On the day I awoke from my coma, it was blazingly hot outside. The temperatures were well into the 100s. (Degrees Fahrenheit) I've since been told that is normal for a summer day in Eltnen. But for me, it only increased my anxiety. I'd been having a nightmare, and when I awoke, my heart was pounding, and my breaths were rasping in and out. I couldn't move my body at all.

My eyes darted frantically around the room, trying to figure out where I was. And then they alighted on Herrel, my beautiful, handsome, husband. He was asleep in a chair near my bedside, tipped back against the wall. His normally well-kept hair was in a tangle around his head. He looked terrible, like a man who hadn't gotten enough sleep in a long time.

I tried to sit up, to call out to him, but was unable to do either. I was now in full panic mode. I still couldn't move my arms or legs at all. It felt as though I was tied down on the bed. Ok Jaisea I said to myself, calm down and think logically. If Herrel is here, you are safe. You just need to focus on him. I turned my eyes back to my husband and examined him. I let my eyes wander over his well-defined body. He wasn't wearing his plate armor, so things must be calming down.

Calming down? Why would I think that? My memories were a bit fuzzy. While trying to decide why he should be in armor, I drifted off again.

The next time I awoke it was much colder. The head of the bed was tilted up so I could see my body. My arms and legs were in some kind of open casts or splints. They were horrible to look at. Both were black and blue and terribly swollen. I still couldn't move them either. I felt the beginnings of panic begin to flutter in my belly. What had happened to me? Where was Herrel?

I must have croaked out some sound, because I chanter I hadn't seen before came into my room. "Ah, you're awake again," he said to me. I tried to speak but couldn't get any sound out. My throat was parched and my lips were so dry. "Here," he said to me, "have a little bit of this." He slid his hand behind my head and tilted it forward just a bit. "Just take a sip." "You haven't had anything to eat for two weeks." "We don't want you to have any cramping." "Ok?"

I took my first sip. It slid down my throat and started me coughing. The chanter just held my head until the spasm passed. He offered me the cup again. I tried another sip. This one went down much better. "Where…where am I?"

"You're in Pandemonium." "You've been here for a couple of days." "Do you remember what happened to you?" He was watching me carefully. I was thinking hard. What had happened to me? The last thing I remember was helping out in Eva's clinic. The Balaur had attacked and… A sudden feeling of dread washed over me. No that wasn't right. A cave. I'm in a cave. It's dimly lit and I'm cold. Images flash in my head, very disjointed. I can't remember!"

My heart starts to pound again and my breath is coming quicker. I am afraid. The overwhelming need to run comes over me and I struggle to sit up. The chanter pushes me back down. He's saying something to me, but I can't really hear him. I need to get out and I think I started screaming, because several other people rushed into the room and then darkness.

The next time I woke up, the chanter was changing out the splints on my arms. They didn't look as bad as the first time I saw them. The swelling had gone down. I could feel the healing magic flowing through me as he was working. I could hear people talking outside my room. The voices stopped and then Herrel came in. He looked much better this time. His hair was combed back into its usual ponytail. I remember teasing him about his hair once. I asked him why he didn't keep it short so it would fit under his helm. But I can't remember his answer.

The chanter finished with my arms at last. He lifted the end of my bed up so I could sit up higher. Herrel sat down on the other side and took my hand in his. He looked very serious. The chanter sat down on the edge of the bed and handed me a mug. "Drink this slowly," he instructed. I did and shortly a feeling of lassitude crept over me. My spirit felt suspended above my body. I could feel it, but yet I couldn't. That's when they told me I had lost my baby. I remember tears rolling down my cheeks and these terrible feelings of sadness, guilt, and frustration. Herrel was holding me and crooning some nonsense to me. I finally drifted off to sleep again.

I am awake again, and this time I feel much more alert. My stomach is growling at me too, so I must be getting better. I called out, and this time a songweaver came in. She was carrying a tray of something that smelled delicious. She set the tray on my lap and I could see that it was vegetable soup. She told me to eat it slowly so as not to upset my stomach. I had a hard time holding the spoon in my hand and spilled some of the soup on my gown.

