Jim And Squidward Part 3 "For Me This Is Heaven. For Them This Is Hell"
(Jim and Squidward showing Colleen their new dishes in her kitchen)
Colleen: wow this is all fucking amazing.
Jim: oh thanks. Well, thank squids grandmother
Colleen: this is the shit that will sell to the masses.
Squidward: oh stop it, you
Jim: well, I think it's awesome that this is well liked
Colleen: in a few short months, the sea will know. The sea will know who the next gurus are. Say it with me boys. Let's make some fucking money
Jim and squid: let's make some fucking money!
(Krabs and plankton at the abandoned krusty krab)
Krabs: for me this is hell
Plankton: I feel the opposite, Eugene
Krabs: why is that?
Plankton: for the better part of a decade, I've watched from across the street your success and I thought to myself, why? Why did I have to be such a dick? And why were you so fucking quick to react? Now, 8 years later, I'm back with my best pal. And we're gonna think of a fucking amazing plan against the people who have it better. Are we selfish for that? Probably, but dammit, those guys are fucking pricks
Krabs: wow Sheldon, you really fucking feel that way?
Plankton: of course. My mid to late 20s were terrible. I never made it as a scientist, I built a fucking companion for myself and I have the worst rated restaurant of all time.
Krabs: what kept you going all these fucking years?
Plankton: hope. Distractions. Lust
Krabs: how so?
Plankton: hope that I could one day rule the sea. Distracting myself from my self pity by desperately trying to take the fucking formula. And my outlandish attempts were a repercussion of my lust for the recipe.
Krabs: wow man
Plankton: but ya know, everything will be alright for us. If you and I join forces, we could fucking do it. But what could we do now?
Krabs: uhhh. I have a 6 pack of Budweisers and a packed bong in my office. We could also try to break the world record of Castlevania on the NES
plankton: I'll say that's a Friday night I'm down with
Jim monologue: to think plankton was gonna fuck Krabs. They rekindled and now closer than ever means one thing: a newfound rival. We expected it to be no harm, though
(Jim and Squidward at the restaurant. The restaurant is becoming more developed now)
Jim: this is exactly what I pictured
Squidward: not too fancy, but very cozy
Jim: very aesthetically pleasing
Squidward: for me this is heaven
Jim: the paintings you wanted, right there squid
Squidward: beautiful. Along with the music, it will be more than beautiful. Fuck dude
Colleen:(approaching Jim and Squidward) holy fuck guys, Aaron Gillespie is here and guess the fuck what?
Squidward: what? And who is that?
Colleen: Aaron Gillespie is a renowned food critic and he was just at the sampling stand we have outside. He tried a little bit of everything and he fucking loved it. He wants to write an article on you guys in the weekly food review in the fucking New York Times
Jim: dear Neptune
Squidward: no freaking way
Colleen: can you believe it? Good, to think you to fuckers made minimum wage at the krusty krab only a month ago.
Jim: oh my fucking Neptune. No way. No fucking way!
Colleen: and I thought being a local hit was big. Aaron once wrote a review for the krusty Krab. He stated "the krusty Krab is a fucking drab. Not to mention, the food is shit and expensive. Why all of the claim, people? Fucking why?"
Jim: hey I probably cooked that burger. But yeah, he's fucking right, it sucks
Colleen: you boys have no idea what's to come.
Jim monologue: she was right. After the obstacles. After the grind and to the riches, we had no idea how we were to get there. The thing they don't tell you when you're young is how deep the journey is. That's something you realize when it's all said and done, but the thing is, you think it's all said and done when it's not.
(Plankton and Krabs Stoned in his office, playing NES)
Plankton: man, fuck those buttholes. Fuck them hard and long
Krabs: what are we doing here? Yeah this is great, but whatever happened to those crazy 20 year olds with dreams?
Plankton; I bet those dicks are at their restaurant right now. Let's get our asses over there
(They get there asses over there. They are hiding in the bushes looking into binoculars at the restaurant)
Plankton: what do you see?
Krabs: holy Neptune
Plankton: what?
Krabs: I'm looking at man who's partly responsible for the fall of the krusty Krab
Plankton: who is it?
Krabs: Aaron Gillespie. He's talking to the boys right now
Plankton: what did he do?
Krabs: he gave us a terrible review. After that review, people started to realize how much we sucked. Then the poison patties came and the completely fucked us entirely
Plankton: what do you think he's gonna say about these bozzos?
Krabs: man, he's picky as fuck. He won't give them a good review
(Aaron in the restaurant with Jim, Squidward and Colleen)
Aaron: this cuisine has to be some of the finest I've ever seen. Good the fuuk squilám was superb. And the meat dishes and pasta dishes are out this world good. This review is gonna be one of the best I've ever written
Colleen: see, I fucking predicted this
Squidward: Aaron, buddy. That means so much man. We worked hard on the dish creating but we also got many of my grandparents old recipes
Aaron: just be ready for a hell of a ride.
