Disclaimer: I do not own any Batman-related characters, and I think we all know the world is a better place because of it.

This is a sequel to "The Unkindness of Ravens," written for BiteMeTechie because if I didn't, the consequences would have been dire.

CATverse timeline: www. freewebs. com/ catverse (you know the drill, make the spaces go away.)

"This is your Captain speaking. Ha! I love this thing. Digital recorder. It's neat.

Okay, so the current time is six o'clock, and the guests should start arriving any minute. I don't know how two of the most antisocial people on earth ended up the hosts of a Christmas party that gets bigger every year, like some kind of fabulous social event that everybody who's anybody just has to attend.

I mean, I know how it started, of course. I learned to cook.

I wish I could say it's my culinary skills that bring the crowds each year, but, no. I'm still not that good. Although I am getting better. This year I actually pulled off a turducken.

Uh, yeah, babbling. Need to be more organized! Mentally. Eddie won't take us as henchgirls until we can meet his riddle challenges, and he won't go easy on us just because we're marginally insane. I mean, so is he, so that kind of derails that logic train, doesn't it?

Probably for the best, though. We still haven't come to an agreement over which one's Quiz and which one's Query.

Now, if it were the Squishykins…well, there's no way he'd take us, anyway, so it doesn't really matter. You know, I really wish he would just accept the invitation for once. Sending him food isn't quite the same as sitting him down and making sure he eats it. I mean, Eddums has managed to come by almost every year, and I know Squish knows he's still alive and healthy.

And most of our other guests decide to come back, too. I mean, sure, a few of them were a little traumatized by the kidnapping thing, but…we've so learned our lesson about that, by the way. And maybe one or two of them might have been traumatized by the other guest (and that was totally not my fault!)

But generally they seem to think we're all right. We give them food, and we don't ask any uncomfortable quest—okay, we do pretty much nothing but ask uncomfortable questions. But we don't make any judgments. And I think by now we've gotten a little better at knowing where to draw the line.

(Better, not perfect.)

The house is starting to get a little crowded, though. After what happened last year, we promised each other we wouldn't invite anyone new for Christmas. (Birthdays only.)

But, hey, after what happened last year, how could I resist the urge to record this year's party? For posterity. You know how it is.

Okay, so I don't know who I'm talking to. That's perfectly normal. Shut up, Smitty. At least this time it's not a sponge.

Um…damn. I don't know how to rewind this thing. God, I suck. There's, like, four buttons here. A toddler could work this thing."

(BANG!)

"Oops! Crap, crap!"

(Static.)

"Um…is it still working? Okay, good. Wow, I sound like an idiot. And is my voice really that high-pitched?

For someone who doesn't talk much, I really babble on and on. At least when I'm talking to an inanimate object. Or an 'infamous personality.'

And it's so weird how we just keep attracting people to these parties. And I don't mean the invited guests. By now, almost everyone we know puts off their holiday plans until after the yearly bash, because they wouldn't miss it for the world. It started off with just Hugh and Caleb. Apparently, Hugh and Eddie were like long-lost brothers, and Caleb now shares our irrational need to give the Scarecrow a hug and a sandwich. So they just had to swing by the first time Eddie came back. Back then, we still kind of hoped he would bring Squishykins with him. Kicking and screaming, maybe, but still. Oh, well. I guess he's just not as ruthless as—

Doorbell! First guest is here! I wonder who it will be. Oh, maybe I should stop recording and go answer the door."

(A lengthy pause, during which the silence is gradually filled with party sounds and casual conversation.)

Captain: "…yet again, half the people here weren't even invited. They just showed up to gawk at the evildoers."

Other voice (female, midwestern accent): "Um…"

Captain: "Oh, I don't mean you. You're totally invited."

Other: "Well, that's good to know. So, uh…when is Riddles supposed to show up?"

(The Captain laughs.)

Captain: "Any minute now, I'm sure."

(More laughter.)

Other: "Hey, don't give me that look. I can't help all this fangirly glee. I happen to like riddles."

Captain: "Riddles as in puzzles, or Riddles as in Riddles McNygma?"

Other: "Both, of course."

Captain: "Hmm…"

(A brief pause.)

Other: "Is this your idea face?"

Captain: "Maybe…Quiz or Query?"

Other: "What?"

Captain: "Pick one."

Other: "Why?"

Captain: "Which one's better?"

Other: "Um, Echo."

Captain: "Echo…Echo! You are many kinds of brilliant! Yeah, why not…"

(A longer pause.)

Other: "There's another car! Is it him?"

Captain: "Yeah, probably. He's the only one on the guest list who hasn't arrived yet. Well, other than Squidjums, but I'm sure if he's coming, they'll be riding down together."

Other: "Squidjums? The Scarecrow's coming?"

Captain: "No! Oh, no. No, no. That's Squishykins, and I don't think Batman himself could get him to come back here. But, hey, let's go let them in! You take Eddums, and I'll take Squidjums. They'll never know what hit them."

Other: "I'm afraid you've lost me, there, Cap."

Captain: "What, you didn't notice the mistletoe?"

(Two sets of demented giggles.)

Captain: "Oh, damn it. Never mind. How does she always know?" Yelling: "Hey, Number One, go for the Squidjums! Save Eddie for someone else!"

Third voice (distant): You got it.

(Brief pause.)

Other: "Hey, but that's—"

Captain: "Oh, sh—"

(Sudden hysterical screaming of many voices.)

(A crash.)

(Static.)

#

Admittedly, a good number of the partygoers had probably not deserved their fate. But it was a risk they took, with the company they kept.

He should have known better than to give in to the Riddler's insistent urging that he come along.

And she should have known better than to startle the Scarecrow when he was armed.

Author's note: If you liked this, then please read BiteMeTechie's "Riddle Me This."