Disclaimer: Yo no soy duena de Degrassi. I am not the owner of Degrassi. Only of this story.
Well, I am working on my stories right now, but I have temporary writer's block, so this idea was in my head for a month now, and I can't handle it, so I wrote it.
Dedication: I dedicate this to a guy I liked alot, we could've had a chance to be together, but he wasn't willing to put the effort I did for him. Also, to the fact that sometimes I really do wonder, how much Eli loved Julia compared to Clare now, does he even love Clare yet? I mean, I 1,000% ship EClare, but let's be realistic for a moment and look at the possibility if Julia was still alive. The thought of it upsets me, so I had to pour all these feelings out into a story. I wrote this last night and barely finished it :)
THIS IS A ONE-SHOT. IT'S DONE. FIN.
This is kinda bad, but I finished it so I'm not going to let it go to waste.
"We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way." ~Author Unknown
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"You're messed Eli." She was spot on, every word that came out of her soft, pink lips were tied in to fit together, like a puzzle, a mystery perhaps.
"You're right I am." The sincerity in his voice was academy award winning, but he knew he half-assed answered the question. He said the words, without actually knowing it was the pure truth, ergo, he lied to himself.
"I can't be with you. I don't deserve to. This is where I killed my girlfriend."
A gasp. A skipped heart-beat. A regret. A sadness. An honesty.
That was two months ago. And from the moment she had her glasses crushed, she was the first to open that special place in his heart, yet he still held her in the same spot, Clare could never attain.
Just yesterday, there he was at her porch like a lost puppy, looking for remorse, after confessing to Saint-Clare, Miss Abstinence, that he was not a virgin. Three days, it was. That she last spoke to him. It hurt, to know he wasn't the person he thought he was in a moment; then again it was partially her fault for being too naïve. It wasn't the fact that he hid that the truth from her which unsettled her. If not because he lied to her in order to be kind. Not to be fair.
She may be stupid to be angry, even stubborn for ignoring. But, she really liked Eli, and when she found this out, she now felt that the level she had to live up to Julia had grown ten times higher all of a sudden.
Things became more complicated, plain and simple.
So the next few days, she went to school, and he did too. They went home and lied on their beds motionless, nothing in their minds, and their lips pursed into a flat line, staring at the ceiling above them.
Then he walked into the warm autumn night, to clear his head, like he used to when he was frustrated, but in some incomprehensible way, he landed on her porch, and his finger ringed the doorbell.
A woman answered; her expression was soft and knowing to the familiar face.
"Tell him, I'm not home."
"After he came all this way, walking?"
"I don't want to see him."
She agreed.
"Sorry. She's taking a shower."
He nodded, before his eyes traveled to her bedroom window, seeing her blues eyes in the corner watching, behind the curtains. He frowned at the view, and she gaped from her distance, embarrassed to be discovered in her lie. She giddied back to her bed and let out a frustrated scream into her pillow.
"I'll wait until she's out." He said.
Her mother gasped at his urgency and only spoke, "I think its best you leave, Eli."
He sighed, his hands dug into his pockets, his bangs swept into his face, and he finally surrendered.
"Have a good night." He said courteously to her and walked away.
She waved faintly as he dissolved into the streets.
"You moron...walking at this time...don't you have a car?"
"He came all the way from the other side of town, walking, at night?"
She muttered these words under her breath as she saw him walking away, and soon he was turning the block.
"Gah! I'm such an idiot!"
She rushed downstairs in her plaid pajama pants and grey hoodie, running down the streets in her pink, downy slippers, dodging the barks of dogs.
"Eli!" She yelled.
He paused, his lips slightly parted, ready to ask what she wanted, but then-
"I love you." She panted.
He was shocked. His heart stopped for a second, and no, not because he was happy or overwhelmed—but because, his heart already had an owner. One with maple eyes, red lips, and raven hair. Julia.
He knew he was only good, without a girl by his side. He was the type of guy who needed someone to protect, for he knew he shined his brightest when he had one by his side, interlacing fingers, giving pecks on the lips. The sad thing was, he didn't realize the fact as well.