(Squidward and Jim walking out together)
Jim: you know what we haven't had in a while?
Squidward: what?
Jim: White Castle
Squidward: oh my god just those two words got me in the mood
Jim: let's go (they spot Krabs and plankton asleep in the bushes, clearly in spy clothing)
Squidward; oh my god are you assholes fucking spying on us?
Krabs: uhh. No we were just ...looking at attractive people walk by
Plankton: yes, that
Jim: you guys are such losers. Like seriously. Just looks at yourselves. Get a new hobby. You're prime is fucking over, Eugene
Krabs; hey jimmy boy, this isn't fucking over (
(they storm off)
Squidward: losers
Jim monologue: at the time, I had no sympathy towards them. Looking back, I still don't. They were jealous of us and for a damn good reason. We' were on top of our shit and we weren't fucking gonna let them. Bring us down.
(Jim and Squidward at jims basement playing sega and eating white Castle )
Jim: hey squid
Squidward: yeah?
Jim: ya know what would be a really good idea?
Squidward; what?
Jim: if we go and spy on Krabs and plankton to see if we find something we could use against them
Squidward: not a bad idea. After I hookup the neo-geo let's do it
Jim: are we really gonna give that system another chance?
Squidward: hey, you never know. We might Also, bring the video camera incase something juicy happens
Jim: word, good idea
(Plankton and Krabs hanging in krabs' office).
Plankton: Eugene, how much lower could you get?
Krabs: I'm high as fuck right now, I don't know what you're talking about, Sheldon
Plankton: in the business world? I'm higher than I've ever been, only due to the fact I have a competent partner.
Krabs: this is my all time low. I will not get lower. And when I reach my all time high, you'll be there with me
Plankton: I will?
Krabs; of course. Who the fuck will replace you?
Plankton: maybe you'll find another Jim
Krabs; I wasted years with him. Its you and me now.
Plankton: that means the fucking world to me.
Krabs: hey man, this time you and I are spending means the fucking world to me too.
Plankton: are you fucking ready to be a father?
Krabs: uhhh
Plankton: are you?
Krabs: I don't know, boyo. I still got money and a house but I don't know
Plankton: we have to get a fuckin plan before your child is born.
Krabs: I don't even know why I did it with that whale.
Plankton: you're still getting more laid than I am
Krabs: it starts to hurt after a while.
Plankton: I haven't got laid since 1987. That's 9 fucking years, Eugene. 9 fucking years
Krabs: boy
Plankton; most of my rage is caused by sexual frustration
(Jim and Squidward looking out of the window from the outside)
Jim: they're getting really emotional
Squidward: they might as well be fucking am I right ?
(Krabs' office)
Krabs: plankton. You know...uhhh...we could try some stuff right now
Plankton: like?
Krabs: you know...sex with each other?
Plankton: oh ummm. Why the hell not.
Krabs: let's do this
(Outside)
Jim: holy shit they're getting naked
Squidward: I got the camera
Jim: no way. No fucking way
(Inside)
(Krabs and plankton are fucking and it is really awkward)
Jim: I cannot believe this.
Squidward: Neptune, if they ever fuck with us, we fuckin got them
(5 minutes later)
(The office)
Krabs: well
Plankton: that was alright
Krabs: how about we
Plankton: how about we never speak of this or do this ever again. And I repeat. Ever. A. Gain.
Krans: I agree
Plankton: ya know, I think Karen wants me home. See you tomorrow, buddy boy
Krabs: Alright buddy
(Back at the basement, Squidward and Jim are watching the tape)
Plankton: (on the tape) oh yeah. Give me that Krabby dick
Krabs: I'll give it to you all day
Squidward: no way. There's no way he said that
Jim: this is absolute gold
(Colleen comes busting in)
Colleen: okay. Didn't know this was happening
Jim: don't ask
Colleen: I won't. Anyways, here's the review Aaron gave you guys
"I came into this with no hopes at all. They were two bums from the krusty Krab. Now I consider them 2 chefs who make nothing short of what I'd consider art. My taste buds were extremely satisfied after eating the cuisine. Some of the best food I've had in my 31 years and these boys have got all of the potential in the world. Their did "Fuuk Squilám" is unlike anything I've ever had. I cannot wait until Jazztel opens up, and you should feel that way too"
Colleen: that will be in the New York Times
Next week. The restaurant is coming soon guys be ready. I've gotta run (leaves)
Jim monologue: that review was surreal. Everything was surreal. I can't seem to comprehend what's going on. This was my time. The obstacle was near but the possibilities are there too. not to fuckin mention, Krabs was boning the fuck out of Plankton. i still laugh at that fucking event to this mother fucking day. ahhh so many great fucking memories