A/N
This is sort of like the opposite to my story Chose.
Contains character death, and people trying to deal.
A/N
Disclaimer: I do not hold the rights to any Naruto characters
Numb
It doesn't matter that I loved him.
That I still love him.
I tried.
I really did!
I did..
I swear..
I did..
But I couldn't save him.
Why won't his face leave my mind?
I've been fighting for so long,
So hard to bring him back.
Why did this happen.
We both already suffered through such shitty lives.
Why..
I want to cry.
Its so easy normally.
The slightest thing used to set me off.
No more ramen.
No missions.
But for some reason I can't,
A moment when my eyes should be the mouth of rivers.
Why wont they just come for Gods sake.
It would at least release some of the pain.
I feel numb.
I am not quite sure if it has really kicked in yet.
It doesn't even matter that I haven't seen him in three years.
I lie.
That I haven't seen him alive in three years.
I still expect him to be at the next lesson with Kakashi-sensei, teasing me about my stupidity.
I should be used to it though.
Three years.
-.-
He looked the same.
When I saw him.
They cleaned him before I was allowed to see him.
Before they even told me.
Apparently they knew how I would react.
They were wrong.
How could they even think they knew how I would react?!
My biggest rival was dead.
My best friend was dead.
The one I love was dead.
Is dead...
I still can't wrap my head around it.
I've been searching for him for so long,
But now I'll never find him.
-.-
The moment I was told I began to laugh.
I thought it was some stupid joke, but at the same time.
At the same time my heart almost had a panic-attack.
It wasn't until Iruka-sensei grabbed me and pulled me into a tight embrace did I realise they weren't joking.
It wasnt some lie to get me to stop looking for him.
I ran.
Ran straight to where all the bodies were kept before burials.
All I could say in a chocked whisper was, "You idiot."
I didn't touch him, I didn't scream in anguish.
I took a mental picture and walked away.
I guess when I think back on it, I'm glad they didn't let me see him covered in blood.
I don't even want to think about how long it would have haunted me.
People were gathered outside.
They all quieted as I removed myself from the room.
I could feel their eyes on me as I walked past.
I must have looked strange.
I know I didn't look sad or upset.
Sakura wouldn't have slapped me if I did.
"You heartless bastard! He was our team mate! Our family!"
"Not heartless.. Just cold Sakura, really.. cold."
She seemed shocked at my reply.
-.-
'She' said she loved him most.
So what if she cried most.
So what if she screamed most.
It did NOT mean she cared most.
I cared the most.
But that doesnt matter now.
Nothing does.
I only feel numb...