Sometimes you had to lose the battle in order to win the war.
Bonnie repeated this phrase aimlessly, out loud until the words started to lose meaning.
Lose the battle, win the war. Lose the battle win the war.
What war? What battle?
The war, against the originals?
The war against evil? The war of keeping her loved ones safe from harm's way?
The inner war she had with herself wondering why her mother could not overcome her own feats in order to be there for her own daughter.
What war?
Why was she fighting? Why did it matter?
All these thoughts swirled in her mind as salty tears dripped down her face.
Her back slid down the body of her Prius whilst a feeling of utmost despair seeped into her being.
The tears, they wouldn't stop, they streamed down her face and the more she tried to wipe them away, the more they came with a vengeance.
The love she had for all friends and family always came at a price. Anything that threatened them, she was there in the blink of an eye, ready lay down her life to make sure they were safe. But it always came with a price. Never could she walk away, with everything intact. Something always had to give.
Her Grams was torn away with her after opening the tomb.
Jenna, who was like an older sister to her, died while she tried to save them all from Klaus
When she resurrected Jeremy from the dead, the witches stripped her of her access to their power source.
Her own mother had done an almost fatal spell to protect Elena from Mikael when he was in search for the Doppelganger and in return, Abby had to finish the job by being turned into a vampire by Damon.
And she paid the blue eyed Salvatore back by truly being selfish and walking away.
And for the first time ever, Bonnie had been selfish...
...And it would definitely not be the last.
Xxx
Some hours later, Bonnie was still in the same place she had been earlier. Sitting on Klaus' cobblestone driveway, back against her Prius.
One thing that had changed within those hours was the weather. A storm had brewed quietly, unbeknownst to the witch.
The storm was beyond any control now, because she didn't want it to get better, all she wanted to do was be in the midst of her misery.
Bonnie lifted her face towards the sky and let the rain and wind envelop her.
The rain wept with her.
The wind comforted her.
The thunder sobbed with her.
And the lightening, the lightening cackled at her with free abandon, the rest of the earth laughed while the lightening was out of her reach.
Bonnie growled inwardly as she stretched out her arms and poured out her emotions into the lashing storm.
Finally at one with the earth, the wind developed a cyclone around her, raising her higher and higher in to the sky, past tree tops and past the roofs on the street. She was getting closer to the lighting, she smiled greedily, she was connected to everything in the storm except it, and she would make sure it the rods of Zeus joined her orchestra of elements.
Power reveled within her and her petite frame felt stronger than ever.
A streak of light flashed and Bonnie grinned greedily, waiting for the lightening to hit her and then all there was a white hot pain.
She screamed as her arm went numb with pain. If she were a normal human being, she would have been killed, but since her magic was flowing through her, her power had deflected it to a certain extent.
And Bonnie screamed again, this time from frustration. She willed the cyclone to lift her higher but then she down when she heard the sound of cocky laughter.
Dirty blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and she knew it was him before she saw his deadly childlike face, sitting on a tree branch as if he held not a care in the world.
Klaus
He wagged his finger and smirked at her offensive stance.
"Just turn it off, love."
Bonnie was confused by his words, but then rage took over at seeing the killers face, but before she could attack, he faded into the night, disappearing into the very tree he came from.
A hateful frenzy consumed her; she no longer could stay conscious. She was spent and she just let it go.
And now she understood :Turn it off.
Could she truly do that? Could a witch be like a vampire and just flip some internal switch, deep down within herself and simply not care about Mystic Falls and all its inhabitants?
Could she really? It would be a pure dream not to feel the guilt, pain, anger and despair swirling in her small body.
Turn it off.
The witch reached deep down within and remembered the her most recent selfish act: Walking out on Damon. She remembered the abandonment of her friends and recalled the lack of importance her friends put on her life.
And that was the real trigger - No one valued Bonnie Bennett's life.
And just like that she found the switch.