EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
EMINEM!
VS.!
JESUS CHRIST!
BEGINNNNNN!
~Jesus~
Thy father in heaven,
Please forgive my arrogance
For I am standing
Before pure nonsense!
Surprise!
I'm Jesus Christ!
Here to turn melting ice
Into blood-red wine!
Can't turn rewind,
On this tape!
Cause Eminem,
Is going to be spiritually raped!
For Christ sake,
Just get a new story!
Forget the little zero,
Who like his hors horry!
And can't get enough drugs
To keep himself horny!
Just stop!
It's getting so corny!
And so very boring!
Just pick up some originallity!
Like from me!
Oh and Shady!
Your name is MUM
With a 3 at the end!
At least mine's
JC!
Makes me one heaven,
Of an MC!
And I'm soon about to drop
Bombs of Christianity!
(Jesus gets put on a cross by soldiers)
But before I get hung up
Shady ya best hang up
Or I'll come back
And F you up!
Now I shall die,
So drop your ryhmes,
Before I rise!
Goodnight!
(Jesus's soul leaves his body,and then materializes before Eminem,cocky as hell. Eminem rubs his hands together before he starts)
~Eminem~
Christ be sleeping
Alarm be ringing
He can't wake up
Or make his mind up
Died for our sins
But didn't matter in the end
For God is going to blow
Losing his head like Trump
And I'm here to show
Christ is just a joke!
Your just a farmer!
Doesn't matter with walking on water
Your just a guy
Surrounded by lies
Can't deny
Fuck making wine
Some Christ!
You couldn't even stay alive!
What kind of divinity
Spits any-
Shit while fitting
About religion
And keeps on shitting
About my situation
Now let me tell you,
My raps are beating you
Black and Blue
Thanks to my life
I know how to fight;
Spit a rhyme:
Earn a dime:
Stay alive
That's my drive
Now it's your turn to flow,
So go ahead and float,
Gloat,
And showboat
You made-up dope!
(Jesus rematerializes before Eminem, and now he's wearing sunglasses)
~Jesus~
Bitch I'm back
And on the attack
Gonna snap
After my nap
'Cause your rhymes were wack
Couldn't stand that crap
Now I'm going to rap
Your face off,man
Yes,I've lost my cool
Because of your racist-ass attitude
So,
Gonna choke you with my Halo
Make your face a tomato
Till your seeing rainbows
Hell,your little friend Volcano
Might just lose it's mayo
'Cause your like that psycho!
And now to retort!
Here's my Divine Report!
I Am The
Son Of God!
Your the child of
A Ho of a Mom!
And yes,
I'm a man
But one blessed
By one divine plan
To fight Lucifer
And I'm ready
For the Rapture
So go eat your mom's spaghetti
While you can
While you deal with my divine method
Mere Ho-man
~Eminem~
Go tell that shit to Matthew
So he can ask you,
"Why you telling me,"
"Eminem has own destiny!"
So why you trying,to displease
Your father,oh in heaven
By going against,the Rap almighty
Your about to lose,at fighting
Against me,the Rap God
So just nod,
And not
Try to disregard
My thinking,
You must be drinking
That wine your bleeding
'Cause your still jinxing
Hoping I'm going to stop
But I keep dropping the drop
Beat keeps Hip-hop
Hard as Rock
While I jot
More lines to complete this plot
Deny not,
This is the last thought,
Why did God take a shot
And make you a artificial god?
WHO WON?!
WHO'S NEXT?!
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYY!
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Hey guys,Shadowjab17 here. Just wanted you guys to know this battle is just for fun,and isn't really about religion,so please don't take anything offensively or too seriously.
Also,give me new ideas! Tell me who should be next! See ya next time!