Chapter One: "Lilia"
"Armando." I call the dark skinned man softly, staring at two pots sitting on the stove with a confused and anguished expression.
"Yes, dear?" Armando walks in, tall and confident. His skin shines in the soft sunlight peeking in through one of the kitchen windows. Sunlight is rare in Briggs, snow the more dominant of weather. Armando notices me standing over the stove and gives me a gentle smile, sparking a small flame of irritation in my chest. That soft smile. It always feels so condescending. Like I'm too fragile and naive to understand anything. He walks over to me and gently nudges me out of the way, turning. "The knobs to turn it on are down here, right above the oven." Pointing to them, he has me turn each one by myself and praises me.
The irritation grows but I force a smile on my face, letting him hug me tightly. He goes in for a kiss and I instinctively turn my head away, mumbling an apology. "Sorry...I just..."
Armando shakes his head, instead opting to kiss my forehead down to my nose. My skin bristles in disgust yet I force another smile when he stares at me with such love in his eyes. Guilt breaks through the annoyance and I bite my lip as he rubs my arms. "Why don't you go sit down, darling? I'll make breakfast."
"N...No. No, I can do it. I swear." I insist, stepping out of his embrace and turning back to the stove, hands shaking slightly as I place a pan onto it. 'Don't get burned. Don't get burned. Don't get burn-OW!' I yelp and pull my stinging hand away, accidentally knocking the pan to the floor.
"Lilia!" Armando cries out, running over to me and grasping my wrists to look at my hands. I stare blankly at him before it registers: he's talking to me. I'm Lilia. He kisses my fingers, earning a shudder from me that he mistakes for pain. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Armando apologizes repeatedly when I yank away and place my hands against my chest, cradling the burned one. "I was just trying to help..." He murmurs, sadness coloring his deep voice.
"It's okay...It's okay. I'm okay." I whisper, staggering to the sink and turning it on with some effort. He continues to apologizes and I dig my teeth into my lip, trying not to cry. My mind wanders to the event that brought this about. It was only a mere four days since I had to relearn everything, like a newborn.
~Flashback~
"Lilia...Lilia."
A deep voice calls a name I don't recognize repeatedly. A hand brushes over my arm. Is that my arm?
"Can you move...Lilia?" Again, that name is called, holding a weight that I can't relate to. "Move your fingers, darling."
Darling? Who is this person? Regardless, I listen and try to move my fingers, feeling something soft brush against the pads of them. The voice praises me and tells me to do it once more and I obey, this time gripping the soft fabric. A sound of elation fills my ears and my eyes flutter to see a man above me, bathed in sunlight.
"Lilia!" He cries out to me, a large smile tugging at his full, dark pink lips. He helps me sit up from the bed and stares at me with eyes filled with devotion. A feeling that seems to be missing within me.
"Who are you?" My voice surprises me; raspy and riddled with trepidation. My throat burns as though I'd been breathing in dry air for days, my tongue heavy. The question quickly yanks the smile off the man's face and a look of hurt replaces the previous elation.
"You...You don't remember me?" He asks and his shoulders slump when I shake my head. Tears spring up in his eyes and I'm taken aback, irritation filling my chest. Why was he crying? Did he expect me to know him when I've never met him in my life? "It's me, Armando. You really don't remember me?" Once again I shake my head and jerk back when he tries to touch my cheek. "Lilia..." His voice shakes as he withdraws his hand, gripping his pants tightly.
"Who's Lilia?" I ask, furthering his distress. Ignoring his obvious pain, I glance around the room and take in the small room. The walls were painted a dark blue, chips within the paint revealing wooden walls. A small window framed by white curtains shows a land of white, stretching far. "What's that white stuff?" I question and glance at the man who called himself Armando as he chuckles, rubbing his eyes.
"That's snow, darling. You love the snow." He states, helping me stand and walking me to the window to stare outside. I lift my hand and press my fingers against the window pane, gasping at the cold that greets my fingers. Armando chuckles again and kisses my temple, grunting when I push him away immediately after.
"Don't!" I yell and stumble back from him, my legs giving out on me. Falling onto my rear, I feel something hit my chest and I look down to see a necklace resting in between my breasts. "What is this?" I make to grab it, stiffening when Armando yells.
"No! Leave that!" He runs over to me and grabs my wrist, ignoring my panicked shrieks. "Lilia, you have to wear that, okay?! Don't ever take that off! Ever!" A frown settles on his face as he pulls me into a tight hug. "You're Lilia and I'm Armando. We're...We're engaged. To be married next spring." Armando whispers in my ear and pulls away, showing me my hand. I notice a ruby ring sitting on my third finger of my left hand and I pull away, staring at the band of gold as I panic.
