Time After Time

by OddCoupler222

There had been so many mistakes made by both Callie and Arizona, and no one was more aware of their errors than themselves. From to the dissolution of their marriage to the present, so many things had gone wrong. But there was no way to change the past. Luckily for them, it seemed that they were always drawn back to one another, no matter what, time after time. Post 12x24

The first time that Callie realized that she made a big mistake, it was nearly two months after she'd moved to New York City.

The first couple of weeks had been so busy; they'd passed by so quickly, and she barely could pinpoint exact moments in time. It had been a blur of goodbyes, packing, and moving arrangements for both herself and Sofia. Ending her career back in Seattle and starting a new one in the city had been a leap, not to mention her reunion with Penny.

And after those first few weeks had passed, things settled down into, what she decided to call it, the new normal. Sofia had started at her new day program for the summer which was at the private school she would be attending come fall, she was making friends. Callie was… adjusting to work. Her relationship had picked back up and was going smoothly.

It was only when the thrill of everything falling into place started to fade, did she start to notice all of the cracks that had been left behind.

Of course, there were many good things about New York City. Her relationship with Penny had stabilized once again, she had taken in a couple of Broadway shows – and introduced Sofia to them as well. There was some of the best pizza – and restaurants in general – in the world constantly available. She was living in a major hub of the nation.

However.

She missed her friends. Meredith, Bailey, Owen, Karev… even people she wasn't as close to, like Maggie and April; she missed them all. She missed going to work and feeling that she was part of a community. Part of a family. As fucked up as that family could get, that's what they'd become.

Of course, she kept in contact with them. They texted, called, and occasionally Skyped. She knew about the drama that was going on. Who was sleeping with who, what patient had come in and the trials and tribulations they strove for to help. But hearing about all of the stories and actually being there to witness them, to be a part of them, were two completely different things.

While her job at NYU was decent – good, even – it wasn't the same as having her own department to run. Somehow, she'd forgotten the discrepancy between heading her own department and merely being a part of one. The freedom and leadership and respect she'd had – that she'd worked for – was gone. She missed it.

And… she missed Arizona, too.

Co-parenting was hard enough, without having to do it from opposite sides of the country. That had been something she'd really not thought through, in her readiness to move.

Case in point, she thought, as she watched Sofia pout into the webcam as she Skyped with her other mother. Since the move, Sofia had gone back to Seattle to see Arizona once, with Arizona having a visit planned to see her here in another few weeks. In an effort to make the move as easy on Sofia as possible, they had Skype dates planned for two times a week, not to mention the numerous phone calls.

The Skype dates were only deviated when necessary, mostly due to surgeries. Which was what they were dealing with now, and Callie snapped out of her reverie as Sofia whined, "But I want to see you tomorrow!"

Arizona's voice wasn't as clear as it was in person over the computer, "I know, and I want to see you, too. But I have to work; that's why we got to talk tonight instead of tomorrow afternoon. Now, why don't you tell me more about your friend, Katie?"

The deflection was as smooth as it could possibly be.

But Sofia was having none of it, and she shook her head, "I'm sleeping over Katie's tomorrow and I wanted to see you first!" she glared at the pixelated version of Arizona, who wore a near-pleading expression, for a few moments, before she turned from the camera and stomped into her bedroom.

With a deep breath and trying to calm her thoughts, Callie was at the computer and looking into the webcam within moments. The apologetic look on her face that she was feeling in the pit of her stomach was reflected in her tone, "I'm sorry. Don't hang up, I'll go get her again. She was just excited to talk to you before her sleepover."

Arizona took in a deep breath and Callie watched as the slightly blurred picture of her ex-wife shook her head slightly, as she murmured, "Her first sleepover."

Her first sleepover that wasn't over someone's house that she'd known forever, like Meredith or Bailey. Due to their rather busy work schedules, Sofia was probably less shy than many other kids her age about spending the night away from home. But still. Her first sleepover at a friend's house was big.

And they both knew it.

Arizona pushed on, "So, everything is going well at Sofia's program?"

It was part of their regular conversation now. When they would talk, which wasn't incredibly often, they discussed how Sofia was adjusting – mostly fine, save for occasional mood swings – and her summer program – which was great – and her new friends – who she was making left and right.

But that was the extent.

It felt… strangely disconnected. Like a lot of things did here.

"Yes. Yeah, everything is going really well. They're having a Meet the Teacher conference on Monday, and I'll be there, so I'll pass everything along," she tried to interject as much cheerfulness as she could.

Arizona nodded, and murmured a quiet, "Thanks."

They fell into a lapse, which wasn't uncommon these days. And it was just so incredibly bizarre for them, because no matter what they'd gone through in the decade they'd known one another, it was never awkward.

They'd had lapses of conversation before, of course, but their silences ranged from companionable, to angry, to comfortable, to sad. They'd run the gamut, but this was somewhere she'd never thought they would end up.

"I'll go get Sofia."

Because with all of this distance, it wasn't as though Arizona had any choice in the matter but to leave it to her.

And, as she'd expected, coaxing Sofia out of her room and back to talking to Arizona didn't take that much effort. Because she missed Arizona, so clearly. It was in the way she spoke, so animatedly, the way her smile stretched across her face.

She watched, just off camera and trying not to eavesdrop blatantly into their time together. Watched as Arizona smiled back at their daughter. Listened, as Arizona told her about April and Jackson's baby.

And saw clearly – for the first time in a few months – the pain that was etched into those smiles.

Arizona had given Callie something precious; she'd given Callie the freedom to come to New York and be happy. To bring their daughter with her. Even though Callie knew it couldn't have been easy. Because it had never been easy for her to be away from Sofia, either.

Arizona had done something precious for her, and Callie had been so grateful. Still was so grateful. But those moments of elation and thanks had now been stretched over almost three thousand miles of distance, and they were fraying at the edges.

They weren't on bad terms. But it wasn't the way it had been, before… everything. It had taken her a while to evolve out of her tunnel-vision to realize that the relationship she'd had with Arizona might not ever be the same.

So she listened to the stories, saw the longing on both Arizona's and Sofia's faces, and just felt like… this was wrong. It wasn't the first time she'd gotten the feeling that things weren't right here. It wasn't even the first time she'd wondered if she had been crazily mistaken in her actions. Her actions of the last few months before the move, even.

It wasn't the first time she missed her friends or the life she'd been living in Seattle. It wasn't the first time she'd felt that this was just off, in a way that was hard for her to explain in words.

But it was the first time she knew, from the pit of her stomach to the tips of her fingers, that she'd made a mistake.

---

The first time Arizona realized she had to take action and figure out what her life would be like without Sofia – and, subsequently, without the glimmer of her ex-wife at the end of the tunnel – it was just over two months after saying goodbye.

She had to. She had to get out of the slump she was in; had been in for months now. Or… well, had been in for more a couple of years now. But the void she'd had inside of her hadn't felt quite so painful since she'd said goodbye to her daughter.

So after many nights spent trying to keep herself as busy as possible at work – and realizing that work couldn't be the only thing that drove away her loneliness – she'd decided to dip back into the dating pool. Again. Something she'd been slacking in for the last few months.

And, just maybe, she would find something that would be a little more serious than her last few rendezvous. Arizona didn't need to be with someone in order to be happy, but maybe having something there at the end of the day was something that could make her a little happier than she currently was.

Which led her to where she was sitting. In a quaint little café, with an attractive brunette named Kelly sitting across from her, hands wrapped around her cup of tea and wide green eyes staring at her through thick lashes as she spoke, "So, you're a pediatric surgeon? That must keep you incredibly busy."

This was supposed to be somewhat of a "pre-date" for them. Grab a cup of coffee – or tea – and just… see if they wanted to make a real date-date out of it. This production of dating, with all of these steps, hadn't happened for Arizona in quite some time.

But they'd been here for ten minutes already, and it seemed to be going well.

Arizona flashed her own smile, "Oh, it does. But I can't imagine doing anything else." She ran over the slight information she had about Kelly that she'd seen on her dating profile, as well as the little bit more that she'd learned through their bouts of texting, "I'm sure that the world of editing must keep you busy, too."

Kelly's eyes lit up, "Absolutely! Just last week, I was going to have my first full day off in weeks. When, of course, there's an emergency and who gets called in to handle it?"

She could definitely relate to that; too well, it seemed sometimes. A slight smile of understanding pulled at her lips, but before she could voice a story of her own, her phone – screen down on the table – buzzed. Her hand was already reaching for it, before she paused and darted her eyes to Kelly.

Despite the fact that she hadn't gone out with anyone in months, and no one that she was going on innocent coffee dates for long before that, she still knew date-etiquette. Or, pre-date etiquette, as this was, "Do you mind?"

