Title: Walls be gone.
Rating: Teen
Summary: What are Rory's thoughts of Jess as he walks away from her this last time. This is not really dialogue, but her thoughts, and I swear it's not really boring. Well it could be, but please read it anyways!
Dedications: To Alexis Bledel and Milo. For always having awesome scenes together.
Authors Note: Hey, was everyone else amazed at the latest episode? Good job ASP. This is just me over analyzing Rory to the millionth degree, hope you like it. May or may not be a one parter.
Jess was an anomaly. He was something I couldn't define or put into a pro or con list. He was simply Jess. He was smoldering eyes and intelligence and the smell of cigarettes and whatever cologne he used to mask the fact he still smoked. He could stare me down and make me melt, and at the same time make me so angry. He wasn't the perfect boyfriend, and when I had told him that, I didn't get it. There is no such thing as a perfect boyfriend.
I had always thought that Dean was this amazing boyfriend, but really when it's happening you can't see what's in front of you. I will always love Dean, he was my first, my first everything. But somewhere along the line we just lost that spark, that need to be together always, the butterflies just to touch his hand. Or maybe it was me that lost the spark, and I didn't think I could tell him.
Jess was different; it was always bad to be around him. He was no good, a delinquent, a rebel, a bad boy and I was expected to think the same of him. I was the town princess, I was good and he was evil, I was Glinda and he was the big bad witch of the west, minus the pointy hats and magic of course. But there was something in the way he spoke to me, in the way he would even look at me that I knew everyone was wrong. And one day, he would prove them ALL WRONG!
Years have gone by, not too many to make me forget all the pain associated with our pasts, but enough time to make me forgive him. He is an ex boyfriend, a stepping-stone to get where I am, and where I am supposed to be. He is thought of with a fond smile, maybe a pained lapse of a frown seconds later, but still he gets me to think of really the last moments that I was innocent. Naïve and willing to believe that love was the only thing that mattered. The minute he left with no word, I had realized how lame that was and that was the very beginning of my downfall.
Now here I am, living in my grandparent's house. I am living the life my mother should have had. Well according to them (the grandparents). I am wearing clothes that cost more than college educations collectively. I don't have to worry about prices or percentages and I never have to think of my actions, because I am in the D.A.R. The highest form of society. OR so Grandma thinks I should act and do and most importantly, believe.. But really Lorelai has put her D.N.A and then some into me and I can't keep on pretending that this is ok.
'Rory, what happened to you? Who are you' Jess had yelled. And he was right, he did know me, it didn't matter that a million things had happened since we genuinely talked. He knew that this life I was living wasn't meant for me. But for my mother, and I couldn't do it anymore. I was drowning and I had pushed away anyone who would throw me a life preserver, or those ring things. I, Lorelai Leigh Gilmore had become the thing my mom most feared. Full of luck and potential, but failing in execution and thoughtfulness. I was a Hartford socialite rich kid. A snob, one of the people I had mocked and hated in high school.
And here I am watching him walk away from me yet again. But this time it's not because he is afraid or running away, but because I had caused this. He didn't know who I was? Well I don't know who I am. I am afraid to go to school, to fail, and he had ripped away my band-aid to protect me from admitting it. Yale was there so close and yet so far. I needed to know where I am going, and I don't. His life sounds so nice and real. Something I hadn't felt in so long that it seemed to jolt me awake.
I reached out to him with my arm and I could hear myself saying 'Jess don't go.' Had he heard me? OR was I too late. And suddenly, his retreating form became clearer, his back now his chest, and his dark dominating eyes trained on me and he just shrugged his shoulders and said 'ok.'