Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
A songfic by Colleen and Molly
Zelda stood anxiously at the window of the chamber, awaiting the arrival of the Chosen Hero. Ganondorf sat smugly behind her, his personality tranquil and fairly triumphant.
"Why are you still waiting, my dear princess? You and I both know that he's not coming."
She turned and glared at him. "He will come! The Goddesses chose him! He would never leave me- I am his princess! It is his duty to protect me! And even more than that, he has chosen to protect me!"
Ganondorf chuckled mildly. "Of course. How could I forget?" He leaned back in the throne, growing bored. Where was the kid, anyway? His arrival had been planned out for ten minutes ago.
Meanwhile, Link stood outside of the entrance to the throne room. Above him, the clouds swirled menacingly, the sky darkening by the minute. He felt oddly tingly; it was fright, something he hadn't felt in ages.
"Is she even still up there?" he asked himself.
…When are you gonna come down?
When are you going to land? …
"I should have listened to Rusl," he muttered. "He was right- women are crazy. I'm gonna be killed by them, I swear." He eyed the building again, the shadow of it looming over his head.
"I should have just stayed back in Ordon…"
…I should have stayed on the farm,
Should have listened to my old man…
In the tower, Zelda scowled at the Dark King.
"You're plot will fail!" she yelled. Ganondorf smiled warily. "If that's so true, than why are you still here?"
"You've given me no choice! I am here for now, but Link will come and free me! I know it!"
,,,You know you can't hold me forever
I didn't sign up with you…
"Why does she always make me do the saving, anyway?" Link asked himself. "It's like I'm some type of prop… hey, that's not fair!!"
…I'm not a present for your friends to open
This boy's too young to be singing the blues…
Link finally shook off the feeling and looked up at the door one more time. It was now or never- Princess Zelda was in trouble, and Ganondorf needed to be destroyed. He needed to choose.
And, being the Chosen Hero and bearer of the Triforce of Courage, he made the wisest and most obvious decision for a knight.
"Give it up, Princess," Ganondorf muttered. "He's not coming."
Zelda took one last hopeful glance out of the doorway. However, what she saw was not what she had anticipated. Ganondorf chuckled behind her.
For there was Link! But he was riding on his horse across the field, directly away from the Castle!
"Link!" she screeched. "Where are you going?!"
The Hero looked back and said: "You people are crazy! I'm going back to the farm!"
…So goodbye, Yellow Brick Road…
"But you can't go!" the Princess cried. "You are the Hero of the Goddesses, the Blue-Eyed Beast! Why are you leaving?!"
…Where the dogs of society howl…
"No! You can't just leave me here!"
"Sure I can!" Link yelled. "I'm done doing everything you tell me to!! Goodbye!"
…you can't plant me in your penthouse!
I'm going back to my plough!...
"Wait, Link!" Midna yelled. "What do you think you're doing? Get back in there and save the Princess!"
"Don't feel like it," Link answered simply.
"You're such a chicken!" Midna shrieked. "Are you gonna save your girlfriend or not?"
"She can save herself!" Link yelled.
` "So you'd rather go back to that stinkpot and spend your life with those smelly goats?"
"And Mayor Bo," Link piped up.
…back to the howling old owl in the woods,
hunting the horny backed toad…
…oh, I've finally decided my future lies
beyond the yellow brick road!!...
Several hours later, Link was sitting at Telma's bar, speaking with Telma. They were speaking of Link's destiny, now that he wasn't going to be a hero after all.
"So, what's your plan? You could be a bus boy here, but that might not be the best choice for a strapping fellow like yourself."
She winked, and Link shuddered. Telma mistook this for a shimmy, and shimmied back.
…what do you think you'll do then?
I bet that'll shoot down your plane…
Goodness, that milk must have been doing something to his mind.
"Sure, I'll be a busboy!" he exclaimed. "Now fill me up!" he banged his glass on the table.
…it'll take you a couple of vodka and tonics
to set you on your feet again!...
Two days later, Link was sweeping off the tables. Shad walked in the door, whistling the ooccoo theme.
"Hey, Link! I didn't know you worked here now!" he exclaimed. "Where's Telma?"
"Oh," said Link, "see, when I agreed to work here, we had to make a contract. When I'm here, Telma's not here, and when Telma is here, I'm not. We worked it out in court."
"Oh…" replied the stricken scholar.
Presently, the door to the bar burst open, and Midna entered the room, grabbing Shad by the ears.
"C'mon, Shaddie-boy, you're the new chosen hero!"
"What?!" he exclaimed.
"That's right, this big chicken over here quit!"
Link gave her a peace sign and smiled.
"Yeah, we needed a replacement," Midna continued. "Hope you enjoy the skirt."
"Skirt?!"
…maybe you'll get a replacement.
there's plenty like me to be found!...
Shad began having an asthma attack as Midna dragged him by the ears out of the door.
"What a poor replacement," muttered Ashei from across the room. "They could have done much better than that."
…Mongrels who ain't got a penny
searchin' for tidbits like you on the ground!...
"I told you it was all rubbish!" he yelled, shaking his fist at the ceiling.
Then, Zelda walked into the room, her dress hanging in shreds.
"That's it!" she yelled. "I'm gonna work here, instead! It's no use being a princess! Telma, you're in!"
Telma, who was hiding behind the bookcase jumped up. "Okay!" she squealed. "But there must be pictures of Renado and Link everywhere, because…"
She continued on, and Ganondorf entered the room.
"What?!" he cried. "No, I don't want to possess her! She's a creep!"
Telma winked, and Ganondorf shimmied uncontrollably.
"Good choice," Link muttered to Zelda, tossing her an apron. "This is nonsense."
"So Goodbye, yellow brick road
where the dogs of society howl
you can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plough!
Back to the howling old owl
Out in the woods, hunting the horny backed toad!
Oh, I've finally decided my future lies
beyond the yellow brick road!