Chapter 1
Pain.
Physical pain. Emotional pain.
I wouldn't have been able to tell you which caused the most hurt. I wouldn't have been able to tell you my name.
The roaring silence seemed to crush me as the chaos unfolded. We were on our way to a soccer game. Just like every Friday night. The high school league was in the playoffs, just like last year. And the year
before that. We were going to see the game. Just like always. The sky was overcast and it was raining. Matt was driving his jeep. I'd just looked down for an instant-a split second to change the radio station.
When I looked up again all there was to be seen was a pair of headlights. They were in the wrong lane, they were going too fast. It was too late. Matt yelled my name. I can hear the panic in his voice still. He
threw his arm out to protect me. The cars collided. We slid on the slick roads and nose dived into the ditch. The momentum carried us forward and we flipped upside down. The car spun on its hood in the stained
grass. I remember the sound of shattering glass, crunching metal, my screams, and Matt's yells abruptly cut off as the car hit a tree and bent around it in a murderous hug on the driver side. His side. Pain filled my
consciousness and my senses were swamped by it. That's when the silence came. I couldn't hear the sirens, I didn't think there were any. Legs appeared in my fading view. A stranger's voice filtered through the
confusion, but I didn't hear any words. I knew in my heart Matt was gone. I knew because where my heart should've been was a hollow pit. It's beating kept me alive enough to feel myself dying. The rain was red
as it poured through the car and washed over me. Hands unhooked my seatbelt and I wondered idly where my door had gone. More hands pried me from the wreckage. The pain increased as they took me away
from Matt. I think I screamed, but I don't remember it. My tears mixed with the rain and the paramedics struggled with me. I suppose I must've been fighting them. I've no idea where I found the strength. Two of
them carried me and set me on a stretcher. They held my writhing form as a third paramedic strapped me down. They were speaking to me, but no words could penetrate the shock. I was alone. Until I heard his
voice. Matt's voice. It was a quiet whisper, but it was real, I know it was, because nobody else would've been able to break through. "Let them help you…" I felt Matt's breath brush my ear. Something sharp stung
my arm, and then I floated away into darkness before I could respond to my best friend. My dead best friend. Who'd just spoken to me…