AN: A new year and another strange story by L.C. up in this joint. Enjoy, I guess.

It was his first day on the job. The green haired employee slouched at the counter. He was in a rare bad mood, probably because he had been forced, as in against his will, to get a job.

'I'm magic!' he thought sourly. "I shouldn't have to pose as a retarded human and work at a retarded ice cream shop serving retarded teenagers while wearing this retarded red and white striped uniform on such a retarded day."

Several old ladies and a cocker spaniel turned their heads in the strange man's direction. In Dimmsdale, it was surprising to here the word 'retarded' said so often in a sentence.

"Did I say that out loud?" he stared at the people wide eyed (like he cared) then shrugged. Who cared what they thought?

One of the old ladies approached cautiously. "I'd like a soft serve vanilla cone."

"What?" He asked in a bored tone.

"Um, a vanilla cone, please?"

"God! Do you really think you need more sugar in your diet?" He pointed out the ladies flabby arms to make a point.

"You-You juvenile delinquent. I'm reporting you to the manager!" She walked, or should I say waddled off indignantly.

Again, he shrugged. That is, until the manager approached him.

"Cosmo!" he barked.

"Uh, yes sir?" he stuttered.

"I hear you've been hassling customers about weight problems."

"Actually, I have. Did you know obesity has increased drastically in America? In fact . . ."

"Shut up! Do I look like I care?"

"No sir. I was just concerned about there health."

"Who gives a horse's bowel movement about the customer's health? Their obesity is out profit!" He added, "I'll let it slip this time. But one more slip up and . . ."

"And what?"

"I'll fire you!" he stormed off.

Cosmo sat in silence for a moment, thinking about what the boss had said, mainly the part about 'horse's bowel movement' which was a really unappetizing thought.

Then his thoughts turned to being fired. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't afford to lose this job after that 'art museum' incident (I won't go into details, but it involved a Great Dane, two fat pigs, and a partridge in a pair tree). He had to earn enough money to pay for the priceless art which had been, well, destroyed.

And Wanda wouldn't pay for him this time.

AN: I know, a bit slow. Not my best piece of writing, I know.