Her pre-date gave her a smile that bordered on empathetic and ironic, and waved slightly for her to pick it up, "It could be important."

The text she got wasn't from work; it was from Callie. And despite that slight pang of… strangeness that was there – because she was on a date or pre-date or whatever and her ex-wife was texting her – she was already opening the message.

Which she really should have known would have been about Sofia. Their daughter was their common ground, and her adorable, brightly shining face was smiling at her through the picture Callie had sent, with Sofia holding up the first spelling test of the year, which she'd taken last week, proclaiming she'd gotten an A.

And she didn't realize she'd melted into a smile until Kelly commented, "I wish my work made me smile like that."

Quickly, she finished sending back a message – Tell her that I'm so proud! I knew she could do it! – before placing her phone back down and clearing her throat as she reached for her mug, "It wasn't work, actually. It was my ex-wife."

The words left her before she even realized it, and Kelly's eyebrows winged up in surprise, "Oh?"

Shaking her head at herself, she quickly corrected, "Sorry. That was a strange way to say that. It was my ex-wife, but she was just letting me know about how our daughter's spelling test went."

The somewhat pleasant atmosphere that had settled in was quickly disappearing, though. She could sense it even as she saw the slight frown on her pre-date's lips, "I – you have a daughter? Your profile didn't say anything about that."

Discomfort was settling in at the slightly accusing tone, "Well, yes. She's living in New York right now with my ex. But she'll be back next year," she added, because she really couldn't wait for that.

Her words seemed to make the other woman's frown even more prominent.

Which was how she found herself sighing as she sat down on April's couch less than an hour later, making sure to keep her voice down to not wake the napping baby in the next room, as she expelled to her friend that she didn't think she'd be seeing Kelly again, "It went well. Until my phone went off."

April pulled a sympathetic face, "Work?"

Blue eyes rolled, "She was understanding about work; less understanding about Sofia. But it's not like I'm going to put all of the details about my custody arrangement on a dating profile. It wasn't even a technical date, yet!"

Her friend gave her a sympathetic look, "It just takes some time to find someone," she placated.

She nodded, because she didn't want to go into detail about the fact that it wasn't just about finding someone. It was about… herself.

Arizona tilted her head back to rest on the couch as she took a deep breath and tried to shake off the feeling inside. The one that was now topped off with the frustration of her date, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. The feeling inside that she was just… missing something. And she'd felt it for a while now.

It was a hole that was made from Sofia being gone, so far away from her, and from Callie, too. From that part of her that had felt like some sort of tether had been broken between them.

She had let Callie go, because she wanted her to be happy. And, as far as she knew, she was. It was a tough pill to swallow, knowing that she couldn't be a part of that happiness. It was an even tougher pill to swallow knowing that her daughter was learning to be happy in a place that was away from her.

But… she'd made her choices. She'd made the hardest choice of her entire life, and was now simply holding onto the hope that it wasn't the wrong one. She hoped that her little girl was thriving. That Callie was happy.

And that one day, she'd figure out how to make herself happy, too.

---

The second time Callie broke up with Penny, it was painful.

Not that she hadn't expected it to be. Because the first time it had happened, she'd been almost numb to the pain of not having Penny because of everything else that was going on in her life.

Things that were more important.

And, really, that should have been the biggest red flag to her that being with Penny wasn't the right thing for her. Because it hadn't broken her heart to say goodbye that first time.

Sofia was in her room, playing. Callie had made sure she was situated before having the conversation that she'd been dreading with the younger woman who Callie knew loved her.

Her stomach twisted at the tearful look on Penny's face, even though she was clearly trying to hide it, "But, why? I thought – I thought it was working out. You're here, we're here, with Sofia. It… isn't it what you wanted?"

"It was," her voice caught, and she cleared her throat as she shook her head before she corrected herself, "I thought it was. I thought that moving here would be the kind of change of pace that would be good, for us."

Her tone was nearly pleading, because she wanted Penny to know that. That she truly had thought being here – together – would have made her happy. Would have made them all happy. She wouldn't have torn apart her relationship with Arizona or uprooted Sofia otherwise.

Her girlfriend – ex-girlfriend? – looked at her, as her tears spilled over and slid down pale cheeks, "Is it something I did? I know I've been working so much, with the grant, and –"

Quickly, Callie shook her head, and didn't resist the urge to reach out and cover Penny's hands with hers, "No. You didn't do anything wrong, at all. You're kicking ass at your job, and that's what you should be doing." Dark eyes closed, and she took a deep breath, "It's me. It's… I don't belong here," she finished quietly.

Because it was true. Maybe once upon a time, she could have belonged here. Maybe, back when she had just been starting out, she could have made her life here. She'd always been the person who liked to strike out on her own.

It was what had driven her to wanting to go into the Peace Corps. It was why she hadn't hesitated in moving to Seattle, despite the fact that her entire family resided in Miami – effectively on the other side of the country. So maybe if that had never happened, this could have been the place for her.

But she had moved to Seattle. She'd created a life there; made friends that she never would have thought she'd make. Fell in love. Started a family. Discovered who she really was and what she was made of. She'd made a real home for herself, and planted roots that she'd now realized weren't ones she wanted to break.

She could feel Penny's hands shake under hers, and it brought her back to the moment, as the redhead's voice cracked as she spoke, "But – we already did this. We already went through this, and you came to New York, and it's been good!"

"It was a mistake," the words fell from her before she could even stop them. Before she could process them, really, but that didn't mean they weren't true. Still, she knew that the crushed look on Penny's face was going to stick with her for a long time.

And she counted it as another one of the many things that she could currently hate herself for. Penny was close to the top of the list of people she'd hurt so much, and so unintentionally.

She tried to tamp down the awful feeling inside of her enough to try to explain, "It was a mistake to come here when I didn't think – when I didn't know without a doubt that it was the right thing. I shouldn't have come here after you. I should have let you go the first time, and I'm sorry," she stressed and the backs of her eyes burned with tears because she was. She was so, so sorry.

She didn't think Penny would ever know how truly sorry she was.

Then Penny asked a question that Callie hadn't seen coming, "Do you love me?"

A few tense seconds beat between them, before Callie could answer, "I do."

Penny's hands jerked back away from her, and she let out a bitter sound that Callie didn't think she'd ever heard the sweet-natured woman make, "But not enough."

And she wanted to deny it. But she couldn't, and now her own voice broke and she tried to close her eyes to ward off the tears that were already spilling down her cheeks. She could only agree, quietly, "But not enough."

Callie did love Penny, in a manner of speaking. Penny was young and relatively innocent and was like breathing a breath of air that she thought she needed. Things with Penny were easy. It was the perfect relationship to be in after the agonizing devolution of her marriage and how heartrending that had been. Easy. Things were easy. Until they weren't.

And she supposed that was when the true nature of love came out. When things were hard with Arizona, she'd stuck it out for as long as she possibly could and had fought for them. But she couldn't do that with Penny.

"I've tried," she whispered, before reaching up to wipe at her eyes with the palms of her hands, "I've been trying. But it's not working. I wish it was." God, how she wished it was.

Once again, maybe she could have been happy here, once. Maybe, if it was ten years ago. Maybe, if an easy sort of love was all she wanted. But it wasn't.

They stood in silence for a few moments before Penny cleared her throat, and her voice was low, both pain and anger evident in her tone, "So, you're moving back to Seattle?"

Callie nodded and knew that there was no more place for her to try to defend where she was coming from. Anger was building in Penny, and she deserved it. Callie… really deserved it, "At the end of the week." Which was actually only in a couple of days.

She'd already booked the flight, and started to pack.

When Penny left the apartment shortly thereafter, Callie felt such a strange mixture of pain and relief and regret that it made her a little lightheaded. And on top of that, her head was racing with the laundry list of everything she still had to do.

Yes, breaking up with Penny had been painful. But not as painful as it could have been. The pain was dulled by the fact that she was going home.

---

The second time Arizona saw her daughter after she'd said her goodbyes before the move to New York, it was a complete surprise.

She was walking down the hallway at the hospital and feeling the exhaustion in her bones after having done an extremely complicated and long surgery. A surgery that had had the potential to go incredibly wrong, but by a stroke of luck – and a lot of skill – things were stable for both baby and mother. It was something that had been the focus of so much of her attention for weeks, and in the last week in particular, she had done little else aside from work on this case. Practically living at the hospital.

Blue eyes ran down the chart in her hands, running over the notes she'd made just to double-check that it was all in order, before she planned on grabbing a coffee. And then going to find an empty on-call room to rest for as long as she could.