"I...I don't know anything about that. Where am I?! I...I don't remember this ring or you!" I exclaim, beginning to sob as I raise my voice and stumbling back from Armando when he tries to hug me. "Don't touch me! DON'T!" He grabs me before I can make it to the door and holds me close as I scream and sob. "Get off me! PLEASE!"
"Shh! Shh! Lilia, breathe! You're okay!" Armando yells over me, wheezing as he holds me down. I go limp, sobbing and shaking violently as I come to the realization: I have no idea who I am.
~End Flashback~
I subconsciously touch the necklace, sitting cold against my skin. Armando's breath brushes against my ear and I stiffen, watching as he wraps his long arms around my waist. "Don't take that off, remember? You must always keep that one." He nuzzles my cheek, planting a soft kiss on it. I dig my fingers into the steel of the sink and try to calm my breathing. He was so clingy. To distract myself, I stare at the photo sitting on the kitchen windowsill and go blank.
There were several photos of us around the small house; ones of us smiling happily. Feelings of unease always wash over me whenever I glance at that smile. A smile on a face I don't even recognize as my own. Armando follows my gaze and hums, reaching forward and taking the photo down.
"Remember this?" He asks, looking saddened when I shake my head. "It was when I proposed to you. I took you to Central for a vacation. You wanted to see it so badly even though you hated crowds and Central was jam-packed." Armando laughs, holding the picture closer to my face. "You were so happy when we got off the train, you could barely hold in your excitement. I couldn't help myself and I just proposed on the spot, right after we took this photo." He explains and I curl in on myself in an effort to escape the happiness radiating off the couple.
That isn't me. This isn't me. The life that he wants so badly with me in this small house surrounded by endless snow isn't me. I inhale shakily as he runs his fingers through my hair, curling the long, dark brown tresses around the digits. I hated it. The mousy color. The length of it stopping in my middle back. I hated it so much. I hated how much he fawned over it; kissing the locks and burying his face in them. But I force myself to endure, for his sake. He pulls away when I don't return the affection, replacing the photo back on the sill and brushing his fingers against the gold chain of the necklace.
"I'll make breakfast. Go sit down." Armando suggests, his voice forcefully leveled in an attempt to hide the sadness. He doesn't turn back to give me a smile and I silently leave the kitchen, sitting down on the worn out couch. I turn to face the fireplace and look at another photo of the couple, this time sharing a kiss. My stomach churns and I quickly return my attention to the window, watching the snow fall slowly. The feeling of wanting to run fills my body and I attempt to squash it down, my mouth running dry. Footsteps stop me just as I make to stand up, Armando placing a plate of steaming eggs and bacon in front of me.
We eat in silence, the only sounds coming from the clinking of the silverware against the plates. I barely eat a few bites before pushing the plate away, the food sitting uncomfortably in my stomach.
"I made your favorite. Why won't you eat?" Armando whimpers, setting his fork down and staring at me with those frustratingly sad eyes. Those eyes that have been staring at me for the past four fucking days.
"It's not my favorite." I growl angrily, glaring at the man that says he's my fiance.
"Yes, it is, Lilia. You always ask for that for breakfast." He insists, scooting closer to me and grabbing my hand when I try to move away.
"No, it's not! Maybe it was Lilia's but I'm not Lilia!" I yell, yanking my hand away and standing up. He follows me out of the living room and to my bedroom that I had begged him to give me. I'm tugged back by my forearm and I whirl around, snarling. "Let go of me! I've had enough of this!"
"Enough of what?" Armando asks timidly, refusing to release my arm. He seems out of breath again, for some reason I don't know nor care about. He tightens his grip when I try to pull away and I scream.
"OF THIS! OF PRETENDING!" I shriek at him, uncaring of how broken he looks with each word I speak. Yanking my arm out of his hand, I reach for my necklace.
"No! Lilia, keep that on!" Armando reaches to stop me and I slap his hand away, angry tears rolling down my cheeks.
"I'm not Lilia!" I snarl and yank off the necklace, holding it tightly despite it digging painfully into my palm. My body suddenly feels light and I notice my body losing color, becoming practically transparent. I panic and glance up at Armando, who's crying and trying to grab at the necklace.
"Put it back on! Please! Please, Lilia!" He begs me, sobbing as his hand goes through my arm.
"I don't know you." I whisper before I completely disappear.