Title: Return and Realizations
Author: Callea
Email: callea_veda@poetic.com
Category: Sam/Daniel Romance
Spoilers: The First Commandment, Rite of Passage, Crystal Skull, Cold Lazarus,
Meridian, Ascension (let me know if I missed any)
Season/Sequel info: Takes place sometime after Meridian, probably sometime between
Abyss and Prometheus.
Rating: R
Content Warnings: mild sexual references
Summary: Daniel comes back to observe Sam, post ascension.
Feedback: Feedback is welcome and very much appreciated at callea_veda@poetic.com
Return and Realizations
"Sam...", he whispered softly.
Daniel Jackson leaned against the corner of the desk in Samantha Carter's office at the SGC. A few inches away, Sam was sleeping peacefully. Two hours ago, she had been attempting to figure out another one of those mysteries presented by the teams' travel through the Stargate, but she had been unable to keep her eyes open any longer. Now, she sat in her chair with her head resting across her arms.
Daniel reached out toward her golden hair, and his hand passed through the soft locks. She looks so peaceful when she's sleeping. He thought. She let out a soft little moan, which brought a slight smile to his face. I wonder if she can tell that I'm here.
Sam's eyes opened slowly and her head lifted from her desk. She felt as though a breeze had just blown through her hair. I must have dreamt it. There are no breezes in the base. She raised her arms and stretched them high above her head. "I need some coffee," she muttered to herself.
That made Daniel's smile grow. He remembered the nights he had spent with her working on these same types of challenges and the large quantities of coffee they had consumed in doing so. I miss working all night with Sam, thinking through a problem with her, finishing each other's thoughts and sentences. He thought back to a previous mission, when they were trying to save Cassie from a retrovirus. Inside Nirti's lab, Sam had started saying, "If this is where the children ended up..." As usual, he had immediately known what she was thinking and agreed, "You're right about that." In confusion, Jack could only say, "She didn't finish her sentence."
Daniel laughed out loud. That's one thing that Jack would never understand. I'm not even sure that I understand it. Sometimes it was like they were sharing one mind, like they were separate parts of the same person. Speaking of Jack not understanding... He couldn't count the number of times when he had been concerned with Sam's welfare and had asked Jack, "How's Sam?" Almost every time, military-to-the-core Colonel O'Neill managed to dodge the question. Then he'd have to repeat himself with a more pressing, "How's Sam?" before he got a real answer. Jack just didn't understand how to deal with emotion and how to fully use his heart.
Sam looked at the clock. It was 0500 hours. Another late night, she thought. Jonas Quinn had been helping her, but around 2200 hours, she had grown impatient with him and asked him to leave. The guy is well intentioned, but he can be a little annoying. He just doesn't have the insight that Daniel did. And his name is Jonas of all things...She thought sarcastically, thinking about her ex-fiance, Jonas Hanson. Sam tried to be patient and sympathetic with Jonas, but he just tried too hard to fit in, to fill Daniel's shoes. Sorry Jonas, but those shoes are too big for you, for anyone.
I wish Daniel were here now. I wish he hadn't left, but it was his choice to go. Why did he have to leave? We need him. We all miss him.
She remembered those geeky glasses he wore. I don't know how someone could wear those and still manage to look that sexy. Whoa...! Sexy! Sam, what are you thinking? If Daniel knew you were thinking that he'd... well... he'd... What would he do? A small smile crept over her lips as she thought of how embarrassed he would be if she were to tell him just how attractive he looked in those Air Force fatigues. He would be speechless, and he'd get that adorable little embarrassed look on his face. The one that makes you just want to gaze into his eyes and draw him into a kiss to see just how embarrassed you could make him. A mischievous smile reached Sam's lips just before she realized what she had been going through her head. Where did that come from? Okay Sam, you need to stop thinking like this. What's gotten into you today?
I wonder what she's thinking, he pondered. Maybe she's thinking about me, he thought happily, and he contemplated the thought for a second before he said aloud, "Nah, she's probably thinking about Jack." With a smile like that, it's obvious what's going through her head. It's no secret that Jack has a thing for her. And why would she want me when she could have a guy like Jack. He's a hero, a strong, commanding man, he thought with a tinge of sarcasm and resentment. Despite the fact that Jack was his friend, he couldn't help but feel a little jealous. He's every woman's dream... especially Sam's. It's beyond obvious to everyone.
Sam pushed her chair back and stood up. She walked over to her instruments and began examining the strange pyramidal object in front of her. It was merely a simple pyramid with symbols etched on the outside. The symbols were from no culture that they knew of, and no one had been able to decipher what any of them meant. She had a feeling that it had some important function, but she didn't know why. It held no signs of actually having any functionality other than that of a paperweight.
