A/N: Okay, I know I should be updating BALMFYW, but I've had this plotbunny in my head for a long time. Feels good to get it out. This story contains yaoi (male/male), so if you don't like it, then don't read. Okay, enjoy!
Normally, this time of night,
You wouldn't find me here
I'd be reaching for a goodnight kiss
Instead of one more beer
It was ten o' clock at night in Soul Society. Normally, Captain Komamura Sajin would be at home sleeping by this time in an effort to prepare himself for the new day. Perhaps he would've stolen a goodnight kiss from his lover – ex-lover, that is to say – Kaname Tosen.
Tosen was one of the three Captains who had defected from Soul Society to lead the forces of Hueco Mundo. He was also the reason Komamura found himself in this seedy dive in one of the districts of Rukongai – he was too drunk to remember which one, and he didn't care. "Bartender! Another round!" he barked.
The bartender brought him a fresh bottle of sake. Komamura grabbed it by the neck and gulped down half its contents in one go, setting the bottle back down with a thud.
The bartender reached out to take back the bottle, but Komamura stopped him. "What're you doin?" he asked.
"I think you've had enough, boss," the bartender said nonchalantly.
"When my furry ass is out cold on your floor, THEN I've had enough!" Komamura yelled at the bartender. The bartender wisely chose not to provoke the Captain any further and turned back to the glass he was cleaning.
I'd never take a second look
At the blonde across the bar
Much less invite him over
And let things go this far
Just then, a blonde woman caught Komamura's attention. She was reasonably attractive, if a little tipsy. If Komamura played his cards right, he could probably relieve some of the stress caused by Tosen's defection.
Kaname never judged me, Komamura thought bitterly. She could never replace him.
Nevertheless, he had invited the girl over, they shared another bottle, and she took him back to her place. End of story, right? Wrong.
But anything goes
When everything's gone
You ain't around to give a damn
Whether I do right or wrong
So bring it on
Anything goes
When everything's gone
Another morning after
A crazy night before
I'm searching for my blue jeans
On a stranger's bedroom floor
The next morning, Komamura woke up in an unfamiliar bed with a massive hangover completely naked.
It didn't take long for him to put the pieces together.
He had allowed the blonde woman from last night to take him home. From there, he could only guess that they had engaged in sexual relations.
Still, Komamura didn't feel like he woke up from great sex, so one of them must have been subpar, and he seriously doubted it was him.
Without another word, Komamura got out of bed and went to retrieve his clothes.
Shouldn't I feel guilty?
I don't feel a thing
I'd wake her up to say goodbye,
But I can't recall her name
A few minutes later, Komamura was fully dressed and prepared to leave for the Seireitei. Tetsuzaemon, bless him, would probably worry. But Komamura guessed once he explained himself, his Lieutenant would understand. Hell, he'd probably burst out laughing for worrying over nothing.
Just as he was about to slide open the door, Komamura froze.
What would Tosen think about this?
It doesn't matter, the furriest Captain told himself fiercely. The man I loved was a lie. Who cares what a figment of someone's imagination thinks?
Still, he wondered what that small part of Tosen that was real would have to say about this.
Komamura spied a small notepad on the woman's nightstand. He didn't wish to wake her, so this was a convenient opportunity for him to leave a silent goodbye. He grabbed the pen and wrote down a small message of farewell, then turned to leave.
Once he reached the halfway point to his destination, Komamura realized something.
He didn't even know the woman's name.
Anything goes
When everything's gone
You ain't around to give a damn
Whether I do right or wrong
So bring it on
Anything goes
When everything's gone
If you'd have left a single thread
For me to hold onto,
I'd have one good reason not to
Do the things I do
It was midday and cloudy. Komamura found himself at the grave of Tosen's nameless friend, trying to make sense of it all. Tosen's betrayal, whether he was real or make-believe, and the deed he committed with the nameless woman.
One could argue that it was Tosen who drove Komamura to this point. The drinking, the one-night stands, they were all futile attempts to fill the void Tosen had left in his heart.
All at once, a torrent of emotions welled up in Komamura. Anger, hatred, sorrow, all in one soul-crushing package.
"Do you see, Tosen?!" Komamura roared, tears rolling down his face. "Do you see what I've become because of you?! Everything I ever was died when you left with Aizen!
"You of all people should understand how it feels to have your heart ripped out of your chest! You loved your nameless friend, just as I loved you! And now you've taken my love, and your friend's memory, and allowed Aizen to pervert what they mean to you for his own selfish desires! All because you were afraid to die…"
But anything goes
When everything's gone
You ain't around to give a damn
Whether I do right or wrong
So bring it on
Anything goes
When everything's gone
At Komamura's words, the clouds poured their rainy contents all over the field.
Anything goes
Anything goes
"I hate you," Komamura sobbed.
When everything's gone
A/N: I know, I could have been more descriptive in parts, but this was primarily an insight into Komamura's agnst at Tosen's betrayal. Hope you enjoyed.