Romeo's Lame and Juliet's Insane
EDIT: I edited the last part because it felt weird.
"Hey, Granger," George grinned as he and Fred sat on either side of her in front of the Gryffindor fire. His smile faltered a little when he saw her dark expression. "What's wrong?"
"I just realized how stupid a piece of classical literature is," she answered, staring down at a book in her lap.
Fred took the book away from her, squinting at the title and holding it at arm's length, "Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare? But it's a classic!"
"And it's Valentine's Day!" George crowed.
"It's stupid! Valentine's Day is just some stupid holiday to celebrate love that might not even be real – congratulations if it is, you've found the exception – and to get flowers and candy and cards with detached sentiments." She snorted, "And that's only if you're dating somebody!"
"Okay, we've got the holiday covered, now what about the book?" George asked with a grin, leaning back on his hands as Fred opened up the book.
"Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend," Fred read aloud before whistling, his eyebrows shooting up, "Big words!"
George laughed as Hermione grinned a little and rolled her eyes.
"But what about the book?" Fred asked, dropping it back into her lap.
"Romeo loved another girl before Juliet, you know. Completely head over heels for her. And then he does the same to Juliet. He gets banished for killing a guy, and she still wants to be with him. Then he dies and she's ready to off herself. You can obviously tell an egotistical man wrote it – no offence to William Shakespeare by any means, but come on. There's only one guy you'd actually do that for, and that was after years and years of knowing him and actually loving him."
The portrait hole opened and Ron walked in, laughing and arm in arm with his dates – some girl from Hufflepuff. They paid no attention to the group on the floor and walked on to the corner of the room, where they sat together and whispered and giggled. Hermione's gaze darkened and she stood up, staring at the book in her hand before tossing it into the fire.
"Rubbish," she muttered, although tears were starting to prickle at her eyes. She stomped past Ron and the girl, who both paid her no mind, and up into the girls' dorms.
"Poor Granger," George muttered as Fred hummed and watched the book slowly get devoured by the flames.
"Love for years," Fred started listing off, "Non-egotistical. Valentine's Day is a rubbish holiday. She just described the Anti-Ron."
George snorted and grinned at his twin as they headed up to their dorms.
"Or," Fred continued as he hopped onto his bed, "You."
"Me?" George laughed, "That's stupid, Fred."
"Love for years," Fred pointed out, "Non-egotistical. 'I bloody hate Valentine's Day let's chuck it out the window and scream for it to die.'"
George blushed, "That was in second year and Mara Harper wouldn't go on a date with me."
"You had antlers when you asked her out," Fred grinned.
"But I didn't know that until after I asked her out."
"Whatever – point is, you need to date Granger." Fred flipped onto his back and twirled his wand around in one hand, "You'd be a match made in…whatever doesn't sound so cheesy."
"Off your rocker," George muttered, but walked out of the room to get away from his twin anyway.
Years later, George was rocking back and forth on his feet, looking up at the ceiling instead of helping his twin and Lee get control of the Pygmy Puffs.
"Oy! George!" Fred barked, a blue Pygmy Puff attempting to crawl up his nose, "D'you mind?"
"Hmm?" he blinked at his twin as Lee tried to keep the Puffs in the store, flailing his arms and making weird bird of prey noises. They both paid no notice to him.
"What is wrong with you?" Fred huffed, shoving the Puffs back into their cage, "You've been like this all day."
"He's thinking about Granger," Lee grinned as he brought his armfull of assorted Puffs into their cage, "It's Valentine's Day."
"Oh yeah," Fred reared back as it dawned on him before coming back up and grinning at his twin, "So?"
George blushed a little, "So what?"
"Are you going to ask Granger out or aren't you?" Lee prompted, "She just broke up with What's-His-Face, y'know."
George mumbled something about not wanting to seem like he was trying to pick her up from a bad break-up - which it had been, actually. Hermione and Zach, a boy from Beauxbatons, had dated for half of the year before calling it off when they got into a huge fight over him sleeping with her cousin. She'd sworn she was over it, but she hadn't really seemed interested in anything else since that.
"Mate," Fred said after a half-sigh, half-groan, "That was months ago. She's over it - he's over it - her bloody cat is over it! Make your move!"
Lee then chose that moment to get terribly in George's face, glaring at him, "If you don't do it today, I will tell every female that steps foot into this store that you are a eunuch. They will tell all of their lady friends and then you will never get a date until you ask Hermione."
George glared back at him before sighing, slamming his head onto the counter.
Hermione was humming, leaning against her balcony as George winced underneath her. This was incredibly insane. Didn't she say that she hated Romeo and Juliet? Or was that something else by Shakespeare? Hamlet, maybe? A Winter's Tale? No, she was named after a character in that last one. Where'd Hamlet come from?
She sighed, bringing George back to the present, closing her eyes then looking up at the stars. There was a loud thump from inside, making Hermione chuckle before she coughed it down.
"Okay, okay, I think I'm ready," he heard Ginny say.
"You look lovely," Hermione smiled, "If Harry doesn't propose tonight, I'll kill him."
Ginny laughed before she quieted down, "Hermione, what if you - ?"
"No," she said quickly, going back to the stars with a frown on her face.
"Oh, come on, Hermione," she sighed and stepped a little closer.
"Ginny, what makes you think he'd want to date me?" she said, a little harshly, "After all, I'm just a bushy headed bookworm. And he's - well, him."
"Hermione, please," Ginny was no doubt rolling her eyes, "Anybody who doesn't love you is stupid or in Slytherin. He's neither."
George felt his heart drop and got ready to walk away, dejected, when he stopped and froze, hardly believing his ears.
"Well you never can tell what he or Fred are thinking," Hermione muttered before sighing, "Go, Ginny, make Harry wonder how he ever got a girl like you. I shall be left here with my dates - Ben and Jerry."
Ginny chuckled before walking away into the Floo, the roar of the flames announcing that she was gone. She groaned and hung her head, her eyes closed before she frowned at her reflection in her coffee mug. Seeing the flash of red hair, she look up and blinked, refusing to let her face turn red.
George stood there, adverting his gaze and rubbing the back of his neck, a sheepish grin on his face, "Would you call me over-rated if I told you that you looked like the sun?"
She blinked before smiling back, ducking her head and tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, "One of the things I thought was wrong with Romeo and Juliet was that Juliet didn't notice Romeo underneath her balcony and that she talked to herself. The first one, I see, is completely credible, but I still think she was nuts."
He shrugged and grinned up at her, shoving his hands into his pockets, "I'm not asking you to get married to me and kill yourself."
She laughed and grinned back at him, setting aside her mug and laying her arms against the railing to set her chin upon, "Same here."
"So..." he rocked back and forth again before smiling, "Dinner?"
"Here?" she stood up, grabbing her mug to go dump to down the sink, "I've got pizza coming in."
"Sure," he grinned, starting to go around the front before stopping when he saw the trellis. Grinning, he grabbed on to one of the pieces of wood to test it out as she left to dump her coffee. Finding that it would hold him up, he climbed up to the balcony and sat on the railing, looking up at the stars before walking into her apartment, startling her and making her laugh as he grinned triumphantly at her.
"Lamest thing I've ever done!" he exclaimed proudly.
"Then I must be going insane, then," she giggled, "Because that was actually cute."
"Y'know," George said as he thought about it, "Valentine's Day hasn't ever really done anything to me, personally."
She winced, still smiling, "You've got a point there."
They chuckled before proceeding to date, get married, and not die. Because, really, that saved everybody loads of trouble.