"I love you too." He replied, his eyes averting hers up into the houses allying the street. His voice: no emotion, no love.
She stood there like a naive idiot. Her eyes filled with a gloss, and her lips curled into a smile, inside she was giddy and fulfilled.
If you were to see this moment and look at the happiness Clare held, and the lie Eli gave...all hope is lost in our world. How we could believe someone, even they say they love us, and they are lying. After seeing this?
She knew he had a girlfriend and that he loved her. But the phrase existed in past tense. Julia was gone, and Clare was alive and healthy. She believed he truly moved on, that she was who he wanted to be with, no one else.
No. False. Inaccurate. Lies.
She was second to Julia. Always second.
Second to Darcy, to Jenna, to Alli, to Adam.
In comparison, Clare Edwards was a rebound.
Yet, how could she know the inner thoughts of a sixteen year-old boy. How could she even over think the situation into that sense? Her mind was clueless. Her heart was ticking bomb, to be broken.
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Then that day came. How she sobs at the memory. How she lost all hope within herself. At love.
It was a school day at Degrassi. But here was Dawes saying something inaudible, not even a project. It was one of those lectures that wandered from one subject to another. Here they were talking about the 70's, the evolution of Jimmy Hendrix and his legendary guitar skills, in English. How Ms. Dawes 'met' Jimmy Page at a concert. Not that Eli minded listening about the gods of rock, or Clare laughing quietly to herself at Ms. Dawes facial expressions, nonetheless, they were bored out of their minds.
Eli turned around and rolled his eyes at Clare playfully. Then Clare whispered into his ear.
"Let's skip."
He enjoyed the idea.
He smirked at her, signaling he was up for it. Then as Adam knew what was going on, he caved in to help his best friends. Adam walked over to Ms. Dawes' desk and asked a long question discussing 'Julius Caesar', the motive for the story, and why Brutus was noble. Perfect stalling.
Then, Eli and Clare grabbed their stuff quietly and exited the door; students raised their eyebrows suggestively and grinned. They wouldn't rat on Degrassi's power couple. They also knew nothing was going to happen, considering 'Virgin Mary' was leaving the school premises, probably to study or pray in a nun group, so they thought.
They exited the door and Clare laughed. "We're going to get caught."
"We're going to get caught." Julia smiled. Eli never grew tired of her, nor her beauty.
"Where do you want to go then, rebel." He mocked
"The lake!" She squealed
"It's cold and dirty." He replied.
"Please!" She squealed.
He couldn't say no.
"Where are we going?" Clare asked as they got inside the hearse, snapping him back to reality.
"The lake." He replied.
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It was autumn, and the weather was moderate for this time. In fact, it would be even more beautiful considering crisp red-orange leaves would be scattered mercifully on the ground, with the sunshine breezing its way out of the clouds. He wished Julia was here to see this.
"Look at the ducks, they won't stop quacking!" He chuckled.
"Ah! I hate ducks, they're creepy." Clare squealed
He paused, remembering that Julia felt the same about the animals.
"I'm glad we left, aren't you?" Clare smiled warmly at him.
"Yeah..." His mind wandered away.
"Let's go dip our feet in the water!" Clare giggled and ran to the dock; she set herself down and looked up at Eli, who was following her pace.
"Aren't you going to sit down? The water is so refreshing." She laughed
Eli rubbed his neck nervously. "Not really my style."
She kicked her feet back and forth, happy she had this moment with him, to share. Even though, she was not aware that she was sharing him with another, and this time, like all the others did not matter if she was alive or not.
She got up and embraced him tightly; a look into his eyes, and a kiss was shared.
"I love you, Eli."
He smiled and silenced her with another chaste kiss. She was frustrated he didn't say it back, but she ignored it and kept on lying in his warm arms.
He grew serious out of nowhere, and this bothered her, Clare knew just what to do.
"Ah-Ah! S-stop it! I-I'm t-ticklish Jules!" He stopped laughing
She stared at him confused. 'Jules'?
