Disclaimer: Transformers and any characters mentioned in this story do not belong to me. This story is not written or used in any commercial purposes. The crack plot however…
Title: Sidestep a Kilometre
Chapter 1: For the Orange of it all
By: Wind of the Dawn
Warnings: Extreme acrobatics, dangerous stunts, and the defying of the law of physics and reality that may or may not be actually possible. Do not try this at home or anywhere else!
Summary: In which Sam sidesteps a kilometre instead of a centimetre, and becomes a ninja of the slightly more… dynamic type.
Note: Reading Sidestep a Centimetre will help understand what's going on…
Who was Samuel James Witwicky?
In the universes that ran on the normal courses, he was the hero of mankind. The boy that saved the world three times from the various alien disasters that plagued it despite all odds. Together with Bumblebee, his (best) friend, Sam roamed the world (unintentionally) and continued disrupting Decepticon plots (more intentionally).
Igniting the extreme ire of Decepticon plotters was his unhealthy game, and meeting them in the first place was his extreme bane.
So, what was Sam?
He was undefeatable. He was awesome. He was the bane of Decepticons. He was... Physically weaker than all the other soldiers than ran around carrying heavy artillery when facing Decepticons.
Sure, he wasn't the scrawniest of the lot and was in fact faster and stronger than most average human, but really the key word here was 'average'. The members of N.E.S.T were all trained specifically to battle large metal aliens, to react quickly in the likely event of being stomped on. In other words, they underwent extreme training that included members of the Autobots playing a bowel loosening version of tag with them, weight lifted alarming amounts of metal (Sam suspected that they secretly lifted cars), and constantly practised the delicate art of spot-the-correct-alien-and-shoot-properly (the Autobots didn't appreciate being shot by their allies in less than pleasant places while Decepticons were jumping them). Therefore, they weren't quite the definition of 'average'.
Sam couldn't wave large guns around at will. He couldn't shoot anything (point black range alien dynamite worked wonders though). He couldn't outrun the giant as robots without plenty of buffer between them. He couldn't...
He couldn't do a lot of things. Period.
So, just like all the cliché events in life, sometimes Fate wondered if anything could have changed if Sam was - ah, how should she put it - more not average (except for his alien magnetic abilities, because those were already over 9000).
Was that a thought worth pursuing? She would wonder. Perhaps, but there was already much to be done and other universes out there waiting for her. So, brushing aside the thoughts of utter chaos for once, Fate put down her trusty pink wrench and walked off to a universe with an unfortunate Bride!Sam and BrokenRibsAgain!Sam. After all, surely no one would stop her from doing that… Right?
Let it be known that Lady Luck was currently very bored and nursing a horrendous cold. Let is also be known that if there was anything that she hated more than being sick, it was to watch a good show run away while she was stuck under sixteen layers of blankets and unable to move without tipping herself off her bed like a bowling ball; something easily solved with a snap of her fickle fingers.
Hence, in another universe far far away that started off the same as the original, Fate tripped over a suspiciously placed anvil in the middle of her room and heaved a sledgehammer into time and space instead of her usual wrench. Stumbling up with her face going through interesting shades of green (because seriously, a sledgehammer?), she gaped at the larger than normal hole decorating her wall, numbly observing the mother of all wormholes slowly devouring everything in sight and regurgitating it onto Gaia's green earth.
There went her entire stash of sparkly fruits, bright orange jumpsuits and evil flying monkeys.
Tugging at her hair as more and more items that humans should really not be seeing went plunging towards earth at the speed of light, Fate gulped. This was not good.
Meanwhile, somewhere so close and yet so far away, Luck snickered, because misery loves company.
Wide brown eyes stared intensely into the screen. Sounds of blades clashing and the snick of wires flying around echoed around the enclosed area. Occasionally, a loud exclamation would be heard while the soft sound of delicate footwork glided across the space. The vibrant colours of the setting clashed fiercely with the darker colours of the moving figures. Sparks glowed from their weapons and fingers, highlighting the screen. It was awesome.
"Sammy?" He could hear his mom calling him but he really couldn't turn his eyes away from the screen. If he did, he would miss seconds worth of action. Actions that would change the entire flow of the thing.
"Sammy?" She was getting closer now, almost behind him, but Sam didn't want to answer her and risk his attention being diverted. Besides, if he did, she would probably drag him off somewhere else. It had been that action that took him to this store anyway. What was it called again? Right, it was 'Fate's Sledgehammer Damage Control Boutique', and wasn't that a funny name?
Scratch funny, it was downright ridiculous.
Normally he rued these shopping trips that his mom took him on, but today he didn't. Oh, he didn't. This was just that awesome.
