Author's Notes: Hi everyone I'm new to writing so I wanted to write something humorous. :D This is a collection of "letters" from Kakashi and Iruka to the 3rd Hokage. Sets years before the Kyuubi attack. enjoy!
Letters of Formal Complaints
It's half-past midnight when Izumo and Kotetsu organize the piles of old formal reports from nearly seventeen-years-ago during the Third Hokage's reign, at the request of the Godaime.
Kotetsu slouches back, wiping off sweat from his forehead, and let out a sigh.
"I can't believe she wants this done in two days," he complains. "Like we don't have other things to do."
"We don't," Izumo retorts.
"That's not the point!"
Izumo laughs wholeheartedly at his objections. It was their job to organize and for the past day they've been cleaning up. As Izumo goes to retrieve a box, his nostrils are quickly filled with dust. He tries to wave the dust away and sneezes.
Kotetsu catches him in time before they both fall to the ground, however not without knocking down the shelves. Piles of scrolls and loose papers scatter all over the room and on top of the duo.
"Ah…" Izumo laughs nervously. "Sorry."
Kotetsu's face drops to the floor. "This is gunna take forever to re-organize!" he cries whilst taking a paper in his hands.
Izumo begins to pick up the papers and retrieves a nearby box. "Let's just get started," he states sighing.
Kotetsu soon joins him and goes to organize the old papers. "These are old complaints…where do I put this crap?" he asks.
"Old complaints?" Izumo repeats disbelievingly. "That's odd. This room is sorely for mission reports. Lemme see that."
Kotetsu does so and continues on to shuffle the paper in his hands. Izumo scans the paper and suddenly, he began to laugh.
Kotetsu whirls back, stunned at his partner's abrupt laughter. Words fail Izumo as he points to the report and sit on a box in attempts to contain his laughter. Kotetsu takes the paper and begins to read it:
"Letters of formal complaints…by Kakashi."
(page break)
"There's a letter for you from Hatake Kakashi."
Sarutobi blows a puff of smoke and retrieves the letter before thanking his assistant. He blinks as this is the first time Kakashi writes to him instead of addressing him personally. After all the boy is one of the youngest chuunin.
Dear Sandaime,
I write this formal letter of complaint to regrettably inform you that one Umino Iruka, an Academy student, has been distributing posters of me throughout the village.
I do not, in fact own a Green Jumpsuit of Love. It's not funny and it's giving Gai the wrong idea.
I do not read porn, I didn't know that existed.
My mask is not to hide my whiskers.
I don't have whiskers.
Shut up Iruka.
Hatakeism is not real.
Even if it was, no one would get my hair unless I had something to say about it.
My hair is not dyed.
And Even if I tried, I cannot push the Earth down by mere push-ups.
Enclosed is the poster I mentioned and I hope you'll see fit to punish him.
Signed, Hatake Kakashi.
The Third sighs. He definitely knows of that same Umino Iruka and regrettably reads the poster.
The Hatake Manifesto
Kakashi owns a Green Jumpsuit of Love.
He secretly reads porn.
His mask is to hide his whiskers.
He has whiskers.
He likes to be photographed without his mask.
Contrary to popular belief, Kakashi is not ridiculously good looking.
There is a religion called Hatakeism.
The initiation is obtaining a strand of Kakashi's silver hair.
His silver hair is dyed.
Kakashi is a test tube baby.
Kakashi doesn't do push-ups; he pushes the Earth down.
Dear Hokage,
Whatever Kakashi told you is a LIE! I'm innocent!
'Ruka.
Dear Hokage,
Did Iruka call me a liar?
-Kakashi
The Hokage sighs as several of the elders come inside of his office. He places the letter down, and rubs his temples, unsure of what to make of the situation. He hopes that it will be resolved soon. But his hopes are shattered as his assistant laughs from behind.
"Err, sir, I've got more letters from Kakashi."