As she closed the chart, she did a cursory glimpse up and around, before she dropped her eyes back down.

And within another second, her eyes snapped back up as her heart leapt into her throat.

Her steps stumbled to a stop right there in the middle of the hallway, and for a second, she wondered if her eyes were playing tricks on her. Not that that had ever really happened to her, but there was just no way that the little girl with her dark hair in a cute little ponytail and that very specific blue rain coat on wasn't her daughter.

Which made no sense because she wasn't supposed to have Sofia again in Seattle for another month. That was the agreement, and she had it memorized. She had all of the dates she was going to have her baby with her memorized. And she knew that there was no way she'd overlooked a date.

And while she was supremely confused, her confusion took a backseat as soon as Sofia – unmistakably Sofia – turned to see her. Beautiful dark eyes lit up with a smile, "Mommy!"

Then she had an armful of her daughter, whose little arms banded around her tightly as her own wrapped around her daughter's small shoulders. This feeling that welled up inside of her chest was sheer euphoria, she was sure of it. She'd only experienced it a handful of times in her life, and several of those times had included this precious girl.

"Honey, what…" she broke off, a smile taking over her face as she shook blonde hair back lightly – because Sofia was here and this was actually real – then she cleared her throat, "What are you doing here?"

It was only when those words sunk in that the happiness faded just enough to give her a clear view of the situation. Sofia… was here. Sofia was here, in Seattle, seemingly waiting for her in the hospital, and she hadn't known she was coming.

Cutting through the excitement that had settled low in her stomach, there was a sinking weight.

Because, where was Callie? Now that she'd thought of it, it seemed like there were only awful scenarios running through her head. If something had happened to Callie, of course Sofia would come back to be with her. But – wouldn't Arizona have at least gotten a call?

"Sofia, where is your mom?" the urgency in her own voice was alarming.

And it seemed Sofia picked up on it, and she pulled back to look up at Arizona with a puzzled look on her face, "Over there."

Arizona followed where Sofia had jerked her thumb over her shoulder, to see Callie standing to the side with her arms crossed, as she fidgeted slightly. Her full bottom lip was taken between her teeth, before she realized Arizona was looking. When their eyes met, Callie offered a small wave, before she walked over.

To say Arizona was still merely confused would be an understatement, and her eyebrows came together even as she wrapped her arm around Sofia's shoulders, "Callie?"

They'd left things on… decent terms, she knew. She'd told Callie to go. They'd been talking consistently – though not the way friends talk – in the four months since Callie had left.

But things between them hadn't been easy and simple, not in the way they had been in the past.

Regardless, none of that mattered right now, in the face of… whatever was happening. Her ex-wife took a deep breath, before she expelled it with the statement, "We're back. We're moving back."

"We're back!" Sofia cheered from between them, and Arizona offered her daughter a small smile, even as her mind was reeling.

It took her a few seconds for everything to catch up to her, "You're back?"

Somehow, she felt that her tone conveyed all of the questions she wordlessly asked. Why? How? What happened? Since when? Is everything okay?

She stared at Callie, wondering if this was just a very vivid dream. But then she took in the fact that Callie looked so stressed and exhausted and a myriad of other things that Arizona didn't have the right to really ask about. And she didn't think that she could dream that kind of exhaustion in vivid detail.

Callie released a slow sigh as she nodded, "There's still some stuff I need to get worked out. I found a condo, and – you don't want to hear all the details."

Arizona actually did, but she supposed she understood why Callie would think that. And in all truth, she was still a little caught up in what was happening. Still, the word came out before she could help it, "Penny?"

A flash of… something – regret, hurt, sadness, she couldn't quite tell – passed over Callie's face before it ended in a soft grimace, "We broke up."

Blue eyes widened with her surprise, and Arizona knew that she wasn't hiding her confusion well. Because wasn't Penny the whole reason Callie had shaken them up, shaken up the life they'd developed with Sofia? Wasn't she the reason that Arizona had sacrificed her very comfortable life with her daughter? So that Callie could go and be happy?

Callie looked down, and shrugged her shoulders, "It wasn't – New York wasn't," she corrected, "Home. I thought it was what I wanted, but I guess it wasn't." I don't know what is, hung between them, unsaid.

So, maybe Arizona was in this strange place of not feeling complete, but apparently so was Callie. And she could be mad at Callie – she had been, very mad, a lot in the last few months – but… she couldn't find it in her.

Maybe Callie had decided to cut razor sharp edges into the solid foundation that they'd managed to build. Maybe Arizona had been angry with her, and exhausted from her, and sad because of her.

But in the end, there was that part of her that couldn't keep feeling those bad things about Callie. And maybe it was because she knew that she'd made her ex-wife feel those same things during their relationship, or maybe it was… just because it was Callie. But Arizona didn't begrudge her for going to New York.

And she certainly couldn't be upset with her for coming back to Seattle. Not when there was just this swell of happiness that had settled right there under her heart when Sofia had run to her, and hadn't moved since.

"I'm sorry. And I just – I wanted you to know that. I'm sorry, for the last few months. And I'm sorry to just spring this on you; I tried calling the other day, but…" she trailed off, looking uncertain in a way that Arizona didn't like. Had never liked.

"Right," she murmured, because she knew Callie had called her – but it was right before she'd been going into another surgery, and then after that, she'd delved into the one that she'd just performed. It was a busy few days, and she'd figured that she could call Callie back about it later today, since her ex had told her that it wasn't an emergency.

Taking in a deep breath, she found that the fatigue she'd felt only minutes ago had all but disappeared, "And… this is for good?"

Callie nodded slowly, dark eyes flickering to Sofia, before they moved up to lock on to Arizona's, "It's for good. I know this is all crazy, and fast. And that," she bit her lip and looked down before looking back up, looking guilty, "everything got messed up. But maybe we can work out Sofia's schedule again, like the way it used to be?"

Arizona found herself nodding, even though there was a part of her that didn't know if everything could go back to exactly the way they used to be. Then again, she and Callie had been through so much in the last ten years and no matter where they ended up, no matter what their relationship was, they always seemed to find something that worked.

Blue eyes glanced over Callie once more, before looking at the little girl who looked so much like her. They had to find something that worked no matter what, because they had Sofia. And because this was Callie, and she was Arizona, and something had happened inside of her years ago that made it impossible for her to not want them to be in a good place.

"Can I spend the night with mommy?" Sofia asked, and both of her mothers were taken out of the thoughts they were both lost in.

And she found herself smiling again, unable to stop, before she glanced at Callie. Who was also showing a little grin, before she looked back at Arizona, "If she's not working?"

Quickly, she shook her head, "No. I'll be done here in a few hours."

"I'll get a little bag together and we'll meet you back here?" Callie asked, and Arizona was sure she hadn't heard a better offer in a long time.

There was still more they had to talk about. The logistics of Callie being back and working out a custody agreement and she didn't even know where Callie's condo was, but she didn't care about it right now.

There weren't many times Arizona had been so happy about a surprise – in fact, she nearly always associated them with something bad – but this one… this was a good one.

---

The third time Callie decided that she wanted to develop a friendship with Arizona, it was the first time she really, truly intended for it to be a friendship.

The first time she'd ever thought that maybe she and Arizona could be friends and only friends, it had been after their first ever breakup. But that had fallen flat so quickly because they were still both hurting over that breakup, and both very much in love with one another. And then they'd gotten back together.

The second time, it had been after their marriage ended, for good. She wanted both of them to let go and be happy because what their marriage turned into wasn't happiness – or what she thought was the kind of happiness either of them wanted. She had figured that they would cultivate a friendship, because they were too entwined not to. Which… they had, in a manner of speaking. But it wasn't the way a friendship should be. For several reasons.

Because both of them were hurting from so many things – from the cheating, from the leg, from their miscarriage, from the ultimate dissolution of their marriage. Because they were trying to navigate being ex-wives but co-parents who worked in such a close proximity.

But this time, Callie was back from New York and had been back for over a month, and things just started to feel like they were fitting into place. Things were starting to feel right in a way they hadn't in a while.

So, she was back and she'd made so many mistakes, and she wanted things to be right, on all fronts. And she'd really come to realize that as long as things were not right with Arizona, nothing was all going to fall into place.

Of course they'd talked since she'd moved back. She'd answered Arizona's inevitable questions about her move, and they'd worked out an agreement with Sofia that worked smoothly for all of them.

Their relationship wasn't strained anymore. But it wasn't where she wanted them to be.

Which was how she found herself sitting on a bench outside of the hospital, her arms crossed over her chest as she wore her leather jacket. It was mid-October, and the weather was starting to move from a comfortable chill into biting.

She'd ended her own shift less than a half hour ago, and had been out here since. Despite the cold air, it was a nice, rainless evening.

