deal with that all alone."

Kazami nodded again, mentally absent. He did not ask her what she meant with that.

{℘}

V

It's so quiet here, and I feel so cold. This house no longer feels like home.

—Ben Cocks, So cold.

⸙⸎⸙

"Did Mieko Numata attack you?"

The despondency embraced Kazami's heart again while he recalled the August 8th night. Naoya was rubbing the back of his blanched head, a trembling smile drawn in his— often— happy-go-lucky face. Teshigawara's attitude seemed wary around him lately. It started to worry Kazami, though he insisted in telling himself that everything was all right. At least, until their arrival at this place.

"I'm heading to Sakaki and Mochizuki's table first." Naoya had said to him in an anxious tone, restlessly changing his weight from foot to another. The class officer blinked under the dim light— his eyes gleamed like precious stones kissed by flames—. Kazami, of course, knew Teshigawara tried to hide something, but did not say a thing and smiled instead.

"Okay, sure."

"We can fool around later!" The other jumped to promise, awkwardly. "You really need to let it go your honor-roll-esque mood, like the old times. You remember?" He kept using this verb continuously, over and over again. "Gosh, you were so talented at get into troubles!"

"I wasn't." Kazami narrowed his eyes.

A sad veil crossed Teshigawara's features instantaneously. It was like he had just received a punch on his stomach, now lacking of sweet breathes.

"Is everything fine?"

"Yeah." His voice did not have his cheerfulness anymore, despite the happy gesture that appeared on him again. "I guess I'll see you around in a while, ha, ha."

Those were the words that Naoya've said then, and Kazami just adjusted his glasses and nodded, "Indeed," but Teshigawara avoided him when they met at the dinner room, just half an hour later. Besides, the raven-haired saw clearly how had Naoya intentionally pushed his look aside as quick as their eyes encountered each other. Tomohiko flinched without air in his lungs.

Kazami looked for another spot along with Wakai Daisuke and others. He did not support Mei next to Akazawa's accusation; he cannot argue about Misaki's fault while anyone could agree that this was also his responsibility. He had not stopped Sakakibara when he went to talk with Misaki, after all.

"Compare to this, it's more important to find out who is the extra one." Teshigawara somberly declared. And Kazami observed Naoya's gentle, but now sad eyes looking for him.

Teshigawara could have added Kazami's name to the year's list of casualties, just like Mei said before. He had done that easier for Naoya, because he still cannot give up on him.

"Can we talk?" Naoya's next words came to his mind. Tomohiko laughed nervously, putting aside the piercing stab on his heart.

"Why do you sound so deadly serious? We're on the same room, you know? There is no need to ask for a chat."

"I know, but … there's something important that we need to discuss before this trip continue. We should meet at the balcony, huh? The old woman said there's a great view of Yomiyama, and we'll be alone, just the two of us like in the old times."

Kazami swallowed. "What old times are you talking about? We met yesterday on my house, remember?"

"Please, Kazami. I really want to be there with you."

Tomohiko hid half of his face with the back of his arm. He was blushing a little. "Okay." He mumbled, thinking … hoping … daydreaming about what could that important matter be. Kazami, you— stupid faggot.

How can he misunderstand those words like that? He knew it very well: about Naoya's feelings for Akazawa Izumi. How can he even dare to wish for Teshigawara's love? Standing there with his broken leg, a terrible migraine, and passing by in front of the redhead's hospital room, Tomohiko saw his friend leaning to kiss Akazawa's lips.

The sadness which took over Kazami's heart spread like a reckless forest fire, and the enormous pain agitated increasingly where the hope fought against logic. He could not weep at this feeling … no one must read misery within his stormy eyes, or it may be truly difficult to keep pretending.

Should he say farewell to his happiness?

The cry did not come out, but it opened a hollow inside his chest.

Dammit, he felt so tired.

To be continued …

---

Notes.

[1] Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis.

Gosh! I've had this idea clinging to my mind for a few years, after seeing the anime and read the manga right after it. I wouldn't probably write anything for the rest of my life, but three weeks ago I finally got Yukito Ayatsuki's novel. I absolutely adored it, and I felt a crazy urgency to write this fic.

The story is practically finished by now. Anyway, I decided to publish it now because English isn't my first language, and though I've read a lot of fanfics though this year, I must polish my own style. That's why I would appreciate if you give me some helpful comments to get better at correcting the second part of this.