As she looked through the magnifier, she remembered the time she and Daniel had been studying the blue crystals that had duplicated Colonel O'Neill. When she and Daniel had realized the crystals had been broken by a Goa'uld staff blast, they had raced to Teal'c's quarters to get his weapon, so eager to prove themselves right. She loved that about him: the way he got just as excited about new discoveries as she did. He's the only one that I could ever share my enthusiasm with. Hell... he's the only one that I could ever share ANYTHING with, especially anything emotional.
Sam had long ago discovered that constantly being around men especially military men, left an emotional void. At first, the void was comforting to her. It made her feel at home. After all, that's what she was used to. Her father was just as emotionally unavailable as Colonel O'Neill, Jonas Hanson, and most other military men. Jonas had been the turning point though. She had been engaged to him, and he was incredibly controlling. After she had broken off the engagement, he became insane and power-hungry. He thought he was a god and tried to convince a whole planet full of people of it as well. It was after that that she realized those kinds of men were just holding her back. Daniel had also played a major part in her realization. He was the sensitive, caring man who was always there to fill the void.
She thought about how rare it was to find someone who shared her passion for knowledge, someone who she could talk to so easily, someone who genuinely cared about her, especially someone so incredibly adorable. She laughed as she remembered the time Daniel was in Machello's body. "At least I know you don't like me just for my looks," he had joked. How right he was. Of course, it didn't hurt that he has that great chest... and arms... and that adorable face... and those crystal blue eyes... She stood looking at the object in front of her, but not really seeing it. She was too busy fantasizing about everything she would love to do to that body. Finally, she realized what she was doing and pulled herself out of her thoughts.
She became embarrassed by what she had just imagined. She felt as though she had been violating Daniel. Why do I keep thinking about him? Geez Sam, this is definitely not the best way to honor his memory. She mentally scolded herself and tried to think of an excuse for her behavior. I'm tired, that's all. It's been a long day, and I do miss him. Because I'm so tired, I'm just turning my feelings into something more than they really are. The excuse was lame, and it wouldn't have been believable to anyone if she had voiced it aloud, but it was enough to settle the matter in her mind.
I just need to focus. Maybe I should just go home and get some sleep in a comfortable bed. She looked again at the clock: 0520 hours. There's no point. We have a briefing at 0700 anyway. Besides, I couldn't have this much fun at home.
She looked back at the device. "Okay," she said to herself. "There are no buttons, no switches, nothing... Maybe it's RF controlled."
Daniel chuckled and shook his head. Some things never change...
Without knowing what to radio message or frequency to try, Sam set her equipment to transmit random numbers systematically through the entire radio frequency spectrum, begining with ELF at 30 Hertz through EHF at 300 Gigahertz. She knew the process was almost pointless, but at the moment, she just wanted to do SOMETHING. As she expected, nothing happened.
"Damn. What could it be?" she said in frustration.
"Well, it was a good try, Sam. Maybe...," Daniel began to say but stopped when he realized that she couldn't hear him.
Sam looked back at the device, considering other possibilities. She wished now even more that Daniel were with her. "Daniel would be able to help...," she muttered. He had been invaluable to her in the past, and he could translate the symbols to help her determine what kind of an activation code, if any, the device was looking for.
Did she just say what I think she said? Daniel's eyes sparkled with joy at the thought that somebody, especially Sam needed him.
Sam remembered another time when she was without Daniel's help. It was when the crystal skull had made him invisible. Everyone thought that they had lost him. Sam was desperate to get him back, and her distress was worsened by the fact that Daniel was the most qualified person to figure out how to bring himself back. He found his way back to us that time. He ended up figuring out what the rest of us couldn't.
She smiled as she remembered how much she admired him, then her face become saddened as she thought. This time, he may never be back, but at least he isn't dead. I don't know how I could have gone on if he was. This way, I still have the hope that someday I'll see him again. And I know that somewhere, he's accomplishing things that I could never imagine.
But all I want is for him to look at me again with those beautiful blue eyes. Why hasn't he come back to see me? Maybe it's because I'm not very important to him. After all, he DECIDED to leave. He didn't even think about how I would feel when he was gone.
Tears began to form in Sam's eyes. "Would he have left if I was Sha're?" No, he would have fought his way back to her, the same way he fought to get her back.
Daniel was shocked at what he'd heard. What does she mean? Why is she comparing herself to Sha're? She was my wife. Sam is my...my... He had a sudden thought, one that made his heart jump but also one that was too shocking to be true. "She couldn't possibly... have... romantic feelings for me? Could she?"
He thought about some of the last words that she had said to him when he was on his deathbed. They were burned into his memory. "You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things... it changed me too. I see what really matters. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew."