"Callie?"

She heard Arizona's voice before she registered her footsteps coming closer, and she sat up straighter on the bench and looked over to where her ex-wife was approaching. She was wearing black pants and a warm gray jacket that was buttoned up, blonde waves being blown a bit by the wind over her shoulders.

"Hey," she offered, with a smile. A slightly nervous smile, and she thought that was ridiculous. Because she'd been through virtually everything someone could go through with another person with Arizona. What was there to be nervous about?

The blonde came to a stop in front of her, curiosity written all over her face in the way she tilted her head with the little line between her eyebrows, "What are you doing out here? It's freezing. Didn't your shift end a little while ago?"

She nodded, and her ponytail bobbed against the back of her neck, "Yeah. I was waiting for you, actually."

The surprise written on Arizona's face was evident, blue eyes narrowing then widening, "You were waiting for me?"

"Um, yeah," she cleared her throat, "I was wondering if you had some time to get a drink? We can go to Joe's. Or… wherever."

Arizona's confusion was palpable, and when she didn't answer immediately, the nerves that had been jangling in her stomach struck with a vengeance. A ramble that she hadn't felt the likes of snuck up on her, "It's just that we haven't really had any time to spend together, just the two of us, since I got back. And, well, even a while before that. Which is as much my fault as anything else, I know. It could be good for us to –"

She was cut off by Arizona's laugh. It was soft and gently teasing and something she was familiar with, apparently brought on by her ramble, "I'm not busy, and Joe's is fine." She tilted her head to the side, indicating that they should go. Callie could tell that she was still wondering what was going on, but she still had a small, dimpled smile on.

Which made her nerves start to dissipate, and she pushed herself to stand up, falling into pace next to Arizona easily, naturally.

Words came to her easier after that, too, "Sofia is having the time of her life, according to Meredith."

Arizona's smile came back at full wattage, "I can imagine. Zola's princess-themed sleepover is all she's been talking about for the last few weeks."

It was true. Sofia hadn't been doing badly in New York, but she was incredibly happy to be back, especially with her friends from here. This was the first night that she wasn't going to be with either Callie or Arizona since they moved back, and she didn't even flinch. Which was somewhat both comforting and sad.

They approached Joe's and Arizona slowed down the pace as she looked up at Callie, "Not that I don't want to get a drink, but… there's no news that's going to be dropped over drinks, is there? Nothing I need to prepare for?" her tone was light, but there was apprehension there.

A feeling of guilt settled heavy and thick inside of her. She couldn't blame Arizona for thinking that; it wasn't as though either of them really made a point of hanging out with each other or even making time for one another when there wasn't a specific reason.

She shook her head, "No, there's nothing. I just wanted – want – to, uh, hang out with you." It sounded ridiculous coming out of her mouth, and Callie groaned at herself, before she took a deep breath. Facing Arizona, she took in wide blue eyes that were alight with curiosity, "I want to be your friend, Arizona. We've been everything else before; dating and girlfriends and broken up and married and divorced and fighting. And I think maybe we should just try… to be friends."

She wondered if it sounded foolish, but it didn't make it any less true.

"I think I would like that, too," Arizona said back to her, her voice low and sincere, making Callie blow out a breath that she really hadn't realized she'd been holding, before she smiled at Arizona, who cautiously returned it.

For the first time in a long time, the rest of the hour they spent together wasn't strained at all, or held down by any undertones of anything from their past. It was easy, and things started to feel right.

---

The third time Arizona went out – as friends – with Callie, they were hit on by a pair of men.

It had been almost a month since Callie had made her unexpected proclamation about wanting to be friends, and since then, Arizona honestly believed that they really had. It was a new and different place for them to be in.

A place where they weren't fighting but they weren't together, but they were more than exes who could have an amicable chat here or there.

Now, they were friends. They sent texts and they chatted over coffee, and when they would pick up or drop off Sofia from one another's houses, it was more than a couple of minutes of hovering around the door.

But, mostly, Arizona was enjoying these nights. The ones where they would go out together and hang out. The first night at Joe's had been good for them; the beginning of forming a friendship or repairing one that could have been, Arizona wasn't sure. The second one, that had been the following week, had been just as fun. Even more, maybe.

Tonight, Sofia was once again at Meredith's, and Arizona was seated with Callie at the bar. They had both been nursing their second drink, slowly, talking lowly, before Arizona realized that they weren't alone.

Blue eyes that had been locked on Callie's dark ones slid to look at the two men standing beside them. She supposed they were objectively attractive – probably around her and Callie's age, and wearing small smiles that she thought they would think were charming.

Quickly, she darted her eyes back to the brunette and was relieved to see in the way Callie's eyebrow arched that she wasn't impressed, as she asked, "Can we help you?"

The one standing closer to Arizona spoke, "We just saw you two lovely ladies sitting over here, and since it doesn't seem like you're waiting on anyone…" he trailed off.

And his friend picked up, "We were wondering if we could buy you a drink."

She and Callie exchanged a quick look again, before Arizona shook her head, "Um, no, thank you. We're fine."

"Aw, come on," the first one cajoled, leaning in a little closer to her.

Which made her immediately ready to lean away, but then Callie's arm shot out in front of her and it acted as somewhat of a barrier, "She's not interested. And neither am I. We're here together."

For just a moment, those words rang in Arizona's ears, and it was that simple for her heart to stutter. Just a few years ago, those words would have a very different meaning. Technically, they were here together right now – as friends. But once upon a time, those words would mean they were there together.

There were so many memories with those words in the context that made her stomach flutter.

Quickly, she shook herself out of it, and narrowed her eyes at the men who were starting to take a hint.

Not soon enough, though, as the one closer to Callie sent her a flirtatious smile, "We're sitting right there," he pointed to two seats at the other end of the bar, "If you change your mind."

"We won't," Arizona muttered in assurance, though it was loud enough to be heard, given the looks she received from the men and the light snort of laughter she got from Callie.

As soon as they were walking away, she turned slightly at the same time, her and Callie's knees lightly knocking together as they made eye contact. And then laughed. The sound of Callie's loud, uninhibited laughter surrounded her, and her own met it over the music that was playing.

Even though the experience was so short, it felt almost surreal. Because she was a goldstar lesbian and she was with her ex-wife, who she was now developing a true friendship with, being hit on by two males, thinking that they are only a pair of friends.

And while they did have this friendship forming, there was no way they would ever be only a pair of friends.

That thought sobered her slightly, but she still felt a pleasant warmth from the drinks and the good time they'd been having for the last couple of hours. Her laughter faded, leaving only a small smile on her lips as she watched Callie's laughter taper off.

When the brunette took in a deep breath, she averted her eyes back to the bar and reached out to finish the last sip of wine from her glass.

Callie sighed lightly with a hum under her breath, and brushed her fingers over Arizona's arm, "That seems like the proper place to end the evening."

Weirdly, Arizona didn't want the evening to end. She liked her time with Callie, where they would talk about Jackson and April and their lives coming back together, centered around their baby, or about Alex and Jo's impending engagement.

But, "It does. The night only goes down from men hitting on you," she agreed lightly, as she slid off of her stool, "Besides, Meredith is expecting me to pick up Sofia soon."

Callie nodded, before she placed money on the bar for both of their drinks, and started to direct them out. Arizona wondered if Callie even realized her hand instinctively went to the small of Arizona's back as they walked.

It was such a small thing, and she fought to sigh against herself for enjoying it.

"It's snowing," Callie's voice sounded happy and very close to her ear.

"The first snow of the year," Arizona murmured back as they started walking along the sidewalk.

Blue eyes slid toward the brunette, watching as her breath puffed out in the cold air, taking in the way the streetlights reflected off of her dark hair and how the snowflakes landed delicately on the edges of those long eyelashes.

Her stomach twisted in a both pleasant and unpleasant way, that hadn't happened for someone that wasn't Callie in years, no matter how many dates she tried to go on or women she slept with.

Because the truth was that Arizona never stopped loving her. Through the ugliness and the divorce and the custody and New York and the stiltedness and now their friendship, Arizona had never stopped loving her. It was because of how much she loved Callie that she'd told her to go to New York in the first place; despite the fact that they weren't in a good place, seeing Callie be so miserable… Arizona couldn't handle that.

She knew that Callie had moved on. She knew that she herself had played a big role in the dissolution of their marriage. She knew it'd been a couple of years since they've been separated. She knew it was even longer before that since they were both truly happy in their marriage.

She also knew that she didn't wake up longing to be held by Callie anymore. She knew that she didn't close her eyes and long for those full lips to be pressed against hers at the end of a long day, because she'd healed.

