Author's Note: This is based primarily on the animeverse. If some of the details differ from the gameverse, I'm sorry. Please don't yell at me about it!

Entry 1:

There are a lot of things about me that you don't know, and there are a lot of things that I never told you. Not because I didn't want you to know, but because sometimes, even I can be a gutless asswipe. But you just remember that, chickenshit or not, I don't owe you this. I don't owe anybody anything…except maybe a punch in the mouth now and then. But anyway, I'm telling you now because I want you to know everything. That way, even if I fuck things up, at least you'll know why.

So…hell if I know where to start. I guess I'll start with my father, stepfather if you want to get technical. It's as good a place as any.

Geese shot that sorry bastard over some petty gambling debts. Not many people know this; I guess it's because I never told anyone, not even Lily. Some people would think I owed her the truth, but like I said, I don't owe anybody anything. Besides, the truth is like anything else; it's what you make of it.

Afterwards, Geese took Lil and me under his wing. I don't think I'll ever know why, for sure. Even after all these years, I still don't really know what goes on inside that head.

At first, I don't think Geese knew what to do with us. He gave us rooms in his compound, and that, basically, was the last we saw of him for awhile. It was hard on Lily in the beginning. She was scared, and lonely. She actually missed her father, and her school and everything. I tried to comfort her as much as I could, but frankly, I didn't miss our old life one bit. This new place was so much better…so much cleaner. I mean, let's face it; we were poor, dirt poor. Our father lost every last dime he earned at the fights, and we looked it. It was insulting, the way people looked at us, like we were nothing but trash in the street. It used to make me so fucking mad…all I wanted was to wipe those looks off their faces. And I did, too, a good lot of the time. But this place…it was different from anything I'd ever known. The people were so rich they practically smelled of money, and yet they treated us like guests. No one looked at us cross-eyed because they knew we belonged to Geese Howard, the most powerful and most dangerous man in South Town. Lily hated the new place, but if you ask me, Geese did us a favor.

Eventually though, something had to be done with us. We couldn't very well sit around the place all day, right? So, Geese arranged to have us work at his factory, so we would have something to do. Lily bawled like a baby for hours - she wanted to go to school. Me? I hated school anyway, nothing but kids picking on you and teachers telling you what to do. Besides, no school in South Town would take me, not after I nearly killed this one snotty-ass kid, who just happened to be the son of some influential politician. They expelled me and banned me from every school in the city. Ha! Good bloody riddance's all I have to say.

But work, as it turns out, wasn't much fun either. I wasn't there more than three days before I got into it with one of the other guys. I was sitting around with a bunch of 'em shooting the shit on our lunch break when it happened.

"Hey Billy, what's it like living with Mr. Howard?" Frankie asked as he drank down his warm soda.

"It's great," I said. "Lil and I're livin' like kings, we are. We can do whatever we want, when we want, and nobody says a goddamn thing."

"Wow," Frankie said, his eyes wide with awe.

"Oh shut up, Billy Kane. Everybody knows what you are!" Todd Clarke sneered.

I tensed, ready for a fight. He was several years older, and easily twice as big as I was. But, I'd already had words with this nasty son of a bitch the day before, and I wasn't gonna take any more of his lip, no matter how big he was.

"What're you talking about?" Frankie challenged, jumping to my defense.

"Christ, Frankie, don't you know anything? He's the same as you or me! I heard this English bastard's only living with Mr. Howard because his dad couldn't pay back his debts. Don't go actin' like you're any better than the rest of us, Billy. You're nothing but trash! Worse, foreign trash!"

Then he laughed, and I just plain exploded. I grabbed a pipe off the stack next to me, and I fuckin' beat the livin' shit outta that arrogant bastard, I did. I remember being so mad, so mad I could hardly see. The blood, warm and wet on my hands…it was so satisfying. I don't think there was much of Todd Clarke left when the line boss hauled me off of him. He dragged me up to the office, still covered in blood, and I knew that was the end of me. I felt bad, not because of what I'd done, or what was coming to me, but because I was afraid that Lily would get tossed back into the street. Whatever I'd done, she didn't deserve to go down with me.

The boss hauled me into the office and left, locking the door behind him. The first thing I noticed was that you could see the entire factory floor from up there. I thought, "Oh shit! Geese saw everything!"

I don't know why that bothered me, since I hadn't been planning on lying to him. Billy Kane may be a lot of things, but he's no bloody liar.

Geese stood at the large window, staring out at the factory floor with his back to me.

"Billy…" he said softly, like he'd never heard my name before or something. It gave me the downright chills, it did.

"Yeah? What?" I said. I figured, no sense in kissing ass when I'm fucked anyway.

"What am I going to do with you?" he asked. He was so calm, not at all what I'd expected. Usually, they scream, shout, curse, threaten…they don't just stand there and stare out windows.

I didn't think I was supposed to answer that, so I just sorta shrugged.