At the time, those words sounded to him to be just words of friendship. But as he thought about it, he wondered, Could they have meant something more? How did she really feel?
He looked at Sam and saw the tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. Oh Sam, please don't cry... He knew that he should leave now. If he stayed any longer, he might not ever be able to make himself to go. But I can't just leave her like this. It hurt him to see her in such obvious pain. He began to choke up, "Please don't cry. Not because of me." His heart and his mind were battling. I have to go. I can't interfere with her life. This isn't part of my journey, his mind told him.
He started to go, then he heard Sam whisper, almost begging, "Daniel, please come back."
That was it. His heart won.
He appeared before the desk where Sam was once again sitting with her head down. Tears were still falling down her cheeks. "Sam," he whispered. "It breaks my heart to see you cry."
She looked up, startled to see him standing in front of her. She wiped the tears from her face. The world around her was almost surreal, but there was a very distinct and very familiar form in front of her. "Daniel? Am I dreaming?"
He smiled slyly and teased her, "Maybe. Do you dream about me often?"
She laughed. Her tears began to subside, and she smiled back, "I was just thinking about you."
"Only, good things I hope."
She smiled sweetly. "I was thinking about all the good times we had. About how we all miss you." There was a pause for a few seconds, and Sam's voice took on a saddened tone once again, "Things just aren't the same since you left. I mean, Jonas is here now, but it's just not the same. You, Teal'c, the Colonel, and I ... we were together for so long. We were like a family." She began crying again. "It's just so hard to believe that you're not here anymore."
Daniel walked around the desk and put his arms around her shoulders. "I know. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt any of you."
"I know, Daniel." She turned her chair and looked up at him. "You left because you wanted to make a difference. You didn't know..." Sam stopped herself before the words "that I love you" escaped her mouth. She almost shocked herself as those words formed in her mind. She could only imagine how Daniel would react to them. She quickly changed to safer words, "You had no reason to stay."
He knelt down in front of her and gently wiped a tear from her cheek.
"I guess I didn't realize just how much you guys would miss me. I assumed that you'd all be all right though. You guys have each other, after all. And, hey," he smiled, "Jonas is doing an all right job."
She shook her head slowly. "If only you knew...," she mumbled as she stared down at her hands resting in her lap.
"What?" He could tell there was something she wasn't telling him.
"Never mind." She looked up at his face. He smiled, and she smiled back. "You seem... different somehow," she observed.
"I'm not wrapped in bandages," he joked, alluding to the last time she had seen him, when he had been dieing from radiation poisoning.
She laughed sadly, "That's not funny, Daniel."
"I'm sorry..."
"Something's changed. You seem so... knowing..."
"Must be all these super powers. I don't scare you, do I?" He grinned evilly and raised his eyebrows.
She pretended to be embarrassed as she said, "Maybe a little."
He smiled devilishly and winked, "I promise to be gentle."
Sam laughed out loud. "It's good to see you again," she said as threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. She felt his arms move around her back. It felt wonderful to have him here again, to feel his strong arms around her again. She hadn't realized how much she had missed simply hugging him.
"What are you doing here?" Sam questioned as she drew away from him.
Daniel sighed as he stood up and leaned against the corner of her desk. Unable to meet Sam's eyes, he gazed at some unknown spot on the wall. "I wish..." He took a deep breath before continuing, "I wish I could tell you that I'm here on some big mission, that I'm going to save the universe or something. But I'm not... The real reason I'm here is, well... it's a little embarrassing."
Sam grinned sheepishly, "Come on, Daniel. I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything."
He turned to face her. He was stunned by her beauty, and he suddenly had the courage to do something he never before dreamt he would do. He took her hand in one of his and pulled her up out of her chair. With the other hand, he reached out, caressed her cheek, ran his fingers down her jaw, and lifted her chin slightly.
His piercing blue eyes gazed directly into hers. It made her feel uneasy, excited, and unsure of herself. She felt like lightening was flooding her body. Her heart raced, and her breath caught in her throat. Being this close to him, looking directly into his eyes made her legs go week. It took an incredible effort for her to remain standing..
Daniel spoke to her in a soft, sincere tone, "I have all the power in the universe. I can make the ground quake. I can create lightening. I can do astounding things... But Sam, there's one thing I can't do..." He stopped, unsure of whether to continue. Tears began forming in his eyes as they looked away from hers.
Sam was so captured by the passion that had been in his eyes and the emotion in his voice that she could barely manage to whisper her plea, "Tell me, Daniel."
That was all he needed to finish his thought. He took both her hands in his and gazed into her eyes once again. "Sam, I can't stop missing you. You're in my every thought. Everything I do is for you. I'm sorry I left. I was afraid, afraid that you didn't feel the same way, that I would fail you like I've failed so many others. I just wanted to have the power to do everything that I was powerless to accomplish before. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Daniel raised his hand up to her cheek, moving it up through her hair.