But healing and really moving on were not the same.

She knew those things, the same way that she knew that she had never stopped loving Callie and that she never would.

It was ingrained in her, so deeply, that she didn't know how to exist without it.

Because despite everything they'd gone through, Arizona would have never chosen to end their marriage. She knew Callie wanted it – that maybe Callie even needed it – and much like New York, she hadn't argued because what was the use? She wanted Callie to be happy, and how could that happen, when it had been so evident that Callie viewed their relationship as something that made her unhappy.

She couldn't blame her; didn't blame her, at all. Arizona had cheated and held onto resentments that she hadn't known how to let go of, but even under that – under the parts of her that were mad at Callie – she couldn't not love her.

Callie coming to a stop next to her startled her out of her thoughts, and she looked up at Callie, wondering – oh. They were at the brunette's car, which meant their night was over.

"When I come to get Sofia on Wednesday we should play Monopoly," Callie suggested as she leaned back against her car, drawing her jacket around her, dark eyes dancing with amusement, "Sofia's been obsessed since she played last week with Zola. Of course, she'll be bored with it halfway through, but still."

Arizona's mouth quirked into a tiny smile, "That sounds good to me."

Any time with Sofia was good for her, and lately, time with Callie was amazing too. Time with all of them together was precious, because at the end of the day, they had to be a family.

She bit her lip as she looked at her ex-wife, who still had that easy smile on her face. Once, this was a moment that she would have kissed Callie. The end of a nice evening, while the snow fell. But she didn't. Because that wasn't what this is. Not anymore. This was the two of them becoming friends and developing a healthy relationship.

A healthy platonic relationship.

So instead, she let out a light sigh and rocked back on her heels, "Goodnight, Callie."

---

It's a strange thing, developing feelings for someone for a second-first time.

The first-first time that she'd developed feelings for Arizona, they'd come out of nowhere for her. Literally, Arizona had come out of nowhere. Callie had gone into a bar bathroom, and then this gorgeous blonde with an amazing pep talk popped up and kissed her and turned Callie's world upside down.

It had been a fast and unforeseen fall. She hadn't even really known anything about Arizona other than her name at that point.

It's not the same this time. It's not the same at all, and she realized that it was all changing at Owen and Amelia's Christmas Eve dinner party. Everyone who wasn't working was here, and it so happened that included Callie and Arizona both.

"You two drove here, together?" Meredith asked, as she handed her a glass of wine and then leaned back against the wall that Callie was leaning against, their shoulders moving into one another.

There were times where it was strange to realize that Meredith Grey was her best friend. But, here they were, and she valued it.

Even as she rolled her eyes, "And it's strange that we drove here together because…?"

"It just is," Meredith shrugged, "You know, you two are… Callie and Arizona. I've gotten used to you as separate entities."

"Dude," Alex's voice seemed to come out of nowhere, and Callie almost jumped in alarm before he crossed his arms and leaned back with them, "They've been like, dating for the last few months. Where have you been?"

Meredith's wide, shocked eyes turned to stare at her, "You and Arizona have been dating?"

"No," she hissed lowly, because Meredith's voice carried, and god only knew it took just a whisper of a word for a rumor to get started around all of their friends. "We're friends," she corrected, before she elbowed Alex.

Who rubbed his arm, "Sure. Friends," he grumbled in disbelief.

She didn't have the patience to correct him again, especially when Meredith turned to face her fully, realization setting in, "The nights when Sofia is here, you two go out together!"

Feeling herself flush, Callie sipped her wine before she answered, "It's not like it was a secret."

"I knew," Alex volunteered.

Meredith glared at him before turning to her again, "So you two are just friends, and you came to the holiday party together."

Even though it wasn't a question, she nodded. And truly didn't see the issue, "We were both coming here, and we were going to bring Sofia. You know, we're still… moms, together. And things between us are good, so, that's it."

That was it, basically.

Yes, she and Arizona had been spending more and more time together in the last couple of months. Times where they would go out just the two of them for drinks or have lunch together in the cafeteria, or times where they would have dinner with Sofia or take her out to the park.

They were in such a good place now, with the three of them. It was good; it was so good.

Before Meredith could say anything, because she could already see the comments brewing in her mind, Callie pushed herself off of the wall, "I'm going to get my friend Arizona something to drink."

She quickly moved into the kitchen and poured some of the spiked eggnog in a cup for the blonde, because she knew that Arizona had gotten sidetracked by April almost as soon as they'd arrived, and that this was a holiday choice for her ex-wife.

Callie wasn't a huge fan – alcoholic or non – but she knew Arizona was. Sometimes she thought about how weird it was to know so much about someone when the information wasn't being used in the same way anymore.

Shaking her head, she stepped back into the living room and paused as she ran her eyes over the small crowd that had amassed for the holiday party. Then she landed on the blonde in question, who was sitting on the couch, with April and Jackson's daughter in her arms. Sofia was right there next to her in her new Christmas dress, leaning over the baby with a soft smile on her face.

It was the same smile that was on Arizona's face. Mirroring images, really, and it seemed to slap her right in the face, that there was her family. Sofia, obviously, and Arizona.

But more than that, there was that swooping feeling in the pit of her stomach as she looked across the room at her ex-wife, and she realized dimly that it wasn't new. That fluttering feeling had been happening inside of her when she was around Arizona had been happening for… a little while now.

It wasn't like it was the first time, out of the blue and fast and magical in that way that happens the first time you fall for someone.

It was gradual and slow and less magical than it was comforting and warm. Instead of falling and landing in something that was new and exciting and unknown, she was walking down an already traveled path with fresh eyes.

She didn't think either one felt better than the other, but it was different, and maybe that was why she hadn't realized it had been happening. Because she'd never fallen for someone like that before.

Arizona was just… she was beautiful and Callie watched almost in a daze as Arizona bounced the baby in her arms lightly, before looking at their daughter with a bright smile on her face. Her dimples popped as her hair fell over her shoulder in those soft, blonde waves, and Callie's fingers itched to push it back behind her ear.

It was an urge that she hadn't felt so strongly in so long, it startled her.

And she was even more startled when Arizona turned to face her and Callie wondered if the smile on her face was even brighter than it had been seconds before. Because it seemed like it was, but maybe that was just her mind playing tricks on her.

Then Arizona gestured with her head for Callie to come closer, and she couldn't have stopped her feet even if she wanted to.

"Is that for me?" Arizona asked when blue eyes landed on the cup of eggnog in her hand. There was a light of amusement there that made Callie smile.

"Who else do I know who wants this?" she joked, feeling her face flush in pleasure when Arizona laughed.

She shook her head, blonde hair moving over her shoulders, "No one." And she reached out to take it, her fingers softly brushing over Callie's, which made her heart race again.

It was all starting again.

Arizona scooted over, "Sit," she invited, still grinning up at Callie.

Actually, it had already started again, and there was no stopping it. She sat next to her in the small space, pressed against Arizona from thigh to ankle and her heart pounded with a strange combination of excitement and nerves.

Because she was falling for her ex-wife. Again.

---

The first time that Arizona kissed Callie post-divorce, she really hadn't seen it coming.

And she wondered if that was her own fault – if she had missed obvious signs – or maybe if she had willfully ignored them. Or perhaps it did just all come out of nowhere.

Regardless, they had been hanging out at Callie's condo. Arizona had come by after Callie had gotten home from the hospital to drop off Sofia, and then stayed for dinner, because that's what they'd started to do.

Then, she'd stayed even longer than dinner. Stayed past Sofia's bedtime, and she and Callie were on the couch, watching an episode of a detective show that Arizona didn't normally watch but she knew that Callie did.

They were sharing a blanket as the snow was picking up outside in the late-January cold, and she vaguely wondered if this should be weirder than it was. Should it feel strange for them to be sitting so close – close enough for her to be wrapped up in the familiar smell of Callie's perfume – practically snuggling under a blanket while their daughter slept in a room down the hall?

Maybe it should, but it didn't. At all.

It was comforting to be here like this, and she sighed as she tilted her head back against the couch cushion before gesturing at the television, "It was obviously the guy she went on a date with who kidnapped her. I can't believe the detectives don't know this by now."

Callie let out a laugh next to her, and Arizona smiled slightly when she felt her warm shoulder bounce next to hers with that laughter, barely resisting the urge to cuddle in closer. It was hard, not to fall back into old habits that had been cultivated over years of familiarity.

"I don't think they have the expertise of watching themselves do this every week on tv, like you do," Callie teased back.

Which made Arizona roll her eyes, "I don't even watch this every week, like some people. But, come on, isn't it common sense? If I went missing, you don't think that the creepy person I went on a date with the day before would be a suspect?"

