Disclaimer: Not mines. Anything mention by name isn't mines, save for the OCs.

You hate your life sometimes but you figure everybody has those moments. On the other hand, you'd be lying if you said you're happy with how your life has turned out.

Things have deteriorated at home. You figure they already had ever since your brother's death, but things has progressively gotten worse. Your dad barely even acknowledges you anymore. Sometimes he'll give you a ride to school or ask you how your day was but you know deep down he couldn't care less. Nowadays the only ever time you talk is at dinner, and that's usually fill with him asking you if you heard about football tryouts and have you consider signing up. He just can't accept that you're you and not your brother.

Your mom tries harder to connect with you, but even you can tell she's basically given up. She treats you like you're a cat: just feeds you breakfast and dinner and leave you alone.

And then there's your friends. You love these guys but even you have to admit things have been awkward around you guys.

Teddy the craziest guy you know. Always seem to be lost in his own little world or trying to sound deep and philosophical you know he doesn't even know what he's even talking about half the time.

Vern is well… Vern. You feel bad when you hear people say he's stupid, because you know he's not trying to come off like that, but even you have to admit he can be the gullible wet end you know.

Both haven't been too happy with you being in the college courses while they're stuck in shop. They feel like you abandon them, when you really haven't. It's just that you all happen to spend most of your time in different corners of the school. The only times you ever get to hang out together at school is during lunch.

You also admit to not having been going over to the tree house you all build as much lately. The amount of homework they assign you at the college courses end up taking a lot of free time away. You kinda feel yourself growing distant with them.

And then there's Chris. Chris Chambers was your best friend, without a doubt. But… he was also one of the reasons you really hated your life sometimes.

Her name is Betty Jones.

You like her and you hate her. You like her because she makes Chris happy and his happiness is all that matters to you. Not many girls here in Castle Rock can say they are comfortable dating a Chambers kid and not care about what everyone else thought of him and you.

But you also hate her because she's the one making Chris happy. You feel your stomach turn every time you see them holding hands with their fingers lock, sitting close together when you're out eating together, the light kisses they share. But you tolerate it because it's the happiest you've seen Chris since you been friends with him and there are certain things you can only do with a girl that you can't do with your best friend.

On his birthday the three of you are at his house watching a special airing of The Blob. You all had the house to yourselves: his dad had went to the bar last week and hasn't come home yet, his mom went to visit his aunt, and his brother out with his friends, so it's just the three of you. The three of you watch the movie, you try hard to focus intensely on it while you hear them whisper and giggle. You feel your eyelids start to get heavy and try to fight the urge to go to sleep, but in the end sleep won. Before everything goes dark, you hear Betty whisper to Chris she got something special to show him for his present.

You wake up a few minutes later, the movie had ended and the TV station had sign off for the night. You figure its best you get going but you want to say goodbye to Chris before you leave. You see how dark the house has gotten with the only light coming from a room in back, Chris's room. You figure he's in there and you head there, hearing noises as you get closer.

That's where you make your mistake.

There they were, naked in his bed with his sheets barely covering them. Chris going in and out of her. Betty clinging onto him like she was stuck in a large body of water and he's was the only life preserver she had. Her nails digging into his back as she cries and moans. Chris grunting with each thrust and lying small kisses on her lips, face, neck, and chest.

They didn't see or hear you coming in and they didn't see or hear you leaving.

Since that day, that image had been burned into your memory. They say it's like walking in on your parents but it's different when it's your best friend and his girlfriend.

The incident plagues your dreams, those noises they made you hear all night. No matter how much you try to block them out, you still hear them. The worst part was that it was all you wanted to hear. Those little noises that Chris made were music to your ears. They cause your heart to pound and make your blood race and create a stirring inside you. And if you were being really honest, you'd have to admit to yourself how badly you wished that you had been the one in Betty's place. That it was you Chris was close to that way. Hearing him moan into your ear and your hands exploring each other.

Sometimes, when Chris had a bad day, things were starting to get bad at home, or he and Betty had gotten into a fight, he would come to your house and seek you for comfort. It made you feel good inside because despite having a girlfriend, you were still his best friend and no girl could change back.

You listen to him go on and on about how his dad said he would never amount to anything, how he feels the teachers at school want him to fail, what he and Betty were fighting about. You would give him a hug, holding him in your arms—sure you guys have touch before: sharing a handshake, a pat on the shoulder, a jab in the ribs, or resting an arm on each other—and give him compliments about how his dad was a dumbass for trying to tear him down. How he was too good for this town. And to not get too upset over Betty (as tempting as it was, you never call her a bitch, floozy, or slut, because as you said she makes Chris happy).

And Chris would nod against you, agreeing-reluctantly, at first- that he was too good for this place and his father. But "to make him feel better," you would continue to compliment him. Tell him how smart and funny and caring and sensitive and brave and loyal he was. How once he got going, he would go places. And when he wonder what Betty sees in him, you use this chance to continue complimenting him. Talking about what a great person he is, talking about his eyes, his smile, his general aesthetics. It was closest you could get to basically confessing your feelings to him without ever uttering the "L" word.

Getting to compliment Chris without it being weird that you were pouring all these compliments in his direction. And really, those were the times that made it all worthwhile, because when he looks into your eyes and smile, for a brief moment in time you could lie to yourself and believe Chris knew about your feelings and felt the same way.

Sometimes-rarely, almost never, but you could vividly remember each and every time that it did happen- Chris would scoot even closer, resting his head on your shoulder, and say "Gordie, you're the only one who understands me." And you would hug the Chambers boy closer, whispering that you'd always be there for him.

And you mean it, even if you had to endure all those other days and all the little things that made you hate your life. Cause living with distant parents, loosing close friends, and hearing Chris's and Betty's love making noises haunting your dreams and every waking moment…. None of it ever compared to the nights when Chris would come into your room and slip under the covers next to you, whispering "Goodnight Gordie." Nothing ever could.

The End.