"Daniel it's not your..."
Daniel cut her off by drawing her lips in close to his. She closed her eyes, and their lips met. It was like no kiss she had ever experienced. It was soft, caring, filled with emotion. Electricity flowed through her body. Her knees weakened, and she began to sway. His strong arms held her up, as he pulled back and looked at her, with his forehead against hers.
"Sam, are you all right?" he whispered, sounding concerned.
"Yes... perfectly," she whispered breathlessly. She looked into his eyes, the most incredible eyes she'd ever seen. They sparkled with mischief and with love. Tears from so many mixed emotions began to form as she thought of how she had longed to get lost in those eyes; how she had thought she had lost the opportunity forever, but here it was.
His words echoed exactly what she had been thinking. "I've wanted to do that for a very long time."
She ran her hand through his hair and drew him in for another kiss. This time was more passionate. Her tongue massaged his. His arms held her tightly against him. Her hands ran through his hair. He moved from her lips and began kissing down her neck.
"I love you, Sam. I love you more than anyone or anything I've ever known," he whispered in her ear between kisses.
Sam suddenly realized who she was with and what was happening. "Daniel wait..." she said as she brought her hands to his chest and pushed him lightly away.
Oh no..., he thought, his heart sinking. She doesn't feel the same way. What was I thinking? He was afraid to look at her. He didn't want to see the look in her eyes as she rejected him. Painfully, he managed to meet her gaze.
As he did, he saw the confused look on her face. "How...," she stammered, "...you're solid?"
A wave of relief washed over him. "I didn't descend or anything. There are other ways," he smiled. That was a good enough explanation for her. She was just happy to have him there.
Daniel's impulsively smiled widely as he saw a look of pure delight come over Sam's face. "Can you do that 'sharing thing,'" she asked coyly as her hands ran up and down his chest. She was referring to the joining that could allow them to share their innermost essences. She had done it once before with Orlin from Velona. It was an incredible experience, beyond words, beyond anything she had ever experienced, except kissing Daniel.
He smiled warmly, "I think so... I've never tried. Are you sure you want to?"
"Of course. I want to share everything with you."
He cupped her face in his hands, kissed her lips softly once more then asked, "Ready?"
He brought his hands to her shoulders and ran them down her arms until he held her hands. He lifted them and intertwined his fingers with hers. As he did so, he began to glow, becoming pure energy, gleaming, white tendrils of light. His light surrounded her as they merged, sharing their souls.
She felt as though they belonged that way, as one. It was the way they were always meant to be, the way they had always been. She knew everything she would find in him. They had known each other too well for too long for there to be any surprises. Every hurt, every pain, every joy, and every hope was revealed. Even the darker, hidden sides that lurked beneath the surface came as no shock. The sense of being completely accepted washed over them.
Then, something began to creep up on Sam, something that hadn't happened when she shared with Orlin. She looked around and saw nothing but white light. She started to panic, but in an instant, he was there to soothe her. She could feel him enveloping her, telling her without words that everything would be all right.
She could feel him kissing her again. The kisses were moving slowly down her body. She could feel something soft beneath her bare skin. The kisses moved back toward her lips. The light began fading, and his face came into focus, hovering above hers. She could hear the words "I love you," Reverberating through her mind. She couldn't tell if they were coming from her or from him or both.
She began to whisper, "Wha..."
He pressed his fingers to her lips. "Shhhh." He leaned forward and kissed her again. She felt his weight pressing down on her. She could feel him throughout her entire body. It wasn't sex, not exactly. It was more fulfilling, more amazing, more perfect than any sexual experience. She felt the physical sensation of his bare skin against hers. She tilted her head back as he spilled his kisses down her neck. Every kiss felt like ice and and flames were combining on her skin. The kisses moved along her chest and down her stomach. He began moving back up her chest as he took hold of her hands and brought them together above her head. His face was again above hers, and he brought himself down, merging into her. It was like a shockwave was sent through her body. "Daniel," she moaned, and the sound reverberated through her mind.
When she came back to her senses, she was standing in her lab again. He had his arms around her, stroking her hair, and her face rested against his chest.
They both had tears in their eyes as she looked up at him. There was no need for words; they both knew the same thing: he couldn't stay and she couldn't go with him. His journey must continue the way it was intended, and she must continue on her journey in this existence.
Nothing was spoken as he lifted her face and brought her lips to his. She closed her eyes, knowing this may be their final embrace. When she opened her eyes, he was no longer standing in front of her.
"Come back soon," she whispered.
-- Continue the series with 'Captive' --