Callie only hmm'd in response, and then the commercial break was over, and Arizona turned her attention back to the show. But only for a second before she felt Callie's dark eyes on her. When she realized that Callie was staring, she turned back to look at her.

She'd always found Callie much more engaging to watch than these kinds of shows, anyway. A small blush worked its way up her cheeks, "What?"

Callie seemed to realize she'd been staring only then, and she broke her gaze for a second as she cleared her throat. Her hands fidgeted against the blanket they were using, and Arizona watched the movement for a second, her confusion mounting, before she lifted her hand to Callie's to stop her, "What is it?"

"It's, uh. I was wondering… you don't talk about that," Callie gestured at the tv, where the creepy-first-date-kidnapper was.

Even more confused, Arizona's eyebrows drew down, "What do you mean? Creepy first dates?"

A small, strained smile played on the corners of Callie's lips, "No. Well, yes. But any first dates. You haven't mentioned any of them, but I know – you've said before that you were dating."

Arizona had said that, literally months ago. She was surprised that Callie even remembered, and even more surprised that she decided to talk about it.

Feeling herself flush – thankful for the lights being turned off – she cleared her throat, "That's because I haven't been on any lately."

Not for a while. Not in months. Not since she and Callie had been growing close again.

"Why not?" Callie's voice was low, nearly a whisper, and it sounded a tone lower than it normally did.

Arizona's fingers twitched, and it was only then that she realized that her hands were still resting over the brunette's, and she pulled them back reluctantly. Her fingertips slid over the back of Callie's hand, enjoying the feeling of her soft, warm skin, "I… I haven't had time."

Which was true. Because she was spending all of the time she had that wasn't at work or with Sofia or with April, with Callie. Because she had never met a woman who made her feel the way Callie made her feel.

And there was the part of her that had been growing for the last few weeks that hoped that Callie was feeling the same way. Even if it was a hope she shouldn't have, she couldn't help it. It grew every time they were together.

Her eyes caught Callie's, and they were staring at her intently. Dark, intense, and curious, and Arizona couldn't look away. Because maybe that hope wasn't dumb, after all. She knew Callie's looks. She knew exactly what Callie looked like when she wanted. She knew what Callie was feeling when she looked the way she was looking at Arizona right now.

It made her breath catch in her throat, in excitement and anticipation and anxiety.

Taking in a deep, shaky breath, Arizona stretched her fingers out again, lightly brushing them against the back of Callie's hand once more. This time, it was a question, accompanied by a soft murmur, "Why haven't you?"

Her stomach was tangled up tightly in butterflies, and then Callie slowly turned her hand around. Flipping it, until their fingers lightly tangled together, "I think you know," she whispered back.

And Arizona smiled faintly, because… she knew those words. Her heart felt like it might beat out of her chest, as she locked onto Callie's eyes and leaned in. She wanted this, so much. Like every nerve in her body wanted it.

She'd never stopped wanting it.

She leaned in until she was close enough that she could feel Callie's tremulous breath washing over her lips, mingling with her own. And then she used all of her self-control to stop there.

"You have to do it," she whispered, before swallowing tightly, "You – the rest of the way."

And it was because Callie had been the one to end their marriage. Because Callie had been the one to move on. Because Callie had torn things apart.

She wanted this, but she needed Callie to be the one to close the distance. To make the choice to bring them back together.

And when Callie sucked in a sharp breath, Arizona knew it was coming. Her own breath stopped, and she could hear the pounding of her heart in her ears before Callie leaned in and finished closing the distance.

Their lips brushed against each other's – once, twice, and then on the third time, they stayed locked together. At first, it was soft. A tentative exploration of familiar sensations that hadn't been felt in years.

Arizona knew these lips. She knew these full, soft lips almost as well as she knew… anything else in the world. She knew as she captured Callie's bottom lip between her own and sucked, that she would get that breathy groan in response. She knew that as soon as she released it, Callie's tongue would be smoothly making its way into her mouth to work against her own.

She knew that this kiss would feel good, because she'd never once doubted that kissing Callie Torres was one of the best feelings in the world. But she hadn't known how good it would feel to have Callie this close again. She hadn't known her hands would be trembling this hard.

She hadn't known that the feelings inside of her would well up so powerfully, it would steal all of her breath, until she had to pull away slightly, pressing soft kisses to the corners of Callie's mouth.

And she didn't realize that she was crying until Callie brought one of her hands up to cup her jaw, and her fingers lightly traced over her cheek, as she whispered, "Arizona? Are you okay?"

The concern in her voice made something in Arizona's chest shift, and she let out a deep breath, "I'm – I'm good. I…" she trailed off and squeezed her eyes closed before she opened them to look into Callie's dark ones, searching them.

She wanted promises. She wanted assurances that this time, there would be no walking away. She wanted to know that Callie was in this, because, "I'm here, Calliope. I'm in this."

I always have been.

Thankfully, Callie knew her well enough to know what she meant, and the brunette leaned forward softly, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss. Arizona responded without thought, pressing her mouth to Callie's.

Callie only stayed at her lips for a few seconds, lingering, before pulling away and then brushing her mouth in light kisses over Arizona's cheeks, and then her forehead, as her fingers that weren't intertwined with Arizona's combed softly through her hair, and she whispered, "Me, too."

That was going to have to be enough. And it was.

Arizona surged forward, connecting their mouths again as she pushed into Callie, pressing their bodies together. She deepened their kiss, swallowing Callie's soft sighs as she squeezed the hand holding onto hers.

She had been wrong before. It didn't come out of nowhere, she realized. Because there was never anywhere else for her and Callie to go. They would always end here, she thought dimly, as she wrapped her other arm around Callie's neck.

Something about this felt inescapable, and there was a time that it made her feel hopeless to always circle back to Callie, but for the first time in a long time, this made her feel hopeful.

---

This time around, Callie was worried about rushing things between them.

Because of that, she and Arizona agreed to date, and their first official date was the week that followed their kiss. Their amazing kiss, that made her lips tingle to think of it and made her want to smile like she was some sort of teenager again.

The magnitude of what was happening between them wasn't lost on her at all. She and Arizona together again – or at least trying to be together again – was not something she could just jump into or something she could take lightly.

There was so much history between them, and so much they shared already.

With a deep breath, Callie brushed her hands over her dress, even though she knew it looked immaculate already. And then she jumped as Meredith sighed loudly from behind her, "So, you and Arizona aren't dating, right?"

Dark eyes rolled at her friend in the mirror as she leaned in to put her earrings on, "That was over a month ago, and we weren't," she reminded her.

"Uh huh," was all Meredith had to say back.

Her friend had been kind enough to offer to watch Sofia for the night, and she'd come over early, leaving her own kids with their aunt for the night, and Callie was taking advantage of having her there. Mostly hoping that her friend would help calm her nerves.

So far, she wasn't doing that great of a job. Then again, it wasn't as if Callie hadn't known Meredith wasn't the most optimistic person to fall back on.

But, she was there, and that was enough.

Finally, Callie leaned back and observed herself for a few seconds, suddenly feeling slightly silly about being so concerned about her looks. Because Arizona had seen her in already, in any state of dress and undress. She'd combed her hair back when Callie had been throwing up, she'd wiped her eyes when she'd cried, she'd held her when she was sick.

Still, though. This was special. This was the first night that they would officially be going out as Callie-and-Arizona in years.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Meredith's voice broke into her little bubble.

Her shoulders tensed up for a moment, and she knew that Meredith saw it when she started to babble out, "I just mean – when you two broke up, it was awful, right? You really went through the ringer, both of you. And it seemed like maybe you were starting to move on, but now, it's…"

For a second, the words hurt. Because it was all of the doubts she herself had been playing over and over in her mind in the last week. Hell, in the last month.

What if this wasn't the right move?

What if she and Arizona didn't work out, again?

Because Meredith was right; the ending of their marriage was miserable. It had dragged on and even though Callie still thought it was the best thing was for her at the time, the time right after their divorce hadn't been fun and games. It had been lonely, with nights that she wished they were still together. It had been learning how to be alone again, after becoming accustomed to being with someone who knew her intricacies.

She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before she turned around and those worries played out in her head. Leaning back on the dresser, she shook her head, "I'm not sure this is going to go well."

It wasn't like she wanted to say that aloud, but it was the truth that Callie had taken far too long to learn. No matter how much you wanted something to be true, wanting and hoping didn't mean that the future was certain.

There was too much that was unknown on the other side of the precipice to know the future.

But she'd found that after running through every possible scenario that could go wrong… what was there that they hadn't already faced before finding themselves here?

