Title: The Lover After Me
Part: 1/1
Rating: PG-13 for some swearing and implied slash
Beta: Veritas - many thanks! :D
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. If they were, I would have Draco, Harry, Snape and Lucius tied up and ravished on a strict schedule. They belong to JK Rowling and anyone else who has rights. Unfortunately, I have none :( Also, "The Lover After Me" belongs to Savage Garden. My only claim is that my old high school was the archenemy school of their old high school. LOL
Authors Note: Please send feedback. Please please please! This is my first HP fic! I need to know if I suck, so I don't keep annoying people!
Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
It's been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
I feel exhausted as I arrive at the manor. The manor. This place has been my home for my whole life, but I can hardly think of it that way now, can I? You made this our home. And you became my home. Not mine anymore though. Even as I think the words, I can feel my mouth twisting into a sneer. I move slowly into my rooms, removing my outer robe. It never fails to make me think of you. Emerald green, like your eyes. The silver serpent cloak pin I wear everyday; not just a reminder of your talent, but a gift from you...at a time when I thought you loved me too.
People grow...they change, you said. Feelings change. I feel a sad sigh dangerously close to being released, and I exhale slowly. My feelings never changed. Not then, and not now. Months later, and everything still reminds me of you.
I try to relax on the lounge as I pour a generous glass of Firewhiskey, desperately needing it after the day I've had. I couldn't escape you. Your photograph was everywhere...Witch Weekly, The Daily Prophet. It seems everyone wants to know about the Boy Who Lived...and his new lover. No matter where I went, the topic was always you. You and him.
I wince slightly at the thought of you and him together, and down the Firewhiskey as fast as I can manage, ignoring the burning in my throat. It's nothing compared to the burning in my eyes.
But a Malfoy never cries. We are above such things, my father would always tell me. Loathsome git. It was easy for him. He would never shed a tear, and his heart never hurt...he never loved. He wasn't capable. I'm a very different man than he was, it seems. I may appear to others to be just like him...but you knew different. I showed you the other side. Only you.
I abandon the empty glass for the near full bottle, and take long steady drinks from it.
I walked a lot today, like we used to. Ridiculous, I know. Very unlike me, I much prefer to Apparate when I'm alone. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.
It wasn't. The streets were so cold without you, and only made me feel even more alone.
But then, I am alone, aren't I? I gave you my love...love that you didn't want. And you gave me my freedom. I snort. Another action that my father believed unbecoming of a Malfoy, but I can't bring myself to care at the moment. You said you wanted to free me. That I wasn't being fair to myself by being tied to you. That you cared for me...but you didn't love me. Not like I loved you.
I don't think anyone has ever managed to hurt me as much as you did with those few words.
I raise the bottle to my lips, surprised to find it empty. When did that happen? Glancing at the clock, I realize that very little of the night has past, despite my attempts at drowning my pathetic sorrows. I can still see the silver pin you gave me, glinting at me from the mantle, and out of nowhere, I can feel my sadness being taken over by another feeling entirely.
Anger.
Anger at you. And at him. I suddenly need to confront both of you. While part of me knows it's a bad idea, that part of me is over-run by my alcohol induced rage. You weren't trying to free me. You wanted your own freedom, you selfish bastard. You made me believe you loved me at your own convenience, but left me when someone better came along. I hate you.
Yet...I love you.
And you need to know that, I decide quickly, and redress.
I Apparate to your front door, since I know you've warded the place so that only those invited may Apparate directly inside.
I only see one light. Your room, I imagine. You've always been a creature of habit. After dinner, you would head directly to bed to read until you were ready. Then you'd Nox the light, and make your move. We would make love...you would be moaning...gasping...calling my name.
Your light goes out, and my heart aches. You haven't changed a bit. I'm standing in front of your door, silently screaming your name, but my voice refuses to cooperate.
And suddenly, I know it's over. I know that right now, you're calling out his name. The name I gave him.
It hurts, Harry. Stealing your love back from me wasn't enough, was it? You had to steal my life, my heart...and my family. My son.
I clench my jaw tightly and push my emotions away, allowing the cold mask I have worn for all but you to slip back into place. I've played the heartbroken fool for far too long. I am Lucius Malfoy, damn it, and no one steals from a Malfoy.
Not even Harry bloody Potter.
Fin
Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
It's been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
It's just the that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway
So this is my new freedom
It's funny
I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn't be holding on
But I'm still holding on for you
Here I go again
I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
But I'm standing at your doorway
I'm calling out your name because I can't move on
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me