"Sam, here you are. Why didn't you answer me?" The imposing figure of Judy Witwicky blocked his view of the television screen and Sam, suddenly feeling abashed, turned and faced his mother. "Sorry mom. I was watching the TV." He mumbled softly.
Judy huffed at him and smiled. Wasn't he just so cute when he was mumbling? Cooing, she picked him up from the ground and twirled him around, laughing brightly. "Who's my cute little baby?" She asked.
"I'm not a baby anymore." The little boy with wide brown eyes and little chubby cheeks protested, "I turn five this year!"
"Of course you are." Judy soothed, aww he was pouting.
Sam sulked for a moment. He just knew that his mom was gushing inwardly about how... how... how cute he was! He wasn't supposed to be cute! He was supposed to be manly and… and… awesome like the really orange person on TV. Speaking of TV... Looking around his mom, Sam tried to peer up at the screen. To his disappointment, the words 'To be continued' flashed crossed it. Apparently, it had ended when he was talking to his mom. He pouted more.
Lifting his arms to his mom for a hug, a rare occurrence, Sam was pulled into a warm embrace. He was still small and light enough for Judy to carry around, and how she relished that! If there was a chance for doing so, she always leaped upon it, enjoying the moments when she could cuddle her son close. Who wouldn't, her Sammy was just that cute! Looking down at her son, she smiled happily and Sam gave her a slight smile in response.
"Momma?"
"Yes, Sam?"
"Can I learn how to do that?"
Looking up at the television screen, Judy watched the ending credits of the movie(?) that had just finished, showing a dashing yet disturbingly orange teen standing triumphantly in front of the sunset on a glowing silvery plain. Shaking his hair freely as he grinned a megawatt smile, the teen practically gleamed at the audience, showing off the parallel lines on his face. Judy frowned.
"Sammy." Judy asked, alarmed "You want to get a tattoo?" No matter what he said, he was still too young for anything like that, let alone on his cheeks!
Attached silently behind the question was "and dress in extremely bright orange?"
Horrified, Sam glowered at his mom "No Momma! I wanna learn how to do that!" Pointing once again at the screen, Judy followed his sight and widened her eyes in understanding as she watched the rest of the credit (featuring the blond boy jumping around in very flexible manners). Nodding her head slightly, she considered the methods available of teaching Sam what he wanted. It wasn't that bad, and it certainly wouldn't harm Sam to try his hands in some activities during his spare time. Besides, from the way things were playing out on the screen above her, it wasn't that different from some of the stuff she saw about that on TV herself. Smiling at her son, she agreed to his request "Ok Sam, lets go sign you up for some classes shall we?". She was sure she saw some fliers at the front of the store that advertised such classes, weren't they lucky?
Sam nodded his head happily and skipped away with his mom with his hand clutched in hers. As he passed by, the shopkeeper (a lethargic looking lady with a bunny and a puppy) started sobbing hysterically and Sam stared at her incomprehensively. It wasn't everyday you saw someone break down in the middle of a shop. Shrugging, mother and son walked out of the funny little shop, never noticing the crying storekeeper disappearing into the air along with her small friends.
"Sammy, how often do you want your classes?" Tapping on her phone, Judy raised it to her ear, ready to ask for information about the classes she saw on the fliers outside the shop. The prices were very reasonable, and they seemed fun.
"As often as possible momma!" he replied with a chipper tone. He was so happy!
"Ok Sam." Heart melting under Sam's cuteness and his glowy personality, Judy started to converse with the person on the other side of the line. She didn't see anything wrong with this sport. Signing Sam up for three classes of gymnastics a week, Judy smiled accomplishedly, oblivious to the fact that she didn't manage to see what was really on the movie credits. Grabbing her ecstatic son's tiny hand, both proceeded to walk back to their car and drive home.
Behind them, the television flickered and the figure of the orange young man re-appeared along with a dark haired male dressed in clothing that just barely touched the lines of decency. "Sasuke," He screeched, "You bastard" just before a battle full of abnormally large toads and weird twirling eyes began.
While Judy had missed this part, Sam didn't, hence the journey of his training for ninja hood with a little help and meddling from Fate and Luck.
Naruto style.
Wind's rambling:
So… Wadda ya think?
I know I really should be working on the others but… this really wouldn't let me …
In case anyone didn't get this or didn't read Sidestep a Centimetre, this is basically an AU in which Sam goes badass ninja instead of being normal alien magnet human. However, instead of the more normal antics (which already defies and boogles the mind to an extent), he goes Naruto style. Chaos naturally ensues~
Well… I hope you enjoyed this.
R and R please!
Wind of the Dawn out.