"I'm not sure, but I need to do this. I need to see if we can really do this again, because it's…" it was new yet familiar, and they had such a strong history but somehow it felt fragile, and she couldn't put it all into words, so she shook her head, "It's Arizona. It's the two of us, and I was over her, but then I wasn't anymore."

And it was so easy to fall for her all over again.

But it seemed that Meredith understood what she couldn't say, and she got a quick hug before she set off to pick up Arizona.

And when she was outside of her door, she lightly bounced up and down on her heels and calmed the rattling nerves inside of her before she rang the doorbell.

Doing this with Arizona – dating her, trying it all again – was terrifying. Maybe more terrifying than it should have been, and definitely scarier than dating someone new. But at the same time, it wasn't, and that was what gave her courage and certainty in this.

That, and the way Arizona looked as she opened the door. She wore a dress of her own, hugging her body in a way that made Callie want to go weak in the knees and her throat go dry, with her hair carefully put up and slight tendrils falling down around her face.

But more than that, it was the way she smiled at her. Arizona looked at Callie like she was just as nervous and just as thrilled as she could be, and more. She looked at her with those deep blue eyes shining and twinkling and like Callie was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

"Hi," she meant to say, but her voice came out in more of a whisper. She had to clear her throat before she added sincerely, "You look… gorgeous."

Arizona dipped her eyes down and then back up in an obvious perusal which made her shiver, and her dimples popped again in another smile, "You look even better. Where are you taking me this evening? I have a few ideas…" she trailed off, even as she lifted an eyebrow.

Callie grinned back easily, because she knew that Arizona hated surprises, and she'd wanted her to tell her about their date for days, but Callie had refused, "You'll see when we get there."

After a second of hesitation, she leaned in and to the side to press a kiss against Arizona's cheek, feeling her soft skin under her lips, and the feeling settled the butterflies in her stomach.

When she pulled away, she was met with a pleased and amused grin, before she reached out to take Arizona's hand in hers. Their fingers intertwined naturally, and she led the way to her car, feeling pleasantly settled by their hands holding onto one another.

It wouldn't be the first time that she was jumping off of this precipice two feet first, falling for someone with circumstances beyond her control. No, she'd done that several times in her life. With Arizona herself, even. But this was the first time it was happening with two eyes open. It was the first time that she felt like she had a parachute and someone else easing into the jump at the same time.

Maybe that was why this time felt different. Like they were building something that was going to last.

---

Arizona didn't think there would ever be a "good" time to tell your young child about sex.

She was stretched out on her back on Callie's bed with a lazy grin on her lips. She felt so comfortable and satisfied in a way that she hadn't felt in a long time. Yes, she'd had sex in the last few years, but there was nothing that felt the way Callie felt.

They'd been dating for almost five weeks before they'd found their way into bed again. Which turned out to demonstrate a lot of restraint that Arizona hadn't known the both of them capable of, really. Because the progressively heated make-outs and the roaming touches they'd explored in the last few weeks… yeah, waiting five weeks had been trying.

But so, so well worth it.

They hadn't planned on having sex tonight. In fact, they'd had a night in with Sofia where they'd watched Disney movies and then dealt with an argument over her bedtime. But once it had been just the two of them, things escalated.

And she would certainly not be complaining about that.

She knew that Callie felt the same, and she couldn't help the pleased sigh that escaped her when full lips pressed against the side of her neck. Then that sigh turned into a low moan when Callie started to slowly suck right under her ear, in the spot that made Arizona instantly melt.

She turned her head to the side to give the brunette more freedom in her exploration, unable and unwilling to stop the whimper that left the back of her throat when Callie's fingers trailed lightly up her side her thumb coming up to swipe over Arizona's nipple as her teeth nipped.

"Thank god for your memory," she sighed out as she reached over to slide her hand over Callie's thigh, reveling in all of the skin she had to explore. Or re-explore.

But, god, did she mean that thing about Callie's memory. The brunette had remembered everything that she'd learned about Arizona's body it seemed. She'd known just where to touch Arizona, exactly where to be gentle and where to be rough. The way to move her fingers and the way to move her tongue that drove her crazy.

She'd already made Arizona come twice, and seemed to be on a mission to make it happen a third time.

Arizona had no opposition.

She shivered when Callie moved her mouth up to her ear and whispered in that low, husky voice, "Speak for yourself."

A self-satisfied grin tugged at her lips as she turned her head slightly to face the brunette. She hadn't exactly been a dormant participant, either.

Then Callie's mouth descended on hers, hungrily, her tongue stroking along Arizona's, and she could still taste herself there. Another moan tore from her throat, and she didn't think she'd stopped being turned on at all in the last hours, no matter how many times she came.

She scratched her hands down Callie's sides to shapely hips – and god, how was it that Callie's body was still just as fucking perfect now as it was ten years ago?

But before she could go any farther, the bedroom door was thrown open, and Sofia's voice rang out, "Mama, I had a ba-"

Callie's mouth was torn from hers as she exclaimed, "Jesus!" and scrambled to grab their sheet. Four hands between her and Callie covered themselves in record time, but Sofia's wide young eyes had already seen too much.

Which was how Arizona and Callie found themselves sitting – both quickly dressed now – on the edge of their daughter's bed. Sofia regarded both of them curiously after listening to their somewhat stilted explanation of what she'd walked in on.

"So, one day, when I'm in a relationship, I'm going to be naked with someone, too?"

Oh, god. Arizona closed her eyes tightly for a few seconds before it seemed that Callie got her bearings first, "If that's what you want to do, when you're old enough. Like, old. And before you're that old, mommy and I will talk to you about it more."

It seemed like the best answer, she supposed.

Sofia seemed to accept it.

And Arizona joined in, "And you never let anyone touch you in any way that you don't want, right?"

It was a conversation they'd had a few times before – because you could never been too careful and open communication was always best.

Their daughter nodded solemnly, before she looked between the two of them, "Does – does this mean you're gonna be here more, mommy? With all of us? And you'll sleep in mama's bed? And be here in the morning?"

Her excitement was palpable, and Arizona felt some of her tension leak out as she exchanged looks with Callie, "Yeah, honey, it does."

Their daughter gave them an exuberant smile again, much like the one that she'd given them when they'd told her a couple of weeks ago that they were dating. Arizona loved very much being part of their daughter's happiness.

After all of the excitement, Sofia went back to sleep easily, happily accepting both Callie and Arizona's kisses to her forehead, before they slowly walked out and semi-closed the door behind them.

Arizona shook her head as they started back toward Callie's room, "I was really hoping to put that conversation off for a few years at the very least. I mean, when she asked about why your hand was on my chest – what exactly are you supposed to say to…" She broke off in her ramble when she noticed the smile that was on Callie's face. It was slow and genuine and it left a soft twinkle in dark eyes, "What? Why are you smiling like that?"

"It feels good," Callie told her, before she turned to look at their daughter's bedroom door. Arizona didn't even have to ask what she meant before Callie was elaborating, "It feels good to do this with you. To… parent with you."

Arizona let the words settle into her chest, where they sat right under her heart and she found herself grinning as well, "It does feel good," she agreed.

And it felt even better to be able to look into the future and be able to see them parenting Sofia together, for all of the big moments.

---

This time when Callie asked Arizona to move in with her, it was really no smoother than it had been the first ever time.

But Callie sometimes felt like she was playing a new game here, without any rules. She'd never before navigated the steps of dating her ex-wife or saying I-love-you to someone for the first time, after she'd already said it to the same person in the past.

She found that despite all of her nerves in the beginning, things eased into normalcy. It was easier than she'd ever expected.

They didn't carry on like they'd never broken up; it would be impossible to do that, because there had been so much between then and now. They'd both been with other people, they'd formed new friendships, they were in different places in their careers.

It had been years since they were together romantically, and they did their best to be patient and take their time to pilot this together.

Who made the rules for what was appropriate? Was there a three date rule, for two people who had already had sex more times than anyone could keep track of, in any position imaginable?

Was there a proper amount of time to wait before saying I love you, when you'd already been in love with that person for almost a decade?

How long do you wait to move in together, when you'd already had a life together? When you already shared a child together?

There was no one there to make these rules for Callie to follow. There were no guidelines, so they did what felt right for them, at the time that it felt right for them.

With a happy sigh, she turned her head to watch their daughter work her way across the monkey bars. Sofia had been elated that the weather was nice enough for her to play outside. When she dropped down to the ground, safe and sound, she turned to see both of her mothers watching her from the bench they were seated on, "Did you see?" she called.

They both answered the affirmative, before Callie bit her lip and turned slightly to see the way Arizona's eyes followed their daughter around the playground.

After a moment's observation, she murmured, "I love you."