"Tell me something. Tell me why you did it."

This, too, was new. Nobody had ever asked why before. In my experience, why usually didn't matter quite as much as how, or who.

I shrugged again, shifting from foot to foot and staring down at the blood drying on my hands and clothes. Hell, how do you explain that you beat the bloody shit out of someone because he called you names?

"…that bloke had no right to say what he said," I replied at last. My hands clenched in rage when I recalled that familiar look of contempt on his ugly face. "No one has the right…not now, not ever."

To my surprise, Geese just nodded.

"You remind me of someone I used to know…a very long time ago," he said at last. "You seem like a useful man to have around, Billy Kane."

I blinked in shock. I couldn't believe my ears! Useful! To think I wasn't being thrown out, punished, or worse…I didn't know what to say. I think I just sat there and gaped at him like a fish.

It was then that he turned around for the first time. His dark purple eyes stabbed me with a gaze so intense I felt like I could hardly breathe. I gasped, a drop of sweat trickling down the side of my face and neck. He stared me up and down, like you'd do a hog at the market. Suddenly, I wondered if being thrown back into the street wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"Of course," he continued in that smooth, deep voice, "you're not really a man, are you, boy?" He moved closer, so close I could smell his cologne. I flinched as one long finger came up to trace the wet trail of sweat from my brow to my neck. "But we'll fix that," he assured me. "Starting right now."

He leaned closer, and I shivered when his lips tickled my ear. One large hand stroked the back of my neck, and I gulped. I admit, I was scared shitless. I didn't know what he was doing, but somehow it felt wrong. I wanted to push him away and get the hell out of there. But even if I could run away, where would I go? Besides, if there's one thing that's been beat into me since I was little, it's that you don't piss off the people that really matter. And in South Town, Geese Howard is the only man that matters.

"How old are you now, Billy? Fourteen, fifteen?" he whispered, his breath hot on my neck.

I wanted to just nod, because then maybe he wouldn't think I was such a child. But like I said, I'm no liar.

"Thirteen," I answered gruffly, "but I'm not a child!"

Surprised, he pulled back to stare searchingly into my eyes. I fought the urge to look away, staring right back at him. After a few moments, he smirked.

"No, I guess you're not." He backed off, but kept his hand on the back of on my neck. Guiding me towards the window, he commanded, "Come."

I let him push me to the window. On the factory floor, there was a flurry of activity over Todd Clarke. The other workers milled around in confusion as the line boss shouted, and the paramedics bustled around. I pressed my hands to the glass and moved closer to the window to get a better look at the chaotic mess.

"What's going on?" I asked, puzzled at all the commotion. I'd never seen such a fuss over one bloody fight!

Suddenly, Geese shoved me hard against the glass, his grip on my neck now iron-hard.

"Take a good long look," he said. "See that? He's dead. How does it feel to have killed a man?"

I started to shake. Sure, I'd hurt lots of kids before, and maybe almost killed a few. But almost killed is a long way from killed.

"I…I didn't mean to," I protested, my legs feeling rubbery as day-old noodles.

"Of course you did, Billy. You hated him, like you hated the rest of them. You would have killed the others, too, if you could have."

"No…" I whispered, shaking my head in disbelief. He was right, though. Even if I hadn't meant to kill Todd Clarke, I had hated him, and all the rest of 'em, too.

He fumbled at my fly, unbuttoning and unzipping my pants, but I was too dazed to notice.

"It felt good, didn't it?" he continued murmuring in my ear, his voice like silken thread. "The blood, on your hands…didn't it feel so good?"

I nodded numbly. It was true, after all.

"Yeah," I agreed, "good…"

As if those were words of permission--hell, I don't know, maybe they were--he began to run his callused hands all over my body and under my clothes, kneading and sliding roughly over my skin. His lips assailed my neck and ears, hot mouth searching over my flesh. Quickly, he unzipped his pants, rubbing up against me and pressing me flat on the glass of the large window.

Down below, the body was hefted onto a gurney.

I had a perfect view of the paramedics hauling away Todd's dead, lifeless body as Geese fucked me for the first time. It burned so fierce, but the glass was so cold that I imagined it was sucking the heat right out of my body through my hands. His breath was harsh, so loud in my ears, but mine was dead silent. I didn't cry once…wouldn't let myself. I guess I figured I deserved it, and I was going to prove to him that I could take my licks like a man. Hell, for all my big talk, I was still just a stupid kid.

Afterwards, as he held me firmly on his lap, stroking me rhythmically, he told me,

"Don't feel bad."

I wasn't sure if he was talking about the fight, or the sex, and I didn't ask.

"You know, they hated me, too. But I showed them…I showed them all."

His hands were now driving me over the edge. I panted for him, wanted him, would have done anything for him.

"We'll show them together, Billy. You and me…we'll make them pay," he whispered hoarsely in my ear as I came explosively all over myself.

Then I nodded, and he smiled.