Jules, Julia, Eli's dead ex-girlfriend. Julia.
Oh.
"W-what did you call me?" She asked surprised.
He turned around and started walking away.
"Eli? Answer the question." She stated as she put her hand on his shoulder and turned him to face her.
"Drop it." He ordered, bothered. The tone in her voice shook her emotions, and concerned her as well.
"No! Eli, I know...-sigh-... you're still hurting over the past, that when she cheated on you and got killed, you were angry at her. She died with your feelings bottled up. You need closure." She said
Closure? Who the hell does she think she is? She didn't know Julia, or shit, just because she knows what happened doesn't make her an expert.
He remained silent.
"You can't hide your emotions. You need to embrace them." She continued quietly.
He stayed still as a wall.
"Eli? If Julia was her, what would you say to her? I know you said she angered you, let that all out. If she was alive...tell her what you would want to say."
Tears were brimming out of his eyes, and he died a little on the inside, remembering his true love.
Then words escaped his mouth, out of his control.
"How…how, can I be happy with you, gone? I miss you, I miss your love…I wish you were alive." He choked on his sobs.
His face fell into Clare's shoulders.
She didn't feel anything, her muscles were numb, and she felt a jittery pain swarming her body. Her throat tightened at the effort she made to try and not cry. Her eyes were burning at the breeze stinging her eyes, threatening to let those bitter tears pour out of her eyes.
"You lied to me." She realized.
"I love you too."
That bastard. That idiot. That jerk. That asshole. That heartless prick. That liar.
He kept his eyes fixated on the ground; his palm rose up and covered his eyes.
"How could you?" She choked out dryly.
Silence.
"You played with my feelings." She stated as a miserable tear rolled down her cheek softly, landing on the lake, causing a ripple effect to sort out.
Ignorance.
"I-I'm, not her." She stammered sadly.
He met her eyes, finally.
She brushed him off softly, tearing the small distance away they had previously.
"I can't do this anymore." She hiccupped, and turned around. Walking away.
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Four Months Later:
Why was he so stupid?
From the distance he stood at his locker, he saw a boy approach her. He had pale skin, blue eyes, and clean hair-cut in his black hair, a senior. Logan.
His breathing picked up, and his eyes glared at the boy. His fists were gripped tightly to his bag, and foot tapped impatiently.
He saw her smiling for once, he was happy.
He was regretting it all.
She laughed. She laughed?
Then he swore, his eyes met hers for an instant, an electricty sparked and a small grin appeared on his face with no control of the action whatsoever, but she brushed it off and let the boy walk her to class.
After the break-up, they ignored each other's existence, and to be quite honest, he knew it was for the better, in fact, he was happier, even though he would see her come to school with bags under her eyes, red swollen eyelids from crying, and a sad look which caused guilt in him. He felt bad indeed, however he knew they were both wasting time.
And now?
Why is he jealous? He should be over her, no he was. Why? Why is he starting to reminisce the good times, miss the times the shared together. Miss her laugh, touch, and her lips.
What?
No, no. He loves Julia, he used Clare.
He was wrong.
It'll take his stubborn behavior too long to realize he did truly fall in love with her. It'll be too late when he does so.
She walks into class, and gives a kiss on the cheek to Logan, after agreeing to go to the movies with him this Saturday, after desperately tring to move on from her profound heartbreak and previous depression. Logan a nice guy, but he's not Eli.
They are both obstinate, and it is both their fault. His, for lying and being selfish. Hers, for not being able to understand, give him time, or being indifferent to Julia's feelings, even though she did not exist in form, Julia lingered on in spirit.
Life is real, it is unfair. We can't run away from our problems, the distance there cannot be reached. And like I said, it'll be too late when they realize this.
You never know what you have until it's gone.
And sometimes, second chances don't exist.
If you didn't like it, that's fine by me, I agree with you.
BUT, if you liked it please REVIEW, it'll boost up my self-esteem on this piece, and might write more one-shots in the future.
Thank you. :)