It wasn't the first time she'd said it since they'd gotten back together; that had happened a few weeks ago, when she hadn't been able to hold the words back.

Arizona took her eyes off of their daughter to look at her, a slightly puzzled look on her face, "I love you, too."

Her response to Callie when she'd first told the blonde about her feelings, had been to say that she'd never stopped. And Callie had been able to see that that had been the truth.

Swallowing hard, she cleared her throat, "I love being here, like this, too. You, and me, and Sofia."

Arizona's confusion was even more evident now, "I love that, too."

Callie knew that.

She knew that she really had no reason to be nervous about what she wanted, but she was regardless. Nervous in a good way, though. Nervous in the way that she knew this was her future, and she was embracing it.

"We spend just about all of our free time that we have together, anyway. And your place has been commandeered by DeLuca lately; I mean, you're practically at mine all of the time. Which is good," she quickly assured, before she shook her head at herself, "I just mean – maybe it would be better if you make it official?"

For a few seconds, she watched as Arizona replayed her words in her head, before a slow smile spread over her face, dimples coming out in full force, "Calliope, are you asking me to move in with you?"

She was. She'd been thinking about it for a little while now, and it had been something she'd had to work herself up to. Proposing to live together perpetually seemed like such an awkward thing to her, no matter what.

But she knew that this was what she wanted, again, with Arizona. Because at the end of the day, Callie had never loved someone the way she loved Arizona. With the same passion and intensity and the feeling that this was it. When things were good between them, they were really good. The downside of that, was that when things were bad, they were really bad.

But she'd been through the worst of it with Arizona already, and she could take it. She could face the good and the bad with her, she thought as she stroked her fingers lightly over the back of Arizona's.

"I am," she confirmed.

And she already knew the answer in the way Arizona's smile seemed to shine even brighter before she leaned in and pressed a brief kiss against Callie's lips. She didn't have any time to relish the kiss, though, because Arizona was already pulling back, chuckling.

That chuckle turned into a full-blown laugh, and Callie arched her eyebrow in question.

But Arizona just gave her an adoring look, "You haven't gotten any better at asking me to move in with you since the first time."

Dark eyes rolled, but it didn't matter. Whether or not she was good or bad at asking, Arizona kept moving in anyway.

---

The last time Arizona proposed, it was nothing like the first time.

The first time, Arizona had asked Callie to marry her, and a truck had come out of nowhere. The first time, she'd been driven to ask Callie to marry her out of jealousy and frustration. That wasn't to say that she didn't love Callie when she'd asked, because she had. She'd always been in love with her.

But her first proposal had come out before she even knew what she was saying, and she'd been a little surprised at her own words. And then she'd slammed into a truck; there had been pain and then a crippling, blinding fear. It was the wrong way to propose to anyone.

Especially to Callie.

This time, they were lying in bed, and it was early morning. The sun was peeking in through the slatted curtains on the window, and it shined across Callie's skin, making her seem like some sort of glowing goddess.

Arizona was lying next to her, on her side and propped up on her elbow as she looked down at the brunette. Callie's breathing was deep and even, breaths puffing out and hitting Arizona's shoulder as her head was turned to face her.

She'd been living with Callie for the last couple of months. The official move had happened very closely after their afternoon in the park.

Which she was thankful for, because she didn't want to wait for anything with Callie. Not anymore. They'd been apart for long enough, and Arizona knew that they were both on the same page.

She lightly stroked her fingers down Callie's stomach under the sheet, reveling in the feeling of her there, before she dipped down to start pressing kisses against Callie's jaw. This was the right time. This was the feeling people were talking about when they said "you just know."

"Wake up," she whispered against Callie's earlobe, before she lightly nipped at it. And then grinned when the brunette groaned lightly and turned her head the other way.

Predictable.

A dimpled smile took over her lips as she started to place a quick succession of kisses over Callie's jaw and cheek that was still presented to her, as she murmured, "Calliope, time to get up."

The brunette sighed as those beautiful dark eyes blinked open, groggy and bleary, and Arizona watched in amusement as Callie then closed them tightly against the sun before she turned her head to look at Arizona, "Mmm," was the only sound that escaped her mouth, as a sleepy smile appeared on her lips.

"Happy birthday," she bent down to press a quick kiss against her mouth, then pulled back to say, "I know it's early, but Sofia is going to be coming in to get me so that we can make you breakfast soon."

Alertness was swiftly coming to Callie, and Arizona could see the shift in asleep-to-awake, as she yawned before arching an eyebrow at her as she teased, "And you wanted to wake me up before breakfast in bed?"

"I did," she confirmed, before biting on her bottom lip. Her stomach was a mess of nerves, which felt silly because they had done this before, and there was no question where this had been heading for months now.

Still.

Clearing her throat, she reached her hand up to run it over Callie's jaw lightly, traced her cheek with her thumb, before she added, "I have something for you."

"A present?" Callie asked as she pushed herself to sit up against the headboard. Then her voice dipped, "The kind of present for before Sofia is awake…"

Her grin turned dirty, and Arizona felt that familiar thrill go through her with a dip in her stomach, but she only smiled and playfully rolled blue eyes, "Not that present. That's for tonight."

The brunette was still smiling at her, though Arizona could tell she was confused, "Okay."

With a deep breath, Arizona shifted so that she was sitting next to Callie, their sheet wrapped around her to keep her warm against the air conditioning, and she took in the way Callie looked. Sitting there with her hair rumpled from sleep and dark eyes being both comforting and questioning, and Arizona just loved her.

"I think you're the most amazing woman I've ever known, Calliope. You are such a good mother to our daughter, and you have an incredibly huge heart. You're not afraid to go after what you want. And I've known you for over ten years, but there are still things that you do that take my breath away. It's been a long ten years, but you are still just… stunning. Absolutely, the most stunning woman I've ever met. Whether you're in scrubs or dressed up or having just woken up in the morning…" she trailed off as her heart started to pound in her chest, butterflies flying up a storm in her stomach.

And still, she didn't take her eyes off of Callie. She couldn't. Not when the realization was starting to set in, and Callie's eyes were growing wide, as she asked, "Are you –"

Before she could finish, Arizona didn't take her eyes off of her as she reached over and opened the top drawer of her nightstand. The ring she had was in its box, and situated in the same place it had been in for the last month.

She was kind of surprised by just how steady her hands were as she carefully opened the box and placed it on Callie's lap, "I want you to marry me. Again. I want to keep building my life with you and Sofia. I want you. For better or for worse. For… always."

Her words were like promises as they hung between them, and when she met Callie's eyes again, she could see how they were rimmed with tears. But it was the small smile on her mouth that somehow calmed the beating of her heart but still made the butterflies in her stomach flutter faster, harder.

"Yes. I'll marry you, yes," Callie's answer was slightly muddled because then her tears were spilling over, but it was all she needed to feel like her heart was singing, and she slid the ring onto Callie's finger before pressing forward even farther to kiss her.

This time her proposal was safe. This time, it was perfect.

---

The last time Callie got married was at the courthouse.

The first time had been in a rush in Vegas. It had been a huge mistake, something she hadn't thought through nearly as much as she should have. Something she hadn't really thought through at all, truth be told.

It had been spontaneous and fast and wrong. So wrong, and it hadn't even taken a year before it fell apart.

The second time, it was beautiful.

She and Arizona's ceremony with their friends and family. Mark had been there to give her away, and it seemed like things had falling into place after the rough few months before that. It was a ceremony that Callie would never – could never – regret.

But when she looked back, she could see the cracks in the foundation she and Arizona had, that helped play into their marriage later crumbling.

This time, it was different.

It was simple, and Callie looked down at herself. She wasn't wearing a wedding dress; she'd already had a big, white wedding. In fact, she'd already had that with Arizona. The thought of it made her smile, and Arizona looked up at her with a small, questioning smile.

Callie just shook her head and smiled back, and recited the vows she'd written over in her head.

I take you, Arizona, to be my lawfully wedded wife. We've done this before. Sometimes it feels like we've done everything that it's possible to do together. We've been married and separated, together and apart, but no matter what, I always come back to you. Something about us feels inevitable, and even though I've always liked to have a choice in who I am and what my future is, you're an inevitability that I love. You're the one person who knows me for all I am, who has seen me at the bottom and at the top, and sometimes it hasn't been easy, but we always come back to each other. I promise you, that I will always come back to you. Time after time after time, it always comes back to you.

This time, it was legal.

This time, they'd grown and matured, both separately and together.

And this time, it lasted forever.

---

Thank you for taking the time to read this! I would love to know your thoughts and opinions. I've been very unhappy with the progression of Callie and Arizona, and this is how I am going to go on imagining their future.