A/N! So... Hello again! Okay so, this piece began as something else, but before I knew it this whole thing had pretty much typped itself and I... Well here it is... I hope it's good! Enjoy guys! I do not own neither the Shadowhunters series, nor the books.
FULL SUMARY:
After a night of passionate love making, during which Alec takes control and gets a little carried away, leaving marks on Magnus' neck, the archer yearns to know if Magnus is alright. When the Warlock reassures him everything is fine, Alec feels the need to thank him for everything he has given him. The statement causes memories of Magnus' past to emerge and the two lovers share a heart-to-heart conversation about their past and about their present…
Hint: Camille is a bi*ch…
"Old paths drawn anew..."
To say that Magnus' day was meant to a be tough one would be an understatement. He had to wake up before the crack of dawn and slip out of bed with movements light and cautious, which he did, much to his heart's dismay. Damned Vampires with their insane demands… He tried to be quiet not wanting to wake Alec up, for he knew the young man needed every precious second of sleep he could get. The High Warlock of Brooklyn got dressed; making sure not to rustle the clothes too much. His trousers were black, but his shirt was a dark crimson hue, which he covered with a black, long, warm coat. The Warlock looked at his reflection on the mirror, noting that he had to turn the collar of his coat upwards…
Not only to protect himself from the chill of the early morning, but to also conceal the angry hickeys which were so delightfully spread across his skin. A clear sign that Alec hadn't been idle the past few hours. Magnus smiled at himself, letting his fingers trace over the still pounding flesh. "Seems I got carried away last night." Said a low, hushed voice. Magnus was startled for no more than a few seconds before his muscles relaxed again, allowing him to lean back on the solid chest, which the Warlock could tell that was waiting for him.
Strong, yet gentle hands evaporated Magnus pulling him backwards until his back was touching Alec's broad chest. "Sorry…" The archer offered sleepily, nuzzling in the crook of his lover's neck, placing butterfly kisses on the angry colored flesh. Magnus let out a half chuckle, half purr, as he let his eyes flutter closed. "I don't remember protesting, Alexander…" Magnus reassured, tilting his head towards the side, allowing Alec further access to his already spoiled neck.
Instead of yet another teasing bite however, Alec allowed his lips to nip and brush over Magnus' soft skin, his hot breath causing the Warlock to shudder. Alec's hands traveled on Magnus' chest, his fingertips fast, knowing the curves and lines the trained muscles had created. Magnus smiled, placing his palms over Alec's hands. "I really am sorry." Alec offered again, but Magnus felt his heart swelling up with love and pride. Alec would never, ever hurt him. And that was more important for the Warlock than he was letting on. "It's alright, my darling." He replied fondly, detaching himself from the cocoon of Alec's hands and chest.
Alec swallowed soundly, his sweet eyes shying away from Magnus' brown ones. "Alexander, my darling, relax. You've nothing to worry about, I promise you." The Warlock pressed, cupping Alec's face in his hands, placing a kiss on his forehead, noticing that his eyelashes were still heavy with sleep. "So… You… Liked it? What we did last night?" Alec questioned, averting his gaze from Magnus' brown eyes, feeling his blood rising to his cheeks. "Oh, Alec…" Magnus chanted, remembering that, despite the fact they had been somewhat rougher than usual last night, and despite the fact the young archer had initiated the whole thing, taking control for the very first time, Alec was still so innocent, so pure to the heart.
"Magnus?" Alec's worried call got the Warlock out of his trance and he hurried to calm his lover down. "My darling…" The Warlock uttered, eyeing Alec as if he was some kind of unearthly creature. And maybe, he was. "You have nothing to worry about. Nothing to apologize for. Last night… It was splendid, from the very beginning, up to the very end." Magnus assured, brushing his thumbs over Alec's cheeks. The only answer his got, was a relieved exhale and a soft, sleepy smile which lighted up Magnus' world, way more than the pale rays of sunlight which were ever so hesitantly creeping in the room from the half closed shutter. "Good…" Alec muttered, more to himself rather than his lover.
Magnus brushed his lips over Alec's gently, pulling away when he heard Alec moaning softly. "Go back to bed, Alexander. You need to sleep." Magnus explained, voice kind and caring. The Warlock took his lover by the hands, leading him back to their bed, with small steps. The light thuds of Alec's bare feet on the cold floor echoed loud in the overall quiet room, but for Magnus they were the indication that maybe, just maybe, he had finally found someone worth fighting for. Someone who would love him and care for him… Someone who would treasure his wounded heart, someone who would accept him the way he was. Broken heart, demonic blood, cat's eyes and all.