For some reason that made me cry, and then I remembered my baby. My baby that I never got to meet was gone. I didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. I dropped the spoon on the tray and just stared out into space. I was overwhelmed with sadness and grief. Images flashed in my mind, and I felt myself falling and someone was screaming and screaming and….I jerked spilling more of the soup onto my legs and gown. I cried out. The songweaver came over and took the tray away. She cleaned me up and changed my gown. The she went and got me another bowl of soup. She sat on the edge of the bed and fed me.

After that she gave me a cloth bath and combed out my hair. It was a total mess. She told me they had to cut some of it to clean out the wounds on my head. I didn't even know I had any injuries there. She offered me a mirror, but I was too afraid to look. Herrel came in after that. He sat on the edge of my bed and hugged me. I finally worked up the courage to ask him if our baby was a boy or a girl. He told me it's a girl. His face looked very sad and I was torn between wanting him to comfort and me, and me comforting him. I settled for pulling him closer to me.

Later that afternoon, Eva came to see me. She gave me a complete exam. When she was through, she pulled up a chair next to my bed. We talked about a few things and then she got to the point of her visit. I'd been in the clinic for three weeks now. Eva wanted me out by the next week. She's a firm believer that people heal better in their homes, and not the clinic.

She was going to prescribe physical therapy for me, and I would be starting tonight. She told me that my leg splints would be removed and that it was time for me to try putting some weight on them. She also said, they would be reducing the amount of pain and sleep aids I was getting to see how I did without them. So for the first time in three weeks I got to stand up. It was wonderful and awkward and painful all at once. But it meant I was getting better and I could go home soon.

That night, the nightmares started. I was in a cold, dark place. I could hear a woman's laughter dimly in the background. I was being dragged, and then I was falling and screaming… I jerked awake, my throat raw from the scream. The night chanter ran into my room to see what was wrong. I was sitting bolt upright, my heart pounding so hard I thought it was going to leap out of my chest. She got a cool, wet cloth and wiped off my forehead.

"Nightmares?" she asked me as she wiped down my face with the cloth. I nodded yes. I was still having a hard time believing I was safe. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. I didn't answer that but instead asked a question of my own. "What happened to me?" She didn't know. All they had been told was that I fell naked out of the sky with another Daeva and that I crushed both my legs and arms because of the way I landed.

"Who was the other Daeva?" I asked because I was embarrassed by the information that I was naked. Surely it wasn't Herrel, so who was it? She didn't know who the other Daeva was and they were hoping I did. I stared at her, a prickle of fear crawling up my spine. I felt I should know who it was, but I just couldn't remember! I beat my fists on my thighs. That hurt so I pounded them on the bed instead.

"What happened to the other Daeva?" "We were told he died," she replied. I fell back against my pillows too distraught to think. Did I kill someone? Did someone die because of me? Why couldn't I remember!

Every night that week, I had the same reoccurring nightmare. It was always the same. The dragging, the falling and the screaming. The Clerics finally gave me something to help me sleep without the dreams. Eva told me that this was my way of trying to remember what happened. She said not to push it, that when I was ready to remember, the memory would come back. I didn't want to remember. It had to be bad because someone died. I could never clearly see the other person, but I knew, that I knew that person.

Today I get to go home. Eva came into my room with a pair of scissors and a mirror. She helped me wash my hair, then she cut it. When she was done, it was very short. I looked like a pixie, but I liked it. She helped me get dressed in the clothes that Herrel had brought from home. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I wasn't sure what to expect and didn't know if I would be able to take care of myself once I got home.

I knew about the reconstruction efforts going on in Beluslan and elsewhere. It was all anyone could talk about. I was sure that Herrel would be doing his part to help rebuild our world, because that is the type of man he is. I felt so proud of my husband and I knew I would do my best not to worry him needlessly about me. Eva wanted to roll me out in a chair, but I insisted on walking.

We get to the doorway and there is Herrel. He looks at me and then walks over and hugs me. We stand like that for a few moments then he scoops me up in his arms and off we go. "Are you going to carry me all the way home?" I ask, ruffling his hair. "Yep, all the way home love."

To be continued…