Call Me When You're Sober
By: Every Heart
One-shot

Why did I get myself mixed up with him? Why did I think from the beginning that I might have possibly have a chance with him? Because of him, because of that selfish jerk, I am here, sitting in the corner of my dark room, arms squeezed around my raised knees, and choking out painful sobs. I watched through almost shuteyes as the tears fell onto my soaked knee and rolled down my bare leg.

It's all because of Inuyasha.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

How could he have been so cruel? Doesn't he know how much I love him? How much I long for him to be with me? Wait. What am I saying? I never told him how I feel.

But still. He should have figured it out, it was obvious. Everyone else knew, why didn't he? Or maybe…he did know, but he knew would never feel the same way about me, so that is why he went to Kikyo. That is why…he held her in front of the Goshinboku.

I shut my eyes tighter, my chest heaving from the sobs I tried to hold back. I shouldn't have to cry over someone like that. But I couldn't help it. I love him so much. I guess that kiss they shared sealed the deal, the deal that was supposed to be fulfilled a long time ago.

I was just always in the way.

And yet, through the whole trip, from the beginning to the defeat of Naraku, Sango and Miroku, and even Shippo told me he loved me.

I always had a sense of hope that caused me to believe that that was true. But I guess it never was. That must've probably been a lie. A lie to cover up what was so hard to be hidden. Or maybe a lie just to make me feel better, to not realize what has been there all along.

I leaned my forehead against my knee, clenching my fists, digging my nails into the flesh. I didn't feel the pain. Nothing could be worse than this feeling, the feeling of emptiness, of having your heart wrenched out of you within a split second.

Suddenly, a knock came from my window. I jolted my head up, and through blurry eyes I could see a figure through my window. All I could see underneath the darkness is the color red.

Red….

Inuyasha.

Good thing I locked the window.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves.
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.

I knew what he was doing. He was going to apologize, or some form of it.

I was about to get up to let him in, to hear him out, but I stopped myself. All I would do when he would get in here is lead myself into that familiar trap again, that same trap that I've found myself face to face with through this whole journey.

No. I'm not going to let that happen again.

Inuyasha tapped the window again, and I saw his face press against the glass, and golden eyes staring at me. He knew I was here. However, that still didn't make me stand up.

He kept staring at me. My sobs were now gone, but the tears were now flowing freely down my red cheeks. I don't care anymore. Let him see, or smell, what he has done to me.

He tapped the window again, but this time more fiercely. I shook my head at him.

Unable to look at him any longer, I got up and sat down on my bed, away from his lingering eyes.

The tapping came again. I hugged myself and let out another sob, rubbing my eyes.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

I remember how I went outside in expectation of finding Inuyasha, and I'd figured he would be in the high branches of Goshinboku. I was right that he would be in that general area, of course, but what I never would've known is that he'd be there in the arms of another person.

I was just standing there, behind Inuyasha. It was dark out, so from the position I was in, I couldn't see much. I did see arms wrapped around Inuyasha's waist, but I did not know whose arms they belonged to. Slowly and hauntingly, jealousy and sadness soon began to vibrate within my sore heart.

I curiously stepped to the side, only to let out a loud gasp, raising a fist to my still heart.

In that one moment, that one split second, I had witnessed something that was placed in my worst fears list. From that spot, from where my knees were starting to buckle and where salty tears started to fall from my cheeks, I watched helplessly as Inuyasha and Kikyo kissed.

I never found out who kissed who, but the point was that he never pulled back.

At the sound of my startled breath, Inuyasha jerked his head around, his arms dropping to the side. I stared at him, unable to take any of this in. I didn't recognize any of the emotions swirling in his eyes, but the one I was willing to believe in was hurt. And it seemed almost true, but that wouldn't make sense if it were so.

He had taken a cautious step towards me, and that is when I bolted. I ran back to my time, where I knew I could be alone for a while.

Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late.

The tapping came again, jerking me out of my painful memory of earlier this night.

A thought suddenly sprung in my head. What if he didn't come here to apologize? What if he was just here to tell me he's going off with Kikyo, leaving me behind unprotected?

I bit my bottom lip, hugging myself. That's probably why he was here. Knowing him, he's not caring if it would hurt my feelings or not if he just blurted out he was leaving for good.

But then again…he could be here just to say sorry.

I mentally shrugged my head. No. It's too late for that. He hurt me. He hurts me all the time; he constantly shrugs off my feelings as if it did not matter. But it does matter. I'm always left running home and crying to myself.

The tapping came again, and in my head, I forcefully told myself no, I will not open it. I will not let him come in once again, letting me believe his foolish lies, and then in the end, ending up hurt again.

It's too late. I refuse to let him do anything more to hurt me.

We're done. He doesn't need me anymore, anyways.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Another tapping sound came.

The sobbing had stopped, but my eyes were still hazy from the tears that kept coming. My lonely room was fuzzy.

Maybe he didn't know who to choose. Maybe, just maybe, he harbored some feelings for me, and quite possibly, he felt bad for hurting me.

Did he know who to choose?

No. He chose Kikyo. I saw it myself. I saw him kiss her in the dead of night. He had chosen her, and I just had to get over it.

Another tapping sound. I looked over to the window, only to emit a sigh.

How could I get over the only one I have ever loved?

You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.
How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

The tapping resonance came again. I felt bad. And confused feelings kept stirring inside me. Why did this all happen? Why did this have to happen to me?

I guess being nice always means who never get what you want in the end.

And yet, a strange emotion stimulated in my aching heart. I couldn't place what it was, but it made me feel somewhat happy, in the very least. I guess it's because, now that Inuyasha has chosen Kikyo, now he can be happy.

And his happiness means a lot to me.

But mine is falling apart to pieces on the dark floor where I will never be able to find them again.

So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.

After a couple of minutes, listening to the silence of the night, and feeling the wet trails rolling down my cheeks continue, I found that the tapping was no longer there. Sniffing and wiping my nose, I slightly leaned forward; peering over at the window, looking for some figure still crouched by the window.

No one was there. No more Inuyasha.

I leaned back against the wall my bed was against, and unexpectedly let out another sob. I pushed my face into my hands, and felt my palms quickly get wet.

He probably ran back to his Kikyo. Probably ran back into her arms, kissing her all over the face. She was possibly saying, "Forget about Kagome, Inuyasha. Come with me instead."

Now that he was gone, I let out more heartbreaking sobs, my chest heaving up and down as I clutched myself, looking for some form of comfort, something to somehow help me through this misery. To lead me out of this darkness and into the light, where I can hopefully find happiness again.

But no comfort was found, because I have nothing to hold onto now.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I wrote it at like 1 in the morning, and even though I was tired as I wrote it, I still did. Not sure if I'm happy or mad about it. Ah well, I'll just post it and see what you guys say.

I love this song. I was listening to this in the car today, and I was like, "Oh, lets make a Inuyasha fic about this!" But it turned out completely different to how I wanted it to be.

Kinda surprised me when it turned out to be more of a Inuyasha/Kikyo thing instead. I hate the pairing….

Maybe I'll write another one-shot as a sequel to this. Hmm, sounds like a possibility. Just to make it Inuyasha/Kagome.

Yeah…

Anyways, reviews are appreciated. I don't care if you flame me. Flames help. :)

Every Heart