"You've a client?" Alec questioned as he lay on the king sized bed, rolling over to his side so as to face Magnus, who nodded his head in agreement, whilst covering Alec up with the blanket with movements so gentle, one would think Alec would break to pieces should he be touched roughly. "At this hour? The sun hasn't even risen yet…" "Yeah, it's a Vampire who needs help…" Magnus explained dully, letting his eyes drink the sight of his lover. Magnus sat by the archer's side, reaching out to the nightstand, picking up his rings. "Let me do it…" Alec offered, smiling sheepishly, mind still dazed from sleep. Magnus was taken aback by the request, and the young archer hurried to give him a way out. "If you want, that is. I know it's kind of stupid… It's just that I…" Alec's voice trailed off before fading away into nothing.
Slowly, Magnus nodded and Alec propped himself up, back leaning against the headboard. Magnus handed him his rings, extending his hands towards the ones of his lover. "It's just…" Alec blew out a breath, taking the first ring in between his fingers. "What we did…" Another pause, as Alec lowered his head, sliding the ring on Magnus' left hand, on his index finger. "What you allowed me to have…" Alec huffed, frustrated with himself. Sliding the next ring down Magnus' middle finger, he swallowed again.
"For me, for someone like me, it means more than you can imagine… And I know that you must have had many lovers who were… Um… Better than me, of course you must have had, but… But still…" Alec's fingers were trembling when he placed the third and fourth ring on Magnus' middle finger of his right hand, careful to let the first one go all the way down, whilst the second one he placed between the first and second knuckle, knowing that Magnus liked seeing it there. "Thank you... Thank you for giving me this, thank you for trusting me—Thank you, Magnus. For everything." The archer finally chanted, as he ever so slowly moved, intending to draw his hands away from the ones of his lover now that the task was completed. "I know it sounds ridiculous, I just needed to… I had to say this for… Some inexplicable reason." Alec blurted out, moving his hands further away from Magnus'. He didn't have the time to do that though, for the Warlock took a hold of them, concealing them in the cocoon of his own palms.
"Alexander…" Magnus began, but then paused, finding himself at a loss for words. This young man, this courageous man, with the golden heart, was sitting right next to him… Magnus lowered his head, averting his gaze from the one of the archer, for his eyes were filled with tears. Only when he felt Alec's hands shaking in the cocoon his own grasps had made, did Magnus looked at his lover, whose face was now bathed in the early morning light. "Magnus, I'm sorry—" "My darling… Hush…" Magnus offered, unable to resist the urge to lean forwards so as to capture Alec's parted lips with his own. When the need for oxygen kicked in, Magnus pulled away, albeit reluctantly.
"You needn't thank me, Alexander. It is I, who must thank you." The Warlock uttered, swallowing soundly as he saw a puzzled look on Alec's beautiful face. "What we did last night, means to me more than you can imagine." Magnus elaborated, voice hushed. "You don't have to tell me anything Magnus, not if you don't want to." The archer hurried to explain, knowing from experience that when Magnus' face darkened, it usually meant that demons from times old, yet not forgotten, were looming over his heart.
"I want to tell you… I need to tell you, Alexander, for you deserve to know." The Warlock offered, tightening his hold on Alec's hands when the young archer opened his mouth, silently urging him to not intervene. "I… I haven't done what we did, not in a long while. I haven't let anyone take control, I haven't given myself to anyone because… Because for a very long time, I was sure I had nothing left to give. I was… Empty." The Warlock confessed, causing Alec to exhale sharply.
"I was empty, Alec, and I thought that, if I were to take whatever my partner had to give, that I would somehow… Be whole again." Alec swallowed hard, tightening his hold on Magnus' hands. He wished to speak, but he knew better than to interrupt Magnus now. "But that wasn't the case. I took everything I could take, the sex, the pleasure, the control… "Magnus' voice trailed off, but the Warlock spoke again.
"The bliss, it would work like a drug, which would fade after a while, leaving me emptier than I had been, leaving me a shell of myself, who was desperately seeking ways to feel alive again. So I went on and on, taking whatever I could, from anyone who was willing to offer me… Something. Usually, what they were willing to give, was rough sex, deprived of almost all emotion. And I… I took it, Alec." Magnus uttered, voice low, small. Filled with disappointment, fear and shame. "I took control every time, chasing those few seconds of bliss, chasing them hard and fast, bound to the only thing which could make me feel… Something." Magnus continued, lowering his voice.
"Only it wasn't enough. It was never enough. Because she had taken everything away from me." The words left Magnus' mouth quickly, yet quietly, as though their very echo would be enough to give life to the figure which had hurt Magnus so deeply. Alec blew out a shaky breath, hazel eyes blurring at the sound of those words. Magnus fell silent, and Alec waited for a long while, not wanting to push his lover. When Magnus didn't speak, however, Alec opened his mouth and even though he knew the answer, he found himself posing the question…
"By ''she'', you mean Camille, don't you?" The mere mention of the name caused Magnus to flinch, and Alec to move in less than a blink of an eye. Magnus had barely nodded his head, not wanting to utter the name, when Alec moved, getting off the bed, only to kneel in between Magnus' legs. The Warlock gasped, brushing the tips of his fingers together when Alec drew his hands away. Before the Warlock could blink twice, however, Alec's big, strong, warm hands were back, only this time, they were forming a cocoon in which Magnus' own hands –Magnus' own heart—could find solace. And solace they did find, for Magnus let them hide there, relaxing when Alec enclosed his ring clad fingers in between his grasps.
"I'm… I'm so sorry, Magnus." Alec offered kindly, causing Magnus to let out a small sound which resembled a laugh but was not one. It was a pained sound, which indicated that Magnus was shutting himself off, not bearing to hear Alec's next words, fearing his reaction. Fearing his departure… "It wasn't your fault, and yet… You're sorry…" His voice was distant, as he was trying to hide the fear which was looming over his heart.
Alec had seen that before, when Magnus had opened up about his step father's death. "What is it you want me to say, Magnus?" "Whatever is on your mind…" The Warlock answered, slumming his shoulders, not bearing the weight of the memories he had just accounted. "And what do you think is on my mind?" Alec asked, holding Magnus' gaze. The Warlock however, soon lowered his head, biting his lip.
"You think I'm ashamed of you, repulsed and that I'll just walk out the door." Alec stated, swallowing hard. "You wanted to make a point, but now you fear that you've said too much and that I'm… You think I'll leave, don't you?" It wasn't really a question, yet it held a hint of disbelief, for Alec couldn't believe Magnus could still think that he would just give up on him, on them.
"If you were to do such a thing, I wouldn't stop you." Magnus uttered, defeated and broken. "Magnus—" "Alec, I just told you that I spend more than seventy years of my life fooling around, screwing whoever I could find, just so I could—" "Just so you could feel alive, Magnus." Alec stated, voice filled with a wave of understanding, which a man of Alec's age wasn't supposed to have. "I'm not saying what you did was healthy. But… It was a coping mechanism." Magnus' eyes flew open, as his mind tried to process what Alec had just said.
"Alec—" "Whenever I would see Jace flirting with another girl, or whenever my father would talk to me about my duty to restore the family name, I would… I would grab my bow and quiver and I would run off to a small park near the Institute. There, I would shoot arrows one after the other, and then one more, until there were no more arrows left, until I could no longer hold neither the bow, nor yet the arrow, for they would slip from in between my fingers." Alec's voice faded, and his eyes blurred. Magnus' gaze traveled to Alec's hands, and after a while, he did trace thick lines, marks from wounds which had closed long ago, yet, they had never completely healed.
"The bow and quiver, they would slip from my fingers because…" "Because of the blood. Because you would never wear your gloves, causing the skin to tear to the point where the muscles underneath were just a bunch of meat." Magnus swallowed hard, a wave of blue magic escaping his fingers without his mind's consent, driven only by his heart's wild desire to protect the boy he loved so much. The warmth brought a smile on Alec's face. "The pain… It was the only thing I could feel. So, I was left chasing it, for I was trapped in a life everyone else wanted me to live. Yet for me… It had no meaning whatsoever. I was hollow Magnus... Doomed to know that I could never be free. That I could never live the life I wanted for myself, not a life others were planning for me." Alec's voice trailed off. Magnus gasped chanting Alec's name like a prayer.
"Magnus, I'm not going anywhere. Not as long as you want me by your side." The archer uttered, smiling at the man he so loved. "Magnus… You never have to be afraid of… Saying things. You told me all this because… What we did… Last night… Was different, it was… Good for you, right?" "Yes…" Came the low, yet sure reply. "Good… That's all that matters Mags. That's all that matters to me." "Alec… Alexander… You gave me what I was so desperately seeking." The Warlock confessed, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. "You made me feel—You—" The squeeze Alec gave him was enough to let Magnus know he understood, for he was feeling the same.
Without hesitation, Magnus moved, and Alec felt all breath leaving his lungs when his lover pulled him towards him, crushing him on his broad chest. They remained quiet for a long while, clenching onto one another, concealing one another from the demons of the past, allowing the still pale light of the new day wash over them, allowing it to cast the shadows away. A new day was at hand, and both Magnus as well as Alec knew they could face whatever obstacle would barred their way, for they, had survived a lifetime of loneliness, to find one another. And now, they knew nothing could pull them apart.
"I love you, Magnus…"
"And I you, my dear Alexander…"
Magnus replied, holding his young lover for dear life, knowing that he would have to leave this safe haven and face the cruel world. But not just yet. They still had a little more time left.
And as he inhaled Alec's scent, Magnus knew he was finally ready to walk down the old paths which had caused him pain and heartbreak, for now they were all redrawn on the canvas of his heart. These paths, the paths of passion, love and deep desire… The paths of life. Of a life which was worth living. And he did wish to walk down those old paths, which were drawn anew, with Alec as his guide and companion.
The end!
So, here it ends!
Loved it? Hated it? None of the two? I would love to hear your thoughts!
Until next time,
Love you all,
Usagi!
